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Arizona Woman Cleared of Her Son's Murder After 22 Years on Death Row

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Arizona Woman Cleared of Her Son's Murder After 22 Years on Death Row

On Monday, a judge formally dismissed the case against Debra Milke, who spent 22 years on death row after being convicted of conspiring to murder her 4-year-old son, The Associated Press reports. The case relied heavily on the work of a detective who has since been discredited. Prosecutors lost their final appeal last week.

"I just wanted to start off by saying I had absolutely nothing to do with the brutal murder of my son, Christoper," Milke said at a press conference on Tuesday. "I always believed this day would come I just didn't think it would take 25 years, 3 months and 14 days to rectify such a blatant miscarriage of justice."

Milke, 51, was convicted in 1990 of her son Christopher's December 1989 murder. From the AP:

Authorities say Milke dressed him in his favorite outfit and told him he was going to see Santa Claus at a mall in December 1989. He was then taken to the desert near Phoenix by two men, one of whom was Milke's roommate, and shot in the back of the head.

Prosecutors alleged that Milke was after the insurance payout.

The 9th US Circuit Court of Appeals threw out Milke's conviction and death sentence in March 2013. "No civilized system of justice should have to depend on such flimsy evidence," the court wrote. She has been free on bond since then, wearing an electronic-monitoring ankle bracelet and awaiting the Arizona Supreme Court's decision on prosecutors' appeals to reinstate the charges.

Prosecutors did not disclose that the detective, Armando Saldate—who claimed that Milke had confessed to him—had a history of lying under oath. There was no witness to the confession and it was not recorded. "I believe he gave honest testimony," Maricopa County Attorney Bill Montgomery said in 2013.

The men with whom Milke was alleged to have conspired in her son's killing, James Styers and Roger Scott, are still on death row.


Image via AP. Contact the author of this post: brendan.oconnor@gawker.com.

Ex-Girlfriend: Robert Durst Kept a Saw in His Spare Bedroom

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Ex-Girlfriend: Robert Durst Kept a Saw in His Spare Bedroom

Robert Durst was a "good listener" who kept only a saw in his luxury apartment's spare bedroom, according to a Dallas woman who claims to have dated the accused murderer in 2000. "There was a little bedroom with a concrete floor, and it had a saw," Linda Walker Zevallos told the TODAY Show.

TODAY tracked down a Dallas real estate blogger, who said she spoke to the luxury building's manager about the mysterious room. "[Durst] wanted that because he told them he used a lot of chemicals," she said. "I have no idea [what the chemicals are for], but it's very creepy."

Durst lied to Zevallos about his profession and family when the two first met aboard a flight, telling her that he worked as a labor lawyer and had two daughters at Harvard.

Zevallos also said Durst kept two guns in the back seat of his car, which he told her about as her young son was riding with them to dinner. "Don't touch the guns," Durst reportedly told her son.

At another dinner, Zevallos says, Durst grew angry with her when she ordered the same entree as him. "He kicked me under the table," she said. At one point in their relationship, Durst reportedly told Zevallos about Susan Berman, the woman he is accused of murdering in December 200o, saying she was suffering from "troubles" and that he would probably need to visit her. Not long after, Zevallos broke up with Durst because of his "eccentricities"; a few months later, Berman was killed execution-style in her L.A. home.


H/T Daily Intel. Image via AP.Contact the author at taylor@gawker.com.

New Yorkers Apparently Still Care About Having 212 Phone Numbers

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New Yorkers Apparently Still Care About Having 212 Phone Numbers

You remember the episode of Seinfeld where Elaine tries to get the 212 phone number of her dead neighbor Mrs. Krantz because she believes dialing the 646 area code takes too long? The New York Times has a report saying that New Yorkers still eagerly covet the 212 area code for their cell phones. These people sound wack.

90210. 212. 867-5309. Who gives a rat's ass? But as New Yorkers are forced to reckon with their transience in this great big grid of come-and-gos, possession of a 212 area code is apparently enough to instill a sense of permanence here. The Times reports:

Last summer, David Cole, 40, who had just earned a master's degree from the University of Cincinnati, was looking for a job with an architecture firm in New York. He understood that his chances of landing a spot would be much higher if he did not appear to be an out-of-towner. He said one of his first moves was to buy a 212 number to replace the 513 number of his cellphone.

"I wanted the local number on my résumé," said Mr. Cole, who quickly landed a job with a firm in SoHo.

A 40-year-old man buying a phone number. Seems arbitrary . . . but is it? There is a website—212areacode.com—that sells phone numbers to those who are so eager to feel a part of the Big Apple that they can purchase new numbers after a trial period of phone call forwarding. David Day, the owner of the phone number brokerage site, says that many believe their phone calls will more likely be picked up if they come from a 212 number. Sad. Maybe they just need to call better people.

But how much will it set you back to care this much about your phone number?

Normally, phone numbers are assigned without cost, but for several years 212 numbers have been selling for anywhere from $75 to more than $1,000.

In 2017, there will be a new area code introduced to the Manhattan phone number lexicon so I guess hurry up and buy your 212s now, if that's what you're into.

[Image via Getty]

Hi I'm Hilary Duff and I'm the Type to "Act Ghetto"

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Hi I'm Hilary Duff and I'm the Type to "Act Ghetto"

Hiya, I'm Hilary Duff! You might know me from the Disney show Lizzie McGuire, which I love(d), or my new blue hairdo, which I love (will keep loving). It's fun, like I'm fun, you know, or at least, I'm having a lot of fun right now. I recently told Time about all the ways I'm having fun, which include acting "ghetto."

Ghetto? Me? Hilary? Let me explain. When Time asked me if I ever give the writers on my edgy new TV Land show called Younger feedback, I said:

A lot of our writers are in their 20s, so they know what's up. I'm trying to think if I gave any feedback. I think I'm the one who will act ghetto more of the time or do funny voices.

Whoa, right? But it's true—I'm the one doing funny voices, like a person who lives in the ghetto. Black type of voices, loud type of voices, voices giving voice to sassy observations and advice. Everyone's like haha, Hilary, what are you doing, and I'm like, acting ghetto! More of the time I'm doing that.

Maybe I didn't need to say that, but I thought I'd share. There's just sooo much going on on my show. It's edgy. I mean, not like The Wire!!!! Edgy like wearing tea gloves to dinner or talking about menstruation in public.

It's dealing with a lot of women's issues in humorous ways. When I read the episode about my character's DivaCup getting stuck, that was like, "Wow, okay, we're really going to go there." That was exciting. We get drunk a lot. We take Molly.

Not for real getting drunk and taking Molly, just acting. Haha.

One time we had a party, and people stayed up all night.

Oh, our wrap party was pretty wild. People were pulling all-nighters.

Just because the sun went to bed doesn't mean we did! Or some of us didn't.

Sometimes, though, I'm like, whoa, too much party, let's just hang out in Brooklyn. I live in Brooklyn now, can you believe it? It's kind of confusing, to be honest, and not just because I wouldn't expect to see me, Hilary Duff, in Brooklyn (that would be more surprising, than anything).

Buying food for my family is tricky in Brooklyn! We tried to shop at the co-op but then we realized we couldn't because we didn't have a job there!

We tried to shop at the co-op but then we realized we couldn't because we didn't have a job there!

I know, that's what I said!

But also the people that are working there are terrible. They don't know where anything is. They don't want to bag your groceries because they're all moms that live in the neighborhood and want to shop at the grocery store but they don't want to be working there!

You know? I'm a mom, too, but sometimes I miss just being a teenager, sneaking into clubs.

I used to lie about to my age to get into clubs and stuff.

I mean I didn't actually sneak in and I have never told a lie but I think I had my sister's old ID, if I ever had to use it.

I knew most of the people—I'm not trying to sound like a brat or anything! I had an older sister too, so she learned the ropes for me and then I got to just sneak in. Super naughty! Naughty, naughty. A fake ID would never work for me because they'd be like, "We know who you are." I think I had my sister's old ID. ... I can't even remember having to use it. Who knows.

I'm not trying to sound like a brat or anything, but who knows.

The only thing I'm really sure of is which Sex and the City character I'd be:

I think I'd have to be a Carrie. I guess it's the same reason I'd want to be Baby Spice.

I can't tell you the reason, but you know wazzzupp! Lol.


Hilary Duff is 5'2", really fit, killing it in the gym, and doing crazy things. Photo via Getty. Contact the author at allie@gawker.com.

Auf Weider Zayn Goodbye (to One Direction)

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Auf Weider Zayn Goodbye (to One Direction)

Hey, Zayniacs. Having a good day? Feeling refreshed and remaining positive about the future of One Direction, despite Zayn Malik's recent decision to take time off in order to recuperate from stress brought on by the media? I think you might need to sit down.

Zayn has decided to officially leave the group. NOOOOO.

BBC News Beat reports that One Direction will continue as a four piece. If I'm being frank, they will be better off without all this drama. Malik's statement about his departure is via BBC:

Malik said: "My life with One Direction has been more than I could ever have imagined. But, after five years, I feel like it is now the right time for me to leave the band.

