If you've been anywhere near the Internet for the past five years or so, you've no doubt come across the so-called "world's worst portrait tattoo."

Story goes that this guy wanted to pay tribute to his beloved wife, who had sadly perished in a house fire not one month after their wedding, by getting her face tattooed on his arm.

But his local ink studio added injury to injury when they botched up the job something horrible.

Ever since, a photo of the "world's worst portrait tattoo" has been circulating the web as both a warning and a WTF.

Fast-forward to present day and the same guy walks into Akron, Ohio's Empire Ink, where he is greeted by tattoo artist Scott Versago.

"I couldn't believe my eyes when this guy walked in and showed me this project," Versago writes on his Facebook page. "I think my jaw literally hit the floor."

Versago goes on to retell the complete story of how this "abomination" came to be.

Shortly after his wife's death, our hero walked into a tat shop with a photo in hand, and walked out with a monstrosity.

"He later returned to that studio for one more session," Versago writes, "thinking that perhaps 'he had done something wrong in the healing of the tattoo' and they butchered it even more the second time."

Eventually the man took his shame to Empire Ink, hoping there was something — anything — that could be done to salvage the in memoriam.

And as it so happens, there was.

"Touched by his story, I gifted the entire project to him for free," Versago concludes. "Now he has closure and I have an amazing story to add to my portfolio!"

[H/T: Fark, photos via Scott Versago]

In a bizarrely lengthy ruling—the reading of which took nearly two hours, most of which was devoted to summary of the evidence and of South African law—Magistrate Desmond Nair granted bail to paralympic medalist Oscar Pistorius, who has been charged with premeditated murder in the shooting death of his girlfriend, law student and model Reeva Steenkamp.

Pistorius, who spent the week in court as each side presented its evidence, broke down several times during the reading of the decision, and at one point Nair stopped reading his decision in order to ask if the double-amputee sprinter was okay. The bulk of the decision focused on the competing theories of Steenkamp's death: according to Pistorius, he was walking on his stumps and terrified when he shot Steenkamp four times through a closed bathroom door, believing her to be an intruder; according to prosecutors, the Pistorius had strapped his legs on and walked from the bedroom to the bathroom with the full intent of shooting and killing his girlfriend after a night of arguments.

After just 20 minutes of public comments, North Carolina's House Rules Committee voted to reject a bill that would have legalized the possession and use of medical marijuana in the state.

WRAL's @NCCapital blog reported that the "Enact Medical Cannabis Act" received a rare "unfavorable report" in an effort "to stem a tide of phone calls and emails on the topic."

"We did it to be done with it, so people could move on for the session," Rep. Paul "Skip" Stam (R-Wake) told the site, adding that state lawmakers were being "harassed" by constituents.

Many members of the public were also gathered inside the committee room to speak out in support of HB 84.

"I cannot tell you how quick and complete the relief I had from horrible nausea was," said brain cancer survivor Catherine Lyles, who was given five years to live when she was initially diagnosed 17 years ago.

In fact, only a single individual in attendance was there to speak out against the bill: North Carolina Family Policy Council rep Jere Royall.

Additionally, only one lawmaker — the bill's sponsor Rep. Kelly Alexander (D-Mecklenburg) — had anything to say about the measure before it was summarily killed by the committee.

The Associated Press notes that "the decision means this bill and the issue are likely dead at the General Assembly through 2014."

But proponents of medical marijuana legalization vowed to continue the fight despite the setback.

"We will continue to write editorials, emails, do whatever it takes for people to get their medicine," read a post on the North Carolina Medical Cannabis Act's official Facebook page. "We will reform Cannabis prohibition, all of this will not be in vain. Keep up the fight!"

[photo via Shutterstock]

Meat! Think it's just about dead animal flesh, hacked and ground and processed with ever less "natural" flavors and preservatives? Well, I guess you know everything, don't you? No you don't. There are still more secrets to be revealed, about America's obsession with nasty meat.

