The War on Christmas moved to a new battleground this week—a domestic American Airlines flight, where passengers and flight attendants alike alighted with Christmas cheer to overcome a dark force muddling its way down the aisle.

According to the New York Post, the skirmish began when a LaGuardia gate attendant innocently wished a passenger on a Dallas-bound flight a "Merry Christmas" Tuesday.

The grumpy passenger, who appeared to be traveling alone, barked at the woman, "You shouldn't say that because not everyone celebrates Christmas."

The agent replied, "Well, what should I say then?"

"Don't say, 'Merry Christmas!' " the man shouted before brushing past her.

But the fight was not yet won.

Once on the plane, he was warmly greeted by a flight attendant who also wished him a "merry Christmas." That was the last straw.

"Don't say, 'Merry Christmas!' " the man raged before lecturing the attendants and the pilot about their faux pas.

When the man wouldn't stop his "hectoring", the flight crew reportedly turned to the only weapon left in their arsenal—Christmas cheer (and aviation martial law). As staffers began escorting the grinch off the plane, passengers reportedly caught the spirit. We believe in Christmas, they telegraphed, their shining faces burning with fervor as they reportedly "burst into cheers and applause." All is well! All is bright! What'd you get me?

[h/t NY Post, image via AP]

By now, most of your presents are opened, the torn, crumpled wrapping paper strewn among the dry pine needles on the floor. The egg nog is dangerously low, and you've probably started to run out of ways to distract yourself from your family. But fear not, dear reader, for someone probably has it worse than you.

What Christmas delights—and more importantly, what horrors—did you encounter this year? Come all ye ungrateful, and unburden your soul in the comments.

[image via Shutterstock]

It was 100 years ago this very night that something miraculous happened along the Western Front. After months of bitter fighting, soldiers on both sides gathered in no-man's-land in a spontaneous show of peace and goodwill. Here's what happened on that historic day — and why it marked the end of an era.

Image by Jim Cooke

In December 1914, the war was entering into a new phase: an extended siege fought along static trenches stretching along a 750 km (466 mile) front. During the previous four months, soldiers were killed at a horrendous pace, and with no end of the war in sight. But during Christmas, things suddenly became quiet — at least for a little while.

'We No Shoot!'

The night before Christmas, a British captain serving at Rue du Bois heard a foreign accent from across the divide saying, "Do not shoot after 12 o'clock and we will not do so either," and then: "If you English come out and talk to us, we won't fire."

Commonwealth troops fighting in Belgium and France started to hear odd sounds drifting from across no-man's land; German soldiers were singing Christmas carols like "Stille Nacht, Heilige Nacht" ("Silent Night, Holy Night"). Allied troops applauded and cheered, shouting out for more. Soldiers on both sides began to sing in unison, trading verses in alternating languages.

Writing in his diary at the time, Regimental Sergeant Major George Beck made this note:

Germans shout over to us and ask us to play them at football, and also not to fire and they would do likewise. At 2am (25th) a German Band went along their trenches playing "Home Sweet Home" and "God Save the King" which sounded grand and made everyone think of home.

The next day, some soldiers dared to poke their heads up to look across no-man's land. Bits of evergreen could be seen in observance of the occasion. Some Germans, in an effort to prompt a temporary peace, hoisted lanterns above the trenches while calling out to the British. If no shots were fired, it was taken as a sign of truce. At one point, a German was heard calling out, "We good. We no shoot."

The Troglodytes Come Out

Then, very cautiously and with great courage, unarmed German and Allied soldiers climbed out of their trenches to stand atop their defenses. Near Neuve Chapelle, an Irish soldier brazenly walked across no-man's-land where he was greeted not with machine gun fire, but a cigar. His act of bravery inspired others in his troop to do the same. Similar scenes began to repeat elsewhere as soldiers walked towards each other's trench, or to simply meet half-way.

And when they met, the servicemen exchanged Christmas greetings as best they could. They began to give each other gifts in the form of mementos, cigarettes, and foodstuffs like bully beef, wine, cognac, black bread, biscuits, ham, and even barrels of beer. They showed each other photographs of family and loved ones back home. Some soldiers even started to play soccer with makeshift soccer balls.

A reenactment of the 1914 Christmas Truce produced by Sainsbury in partnership with the Royal British Legion.