"I'd like to apologise to the fans if I've let anyone down, but I have to do what feels right."

The rest of the group said that they are "really sad" to see Zayn go, but that they "respect his decision and wish him all our love for the future." Have fun in your future, Zayn. You're only 22. You have a whole life to live.

The fans? The Directioners? The Zayniacs? What say them about this?

[Image via Getty]

Millennials Are Buying Houses, Are You?

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Millennials Are Buying Houses, Are You?

You know who just bought a house? A new house? Ayden, and Kylie, and tens of thousands of their "millennial" generation friends. Did you also buy a house? Or no?

I don't mean to pry. I just thought, hey, since tens of thousands of millennials are out there buying new homes, and they don't even know how to manage money responsibly like you and their jobs all sound made-up like "social media coordinator" and they don't appreciate the value of hard work, that you—a hardworking adult—surely must also be buying a home. A bigger and better home, I would imagine.

Are you?

It's not a big deal, obviously. Your apartment is super cool. And so cozy! It's just that when I see here that, according to the latest figures, "Millennials made up 32 percent of the U.S. housing market in 2014, up from 28 percent two years earlier, and have pulled ahead of the older Generation X as the largest segment of buyers," I think to myself, "Wow—the only way that could ever happen would be if everyone else already bought a home and nobody is even interested in doing it any more, because if it was some super difficult or valuable thing, how could millennials be doing it so easily, considering the fact that they are barely capable of feeding themselves."

So what is your new house like? Do tell!

I mean, it says here that "Americans signed contracts to purchase 17,000 new houses in the $200,000-to-$299,999 price range last month, the most since March 2008." Sounds like a great deal! Those cheapos are probably what the millennials are buying—idiots! Stuck in a $300,000 house because of their pitiful lack of resources. It gives me a chuckle! When these kids are all over America snapping up these houses left and right, I can only imagine what kind of crib you bought, with your real job and maturity. Sleek modern condo? Country estate? Suburban Mcmansion?

So what house did you buy?

Millennials are buying houses.

How about you?

[Photo: Flickr]

A Hockey Game Happened To Sarah Jessica Parker Last Night

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A Hockey Game Happened To Sarah Jessica Parker Last Night

On the one hand, you can definitely say that Sarah Jessica Parker was physically in attendance at last night's hockey game between the New York Rangers and Los Angeles Kings. On the other, her soul and spirit were very, very far away, twirling inside a novel about an old ballet dancer.

Parker was at the game for her 50th birthday, which—considering her registered level of interest in the hockey game happening in front of her face—raises a few questions, such as: Was she kidnapped by her friend Tom Hanks, who sat one row in front of her with his son, the rapper Chet Haze?

Or, if she really just wanted to read the new novel Astonish Me by Maggie Shipstead, why not go literally anywhere else other than Madison Square Garden?

That said, very few people have 50th birthdays that are this fun?

A Hockey Game Happened To Sarah Jessica Parker Last Night

Let's take a look behind the book:

Nobody has ever been happier flagrantly reading a book at a hockey game than Sarah Jessica Parker.

A Hockey Game Happened To Sarah Jessica Parker Last Night

That book appears to have been the only thing keeping her sane, because look at her reaction to Tom Hanks being like "whatsa matta with you?" to his son, the rapper Chet Haze:


Let's just...

A Hockey Game Happened To Sarah Jessica Parker Last Night

Perfect.

[top image via Getty]

Aaron Hernandez Is An Idiot, But He Still Might Get Away With Murder

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Aaron Hernandez Is An Idiot, But He Still Might Get Away With Murder

You can get away with murder, you know. It's just easier for those of us who don't murder not to think about it. To some extent, it's baked into the system, one designed in theory (though not always in practice) to start out with a presumption of innocence. The other factors that come in usually do nothing more or less than reflect human fallibility and imperfection. We make bad decisions, we miss clues, we misremember, we make assumptions, and we screw up. It's nice—comforting, even—to think that the men and women who get away with murder are devious geniuses drawing up intricate, Hollywood-worthy plots, executing them with precision, then leaving the scene without a trace. But it isn't always so.

Often, the person who gets away with murder is some jerk like Aaron Hernandez. He's rash, he's sloppy, he leaves witnesses, he drops evidence, he has obvious motives, and he doesn't even always kill the person he's trying to murder. He is, in terms of his criminal history, an utter idiot. He made mistakes so obvious that anyone who's binge-watched The Wire or The Shield or the latest Prestige TV Cop Show of Choice can recognize them. And yet, until June 2013*, he was a free man, and, as his trial nears to a close, there's still the very live possibility that he will be found not guilty of murder.

How is this even possible? Let's start at the beginning, with the first attempted murder he's connected to (that we know of).

Attempted Homicide, Gainesville, Fla., Sept. 30, 2007

It was a little after 2 a.m., past closing time for all the clubs, when someone (possibly Aaron Hernandez) walked up to a Crown Victoria and unloaded five bullets, which struck Corey Smith in the head and Justin Glass in the arm, although both survived to talk to the cops. Multiple people saw what happened in the 1200 block of West University Avenue, a busy stretch right by Florida's campus. But the shooter has never been arrested.

Randall Cason was inside the car. Here's what he told Gainesville police, according to a collection of reports they released. The beef went back to the prior weekend, when his brother got in a fight with some Florida football players at a club called Venue. Cason was back at Venue that night, without his brother but with friends for backup, and the football players were there too. Cason said the players group included Maurkice Pouncey, Mike Pouncey, Reggie Nelson, and a "Hawaiian" with a lot of tattoos. Is that Hawaiian Hernandez? Hernandez's name comes up later in the reports; we know that because even though the mentions of him were redacted out due to his age at the time—he was 17—ESPN got a copy missing one of the redactions. The groups confronted each other, and Cason said, "So what are going to do about this?" One of the football players tried to snatch Cason's gold chain before getting kicked out of the club.

This is a horrible start. The fight and getting kicked of the club makes for clear motives, to which witnesses can attest. Cason recognizes most of them, which makes sense. (Who wouldn't recognize Florida football players in Gainesville?) About 45 minutes later, Cason and his friends met the football players in a parking lot, where Cason said they talked, shook hands, and left with smiles. Cason's group piled into Smith's Crown Victoria and left, heading down University Avenue until they hit a red light.

As they were waiting for the light to change, the Hawaiian football player and Reggie Nelson walked up to their car on the right side. Then without saying a work the Hawaiian pointed a small handgun in the front right window and fired five quick shots. Cason saw Smith slump over with blood coming out of the back of his head, at which time the Hawaiian and Nelson took off running towards "McDonalds."

Two men were shot in the middle of the street! That's incredibly brazen. There are witnesses, there are people calling the police, there may be video cameras recording from nearby businesses. This should be easy to solve, right?

The police search immediately after the shooting didn't find anyone, although they briefly had a man in custody who wasn't the shooter, according to the reports. The descriptions given by witnesses outside the car vary. Many agree it was a man with cornrows, but they disagree on the color of his shirt. Glass said he saw a person in a white T-shirt and later a white flash before he got shot. Smith worked with cops to create a composite of the shooter, which was not included in the released reports. Cason at some point had identified Hernandez and Nelson, but later rescinded his identification of them. Nelson spoke to police, denying any knowledge of the shooting, with police noting they "believed Nelson may have been covering up some aspect of the shooting." When authorities tried to talk to Hernandez, police said he "invoked his right to counsel."

As for video, one investigator wrote: "All businesses in the area were contacted. There are no surveillance systems that cover the vicinity of the shooting." A nearby McDonald's had video, but didn't respond to a request. The results of a subpoena for the video aren't mentioned. And though there's nothing to suggest it in the reports, it is worth mentioning these are football players for a team that won the national championship just a year before. Many powerful people in Gainesville had a vested interest in having them on the field.

To this day no arrests have been made. The investigation remains open.


Homicide, Boston, July 16, 2012

Daniel Abreu and Safiro Furtado were two Cape Verdean immigrants who worked together as housekeepers. Both were at the nightclub Cure, as was Hernandez. It's unclear if Abreu and Furtado ever even had contact with Hernandez; a lawyer for their families told the Boston Globe last year that "there may have been words exchanged between Hernandez and his accomplice and the victims' friends." Abreu and Furtado left the club about 2:10 a.m. and were killed when an SUV pulled up alongside the black BMW they rode in as it was stopped at a light and fired six shots inside.

This sounds familiar! Group is at club with Hernandez; group leaves club; group stops at a traffic light and is shot, this time fatally. Then there's the lengthy list of evidence prosecutors gathered, which includes the SUV used in the homicide (found at the home of Hernandez's uncle) and the murder weapon, found in the car of a woman who told police it belonged to her football-player friends. Who doesn't destroy the murder weapon and ditch their vehicle? Maybe someone who's gotten away with it before.