"Five Secrets You Didn't Know About Meat," promises this E.J. Schultz story in Ad Age, and I'll admit—upon reading that, I had to know the secrets. Just what is the processed meat industry cooking up (ha) for all of us heart disease-ridden Americans this year? I was hoping for a secret along the lines of, "Meat is people." But no, nothing like that, it's still mostly the carcasses and gristle of gentle farm animals, ground up by industrial machinery. There is at least one interesting meat trend you can "look for" (ha—well you'll probably get the joke after you see the trend!):

Consumers want a good look at their packaged lunch meat — before they take it home. This is why Hillshire is rolling out new packaging featuring a large transparent window so that buyers can peek at their turkey or ham before tossing it in the cart. Consumers said, "Let us see the quality of the meat," Mr. Connolly said. "You're known for craftsmanship. You're known for quality. But you have an opaque package. We can't see it."

"Let us see the quality of the meat." That is what she said! (Ha.) (She was a cow. Soon afterwards, she was killed.)

[Ad Age. Photo: Elin B/ Flickr]

The results of a huge, seven-year study in rural South Africa are in, and god damn: by giving antiretroviral drugs daily to 100,000 people in Kwazulu-Natal, researchers were able to raise the entire region's life expectancy by more than a decade. From the LA Times:

In 2003, the year before the drugs were available, 29% of all residents were infected with HIV and half of all deaths there were caused by AIDS. Life expectancy in the region was just over 49 years.

By 2011, life expectancy had grown to 60 1/2 years - "the most rapid life expectancy gains observed in the history of public health," said study senior author Till Barnighausen, a global health professor at the Harvard School of Public Health.

The entire study cost $10.8 million, and was deemed "highly cost-effective" based on the benefits it showed. A separate study conducted in the same region at the same time showed that "Healthy individuals in [areas with antiretroviral drug interventions, like Kwazulu-Natal] were 38% less likely to contract HIV than people in areas where ART drugs were not widely available."

We could conduct this study 40 times over for the price of a single US Navy Littoral Combat Ship, which the Navy doesn't even need.

[The full study, via LAT. Photo: AP]

Two eighth grade classes at Roseland public school in Windsor were made the butt of an extremely cruel and unusual prank orchestrated by a pair of evil teachers that involved tricking the students into thinking they were going on a field trip to Walt Disney World in Florida.

The prank was so elaborate that it involved a promo video, a PowerPoint presentation, and even travel brochures, hotel information, and a fake permission slip.

A student who inquired about flight costs was told tickets were "super cheap."

The bizarre joke culminated in a Grand Reveal that was captured by one of the teachers on an iPad and shown to another class for shits and giggles.

The heartbroken kids were apparently distraught to the point of tears, and some are still dealing with the shock and humiliation of being told they were going to a bowling alley instead.

"That's bullying, and there should be zero tolerance," said parent Peter Topolovec. "I have a lot of respect for teachers and what they do, but this was really stupid judgment."

The school board agreed, releasing a statement saying the teachers exercised "extremely poor judgment."

But the culprits remains on staff, and the board said it has no plans to investigate the matter further.

"The plan is now, just put it in the past and move on, focus on things that are happening in the classroom," said board spokesman Scott Scatlebury. "The further this goes, it becomes a distraction in the classroom."

The teachers themselves have not spoken to the media about the fake out, but one of them has apparently taken responsibility and apologized to the student.

Scantlebury said the year-end trip to the bowling alley will probably be upgraded to a tour of Niagara Falls.

[screengrabs via CTV, Disney]

Officers in New Jersey who brought a driver into police headquarters over outstanding traffic warrants discovered something even more outstanding when they searched his cavities: 100 bags of heroin "concealed in his anus."

According to The Smoking Gun, that number "appears to be a new record."

Rasoul Speight, 32, and a passenger, Gary Sylak, 26, both from New York, were subjected to a routine traffic stop along the Palisades Interstate Parkway near Alpine.

Upon approaching the car, officers sensed marijuana and requested permission to conduct a vehicle search. Nothing was found, but a background check returned outstanding traffic warrants for both Speight and Sylak.

Speight was also found to be a member of the Bloods street gang.

They were brought to police headquarters where a body cavity search was conducted and the heroin was found inside Speight.

Police also discovered heroin residue inside a syringe and on a spoon tucked inside Sylak's jacket.

The two men were subsequently slapped with several drug-related charges, including possession of heroin with intent to sell and tampering with evidence.