Remarkably, similar scenes occurred at dozens of distinct points from the North Sea to the Swiss border.

Colonel George Laurie's brigade headquarters, after learning what was going on, sent him a cable. Peter Murtagh from Irish Times writes:

Brigade HQ cabled him: "It is thought possible that enemy may be contemplating an attack during Xmas or New Year. Special vigilance will be maintained during this period."

Nonetheless, Col Laurie...gave orders not to fire on the enemy the following day, unless they fired first. At 8.30pm on Christmas Eve, he signalled brigade HQ: "Germans have illuminated their trenches, are singing songs and are wishing us a Happy Xmas. Compliments are being exchanged but am nevertheless taking all military precautions." No shots had been fired since 8pm, he added.

Col Laurie went on to describe how soldiers from both sides were mingling. The Germans, he wrote, were "fine men, clean and well clothed. They gave us a cap and helmet badge and a box of cigars. One of them states the war would be over in three weeks as they had defeated Russia!"

Brigade HQ replied at 12.35am – Christmas Day – saying: "No communication of any sort is to be held with the enemy, nor is he to be allowed to approach our trenches under penalty of fire being opened."

Colonel Laurie later reminisced, "You have no idea how pleasant everything seems with no rifle bullets or shells flying about." And writing in his diary, Lt. Kurt Zehmisch of the 134th Saxony regiment wrote that, "Not a shot was fired."

"British and German Soldiers Arm-in-Arm Exchanging Headgear: A Christmas Truce between Opposing Trenches," taken from from the Illustrated London News of January 9, 1915 (A. C. Michael - The Guardian/CC)

After the event, soldiers were eager to share their accounts with loved ones back home. As Rob Hughes of the New York Times writes:

Henry Williamson, then a 19-year-old private in the London Rifle Brigade who survived the war to become an author, sent a letter from the front to his mother. "In my mouth," he wrote, "is a pipe presented by the Princess Mary. In the pipe is German tobacco. Ha ha, you say, from a prisoner or found in a captured trench, Oh dear, no! From a German soldier. Yes a live German soldier from his own trench. Marvelous, isn't it?"

The truce also allowed the troops from both sides to collect and bury their dead, which was no small matter. Fewer things were more jarring to a serviceman than knowing that the remains of fallen comrades were still out in the open.

Pockets of Resistance

But the truce was not honored everywhere.

In an incident that only recently came to light, three soldiers — two British and one German — were killed despite the temporary peace. Contrary to most accounts, it was not quiet and calm in all sectors along the front line separating Allied troops from the Germans. At least 250 servicemen died on Christmas Day, including 149 Commonwealth soldiers, though the majority of them succumbed to previously-inflicted wounds.

In the case of the three dead soldiers, it all started at dawn when servicemen in the professional British Guards Brigade shot a German lantern as it was being hoisted — a statement of refusal to recognize the proposed truce. As quoted in The Telegraph, Corporal Clifford Lane of H Company Hertfordshire regiment recalled the incident:

There was a great deal of commotion going on in the German front line 150 yards away. After a few moments there were lighted objects raised above the German parapet, looking like Chinese lanterns to us. The Germans were shouting over to our trench. We were ordered to open rapid fire which we did. The Germans did not reply to our fire and carried on with their celebrations. They ignored us and were having a very fine time indeed and we continued in our wet trenches trying to make the most of it. They did make overtures but the Guards Brigade had the highest discipline in the army and you couldn't expect them to fraternise at all and that is why we were ordered to open fire. Apparently regular troops did respond to their overtures and engaged in this truce. I greatly regretted it afterwards because it would have been a good experience.

Thus, with some stretches of the front in a state of temporary truce and others not, soldiers were placed in great peril. In Lane's sector, a German sniper shot Private Percy Huggins who was serving sentry duty at a forward listening post a mere 20 yards from the enemy's position. In retaliation, Sergeant Tom Gregory assumed his position, managed to locate the sniper, and took him out. A few moments later, while searching for more snipers, he himself was shot and killed by a second German marksman.

Interestingly, the event inspired the British to "study the art of sniping," who soon after added the "tactics of the hunter" to the science of shooting.

The Last Gasp Of A Dying Era

Such was the Christmas Truce of 1914. In some places, it continued for more than a day. But the generals, when they learned of it, made sure it would never happen again. And despite sporadic attempts in later years, it never really did.