This time Hernandez was much less lucky. Surveillance video showed his SUV circling the block until Abreu and Furtado left, then pulling up alongside them before the fatal shots were fired according to authorities. A man in the backseat of the fired-upon car said he saw Hernandez's picture after the 2013 arrest and recognized him as the trigger man. This all sounds horribly damning, but leaves one question: Why did it take so long to arrest Hernandez in the first place? The murders happened in 2012, but Hernandez wasn't charged until last year—after he was already behind bars on charges he orchestrated the killing of Odin Lloyd. From the Globe:

Investigators knew that Hernandez, 24, had been at Cure on July 16, 2012, but initially did not pursue him as a suspect because he had left about an hour before the victims. But when news broke about the Lloyd slaying, Boston detectives took a closer look at Hernandez's moves that night. They studied earlier surveillance camera footage at the club and on the streets.

So Hernandez said, "Not me, boss," and the cops said, "Okay, cool, now get back to Patriots practice." Hernandez was sloppy, but the less-than-stellar inquiry of the Boston police helped.

(With Hernandez the night of the Cure shooting was Alexander Bradley, who says Hernandez shot him less than a year later.)

Shooting, Palm Beach County, Feb. 13, 2013

The night started at a Miami-Dade County strip club, Tootsie's, where they got in a fight, according to Bradley's civil suit. Prosecutors in a separate case later gave this account of what happened that night. It started as a fight over how to divvy up the bar tab and continued after they left. When Bradley realized he had left his phone at Tootsie's, Hernandez refused to turn around, and Bradley made "disrespectful remarks."

Shortly thereafter, the car pulled over in an isolated industrial area where Bradley was shot between the eyes. The defendant exited the car and quickly dumped Bradley's body on the ground before fleeing the scene.

Another fight at the club, and another shooting into a car. If you believe all these shooters are Hernandez, he sure follows a pattern—one that should make him easy to investigate. But once again, Hernandez gets a boost, this time from Bradley himself. When it happened, Bradley was found bleeding from the head near a John Deere store by employees who heard the gunshots, according to the Palm Beach Sheriff's Office report. Bradley refused to cooperate with investigators! On the ride to the hospital, a deputy asked Bradley several times if he knew who shot him. His answer, the deputy wrote in his report, was, every time, "No." When the deputy asked where this happened, Bradley wouldn't answer. Video was obtained from one nearby business, but was "determined to be of no value," according to one PBSO report.

Without Bradley's help, the case fizzled, labeled "inactive due to refusal to cooperate by the victim." Bradley filed the civil suit four months later. Hernandez responded to the civil suit in a four-page filing that mostly consists of him asserting his Fifth Amendment right to not incriminate himself.


Homicide, North Attleborough, June 17, 2013

It's Father's Day and Hernandez hits the club. This time, he's heading to a spot in Providence called South Street Cafe. His group runs up at $273.45 tab—mostly on Hennessy and Sex on the Beach shots with bar vodka—and closes it up at 12:18 a.m., about two hours before he picks up Lloyd, a semi-pro football player dating the sister of Hernandez's fiancee. And pretty much from here, as described by prosecutors, Hernandez follows the same pattern he always has.

He leaves his home surveillance system running, and it shows Hernandez coming home with his fiancee, Shayanna Jenkins. Carlos Ortiz and Ernest Wallace already are there. The video shows Hernandez walking through his living room with an object that's hard to make out, the Associated Press reported. But a later image, captured less than an hour after Lloyd is murdered, shows Hernandez back home holding what sure looks like a gun. While at some point Hernandez realized he should be deleting text messages, he didn't get around to deleting all of the recording done by his own home security system, which he didn't turn off. Here's an image that was shown in court.

Aaron Hernandez Is An Idiot, But He Still Might Get Away With Murder


Hernandez's attorney says that's something else, maybe an iPad, iPhone, or remote. To which I say, "Awww, the defense lawyer made a funny." Between when he left his home and returned, Hernandez drove all over town while all sorts of devices track his movement. Here's how well Hernandez and Lloyd's movements were tracked, as summed up by ESPN's Lester Munson.

Cellphone technology tracks the route that Hernandez and two others followed in the rental car from Hernandez's home in North Attleboro, Massachusetts, to Boston, where they picked up Lloyd early on the morning of June 17, 2013. Security photography shows Lloyd entering the rental car at 2:32 a.m. Cellphone technology then tracks the rental car south out of Boston to an industrial yard near Hernandez's home, where Lloyd's bloody and bullet-riddled body was later found amid .45-caliber shell casings.

Hernandez had one good idea in here—use a rental car—but he screwed up that part by renting it himself. He defeated the entire point of using a car that can't come back to you by making it a car that 100 percent came back to him! He couldn't be bothered to clean out the Nissan Altima before returning it, and the rental car company found chewed up Bubblicious and a shell casing inside, which eventually got to investigators, who also found Lloyd's fingerprints inside the Altima. And the shell casing was fired from the same gun as those found at the scene.

Then there's all the evidence at the scene. Keys to a Hernandez rental car were found in Lloyd's pocket, tire tracks on the ground were matched to the rented Altima, .45 caliber shells were left behind, and the shoe prints have been matched to Hernandez's Air Jordan 11 Retros. Hernandez's DNA was found on a joint found at the murder scene. So much stuff was left strewn about that the prosecution was able to come up with this beautiful crime scene map for jurors.

Aaron Hernandez Is An Idiot, But He Still Might Get Away With Murder

And back to the not-so-complete deletion of footage from the Hernandez home security system. The prosecution also has these images of his fiancee carrying a large trash bag of maybe (probably) evidence out of the home. So far, Jenkins hasn't testified so what was in the trash is a guess. Here's the entire video, which also was presented in court.

Holy hell does Hernandez sound guilty! (And that's without his to-do list that includes the odd " send rounds.") But is he certainly guilty? Legally guilty? That's where things get squishy. The murder weapon has never been found, and prosecutors don't have a clear motive. The closest thing to one? According to prosecutors, the two men were a Boston nightclub a few nights before the murder, Lloyd saw some friends, and "Hernandez left the establishment angry, even though he exchanged no words with those friends of Lloyd," as the Globe reported. And prosecutors weren't allowed to admit into evidence Hernandez's connections to other shootings or text messages Lloyd sent to his sister before his murder saying he was with "NFL." (His sister has said that was a nickname for Hernandez.)

Then there's the difficult dance prosecutors are doing by not directly calling Hernandez the shooter. They've focused on saying that Hernandez orchestrated the killing. Did he pull the trigger? Four men went into the woods that night and three came out. None of them are talking. The case, as guilty as it makes Hernandez look to you and me, isn't perfect. Legally speaking, anyway.

So is this guy going to prison, or what?

Probably? He faces a slew of weapons charges alone in the Lloyd case, and those will likely turn into convictions. And he can be convicted of murder without having been the triggerman, thanks to a part of Massachusetts law that allows for shared intent. After this case, he still has to deal with the charges from Abreu and Furtado's murders. Somewhere in there, something should stick.

But damn did it take a long time for him to get caught, and Hernandez certainly didn't avoid the law through skill. Being a high-profile football player and the access it gave him to great lawyers probably helped. Some less-than-stellar police work helped. Having people afraid of speaking out against him definitely helped. And he got lucky.

Hernandez is connected to the shootings of six people over six years, and walked freely among us until 2013*. The often-quoted Blackstone's formulation says, "It is better that 10 guilty persons escape than that one innocent suffer." Benjamin Franklin later tweaked the quote, changing the 10 to a whopping 100. Logically, Hernandez has been and might continue to be one of those 10, or 100, and it wouldn't change the impulse that says there's no cause to argue with the great minds who say this is how it's supposed to work. On an emotional level, though, that provides little comfort. Justice is at best an iffy proposition, a great idea doomed in its reliance on unreliable humans. Hernandez appears to have benefited greatly from that, so far, and he's far from alone.

All images via Associated Press


Deadline Fights For White Peoples' Right To Be on TV

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Deadline Fights For White Peoples' Right To Be on TV

Broadcast networks are in the midst of casting the pilots from which they'll be picking their show lineups for the upcoming fall season, and Nellie Andreeva, Deadline's veteran TV writer, is worried. Why? Because, on the heels of minority-lead series seeing sky-high Nielsen ratings, television is in danger of becoming...too diverse.

A handful of network series starring people of color—namely, How to Get Away With Murder, Black-ish, Fresh Off the Boat, and network TV's current great success story, Empire—took off in the ratings in the past nine months, and thusly, Andreeva reports, "ethnic castings" for new potential shows "exploded this season." ("Ethnic actors," for the uninitiated and interested in clinical appellations for human beings, is "a casting term used for non-Caucasian thesps.")

Why won't anyone think of the Whites? Andreeva will. She wrings her hands for the white actors she images will face difficulty landing parts in this new, slightly less white landscape. She worries that after one (one!) season of networks making a conscious, explicit effort to make their shows more diverse that "the pendulum might have swung a bit too far in the opposite direction." Listen to this horror story:

Instead of opening the field for actors of any race to compete for any role in a color-blind manner, there has been a significant number of parts designated as ethnic this year, making them off-limits for Caucasian actors, some agents signal. Many pilot characters this year were listed as open to all ethnicities, but when reps would call to inquire about an actor submission, they frequently have been told that only non-Caucasian actors would be considered. "Basically 50% of the roles in a pilot have to be ethnic, and the mandate goes all the way down to guest parts," one talent representative said.