Police say they were headed to upstate New York, where the street value of 100 heroin bags is $2,000.

[H/T: HyperVocal, mug shot via Palisades Interstate Parkway Police]

Over the last hundred or so years, the FBI has developed a reputation for being kind of a serious place to work. Judging from a series of newly-leaked disciplinary memos though, many of its employees are no better behaved than those of your average drug cartel.

CNN has obtained a number of "confidential internal disciplinary reports", sent out to all Bureau employees in order "to aid employees in steering clear of ethical pitfalls and other violations." In other words, they are emailed lists of bad examples.

101 Hilarious Ways to Get Suspended from the Federal Bureau of Investigations.

FBI assistant director Candice Will explained to CNN that one goal of the emails was to quell a recent "rash of sexting cases," in which employees use their government-issued BlackBerries to text sexy photos of themselves to their coworkers, like any of us would if our jobs came with free phones. However, after reading through all activities laid out in the documents, it sounds like sending officemates pictures of their butts is among FBI employees' more minor hijinks.

Sometimes these guys just straight-up point guns at their dogs.

Here are the highlights of the reports:

The takeaway? Pointing your FBI-issued firearm at your dog will get you suspended; stealing Fruit Loops will get you fired.

Peruse the full memo for yourself here:

A temporary payroll tax cut was allowed to expire recently, meaning that payroll taxes are now removing an extra 2% from everyone's paychecks. Every corporation in the business of selling things to non-rich Americans is freaking out, because they expect their customers to cut back on spending now. The working class has just seen its take-home pay reduced by 2%; working class people will now have 2% less to spend on food, and clothes, and toilet paper, and everything else. It may be true that letting the payroll tax rise was foolish in the short term. It is definitely true that payroll taxes in general are, as constructed, a bad idea.

Who should be taxed? People who can afford to pay taxes. And what should be taxed? Money that is not immediately necessary to pay for basic needs. This is the essence of progressive taxation. The people who can afford to pay more should pay more. The payroll tax represents the opposite of this idea. It only applies to the first $110K in earnings. That way, it makes sure to capture a significant portion of the earnings of all poor-to-middle-class people, and then cut off before capturing a significant portion of the earnings of any rich people. It is a tax that, by design, fucks the poor (whose welfare the government should be most concerned with protecting), and not the rich. This is the most important thing to know about the payroll tax.

If you are a full time fast food worker making, say, minimum wage—$7.25 per hour, 40 hours a week, 50 weeks per year—you make $14,500 per year, or $290 per week. More than six percent of that is taken out of your check right off the top for payroll taxes. If you are a full time CEO making $14.5 million per year, you also pay a little over six percent—except, not on the last $14.4 million per year.

The payroll tax is the most unfair tax in existence. Any raise in the payroll tax represents a burden on the poor and middle class that specifically does not impose an equal or greater burden on the rich, who are more able to afford such a burden. This is asinine.

Yes, there are other many other kinds of taxes. Federal income taxes, sales taxes, property taxes, capital gains taxes. So—here is stunningly simple and obvious idea—how about we ease up the payroll tax, which hits those who can least afford to pay, and replace that revenue with other forms of taxes that target those more able to pay? ("Because rich people can afford lobbyists," is the realistic answer, but we're talking about right and wrong here.) Raising virtually any of the aforementioned taxes would be a more fair way to bring in tax revenue than raising the payroll tax. Even just sliding the payroll tax higher up the tax bracket—so that it targeted, say, income starting at $40K, with no top limit—would be far more fair to the poor than the current system.

Income and wealth inequality in America stands at outrageous levels. In a nation where a tiny minority of the very rich control a huge, outsized portion of the wealth, it is just common sense, and common decency, and common fairness to target our tax system where the money is. And where is the money? It is not in the paychecks of the poor, who need that money to, you know, pay for things like rent and food and other basic staples of survival. It is with the rich. And why has inequality exploded in America? Because of investment revenue, which flows to the wealthy, and which is taxed at an artificially low rate. A new, nonpartisan study out this month found that over the past 15 years, the period during which inequality was exploding, "By far, the largest contributor to increasing income inequality (regardless of income inequality measure) was changes in income from capital gains and dividends."