Back to business. A German artillery barrage at Ypres.

A century later, it's easy to dismiss all the remembrances and tributes as being overly sentimental and maudlin. What's often forgotten, however, is what the temporary peace represented in the larger scheme of things. There's a very good reason why a truce never happened again in this war and in subsequent wars — and much of it had to do with the changing nature of military strategy, the changing role of soldiers and how they engaged with the enemy, and the high stakes involved for industrialized nations embroiled in a war without compromise. Moving forward, politicians and military leaders could no longer tolerate such fraternizing in consideration of mass armies existing in an age of revolutionary fervor. It was an issue of control.

The Christmas Truce of 1914 can also be seen as the last gasp of the romantic 19th Century, the final gesture of an era that featured "gentlemanly" soldiering and gallant heroes who could confront their adversaries face-to-face. Professional soldiers in WWI were replaced by recruits with no sense of military tradition. Battlefields, like the factories back home, had turned into industrialized workplaces.

Wars were no longer defined by movement and decisive battles. Instead, it became a battle of attrition where armies of millions would be pitted against other armies of millions. Meanwhile, the multitudes back home rallied the home front to provide material support with their industrial might.

Finally, the soldiers hadn't really learned to hate each other. Many of them saw themselves as pawns in a game they didn't understand, fighting against an enemy for reasons that weren't immediately obvious. An article at CBS News puts it well:

This was Christmas 1914, just a few months after the outbreak of hostilities. A lot of these troops were green, not yet bloodied by the horrors to come.

At the Imperial War Museum in London, historians like Alan Wakefield say the bitterness and hatred had not yet taken hold.

"The war hadn't got that sort of, as you say, dirty at that stage," said Wakefield. "It's really 1915 that things like poison gas comes along. Zeppelin airships are bombing London, Germans sink the liner Lusitania with civilian casualties. And the propaganda machine hasn't really fed on that and actually created those sort of hatreds between the two forces."

Indeed, war started to become a vengeful and highly impersonal activity. And unlike the Second World War, in which ideological factors were evident to nearly everyone, the Great War was for many a strange, wasteful, and senseless conflict.

The onset of the First World War marked the true beginning of a new era, but it was the Christmas Truce of 1914 that most certainly drew the final curtain on a dying age.

Sources: G. J Meyer: A World Undone | The Telegraph: "Christmas truce of 1914 was broken when German snipers killed two British soldiers." | Raf Casert with Virginia Mayo: Christmas 1914 | Irish Times: 1914 Christmas Truce | New York Times: Tale of 1914 Christmas Day Truce | CBS: The World War I Christmas Truce | Dorset Newsroom: View the 1914 Christmas truce through the eyes of a soldier from Dorset

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Employees at the Albuquerque Journal are still trying to figure out how ISIS propaganda threatening local residents got posted on the paper's website Thursday.

The paper's top online story, a piece on a 1971 police shooting, was reportedly replaced early Thursday morning with an article titled "CHRISTMAS WILL NEVER BE MERRY ANY LONGER."

Via the Santa Fe New Mexican:

It featured a photo-illustration of a man whose face was covered by a scarf along with the words "CyberCaliphate" and "i love isis," an apparent reference to the Islamic extremist group Islamic State, whose beheadings of Western journalists among other acts of terror spurred the U.S. to wage airstrikes in parts of Syria the group controls.

The post acknowledged a relationship between the U.S. led and sanctioned bombings of ISIS-held areas as one motive for the cyberattack.

The author of the now-deleted post also reportedly warned readers, "We know all personal data of Albuquerque locals: Where you live, what you eat, your diseases and even your health insurance cards," adding, "You will look around more often, will call up your children more often, think of your security more often, but that won't help you."

Monty Midyette, the Journal's director of information systems, told KRWG the alleged hack appeared to be limited to the ISIS article and the paper's servers had not been breached.

The paper is also reportedly in contact with the FBI.

[screenshot via KOAT]

Get a new gaming system for Christmas today? Or a new phone or tablet that plays games? We've got some recommendations for you so you can play some games (and maybe ignore your more annoying relatives in the process).

Below, you'll find lists to our 12 favorite games for every major game-playing device. The vast majority of the games listed—including all of them for PS4, Xbox One, 3DS, Vita, Android, iOS and, of course, PC, are all downloadable. So you don't even have to go to the store today.