Elsewhere, the ethnics are taking white jobs:

Uncle Buck and Love Is A Four Letter Word are among several projects where the original white protagonists have been changed to black this season. ABC's medical drama pilot The Advocate was based on the story of former CAA agent Byrdie Lifson-Pompan and Dr. Valerie Ulene, who launched a healthcare consulting company. While the real-life inspiration for the two central characters are both Caucasian, the show cast them one white actress, Kim Raver, and one black, Joy Bryant.

So there might be fewer white faces on television this fall. Isn't this fine? Given the recent success of shows featuring actors of color, isn't this what viewers want? No, Andreeva explains — we've maxed out the appetite for black actors:

While they are among the most voracious and loyal TV viewers, African-Americans still represent only 13% of the U.S. population. They were grossly underserved, but now, with shows as Empire, Black-ish, Scandal and HTGAWM on broadcast, Tyler Perry's fare on OWN and Mara Brock Akil's series on BET, they have scripted choices, so the growth in that fraction of the TV audience might have reached its peak.

Interesting quota to impose. This is bizarrely oblivious and harmful even in the glib and idiotic world of Hollywood trades—black people have enough shows to watch. No more. (What about other minorities? As Flavorwire's Pilot Viruet points out in a great takeaway on the past year of multicultural television, Fresh Off the Boat was the first Asian-American sitcom in 20 years. 20 years! The notion that any one race should be satisfied with any nominal amount of popular culture that represents them is absurd.)

There should be more people of color on TV. More should star, co-star, and appear in guest roles. More should be behind the camera, writing the scripts, and producing. One season of a handful of TV shows that have done that is not "sufficient." And we should cast some skepticism at these pilot castings: they're pilots, and by the archaic design of network television, most of them will never be seen by anyone who is not a (white) network executive—and few will become a series that actually airs on television. Will some of these shows starring people of color go to series? Undoubtably. But will they live on? That's unclear, because it's worth worrying, as Viruet does in her piece, that we are all catching a new, cynical wave of minority-lead series that have limited, cash-in-now financial incentives for networks. (See: the rise, whitening, and demise of UPN and the WB.):

Naturally, there's been a lot of praise for the diversity of this season's TV narratives — even if that praise fails to take into account what a small percentage of programming these shows actually comprise. But this isn't the first time a "boom" in diversity has occurred on television. Robin R. Means Coleman, an associate professor and the author of African American Viewers and the Black Situation Comedy, is quick to dismiss the notion that this is a groundbreaking year for minority-focused narratives, explaining that representation on TV is follows a cyclical pattern. "About every 20 years, there is a surge in representations of blacks on television," Coleman says. "In the '70s, there was a particular surge of blacks and black situation comedies: everything from Good Times and The Jeffersons and Sanford and Son — those kind of representations were being offered up."

Andreeva even admits as much.

"Since broadcast TV is a historically reactive business," she writes, "that will determine whether the trend of ethnic casting will come back with a vengeance next season." This whole system is fucked.

Fresh Off the Boat photo via ABC. Contact the author at aleksander@gawker.com .

Freedom Song: A Conversation About the State of Black Liberation Music

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Freedom Song: A Conversation About the State of Black Liberation Music

In the lyric pamphlet to Black Messiah, D'Angelo's third album after 14 years away from the spotlight, the soul-savant explains his reasoning behind its title and sudden release: "Some will jump to the conclusion that I am calling myself a Black Messiah," he begins. "For me the title is about all of us...It's about people rising up in Ferguson and in Egypt and in Occupy Wall Street and in every place where a community has had enough and decides to make change happen. It's not about celebrating one charismatic leader but celebrating thousands of them."

The album's December release came at the end of a year stained by never-ending black and brown death (or at least it felt that way), increased incarceration rates among the most marginalized communities, mass protest, and unrelenting state violence upon those who'd yet to meet the barrel of an officer's gun. Sparked by the changing and turbulent times, a particular cohort of rap and soul artists began to scrutinize these myriad national injustices in their music. In addition to D'Angelo; Kanye West, Kendrick Lamar, Tink, J. Cole and others have released songs that reflect our current moment.

So, to help me explore the state of black liberation music released in the last year, I reached out to Gawker contributing editor Kiese Laymon, Jezebel's Julianne Escobedo Shepherd and Clover Hope, and The New Yorker's Matthew McKnight. Our conversation appears below.


Jason Parham: Since To Pimp a Butterfly is the most present in our minds (well, at least in mine), I think it's as good a place to begin as any. The album's intro is as defiant as it is unexpected. The Flying Lotus-produced track ("Wesley's Theory") samples the classic Boris Gardiner tune and proclaims: "Every nigga is star." EVERY. NIGGA. IS. A. STAR. Those are literally the first words you're greeted with on the album. It's easily one of the most self-affirming, unapologetic, middle-finger-to-the-man intros I've ever heard. It's almost too perfect. But as much as it's an act of resistance (because, you know, the world doesn't actually subscribe to that belief), it's equally an act of self-love. We're all bright black stars, says Gardiner. As the intro continues, it becomes clear that though this may be true, the reality of it is a lot more tangled and complicated. Patron Saint of Space Age Funk George Clinton intones: "You'll slip through the cracks hoping that you'll survive/ Gather your wind, take a deep look inside/ Are you really who they idolize?" But his mere presence on the song confirms a sort of alt-narrative to Kendrick's gang-filled, death-choked, conflicted present: that there are black people in the future. So perhaps it's not really about black and brown folk being present in an imagined future, so much as it is about the battle to get there, the metamorphosis we undergo, and how this battle—this resistance to be who we are despite the fame or struggle/movement or whatever having a profound impact—shapes us.

And since we're speaking about beginnings and trajectories and resistance, I think it'd be mindful to consider J.Cole's "Intro" on Forest Hills Drive. His message is more direct, though no less potent: he raps, "Do you wanna be happy? Do you wanna be free?... Free from pain, free from scars, free to sang, free from bars..." The ache and sorrow in his voice are audible, and the song is much more melancholy than Kendrick's feverish opening. Perhaps the common thread between the two tracks, and what we're really talking about here, is sacrifice. What are you willing to sacrifice? What are you willing to give up to be free? Kendrick, though self-aware of his agency, seems less certain. "I didn't want to self-destruct," he later admits on "For Sale? (Interlude)", "so I went running for answers." He knows he has to find the answers. His survival depends on it. He just doesn't know what they are. I'm not really sure what I'm asking here. I think I'm still figuring it out, too.

Clover Hope: Yeah, besides sacrifice, the other thread to me is confusion. We're all still figuring it out, maybe forever. With Kendrick and J. Cole, you can tell they're in a state of turbulence about their place as black men in society and that it's compelled them to create some combative music. "The Blacker the Berry" is so moving because on the surface it's supremely indignant. Kendrick is aware of his specialness (it's the "emancipation of a real nigga"). But then he's telling these outside forces, "It's evident that I'm irrelevant to society," which is such a sad thing to even have to wonder about and then accept. The insecurity is latent. There's a lot of intrigue in that. It reminds me of what Rawiya wrote in a Fader piece where she talked about the importance of liberation music that expresses bafflement—"songs that acknowledge political realities while interrogating them existentially. Music that asks as many questions as it tries to answer." That said, it's so interesting to go back to J. Cole after listening to Kendrick's album because I feel like Cole took the more populist approach, which I know is just a matter of that being his natural aesthetic. Kendrick is able to pull back and be nonlinear: "Everybody wanna cut the legs off him, Kunta/ Black man taking no losses." While Cole says flat out: "What's the price of a black man life?" I can appreciate both the straight and abstract approach because it speaks to how differently people internalize injustice. Kendrick seems way up in the clouds with it. J. Cole, more grounded.

I find that a song like Kanye's "All Day" leans more aspirational and it's more focused on elation. I get the feeling Kanye's album will be, jubilant? And if so, it'll be a cool contrast to these other works. He's more definitive with his rage and kind of flippant also (his new, more pacifist perspective on racism seems to confirm this). And I'm just going to throw in D'Angelo at the end here because I love that he's an older man ("a witness to this game for ages") who's just as anxiety ridden. Like on "1000 Deaths": "I can't believe I can't get over my fear/ They're gonna send me over the hill/ Ah, the moment of truth is near/ They're gonna send me over the hill."

Matthew McKnight: These days, more than ever in my life, the link between our music and our place in America feels inextricable. Just that statement might feel a bit trifling and self-evident: How could any people not create art that is an extension of their lives? But, still, the statements that Black Messiah, B4.DA.$$, To Pimp a Butterfly, and other albums make about who isn't afforded full citizenship in America is striking and immediate in this moment of resurgent attention to violations of civil rights. Those albums encourage us to scrutinize our nation, and I think we ought to listen. So, more than thinking about imagined futures or lands where Black people are kings and queens, those albums have kept me focused on understanding the many failures of true democracy that have accumulated to produce our present.