In other words, the rich, who make most of their money not from regular paychecks but from investments, got richer because of money from those investments—and, more germanely, because capital gains income is taxed at a lower rate than regular income. Think about that for a moment. The type of income that flows overwhelmingly to the rich is taxed at a lower rate than is the first dollar of the paycheck of the person who cleans bathrooms at Burger King.

YOU DON'T EVEN HAVE TO SCRUB TOILETS TO MAKE MONEY FROM INVESTMENTS, YOU JUST SIT IN A CHAIR.

None of this is secret. All of this is common knowledge, among the types of people who keep up with things like the U.S. tax structure. I point this out not as a revelation, but in amazement. The payroll tax should be abolished, and investment income should be taxed as what it is—income. If this were just slightly better understood by everyone who isn't rich enough to make most of your money from investments, the pitchforks would come out.

Hell hath no fury like a Scottish optician scorned.

Having recently uncovered a clandestine Facebook account through which his girlfriend had allegedly been keeping in touch with her other boyfriend, Martin Melrose decided he would get back at her by broadcasting her infidelity on Facebook.

But announcing his discovery on his own Facebook page would hardly constitute revenge — so Melrose logged in as his girlfriend and left his tell-all on her page instead.

"Since this was hidden on Facebook, I'll reveal it on Facebook," he wrote in a scathing status update. "Sarah has had a boyfriend for over a year."

He goes on to claim that a man whom he had been led to believe was a "weird short spotty stalker" was actually his girlfriend's lover.

"Our aniversary (sic) was in November and we went along to the Hilton in Amsterdam," Melrose writes. "At the same time she has been fucking Robert McNeil on nights out on money borrowed off me!"

Sarah and Robert's affair had apparently been kept from Martin by way of a second secret Facebook account, which Sarah had used "to pretend to the guys at the Red Cross that she was single," according to Melrose, who adds: "And to hide her slut behaviour from me."

In an interview with The Daily Record, Melrose explains that Sarah had started a job at the Red Cross in August of last year, "but never told anyone about me so they believed she was single."

When a colleague suddenly started texting her, Melrose became suspicious. He eventually came across the secret Facebook account and confronted her, but she denied any wrongdoings and deleted the account.

Later, however, he says he "managed to log back into the secret account and found hundreds of messages between her and the other guy."

As for what's next for him, Melrose says he's upset, "but this gives me more time to spend with my friends and doing jujitsu."

[photos via Facebook]

Earlier this week, Gawker posted a job listing seeking applicants for a reporter position. Among the responses was this letter from Hjalmar Sveinbjőrnsson and Alex, two under-employed Swedish roommates. We have reproduced the letter without correcting grammar or punctuation; the images shown above were attached. Gawker's response follows.

Hi

I think I am writing this because I am bored but maybe with the tiniest inkling of interest in Gawker as an employee but lets start with this, I am a trained chef with no ties to journalism except of being very interested in world news and have my daily stops at; wired, gizmodo, Al jazeera, bbc

Just rounding my self up so I can say that I am not a good candidate for a job at Gawker so stop now, close and junk this mail

but if your have time to waste, carry on

I dont think I can really say I am bored, more comfortable then bored.

moved to a very small country-side village two weeks ago away from Sweden third largest city Malmö to start work in the largest small city of the same country or Kalmar one of the most boring places on earth if you don't count Nybro into the picture that is the small country-side village I share an 2 bedroom apartment with a good friend of mine that I known for the last 3 years or since I moved to Sweden

I have no work at the moment, waiting for a phone call from a restaurant/hotel I hope to get a steady job the next 8-10 month's at so right now I sit at home, enjoy a fast internet connection and the slowness of this tiny town

maybe I should move this letter more in the direction of an resumé so next line is gone be previews work places:

• Hrói höttur 2000-2002 pizza baker
• Little Ceasar 2002 pizza baker
• Drug dealer 2003-2005 small time supplier
• Við tjörninna 2005-2007 chef in training
• Orange 2007-2008 chef in training
• Svart fjall 2008-2010 chef
• TGI Friday's 2010-2012 burger flipper (moved to Sweden, resumé became worthless)