If you got a new console...

The Best PS4 Games • The Best Xbox One Games • The Best Wii U Games •

If you got a new phone or tablet...

The Best iPhone Games • The Best iPad Games • The Best Android Games

If you got a new computer...

The Best PC Games • The Best Mac Games

If you get a new gaming handheld...

The Best 3DS Games • The Best PS Vita Games

If you got something a little older...

The Best Xbox 360 Games • The Best PS3 Games • The Best Wii Games • The Best PSP Games • The Best DS Games

Have fun, each and every one of you!

Because there's only one acceptable answer when your mean dad tries to get you to choose between mommy and Santa Claus.

Just ask this little toddler named Harper, who somehow manages to turn screaming "FUCK YOU," at her parents into an adorable exercise in child rearing. And props to Harper's pops, who eventually finds the perfect distraction for his sassy daughter.

Never change, devil child.

[h/t Daily Dot]

Two years ago today, a large EF-2 tornado tore through the center of Mobile, Alabama, causing significant damage and injuring several people. Aside from helping put to rest the myth that tornadoes can't hit cities, the storm came perilously close to being a disaster.

If you're not familiar with Mobile, the city of about 200,000 is situated on Alabama's Gulf Coast on the northwestern side of Mobile Bay. A major port in the country, the city is steeped in history both good and bad, and it's infamous for being the origin of the country's fire ant infestation (they came in on a ship from Brazil). Mobile is also known as the home to several well-regarded universities, including Spring Hill College and the University of South Alabama (from which I graduated—go Jags).

This part of the northern Gulf Coast sees some of the most exciting and diverse weather in the country, but it's most famous for its reliable pop-up thunderstorms that form from the heat and humidity of late spring through early fall. Thanks to these summertime storms, Mobile is routinely ranked as the wettest city in the United States; on average, the City of Six Flags receives almost 70 inches of rain every year.

Mobile's location in the south regularly subjects it to the same severe weather outbreaks that often pound areas farther inland, but its proximity to the Gulf of Mexico usually keeps the city from seeing the horrific tornadoes that areas even just 20 or 30 miles to the north see on a somewhat regular basis.

The setup we saw on Christmas Day in 2012 is similar to many of the severe weather outbreaks that plague the southeast during the winter months. The atmosphere featured a sharp upper-level trough digging through the northwestern Gulf Coast, with a strengthening surface low over Louisiana. The strong veering profile of the winds (winds turning clockwise with height) and the transport of warm, unstable air from the Gulf allowed supercells (and eventually a severe squall line) to develop over the Gulf states and cause damage from eastern Texas through eastern Alabama.

In anticipation of a significant outbreak of severe thunderstorms, the Storm Prediction Center issued a moderate risk for severe weather from Houston to the east through Mobile and Montgomery. The moderate risk was issued as a result of the 15% risk for significant (EF-2 or stronger) tornadoes.

Unfortunately, the forecast confirmed, with 112 reports of 58+ MPH winds, 60 tornado reports (several of which were for the same tornado), and three reports of hail the size of quarters or larger.

Mobile faces two tornado threats during severe weather outbreaks. The first and most common producer of tornadoes is a squall line, where a weak (usually EF-0 or 1) tornado spins-up along the leading edge of the line. The second threat comes from events like this or during the landfall of dry tropical systems. During a large-scale outbreak such as the one that occurred on Christmas Day 2012, Mobile is often in the line of fire for small thunderstorms that speed off the Gulf and crash ashore in Mobile and Baldwin Counties. If atmospheric conditions allow, these storms can rotate as they come ashore and make their way inland.

Around sunset, a strong supercell came ashore in south-central Mobile County. The storm was spinning like a top over the ocean, and it showed no signs of stopping as it moved inland. The National Weather Service issued a tornado warning for Mobile amid growing concern that the rotation was getting stronger.

By the time the storm reached the city limits and dropped a tornado, it looked terrifying, with a classic hook echo that included a tornado (and debris ball) right at the tip of the hook. The tornado and its parent mesocyclone were clearly visible when you look at three-dimensional velocity (winds) on Gibson Ridge's excellent volume explorer:

Around this time, people on the ground and on television started reporting a tornado, and the NWS went ahead and issued a rare tornado emergency. A tornado emergency is an upgrade from a tornado warning; the enhanced wording indicates that a destructive tornado is moving into a densely populated area, with the goal of giving people that extra shove to take shelter to protect themselves and others from injury or death.