I don't think it's an accident that we have all these Black artists who were born around the same time and who are now making art that urges on liberation. America produced us. If there's any clarity that we can derive from the different stories being told—whether J. Cole's populist approach or Kendrick's tales of sacrifice—it's that a lot of people are fed up. That all of these albums have allusions, both obvious and obscure, to liberation music from previous generations tells us how long Black people have been fighting. The music we're discussing is so beautiful and so layered that, notwithstanding the subject matter, it makes these explorations delightful. I haven't been so excited about music since high school. And I feel challenged, as a journalist, to dig into those stories and peel off the mask that America wears, and I appreciate our musicians for their direction and inspiration.

What else can we do to make the liberation that they're singing about real?

Kiese Laymon: Y'all are making me work, making me "peel off the mask" that I damn sure wear. One of the questions y'all are making me think about is the role of liberation music in the age of the internet. I grew up literally believing in Ice Cube, MC Lyte, Chuck D, and KRS in ways that veered towards religious. I wanted to believe what they believed, dress how they dressed, resist in ways they resisted. So much of that had to do with age but a lot had to do with the absence of the internet. Not only did I not have access to how these jokers were outside of the booth; I didn't have access to this mega platform where my words and their words literally occupied the same screen. I wasn't mediated. At all. Now, nearly all of us are.

So when Kendrick ask, "When shit hits the fan/ Are you still a fan?" of course, I thinking of the ways the internet enabled Common to ether himself, Kendrick previously to ether himself, Azealia to ether herself, etc, but also how when the shit of our lives hits the fan in many of our hyper-mediated lives, do we have what it takes to believe in liberation living, much less liberation songs?

What is liberation for us in the age of the internet? And real talk, what do we do when the black artists creating outside of music are so much more radically embracing of a truly intersectional liberation? As dope as Kendrick is, and breathtaking as his relationship to music, to vibrations, to rhyme is, I wonder what happens if he reads some Brittney Cooper, some Audre Lorde, some Darnell Moore, some Mychal Denzel Smith, some Marlon Peterson? The Kendrick album made me cry because of how dope it was as an album, but it also made me cry because, even though he's working, he's so far from thinking about the ways black "liberated" men terrorize black "liberated" women everyday. We ain't even talking about that because the bar is so low. Still, I love that Kendrick is working. He's 27 and he's working to be beautiful, fair, and lovingly black in spite of what we've given him to work with. That's what's so dope, and gulp, so possibly liberating. He gave me room to accept and forgive myself on this album.

Julianne Escobedo Shepherd: Kiese, I'm glad you brought that up. I've been mulling that since the cover art dropped and Jamilah Lemieux tweeted, "the idea that someone's fantasy of Black rebellion contains few Black women (the artist who made the image, Kendrick, etc) hurts." On the album, Kendrick's woman relationships/relationals are complex as the rest: with its extended America-as-thot metaphor (effective, succinct, cutting, but been seen), with its heart-open momma tough love, with the most salient acknowledgement of black women on the album via Rapsody, "Call all your brothers magnificent/ call all the sisters queens/ we all on the same team/ blues and Pirus/ no, colors ain't a thing." That's some heavy shit, but it's important that she dissolves that rival-gang bullshit. bell hooks knows.

It also makes me think about how bluster is just another form of mustering self-esteem, though. A mask, too, but a conjuring. If I may go back to self-love, and the fact that most of To Pimp a Butterfly's sonic reference points are to black music made in the eras of important political and cultural uprisings—'60s jazz and soul, '70s funk, in particular—I can't stop thinking about this compilation I've had in rotation since 2005. It's called Back to Black, made to accompany a London gallery's exhibit of black liberation art from the '60s and '70s, and it shares an essence, a full-spectrum clatter, and most importantly a spiritual validation in company with what Kendrick's given us.

Nikki Giovanni's on it. She opens "Seduction/Kidnap Poem" like this:

Those things
Which you so laughingly call hands
Are, in fact, two round butterflies
Fluttering across the pleasure
They give
My body

The rest is just as sensual, talking about legs touching legs, the unraveling of secrets, loving the way "you" snore and smile—"I know you cry when you're hurt, and curse when you're angry, and try when you don't feel like it, and smile at me when you wake up." The "you" is a lover, or a captive, the "you" is arms outstretched and it is imagination. She's quantifying things she learned on instinct, gleaned from collective memory, her voice standing at strong-posture at just 32, five years older than Kendrick is now. Where that really hits my gut is in relation to Kendrick's line that "loving you is complicated," where he's mustering the fortitude to choose himself, on the song called "u." Shout to his hotel housekeeper with the Méxican accent, yelling that his time is up, and he thinks it might be—but in the end, by "i," he chooses himself, too. There is so much him to choose!

Jason Parham: It's funny you mention Jamilah's tweet, Julianne. I remember scouring Twitter that morning for news and seeing it, and thinking she was way off base. Not in the fact that there are no women on the cover (Is the baby a little girl? Perhaps a symbolic gesture that women are the future of the black liberation movement?) because obviously women have been central to all liberation causes: black, Latino, queer, and otherwise. And Jamilah is certainly justified in her feelings of being hurt or feeling disrespected; the black freedom struggle is, and will continue to be, nothing without women at its center (the most marginal of marginalized voices). There were others, including several friends, who felt Kendrick's exclusion of women on the cover was wrong, and professed a half-truth. But to believe that Kendrick doesn't think, or believe, black women are apart of the struggle is to misinterpret the essence of his music altogether. (Not to say Jamilah and my friends believed this, but it got me thinking, you know?) A black woman—his mother—was the heart of his first album. In large part, his mom drives the narrative on GKMC. Her monologue at the end of "Real," where she charges Kendrick to "tell your story to these black and brown kids in Compton," where she let's him know how important it is to remind them that he "rose from this dark place," and that they can too, proves as much. Kendrick's strength and resolve are only made possible through the aegis of his mother. Let's also not forget that a woman saves Kendrick and his friends—altering their course via baptism—at the end of "Sing About Me, I'm Dying of Thirst."

Of course, the love he has for women, and the love he has for himself, is a lot more conflicted on Butterfly (which explains the cover some, though doesn't excuse it altogether). And I think this has a lot to do with what Kiese mentioned, Kendrick not being fully aware of the ways "black 'liberated' men terrorize black 'liberated' women everyday." Though personal and collective liberation seem to be his end goal, his scope remains limited. So I'm wondering: What does it mean to create music about freedom versus creating music from a place of freedom? And what does that freedom look like to you?

Black Messiah, like Butterfly, is a good example of an album doing both, though I'd speculate D's album is less politically minded than Kendrick's. "All Day" on the other hand—which I've been bumping since it leaked—is Kanye fully free, just talking his shit and being unbothered with non-black eyes. Unapologetic isn't quite the word, because the record is beyond reckless and yet so overwhelmingly proud. "All Day" speaks to a kind of personal revolution, it's about the interior struggle to self-identify brazenly and not give a single fuck about anybody's feelings. It's, as Kiese mentioned elsewhere, about de-centering whiteness from the story. Thirty black dudes in all black mobbing on stage at the Brit Awards as Kanye raps, "I don't let em play with me/ I don't let em talk to me no kind of way/ They better watch what they say to me/ Niggas still gettin' popped on a day to day" is revolution (or at least a revolutionary act). It's a fearless step forward for us—blackness in the mainstream; blackness on our terms, not blackness filtered through a white gaze—and perhaps even more epoch-making given the value of black life in 2015 America. These dudes—Kendrick, J. Cole, Kanye, D'Angelo, Joey Badass, etc—aren't paragons of what black love and liberation should look like, but I think they are pushing forward in ways, and on a level, we haven't seen and heard in a very long time.

Clover Hope: God, "All Day" is like peak happiness. I've also had it on repeat and worked out to it (on repeat). I have a drafted tweet that says: "Let us read from the book of Yeezus 3:16: 'All Day,'" that I never posted. I'm sure I would've loved that song without any type of visual, but seeing it presented with a mob of blissful, blessed black men on stage (while the audience of mostly white people stands there) was so gratifying. There was one moment in the performance—I think it was Allan Kingdom who did this walking lunge move that looked like he was wiping a counter in a very swag way. I appreciated that. So it's sad to hear Kanye say stuff like "Racism is a dated concept" because I have no idea where he's going with that. In the same way that Kendrick and Cole are figuring out their semi-fucked existence, maybe Kanye is coming from a place where he's been there, having rapped a ton about black struggle, and he's now seeking personal peace without that burden. A targeted recklessness. I can't rock with his statements, obviously, because it's too dangerous a message. But, damn you Kanye for making me so conflicted while giving me music that makes me love us.