• So that is that, what my life has been mostly about, other vice I love food and never work in another area moved away from Iceland to Sweden 2010 so I can start saving up money to open up my own restaurant because I hate nothing more then working for other people

  waste of a human life

  So now lets get back to the article about the job in question

  I didnt really read it until now, or as of now I am reading it over and I can see your looking for a snoop, snuff snop ? person that would be willing to breach confidential agreements with companies, lie and claw her or his way through a paper wall of bureaucracy to gain information normal people would think were closed to public like police reports and other

  I dont think I would be willing to do that, dont even know what I should be doing to "sell my self" to you or "sell" the idea of "me" to you, I need to have one first

  Maybe I could become like a Sunday article, a comfortable read for people not on the "go" but on the "now" filled with meaning less sentences that drag on and on and on

  a poetic life waster

  time is money, money is time, time is life ! life is money?

  My flatmate is home this week from school, he is taking "fine wood works" at school learns to make chairs, tables and other fine thinks

  Most be hard for you to read this as I butcher your language but if you made it this far I salute you, I am also doing no second read over or spell check except the one I do on the fly

  So we are sitting at home, he is watching an anime and I am doing something else then playing games, wednsday is normally our creative day but we are feeling lazy hope this letter is creative enough

  maybe I paint something later

  I just notice that on the front page of gawker you have already started using the 6 sec video gif service very smart, too bad with the deaths of people

  Maybe I could write like human interest stories?

  I do speak bad broken Swedish so I could go on journalistic mission for you, cant do the full journalist though but I can go to ask some question if you ask nicely

  what about if you give me an test assignment ?, get me to write an article about something gawker human research department feels fitting ?

  I am sure you have the time, energy and will for it

  Me and my flatmate could become some kind of action news team located in Nybro, Sweden !

  wondering if I should have this email longer but for that I would need to take a break from writing, been at this for 25 min now and out off creative juice, been on pot this morning, had a dentist appointment around 9 in the morning, got the first steps done for a root canal filling, not doing pot because of tooth ache, doing it because of boredom AND building up for finishing castelvania IV today, been at it for the last 3 days and on the last level

  Its been snowing a lot here in Nybro the last day's, thought in end of January the winter was over already but I guess I was wrong

  Gone go finish my spliff, lets see if I get more radical

  Nope not really

  I played a game of stacking or stacked some squire shaped pieces of cut wood I had laying around gave me more enjoyment then it should had

  My flatmate has been scrolling through 9gag for the last 2 hours or so and before that playing an MMO called "guild war 2" for couple of hours, he is level 63 and his character is a lion thief I think

  my self dont play any mmo but I do play team fortress 2 and dungeon keeper 2 we play a lot of number 2 games

  I think I am so uncreative right now I could draw a picture of a rock

  thinking about just pressing send on this email of ours and find a better time waster then this random emailing is just bizarre but informative on your grammar skills

  Ill skills (it says ill skills in the non-rap meaning)

  have a fantastic afternoon, morning or day

  I am thinking about taking a nap or something

  if I send a picture of me and my room mate can I get a picture back of 3 thinks ?

  1. staff food fridge at gawker
  2. not a rug but THE rug like my flatmate puts it (he does not smoke pot)
  3. oldest or youngest staff member of Gawker

  dont know if one picture of me and my room mate is enough for 3 whole hand picked pictures or if even anyone found, saw or read this email so also gone include a picture of each of our crappy art work AND a picture of us

  I did the one in the drawer and he send a self portrait

  Your dearest random stranger and stranger,

  Hjalmar and Alex

Our response:

Dear Hjalmar and Alex:

Thanks for writing. Below please find the following images: 1) a photograph of Gawker deputy editor Tom Scocca, who, at 41, is the oldest Gawker staffer; 2) a photograph of the staff refrigerator; and 3) a photograph of the Gawker rug. There are at least three rugs in our office space, but this is the rug.

It would be an understatement to say that we here at Gawker are impressed by your letter, intrigued by your ideas, and very curious about life in Sweden. We would very much like to discuss you writing for Gawker in a formal or informal capacity. Would you have any interest in recapping Season Three of the television show Girls? Do you have any favorite Black Metal bands you'd like to write about? Just spit-balling here. We're wide open. The Nybro Action Team thing could work, too.