The funnel was captured on several sky cams, including the one at the top of this post from WALA-TV and in this video, taken from a downtown hotel by YouTube user Jimmy Dean.

Once the tornado lifted and the sun rose on December 26, photos revealed the full extent of the damage and just how lucky Mobilians were that Christmas evening.

The damage was intense enough that meteorologists who surveyed the damage rated the tornado an EF-2 on the Enhanced Fujita Scale, placing its winds somewhere between 111 and 135 MPH. The storm caused more than one million dollars in damage and injured several people. The event could have been much, much worse given that it went through Mobile proper. If the tornado had touched down a few blocks to the west or to the east, we would have seen far greater damage and possibly some serious injuries or fatalities.

The tornado that struck Mobile two years ago wasn't one of the most significant tornadoes to touch down in recent years (or even that day), but it's memorable for its unique place in Christmas weather history.

NWS Mobile has a great page detailing all ten tornadoes that occurred in its area of responsibility on December 25, 2012. Five of the twisters were rated EF-2, three were EF-1, and two were EF-0.

[Images: NWS, author x2, Gibson Ridge x3, NWS]

You can follow the author on Twitter or send him an email.

Barack Obama, an "avowed" "loather of headwear," has finally displayed his true colors, and they're pretty pretty princess pink. For shame, Mr. President! For sha—awwwwwwwww.

Seems our nation's fair leader—who once refused to don a custom-fit Navy football helmet, claiming it was "unpresidential" to place items atop his executive noggin—is powerless when it comes to negotiating with cute little girls.

What will he say when North Korea sends an army of children to block the next idiot bro comedy? How will he refuse Putin when the Ruski toddler envoy asks for just a wittle piece of Ukwaine, pwetty pwease?

There's no way around it: the vaunted executive power of our once-great nation is wrapped securely around these girls' sticky little fingers.

Pretty cute though.

[image via Pete Souza]

The blessed union of Sir Patrick Stewart and Sunny Ozell has yielded yet another instant classic—40 seconds of Stewart silently coping with the worst Christmas hat ever manufactured.

In the meantime, someone get this man a joint. He's suffered long enough.

[h/t Daily Dot]

Dozens of Hong Kong motorists and pedestrians rushed to grab loads of money after an armored truck's doors opened by accident on a busy road, spilling about 4.5 million US dollars in HK$500 notes (US$65) on Christmas Eve, reports the South China Morning Post. Check out all those frantic bastards.

Police has asked the people of Wan Chai, Hong Kong, to return the money, but the people of Wan Chai are all like, "huh, wut? No way, man." But the police is like, "hell no, man, that's not cool at all. Give us the moneys!" They have already arrested two taxi passengers—a 43-year-old man and a 36-year-old woman. So far, the police have been able to find HK$5.69 million (US$733,256) on the road and elsewhere, says the South China Morning Post:

We found the money stored under the bed at their homes and they admitted they took the money on Gloucester after getting off the taxi they were in.

SPLOID is delicious brain candy. Follow us on Facebook or Twitter.

Robin Thicke reportedly ended this year the same way he began it: getting drunk with a teenager.

After he was photographed fondling a young woman at a nightclub last January, Thicke spent most of the year trying and failing to get his wife, Paula Patton, back by charting a song he wrote about getting her back called "Get Her Back."

Strangely, the heartfelt tune and ensuing heartfelt publicity blitz failed to lure Patton home, and she filed for divorce last fall.

In the meantime, Thicke seems to have embraced a new life purpose—buying alcohol for teens. Reports the New York Daily News, Thicke, 37, geared up for Christmas this year by taking his 19-year-old model girlfriend on a liquor store run.

The relationship is expected to last until she turns 21 or purchases a better fake ID, whichever comes first.

[image via AP]

If you got a new ereader or tablet for Christmas—or if you have an old one that needs an infusion—Amazon and Apple would be happy to sell you ebooks and movies to fill it. Or you could just load up on these free goodies instead.