In my head, "i" sounds like a close cousin of "All Day" since they're both about emotional release. It's the second to last track on Butterfly, and Kendrick's rapping about taking things "one day at a time": "Dreams of reality's peace/ Blow steam in the face of the beast/ Sky could fall down, wind could cry now/ Look at me, motherfucker, I smile." I had a hard time connecting with it at first, even though I really loved the sentiment but now, having it in a broader context of both personal freedom and blackness, it's amazing. I've played it to cool off from the more anxious records on Butterfly. So Jason, when you ask: "What does that freedom look like to you?" I think it looks like finding some kind of inner peace (partially through the knowledge that our joy and pain is interconnected) and then finding a way to disperse that. Especially to the younger generation. One of my former VIBE editors Erik Parker wrote a great thing on my Facebook wall regarding Butterfly: "Hearing affirmations of blackness from one of today's premier artists is so rare it's revolutionary."

Yes, there's a ton of powerful black liberation music out there (thanks, Julianne, for that Back to Black link) and there are artists who've cared enough to say what Kendrick says. The knowledge is out there to consume. But these movements happen in phases and this dude is 27. The reason we seek out this music in the first place is to either release or contextualize real life demons and mentally audit the past to make sense of everything. As much as I absolutely love D'Angelo's falsetto freedom cries, I'm really glad some of this liberating music is coming from younger artists who can maximize impact. Their albums have such a sadness to them that I wondered for a minute whether young heads (like under age 30) would really digest it when they so easily dispose of everything. But they seem to be. I wouldn't underestimate. You see them participating in marches and rallies and you understand why for some young people, this music could feel like the mirror they never had because they didn't grow up 1) Seeing the shitty system operate on such a large scale and have it build up inside 2) Seeing someone spit that back to them in ill ways.

Also, I don't want to leave out artists like Tink who contribute on a less mainstream scale. She released "Tell the Children" not too long after the Darren Wilson grand jury decision and she's rapping about police brutality: "My people shed blood on the acres you had sold." The singing on it sounds like a young old-soul who just found a negro spiritual: "Tell the children to watch out. Keep running, running, running, running." I hope she can bring the black woman's perspective that's missing in all this because her stuff is personal and political and extra powerful because it's a forgotten voice.

Matthew McKnight: I'm inclined to give 'Ye a break on his assertions that class divisions are the new racism. Like Kiese said about Kendrick, Kanye is working—his interviews over the past couple years tell us so—and I feel fortunate to witness his work. But, more than that, to me, his claims reveal the confluence of racism and unbridled capitalism, which both compel people to operate from a place of fear, detachment, and insularity. Patriarchy, as you all have noted, works that way, too. And one of the externalities of those triple-terrors is confusion: from different vantage points, one or the other can seem more violent and more urgent to eradicate. But, of course, they all work together; they can't be separated.

So the moral position that Kanye is trying to stake out by lowering the barriers to high-quality fashion is much the same moral position that Kendrick stakes out on "The Blacker The Berry," when, talking to white people, he raps, "You hate me, don't you?/ You hate my people/ You're plan is to terminate my culture/ You're fucking evil!/ I want you to realize/ that I'm a proud monkey." Things gets scary for a lot of people, and more confusing, when the moral position that most people would articulate for themselves is called "Black," but, in a real way, there's a truth in there that has been borne out by American history: the moments of celebrated civil-rights triumphs began with the agitations of African-Americans and ended up with the extension of rights for all people; white supremacy, built on racism, capitalism, patriarchy, exists to obtain and exert power in ways that do not allow for the full dignity of others. Decades ago, James Baldwin warned us all about the price of becoming white. I wonder, now, in this moment of blackness, if we're beginning to see some costs associated with the identity and moral position that is being carved out. A more obvious one is that it further traps us in the language of racism. Lots of people are loving being black right now, so we might be okay with that. And there should be room for reveling in who you are and for healing. But I still feel like we'll need better words to help us think about who we are and who we want to be.

Kiese Laymon: Y'all are spinning the goldenest of gold in this piece. The really ill thing I understood after listening to the album for about six hours straight is that Kendrick might be one of the few populous emcees, who not only doesn't want to be white but doesn't want what whiteness affords white people. And I will die knowing that this white racial supremacy shit has fucked with white folks psychologically, intellectually, and soulfully more than it's fucked with any of us. I think it was near the end of the Bush regime when we started to hear black emcees use George Bush as a kind of proxy for ultimate power. "I'll George Bush the button."

We've seen emcee after emcee vie for the position of the most sexually manipulative, most sociopathic, the biggest accumulator of stuff, illest inventor of the most ig'nant catch-phrase (got to give Drizzy Drake the trophy for YOLO). But Kendrick, though again he's really at the beginning of working through his abuse of power in a heteropatriachal empire (like a lot us), isn't even playing the same lyrical and emotional game with these dudes. Drake, for instance, uses "nigga" over and over and over again. I wish someone would just say, "Aubrey, what is a nigga?" Or, "Aubrey, are you a nigger?" Or most appropriately, "What is your relationship to the nigger? Do you lyrically love black people? Where's the proof? Where's the work?"

I love that Kendrick and Drake, two emcees so vastly different can break Spotify in the same month, but I really wonder if the stakes are too high for vacant art and artists to continue to produce without anyone ever really calling them out for creating vacant, loveless art. I spent the weekend with young black folk from the middle of the country who have gone through 3 and 4 gas masks fighting for their right to love and live and walk through their neighborhoods without being murdered by uniformed reps of the state. Every black artist in this country needs to create with those folks and their love of us in mind. Kendrick is doing that while acknowledging that loving himself and us "is complicated."

And thank black Jesus, all the aliens and them, for Tink.

[Illustration by Jim Cooke]

Sgt. Bowe Bergdahl Charged With Desertion, Faces Life in Prison

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Sgt. Bowe Bergdahl Charged With Desertion, Faces Life in Prison

Bowe Bergdahl, the Army sergeant rescued last year after five years in Taliban captivity, has been charged with desertion and misbehavior before the enemy, according to his attorney.

Eugene Fidell, Bergdahl's attorney, told the Washington Post that Bergdahl will will face. charges under articles 85 and 99 of the military's Uniform Code of Military Justice. From the Washington Post:

Article 85, desertion, can be used to punish a variety of offenses, including anyone who "quits his unit, organization, or place of duty with intent to avoid hazardous duty or to shirk important service." The sentence for those convicted can include death, although that is highly uncommon and has not occurred since 1944, when Pvt. Eddie Slovik was executed by a firing squad after running away from combat duty in France.

Article 99, misbehavior before the enemy, is used to charge a service member who has run away in the face of the enemy, abandoned his unit, cast aside his weapon or ammunition or willfully failed "to do his utmost to encounter, engage, capture, or destroy any enemy troops, combatants, vessels, aircraft, or any other thing, which it is his duty so to encounter, engage, capture, or destroy."

Reuters reports that Bergdahl's hearing will begin April 22 in San Antonio. An official announcement is expected later this afternoon.

UPDATE 3:37 pm: Bergdahl has been formally charged with desertion with intention to shirk hazardous or important duty and misbehavior before the enemy. If convicted of misbehavor, he faces life in prison; the desertion charge carries a maximum sentence of five years.


Contact the author at taylor@gawker.com.

Taraji P. Henson's Son to Transfer Colleges After Racial Profiling

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Taraji P. Henson's Son to Transfer Colleges After Racial Profiling

In a new issue of Uptown magazine, Empire star Taraji P. Henson says that her son, 20-year-old Marcel, was racially profiled at the University of Southern California and will transfer to Howard University, her alma mater.

According to Henson, her son experienced two cases of racial profiling: one after being pulled over by cops in California and another while on USC's campus, for having his hands in his pockets. The anecdote, in full, via Uptown:

"My child has been racially profiled. He was in Glendale, California and did exactly everything the cops told him to do, including letting them illegally search his car. It was bogus because they didn't give him the ticket for what he was pulled over for. Then he's at University of Southern California, the school that I was going to transfer him to, when police stopped him for having his hands in his pockets. So guess where he's going? Howard University. I'm not paying $50K so I can't sleep at night wondering is this the night my son is getting racially profiled on campus."

USC's chief of Public Safety released a statement on Tuesday, saying that "any allegation of unequal treatment by university officers would trigger an investigation," as reported in Page Six.


Image via Getty. Contact the author at dayna.evans@gawker.com.

How to Have Shower Sex Without Hurting Yourself

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How to Have Shower Sex Without Hurting Yourself

Shower sex is pretty damn hot...in theory. But between height differences, soap in the wrong places, and slipping and falling, here's how to go to town on each other without the frustration.

Safety First!

Let's start with the obvious: safety. Sportsheets has an entire line of products that help you avoid slipping and falling mid-thrust. A single or dual suction locking handle can give each of you some much-needed leverage. You can even try out these suction handcuffs to add a little S&M flavor to your shower adventures! This suction foot rest can give you or your partner a place to prop up one leg. (Incidentally, it also serves as a handy resting place when you're shaving your legs.) At the very least, put a rubber bath mat on the floor of your shower. The dangers of slipping are real, people.

Don't Use Condoms...

Another important safety note: condoms aren't reliable in the shower. They are prone to slipping off more easily, and can degrade during contact with the water. So make sure you have a second mode of pregnancy and/or STI prevention.