Let us know.

Best,

John Cook
Editor-in-chief
Gawker
john@gawker.com

The largest California outbreak of tuberculosis in a decade is happening in Los Angeles right now, and the Centers for Disease Control has finally dispatched a team of scientists to help LA-area authorities try to control it. The locus of the outbreak, which involves a strain of TB unique to LA, is the city's notorious Skid Row, the small constellation of streets in downtown where Southern California's most downtrodden citizens—homeless people, prostitutes, heroin addicts, combinations of all three—congregate in such close quarters that a disease outbreak was probably inevitable. Since 2007, 11 people have died of TB in LA County, according to the LA Times. In the latest outbreak, 60 of the 78 cases reported to authorities were homeless people living on or near Skid Row.

TB, which is airborne, is simple to pass along, especially in the homeless community, with its transience, lack of hygiene, and lack of medical care. It's treatable, but if it's not dealt with it can be deadly, particularly in people already infected with HIV. Owing to that fact, local and federal health authorities are now searching for nearly 4,700 other people who were probably exposed to the disease sometime recently.

Tuberculosis rates are going down nationally and in LA County at large, but they are on the rise amongst LA's homeless population. TB is currently the second-largest killer infectious agent worldwide, after HIV, according to the World Health Organization, and the CDC says one-third of people on earth are infected with the disease. Most of those infections happen outside the United States, but TB is largely an illness of poverty [PDF], a crisis America has yet to solve.

[Image via Flickr user mil8]

"Let the darn thing go, will ya?" said Sally Field said during the manic 20/20 special Mad About the Oscars with Katie Couric. Field was referring to her frequently quoted speech from the 1985 Academy Awards ceremony (where she won her second Oscar for Places in the Heart), and the way it has reverberated through pop culture in the 28 years since she uttered it.

What's more, when it is referenced in movies, on TV, on virtually any talk show discussing the Oscars, it's almost always incorrectly. It's one of those phrases like "Beam me up, Scotty," "I'm ready for my closeup, Mr. DeMille," and, "We're gonna need a bigger boat," for which popular usage has rewritten history. What people think Field said — "You like me, you really like me!" — is not what she actually said: "You like me right now, you like me!" Adding to the confusion, in a 2000 Charles Schwab ad, Field parodied herself, at one point exclaiming, "You like me! You really, really like me!"

That clip, as well of dozens of others of references to the acceptance speech that won't quit, is in the above video, which I put together. Should Field win Best Supporting Actress during Sunday's ceremony, here's hoping for another to add to it.

Did you know that the federal government is on track to enact massive, across-the-board spending cuts one week from today—cuts that that could affect important government services, cost hundreds of thousands of people their jobs and greatly slow the growth of the economy? No? You didn't? It's okay: it's an incredibly boring story. But don't worry! We're going to make it interesting, the only way we know how: by putting it in the mouths of attractive famous people. Here now: Ryan Gosling and Kate Upton explain the sequester.

[all images via Getty. Comics made with Comic Life 2]

"Till death do us part" was clearly absent from the vows of one upstate New York man who passed away while riding in a limo on the way to his wife's funeral.

Norman Hendrickson had just lost his wife of 66 years the week before, but they would be reunited sooner than anyone anticipated — and at just the right time for the bargain hunting 94-year-old.

"Have you heard the one about the guy who's in the limo on the way to his wife's funeral and got the bright idea that if he died before he got there he might be able to get a buy-one-get-one-free deal?" funeral home director and family friend Elizabeth Nichols-Ross wrote in Norman's prayer card.

Nichols-Ross told Reuters that if anyone would have appreciated the irony of the situation, it would be the WWII vet. "I don't blush easily, but he told [jokes] that made you blush," she said.

His family clearly had their patriarch's facetious spirit in mind when they put together a greeting for mourners that read "Surprise - It's a double header - Gwen and Norman Hendrickson."

The truth is, Norman's death caught the family off guard as well.

With just a half-hour to go before services for Gwen were set to start, Nichols-Ross learned that Norman, who was on the way to the Ackley & Ross Funeral Home in Cambridge, had suddenly stopped breathing.