The lists of free stuff, compiled by Open Culture, include ebooks, movies, audio books, online courses, language classes, and textbooks, all formatted for your device of choice. You should take some time to peruse the selection yourself today, but here are a few highlights to get you started.

Free Ebooks

• Alice in Wonderland — [iOS, Kindle, Web]
• The Great Gatsby — F. Scott Fitzgerald [Kindle, Web]
• Pride and Prejudice — Jane Austen [iOS, Kindle, Web]
• Winesburg, Ohio — Sherwood Anderson [iOS, Kindle, Web]
• The Wizard of Oz — Frank L. Baum [iOS, Kindle]

Free Movies

• Bottle Rocket (short film)
• Hamlet (David Tennant, Patrick Stewart)
• His Girl Friday
• Rashoman
• Slacker

Free Audio Books

• The Adventures of Sherlock Holmes — Sir Arthur Conan Doyle [iTunes, Free MP3]
• Canterbury Tales — Geoffrey Chaucer[iTunes, Free MP3]
• Heart of Darkness — Joseph Conrad [iTunes, Free MP3]
• The Swimmer — John Cheever [Free Download]
• War of the Worlds — HG Wells [iTunes]

And remember, that's just a very small sampling; there are over 700 ebooks and movies and over 600 audio books, plus all kinds of textbooks, online classes, and language courses. Head over to Open Culture for the full reckoning, and enjoy never being bored again. [Open Culture]

Joe Riquelme built the popular iPhone video editing app Videoshop, and his project has been so successful that he was able to surprise his parents this Christmas by paying off their mortgage.

Watch him play it totally cool while he changes their lives and gives back a little of what they gave him.

[h/t reddit]

On December 26, 2004, a tsunami struck dozens of countries around the Indian Ocean rim, resulting in the deaths of an estimated 228,000 people. Ten years on, countries around Asia commemorated the anniversary by holding prayer and memorial services for the near quarter million lives taken by the natural disaster.

The Associated Press filed a report from Sri Lanka and Thailand, two of the several countries hit by the earthquake and subsequent tsunami. The Maldives, India, Indonesia, Malaysia, Myanmar, and Somalia also suffered severe damage when a 9.1-magnitude earthquake struck the west coast of Indonesia, triggering the tsunami.

Via the AP:

As part of Friday's solemn commemorations, survivors, government officials, diplomats and families of victims gathered in Indonesia, Thailand, Sri Lanka, India and elsewhere. Moments of silence were held in several spots to mark the exact time the tsunami struck, a moment that united the world in grief.

"I cannot forget the smell of the air, the water at that time ... even after 10 years," said Teuku Ahmad Salman, a 51-year-old resident who joined thousands of people in a prayer service in Banda Aceh, Indonesia.

"I cannot forget how I lost hold of my wife, my kids, my house," he said sobbing, recounting that he refused to believe for years that they had died but finally gave up looking for them.

The Wall Street Journal has an interactive look at the tsunami's timeline on December 26 and how each country has fared since 2004. Agence France-Presse interviewed Wanigaratne Karunatilleke, the head guard on the Ocean Queen Express, a train in Sri Lanka that was crushed by a wave and pushed off its tracks, killing 1,000. Karunatilleke, who was one of the train's few survivors, told the AFP, "We had about 15 minutes to move the passengers to safety. I could have done it. We had the time, but not the knowledge."

From the Daily Mail:

The Ocean Queen Express, which was rebuilt after the tsunami, has become a symbol of the disaster in Sri Lanka and was at the centre of commemorations for the country's 31,000 victims on Friday.

Survivors and relatives of the dead boarded the train early Friday morning in Colombo and headed to Peraliya, the exact spot where it was ripped from the tracks, around 90 kilometres (56 miles) south of Colombo.

The New York Times has video from memorial services in Indonesia, Thailand, and Sri Lanka, and the Associated Press shared stories from journalists who were based in each country on the day of deadly disaster.

The earthquake has been recorded as one of the top ten worst in history, and the following tsunami was the single worst in history.

[Images via Getty]

Another twelve months of Prime membership just flew right the hell by. What'd I do with it? How did I augment my life with two-day shipping? Can "things" make you "happier"? Nothing a little retrospection can't answer.