...But Do Use Lube

Water will keep things nice and wet, right? Wrong! Water actually dries up natural vaginal lubrication, and can make penetration much more difficult. If there's vaginal or anal penetration involved in the sex you're having, you're going to need to use additional lubrication, even if you don't need it normally.

Water-based lubes will wash away, so make sure your lube is silicone-based. It can withstand contact with water for a pretty long time. Just don't forget to wash it off with soap afterwards, and keep in mind that silicone lubes can ruin silicone sex toys.

Do It Standing Up

Unless you have a shower worthy of MTV's Cribs, you're probably going to have a limited number of positions available to you. If you're having any sort of penetrative sex, your best bet is to be standing up, both facing in the same direction. The partner being penetrated can hold their hands up against the shower wall for leverage. The person doing the penetrating can also push against the wall or can hold on to one of the aforementioned handles. Try not to use your partner for leverage, as you'll be more likely to slip (and when one of you falls, the other will almost certainly fall on top of you).

One of the trickiest challenges of shower sex is dealing with height discrepancies. If one of you is significantly taller than the other, have the shorter person keep their legs closer together, and the taller person widen their stance or squat a bit. Don't ever try to stand on the rim of a tub! If you're around the same height, you can try standing up, facing each other, with the penetrated partner propping their leg up against a suction foot rest.

Don't Limit Yourselves to Penetration

Remember, intercourse isn't the only way to have sex, and other intimate activities can be be more suited to the shower. Fellatio enthusiasts can have their guy stand at the edge of the shower head's radius, so that the water is being deflected by his back and not getting into your eyes (it also helps to have a cushy bath mat to protect your knees). Or, use some silicone lube to give an extra-slippery handjob. Push your lady against the wall of the shower and finger her from behind. You can also bring waterproof (emphasis on waterproof) sex toys into the shower to help get each other off with less effort. The shower is also a great place for anal play, especially if you're usually a big squeamish about the back door. You get the reassurance of knowing that everything is perfectly clean right before getting started.

You can also use the shower as foreplay. Tease your partner by letting them to watch you clean yourself, but forbidding them from joining you. Or you can make out and taunt each other with your hands and mouths, then move out of the shower to finish each other off (perhaps on a sturdy counter in your bathroom?)

Give the Tub a Try

Bathtub sex doesn't tend to get as much attention as shower sex, but it can be just as fun. If you're having penetrative sex, the penetrated partner can get on top facing towards or away from their partner. They can prop themselves up on their feet, and can use their hands on the tub rim for even more leverage. Or the catcher can sit in the pitcher's lap, and they can grind against each other. Be conservative with how high to fill the tub unless you want to spend your post-orgasm afterglow mopping up the mess!

If you're lucky enough to have some jets in your tub, you can strategically line up against the stream for some delightful pressure in all the right places. Revel Body makes a product called the Sol that creates a wonderfully unique suction sensation in the bath, perfect for nipples and other sensitive spots.

Keep It Quick

I highly recommend going for a quickie when you're having shower sex. It can make the experience feel that much more intense and passionate, not to mention save you from sore limbs, pruney fingers, and irritation from soaps and other bath products. Remember; you can always continue after you get out!

Illustration by Tina Mailhot-Roberge.


Lifehacker: After Hours is a new blog aiming to improve your sex life. Follow us on Twitter here.

Do Television Meteorologists Have a Responsibility to Prevent Confusion?

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Do Television Meteorologists Have a Responsibility to Prevent Confusion?

Oklahoma City is one of the most threatened cities in the United States when it comes to severe weather. At least once a year—often more than that—nature throws violent tornadoes, enormous hail, and destructive winds at the city on the plains. That's why many people have found it a little unsettling that the city's news stations have shrugged off any attempt at standardization and decided to do their own thing when they talk about severe weather.

Do these stations have a responsibility to prevent confusion among the public by using different terminology when forecasting the same severe weather event? This debate is raging among weather geeks on social media this afternoon, with even television meteorologists coming down on different sides of the issue.

One of the bigger weather stories over the past couple of months is that the Storm Prediction Center—the National Weather Service agency responsible for issuing severe weather forecasts—rejiggered their forecasts to make their severe weather outlooks less confusing to the public. Their forecasts used to run on a four-category scale: non-severe thunderstorms, slight risk for severe thunderstorms, moderate risk, and high risk.

Each of these categories correlates to a different probability for severe weather. Under the old system, when there was a low-grade risk (say, a 5% chance of damaging winds), they used to paint that area under a general risk for non-severe thunderstorms and slap a big "SEE TEXT" over the map to clarify a few severe storms aren't out of the question. Nobody but weather geeks ever actually read the text, so most people missed the fact that there could be severe weather even though the map indicated otherwise.

Do Television Meteorologists Have a Responsibility to Prevent Confusion?

Starting in October, the SPC added two new categories to their scale to solve the "hidden" problems of their old scale. The new scale, which runs from zero to five, was supposed to make communicating the threat for severe weather much easier! Enter television stations, which haphazardly use a mix of their own scales and the SPC's scale to make communication a mess.

Here's the SPC's severe weather forecast for today, showing a moderate risk for severe weather (mainly for hail up to the size of tennis balls) across a swath of Oklahoma and Arkansas, with the risk gradually lowering the farther you get from the region:

Do Television Meteorologists Have a Responsibility to Prevent Confusion?

These six categories and colors are widely used around the internet, with meteorologists and weather geeks alike circulating the agency's maps to alert their followers of the impending hazards. Television news stations have a different idea, and many of them use their own scales to warn viewers of potentially dangerous weather. This practice came to widespread attention on Twitter today after meteorologists posted screenshots of broadcasts from the three big stations in Oklahoma City.

Here's News 9:

Do Television Meteorologists Have a Responsibility to Prevent Confusion?

Here's KFOR/Channel 4:

Do Television Meteorologists Have a Responsibility to Prevent Confusion?

Here's KOCO/Channel 5:

Do Television Meteorologists Have a Responsibility to Prevent Confusion?

Ignoring the slight differences forecasts, none of them use the same scales or consistent terminology. News 9 has "enhanced" as the highest level of their four-category chart, KFOR uses the old three-category scale, and KOCO uses the SPC's forecast, terminology, and color scale.

It's not just Oklahoma City television stations that do this. News organizations across the country use their own scales. The Weather Channel has created their own severe weather forecasts and used their own three-category scale for decades: orange for thunderstorms, red for severe thunderstorms, and white for the area at "greatest risk."

On one hand, standards make it much easier to communicate risk to the public. If everyone uses the same terminology and the same color scheme, viewers and readers can get used to the idea that "moderate" is more serious than "enhanced," for instance. Standardized colors and terms in severe weather forecasts make it easier for everyone to understand what's going on without running the risk of confusion.

On the other hand, and whether they'll admit it or not, television news stations have a vested interest in eschewing standards and doing their own thing. If four local news stations all use different color schemes and slightly different terminology, it builds up their own brand better than everyone using a standard system—if you try to watch someone else, the forecasts they produce won't be what you're used to. Call it forced loyalty.

The larger answer lies in forecasters actually forecasting on their own. Meteorologists don't walk in lockstep, not even those within the National Weather Service. What if the chief meteorologist for channel 4 disagrees with the Storm Prediction Center's forecast? What if the meteorologists over at channel 5 disagree with both channel 4 and the SPC? Do they all just go with the SPC's forecast? Do they create their own forecasts using the same colors and terminology as the SPC, which could be seen as "mimicking" the SPC's forecasts without using the agency's actual predictions?

WeatherBug meteorologist Mark Ellinwood did a good job making this point on Twitter:

What if I disagree with the SPC forecast? Do I just pass along their forecast anyway? Is it my duty to use their work to "avoid confusion"?

We don't pass along the NWS snow forecast... we all make our own. Why is severe untouchable?

It's a tough question where the answer is up for debate. I'm convinced that there's a happy medium to be had between standardizing the terminology we use and allowing forecasters to practice their scientific art without worrying about walking in lockstep with Big Government Weather. Just like they do with snowstorms, stations can easily ignore the agency's forecasts and allow viewers to get weather information from the source they trust the most.

It's possible for stations to use the same terms and colors without having to copy the SPC's thinking. Television meteorologists should at least try to alleviate potential confusion, even if they don't believe they have a responsibility to do so. At the very least, they shouldn't use the same terminology as the SPC but in a different order, as News 9 does by putting "enhanced" as the worst category, where it's a three out of five on the agency's scale.

Even if you think that the SPC's own terms—marginal, slight, enhances, moderate, and high—are ambiguous, each category comes with a number attached to it. In a couple of years, I wouldn't be surprised if saying "four out of five" is more common than saying "moderate risk," as it eliminates ambiguity altogether.

Preventing confusion should be towards the top of the list for meteorologists—after all, what good is your forecast if your audience doesn't understand it?—but as long as ratings, brands, and egos are on the line, the debate will rage on without resolution.

[Oklahoma City skyline: AP | SPC outlook graphic: NWS Fort Worth | severe weather map by the author | screenshots of News 9, KFOR, and KOCO via Tim Ballisty on Twitter]


You can follow the author on Twitter or send him an email.