Funeral director Jim Gariepy rushed to the scene and began to perform CPR, but Norman's do-not-resuscitate orders were soon produced, and he was allowed to expire in peace.

"After we had a little time to process the shock and horror, we felt we couldn't have written a more perfect script," daughter Norma Howland told the Glens Falls Post Star. "My sister said the only thing he didn't do was fall into the casket."

Norman and Gwen were ultimately laid to rest side by side.

"If it had happened with somebody else like this it would have been sad, but with Norm it wasn't," Nichols-Ross said. "It was just so much like Norm."

[photo via handout]

Diane Lane Brolin filed papers to divorce from Josh Brolin and will return to her maiden name, thank you very much. The couple certainly shared ostensibly happy times on the red carpet, but doesn't she look like she's gonna cry a little bit in this photo?

There were some Lane-Brolin relationship red flags early on. Just four months after their marriage in August 2004, Brolin was arrested for spousal battery (charges were dropped). Brolin has been arrested a few times for public intoxication and fighting, most recently this past New Years Eve, when he was released without charge. The couple were introduced by Brolin's stepmother at a party in 2002, who happens to be one Ms. Barbra Streisand.

In true Hollywood heartbreak style, the papers were filed February 15th, with the legal date of separation listed as February 13th - leaving a mysterious February 14th in between. Love is dead.

[Image via Getty]

Internet things, am I right?

Much like the head of the mythical Hydra, cutting one down merely causes two more to grow in its place.

Except, in the case of Internet things, the Hydra suffers from debilitating stupidity, and each new viral sensation is twice as dumb as the one it succeeded.

Take "Gallon Smashing."

Given mainstream media's memecide of the "Harlem Shake" (2013-2013), a new, even more pointless "video prank" was bound to appear in its wake.

And boy howdy does "Gallon Smashing" ever deliver.

In just one week, the original "Gallon Smash Prank!" has racked up over 250,000 views on YouTube and will undoubtedly spawn a myriad of increasingly low-rent imitations until the inevitable (courtesy of AnimalNY):

A CNN report two weeks from now about how this new fad called gallon smashing is very dangerous ("This Florida teenager slipped and suffered a leg contusion, missing two days of school!"), complete with man-on-the-street interviews of senior citizens dressing down the current generation of dumb kids.

Only that, in this particular instance, those senior citizens would be right on the money.

While most folks debating the merits of "Gallon Smashing" as an Internet thing conclude that, while idiotic, it still has a certain hilarious quality to it, to me it just seems incredibly wasteful.

The kids at theCHAIZYchannel claim they bought all the milk they spilled, and that the stores "had a good laugh about it," but, again, once the imitations start pouring in, will the knockoff "pranksters" promise to abide by the same code of conduct? Doubtful.

Oh, and, also, this thing is really, really dumb.

[video via theCHAIZYchannel]

Has Arkansas State Senator Jason Rapert (R-Conway) ever actually been to his own Twitter page? My guess would be no, because otherwise he most likely would have changed the background image to stop it from saying "rape" over and over again.

Then again, he does seem to be into forcing women to undergo invasive medical procedures against their will, so what do I know.

[H/T: Digg on Tumblr]

Earlier this week, Prince Harry and a 24-year-old blonde reportedly got real weird and inappropriate at a dinner for Harry's uncle Andrew's 53rd birthday. In addition to making out with him hard for "several minutes," the Prince's guest also spent much of the evening perched on his lap (just a few seats away from his aunt and his cousin), according to witnesses. At the end of the night, a waiter brought around a tray of vodka and Red Bull for all the cool young people. The next morning, the couple savored their hangovers and a passionate embrace on the ski slopes.

Who is this blonde angel who has paddled ceaselessly against a raging tide of the bluest blood to wash ashore on the lap of Harry at a family dinner?

Presenting a formal introduction to Cressida Bonas.

Creh-SEE-duh or CRESS-id-uh?
CRESS-id-uh. You can remember this because Creh-SEE-duh is like "crostini," which means "little toasts" in Italian. Cressida Bonas is not little toasts; she's Prince Harry's girlfriend, CRESS-id-uh.