The print I put inside this frame (by the phenomenal Beth Hoeckel) hasn't fallen off my wall or flown, in the manner of a frisbee, out my bedroom window. For those reasons, I give it a perfect five star rating. Also it says it was $0.00, which doesn't seem possible, but who knows. Bezos!

I lost this lil' fuckin' thing so fast I'm not sure whether I ever owned it.

I'm so fucking naive. I had this fantasy, this DREAM VISION in my head that I was going to discard my laptop—the screen is broken—forever, instead turning my iPad into a sort of "improvised laptop." I'd use a detachable keyboard and this little easel stand, folding them up when necessary, stowing them away while traveling, allowing me to be full mobile, sleek, light, and lethal. Full spectrum dominance. I'd be the talk of the coffee shop circuit—Who was that guy? He's using a bluetooth keyboard with his iPad? Is he... available? Not for a date, but to BAPTIZE MY INFANT BABY. Sorry, lady, I've got things to write, but you'll never know where I'm going to write them, because my workstation fits in a fucking manilla envelope.

Well anyway these things work fine but they mostly sit unused in my apartment, because the one time I tried them out "in the wild" (hacker term) in San Francisco, I looked like an obnoxious turd even by San Francisco standards, which are high when it comes to turds. 8/10 for functionality, 0/10 for not looking like a turd.

I guess I'll just keep losing and buying these things until I fucking die, 10/10

Come on, Sam, come on 2/10

This gum has a nice initial chew-feel, but the flavor is a little... septic? What ever happened to PEPPERMINTS that taste like PEPPERMINT? I handed most of these out to coworkers in a grossly transparent charm campaign, and it reaped me nothing. 3/10

Not sure what to say about this, 9/10

Looks cool, charges your mobile. I lost this and I don't know how. 2/10

A++++++ WOULD LOSE AGAIN

Teenage me asks: Future self, what does it mean to be a man?

Terrible Adult Me Replies, Backwards Through a Time Tunnel: SOMEDAY LITTLE FOOL YOU WILL DEEM IT NECESSARY TO BUY DEODORANT, A LITTLE BAG, A COMBINATION LOCK, AND A TINY TUBE OF TOOTHPASTE ALL ON ONE DAY, THROUGH A COMPUTER. NOW GO STUDY YOUR FRENCH.

OH COOL I LOST THIS THE VERY NEXT MONTH. FUCK THIS 0/10

Need to charge your iPhone? This cable works great, and looks sleek in black. Eight out of eight possible "cool" points

Freud theorized that a subconscious "death drive" complemented the pleasure principle, compelling us to buy inexpensive iPhone cables until we strangle ourselves with them.

This pepper mill is OK but too much pepper always leaks out of the bottom somehow. And yet I keep using it, so that's on me. B-

Sure, sure... 7/10

These haven't become toxic and stinky at the same rate as everything else in my apartment, so I give them a Thumbs Up. Although, I will say, that memory foam doesn't dry out as quickly as its non-foam alternatives... And do we really want anything (or anyone) to "remember" our feet?

Hahahahah, I think I lost this the day I got it, never used once, 10/10

Hello, sweetheart. I love you, sweetheart. 1000/100

Yeah it's fine 10/10

My roommate wanted this so I bought it and he paid me back. I'm not sure why we did it like that... seems like an unnecessary arrangement. We met in high school in 2001 (shortly before you-know-what) so maybe things have always been a little off with us.

I named this cord Jefferson 10/10

If you're going to buy a bunch of knives and then not really use them because you mostly cook noodles, they might as well be in every color of the rainbow. Sharp as hell, 9/10

I was so, so excited to wear these to various galas and pop-up stores, but my feet won't fit into them. Tried to give them to Hamilton Nolan (RIP) but even his feet were too big, and the idea of figuring out Amazon's return system gives me really bad anxiety. 0/10

Guess I thought I was being cute here C-

I had to glue something, and no one at work had any glue, so I bought this glue. The shit I glued is still stuck together. A+

ugh

Forty-year-old Teasley Middle School teacher Christine Cantrell was arrested with her husband in Atlanta on Tuesday after allegedly letting minors get high in her home. According to cops, her students ratted her out after their parents tipped off the police.

Phil Price, the commander of the Cherokee County Multi-Agency Narcotics Squad, told the Atlanta Journal-Constitution that "concerned parents provided the first tip of the illegal activity and middle school students later confirmed to investigators the Cantrells' involvement." It's not clear how long this was going on or "how many students were involved."