Cressida. Where have I heard that name before?
Perhaps you are the owner of the "inoffensive" and "tremendously capable" Toyota Cressida, a midsize sedan marketed by Toyota from 1976 to 1993. Perhaps in college you studied Shakespeare's unpopular play "Troilus and Cressida," whose titular Cressida is often characterized as "a whore." Perhaps you are a major fan of the 2005 Will Smith movie Hitch, which featured a minor character named Cressida. The name is derived from Greek.

I thought her name was Chelsy Davy.
No, you are thinking of Chelsy Davy, Prince Harry's on-again off-again girlfriend from 2004 to 2010. Cressida Bonas looks quite a bit like Chelsy Davy and the two even attended the same schools (Stowe followed by the University of Leeds). The main differences are that Chelsy is a few years older, from Zimbabwe, and a different human being.

So, this trick killed Chelsy Davy?
No. Chelsy reportedly made up her mind against pursuing a royal life after attending Prince William's lavish wedding to Kate Middleton as Harry's date. She is still alive.

I thought Harry was dating Pippa Middleton. How long has this been going on?
Prince Harry dating Pippa Middleton is a hypothetical scenario concocted by people who watched William and Kate get married, then wanted a matching set. Cressida and Harry were publically proclaimed an item after they were spotted getting freaky in a club (da club) following the premiere of The Dark Knight Rises in July. They're rumored to have begun dating as early as last May.

How did Prince Harry and Cressida meet?
Through Harry's cousin, Princess Eugenie (the sister of the girl with the hat), a close friend of Cressida's.

How much money she got?
She got at least $20, if she is the same "Cressida" who made a pledge on this fundraising webpage for her friend Princess Eugenie's charity bike ride.

Who is her family?
As you can probably tell by the eccentric names of her many siblings (Isabella Amaryllis Charlotte; Pandora Lorna Mary), Cressida's family is very old and fancy. Her mother was a Sixties "It" girl, and even appeared topless and slimy [NSFW] in a book of far-out chicks, titled "Birds of Britain." Her father is a rich guy who a judge would not trust. One of her half-sisters (the one who Prince William tried and failed to date) is marrying Richard Branson's son in Africa next weekend. Prince Harry is expected to attend that wedding.

What does she do?
While some people would argue that modeling is not a "real" profession, that argument has no place here because Cressida does not even do that. In fact, it's unclear how she fills her days when not her mouth with Harry's tongue. She's taking dance classes, apparently. She studied Dance at the University of Leeds too. According to Tatler, she wears facepaint a lot.

Would she make a good princess?
Yes. A very, very good princess.

[Daily Mail // Image via WENN.com]

You may have heard by now that Urban Outfitters' favorite street artist, Banksy, was arrested in London last night on charges of vandalism. Even better, after hauling him in, police reportedly revealed Banksy's identity to the press, a huge development considering that for years everyone—including Gawker—has been doggedly speculating about who exactly is behind the world's most famous irreverent stencils and the critically lauded film Exit Through the Gift Shop. Isn't this exciting news? No, it is not, because it's all a lie.

People should have maybe smelled a scam when news of Banksy's arrest came via a press release posted on PRLOG.org, a gratis "online press release distribution and press release submission service." When's the last time police broke news of an arrest via a press release? And even if they were going to do that, why use some janky PR website instead of sending it straight to TMZ or, if we want to be very British about it, the Daily Mail? Beyond that, the police chief quoted in the release, "Wayne Leppard," appears to be a mashup of two names: London's Police Commissioner Adrian Leppard and London's Police Commander Wayne Chance. To top it all off, the press release's author listed his email address as originating here: If You Watch It Backwards, a website that describes itself as being "full of funny images, stories, pics, jokes, applets, games, pictures, photos and videos from the Internet." The author's actual address was blurred out, otherwise I'd have included it in this post.

I emailed the proprietors of IYWIB to get confirmation that their press release was, in fact, total bullshit. Ten minutes after I sent it, the Banksy story disappeared from PRLOG. The smart money says Banksy is probably not in jail, and this was all a big deception even the artist himself could love.

[Image via Flickr user erokism]