Cantrell was charged with possession of marijuana less than one ounce, contributing to the delinquency of a minor, and keeping a disorderly house, which are all misdemeanors. She's been removed from her classroom by the school pending an investigation.

Price told the Journal-Constitution, "She deals with a lot of people at an impressionable age. Whatever her beliefs are about the use of marijuana, it is still against the law in Georgia."

[Photo via AJC]

A couple in Ohio was robbed of four puppies on Christmas morning. Puppies! Can you imagine?

According to Wayne County authorities, via the New York Post, three men—three piece of shit garbage reverse Santa Claus assholes—slipped into the couple's home through an open sliding door at around 6 a.m. Christmas morning. The suspects demanded money from the 32-year-old man and 21-year-old woman inside, striking the man with a handgun and holding the woman at gunpoint.

When the burglars were refused the money, they reportedly instead grabbed the couple's 3-week-old Cane Corso puppies. Pieces of shit! The puppies' mother was left behind.

According to the Post, Wayne County sheriff's captain Doug Hunter said because the puppies had not yet been weaned, their chance for survival is slim.

[image via Shutterstock]

Earlier this month, a video titled “LEAKED GAY TACO BELL COMMERCIAL” appeared on YouTube. It depicts two guys consuming Taco Bell, playing skee ball, riding a Ferris Wheel, cuddling on a picnic blanket, unearthing buried treasure (?), getting married, and riding a jet-ski and a motorcycle together. And Taco Bell won’t say whether it’s real.

The spot appears to be professionally produced, and carries the accoutrements of any other Taco Bell commercial. But a look through the TVEyes tracking service suggests it hasn’t yet aired in the United States. Emails sent to Taco Bell’s press office requesting verification went unreturned.

Any clue what’s going on? Have you seen this spot air? Drop us a line.

H/T Towleroad

Jean Mamakos is suing United Airlines after she claims flight attendants on her cross-country flight overreacted when she tried to move to an unoccupied emergency row seat. Police reportedly hauled her off the plane and Mamakos spent three nights in a Seattle jail.

"They did handcuff me. There were three policemen who dragged me off the plane," Mamakos, 68, from Huntington, New York, told KIRO. Mamakos, apparently hoping to sleep on the final leg of her ski group's three-part journey to Alaska, attempted to relocate to an empty emergency row seat shortly after the plane doors closed for takeoff in Seattle.

"One of the stewardesses said, 'Oh no you don't,' which stopped me in my tracks," Mamakos told KIRO. "So I went forward and another stewardess came along and said, 'Give me your credit card."

Apparently, Mamakos would have had to pay $109 to sit in the emergency row, so she returned to her seat. But flight attendants supposedly weren't pleased—they reportedly surrounded her.

"I heard the captain say there is a lady who wants to get off the plane on this flight. So we have to wait. I didn't know that was me," Mamakos told the Seattle TV station. "(They said), 'You have to get off this plane.' (I said),'No, I paid for this seat, and I'm going to stay here.'" From KIRO:

Mamakos was eventually booked, fingerprinted, had a mug shot taken and then sent to the county jail. Her bags and shocked friends continued on to Alaska.

"They enjoyed their ski trip and I had an experience in jail," said Mamakos.

Mamakos is suing United Airlines for $5 million.

[H/T Raw Story // Image via KIRO]

A Pennsylvania mother of three was allegedly caught having sex with a 17-year-old boy in a car at a local park in the middle of November, NBC Philadelphia reports. The dear ole ma reportedly started talking to the teen boy on Twitter, then sent him nude photos of herself, and that's when things got heated.

Iris Gibney, 42, a volunteer coach for her daughter's high school cheerleading team and an employee at Victoria's Secret, met the teen boy at Pottsgrove High School during one of her daughter's cheer team practices. They were allegedly discovered parked illegally at a public park, naked and engaging in "sexual activity" in mid-November.

"I've never been in trouble before. I can't believe I did this. I have three children of my own — I am so, so sorry," Gibney told police, according to her arrest report.

Gibney has been charged with corruption of minors, disseminating obscene materials to a minor, and trespass by motor vehicle.

The randy mom posted $50,000 bail and has another court appearance on December 30.

[h/t NY Daily News]