500 Days of Kristin, Day 59: Sold for $5.99

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500 Days of Kristin, Day 59: Sold for $5.99

On the 58th day of Kristin, I revealed that I had recently discovered a rare piece of Kristin Cavallari memorabilia on eBay: a magazine page advertising a little-seen reality show called Get This Party Started, hosted by Kristin. The bidding started and ended at $5.99, and today I can reveal that the high bidder was: me! I did it. (I also paid an additional $3.00 for standard shipping.)

Before I was to claim my prize, however, the seller had a question for me. I received her query via email:

500 Days of Kristin, Day 59: Sold for $5.99

This was a sobering communication to receive, because it reminded me that 1) to the professionals at eBay, I looked like just another eBay n00b in way over my head, 2) I created an eBay account specifically to buy a ripped out magazine page advertising a failed Kristin Cavallari reality show, and 3) this purchase was a tremendous waste of six dollars (plus three dollars shipping); such a tremendous waste that even the person selling the item was concerned she was tricking me into buying it.

I decided to purchase the ad page all the same. Here it is, encased in the plastic it came in, so that it may be preserved after I die:

500 Days of Kristin, Day 59: Sold for $5.99

The other side is an advertisement for the now-defunct mobile company Amp'd Mobile.

While I will certainly appreciate this artifact of a January long gone by for years to come, I unfortunately was unable to glean much more information about Get This Party Started from it, apart from 1) the claim that the show was "the coolest party with the hottest guest list" and 2) the fact that it aired on Tuesday nights. (For two Tuesday nights, anyway.)

So let me put out another call for tips: Did you ever see the show? Attend one of the parties? Meet Kristin in real life? Reader stories have already started rolling in (on which more later), but we have only begun to get this Get This Party Started party started.

Leave your tips in the comments below or email them to me directly at allie@gawker.com.


This has been 500 Days of Kristin.

[Photo via Getty]


World's Smallest Chihuahua Is Not Small Where It Counts (His Dick) 

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World's Smallest Chihuahua Is Not Small Where It Counts (His Dick) 

Today, the Daily Mail brings us the story of Toudi, a three-month old chihuahua small enough to fit in the palm of your hand. Look at the tiny guy. Awwwwww. What a cutie. Awwwwwwww. Awwwwwwwwwwww... look at that huge dick.

Look at this damn dog's dick.

World's Smallest Chihuahua Is Not Small Where It Counts (His Dick) 

His dick is half the size of his leg.

Way to go, big guy. We should all be so lucky...

This Week in Tabloids: Tom Cruise Hasn't Seen Suri in 540 Days

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This Week in Tabloids: Tom Cruise Hasn't Seen Suri in 540 Days

Welcome to Midweek Madness, in which two 30-year-old blondes have a passive-aggressive conversation after their Pilates class where one's like, "Oh, you're so good for going twice today, I usually do that but I had my baby shower" and the other's like, "Oh my god but I'm normally so bad, I just went twice because I'm eating out so much to celebrate my engagement" and you enthusiastically throw yourself down the stairwell screaming that you could have had it all.

This week, everyone hates everyone; Kylie Jenner and Selena Gomez *BOTH* want *BUTT IMPLANTS*, Taylor Swift's banging Calvin Harris, and Harry Styles gets $800 sheep placenta facials like the totally hot and interesting dude he is. Let's just dive right in.


This Week in Tabloids: Tom Cruise Hasn't Seen Suri in 540 Days

Life & Style

Addicted to Cocaine

Omg, it was just a huuuuge weekend, don't look at me like that. First, I have to note that there is a series of ads in this magazine consisting of pages that look exactly like Life & Style and feature the magazine's logo and typefaces except featuring teen witches in some show called Witch War. "Will Their Love Survive the Witch War," one headline asks. The answer is PROBABLY NOT, I BET, NOW THAT U ASK IT LIKE THAT. First up is the bitchy, mentally stunted "who's got the best [BLANK]" feature—which said that Naya Rivera's bronzer looked Oompa-Loompa-y a bit ago; she's half-black—is literally comparing eyelashes. Who had the best eyelashes?? Should your eyelashes really be required to have a "look"??? Well, Teresa Ikea Monkey Guidice's eyelashes "looked crazy" in prison and she said that prison is "starting to take control" of her, which seems like what it's supposed to do.

Here is hands down the best story in all of these tabloids this week: Donald Trump went to an LA restaurant on whose walls there is a portrait of Donald Trump wearing a rooster on his head. That's amazing. They shouldn't have taken it down, they should have made him sit under it. Jessica Biel "munched on mini turkey melts and vegetable snacks" with Justin Timberlake at a "Gourmet Chop Shop" in LA. Oh my god that couple just seems like they're having sooooo much fun with each other. Harry Styles gets $800 sheep placenta facials. Mine are even more expensive! Jude Law and his ex just had Law's fifth baby. You just keep fertilizing, Jude!

We have another reminder that Jezebel nemesis Ansel Elgort said, about Shailene Woodley: "I've never once wanted her sexually, which is nice." Our prayers are with Shailene as she recovers from the news that she's been spared a truly unpleasant experience. There's a thing noting that Rihanna is dressing more conservatively right now because she's doing promo for that cartoon movie, which I hadn't noticed, and she looks great anything she does.

Kourtney & Scott's $50 Million Split: apparently Life & Style has "exclusively learned that Scott Disick is addicted to cocaine." I literally don't know a single thing about this man except that he asks people to call him Lord Disick and he cheats on his woman a lot—so OF COURSE HE'S ADDICTED TO COCAINE. He has been "bleeding Kourtney dry," oh my godddd, someone take Kourtney to the hospital. He bought $11k of YSL boots? Someone send this guy to a work camp. Kourtney broke up with him as he checked into a Costa Rica rehab center, which sounds pretty awesome: it has zip-lining and waterfall trips AND uses ibogaine, which is controversial but really seems like th emove. There's a thing about how Miley is substance-abusing since seeing Patrick Schwarzenegger snuggling up to another girl, there's a thing about how Jessica Biel and Justin T are fighting over baby stuff (he supposedly wants to raise the kid in Memphis, while Jessica Biel wants Montana, LOL). The magazine also suggest that you wear arm shape-wear if your arms are jiggly. Arm Spanx! Let the women of America live or make Ted Cruz wear this shit too.

Grade: D (sitting across from Jessica Biel and making conversation about assorted vegetables)


This Week in Tabloids: Tom Cruise Hasn't Seen Suri in 540 Days

inTouch

540 Days Without Daddy

The witch ads are back, goddammit. Okay, here's a quote from Katy Perry in a new documentary about Russell Brand: "I think you're a genius and you make me look good. That's why I picked you." Emmy Rossum has to live next to Justin Bieber now, which blows. 86,000 racists signed a petition to get Kanye West to not do Glastonbury. Adam Levine threw a broken mic into the crowd in Toronto because he was pissed at it, and it hit a fan's head. Here's literally a spread of celebrities who are walking around when it's windy.

Next up, Nicole Kidman really wants to have a baby and is heartbroken about it, obsessed, and she's been cozying up to Chiwetel Ejiofor and talking about her problems on the set of The Secret in Their Eyes. "Diva" Keith Urban is mad about this and is like, can't we just focus on me and my sober companion that I have to have with me at all times?? Like Dante on Nashville? *wink* *steals all your money* Kim K is Team Kris and hates her dad now for all his CHANGES because she thinks her dad should just stick with the fam, and be more grateful to Kris Jenner for "making him relevant." Rob continues to be the only one leading the way in the family by turning to the dark side of reason and posting horrible things about his horrible sisters whenever he pleases. Apparently Taylor Swift has reached out to John Mayer to ask about doing a song together, eeeeenteresting.

Here's the cover story— it's apparently been 540 days since Tom Cruise has seen Suri (who's about to turn 9) in person. So says an insider, and they definitely haven't been photographed together since September 2013. This is bad because trust issues etc whatever. Katie Holmes only gets $400k a month in child support, but she can ask for more. There's an article that starts "It was like she was on a mission." and then launches into a story about Mariah Carey walking into a restaurant to order mozzarella sticks and lobster tail. Good for Mariah Carey! Apparently Scott Disick went to a bar with his rehab bodyguards on the way back from rehab. And apparently Zayn went home from the One Direction tour not because of "stress" or because everyone knows he's cheating on his girlfriend, but because he's sick of the band's "cheesy image"—this a story that doesn't mention Zayn's girlfriend thing, so hello Zayn PR Inc. WHOA AND NOW HE'S DONE FOREVER GUYS.

Grade: D+ (having to bartend for Scott Disick on the way back from rehab)


This Week in Tabloids: Tom Cruise Hasn't Seen Suri in 540 Days

OK!

New Diets That Work

Are you kidding me with this cover this is the most boring thing I've ever seen in my life. But first, here are the witch ads, as is tradition, and second, here is Drunk and Pilled-Out Jessica Simpson who is tweaking the F out when she does red carpet interviews. RIP Jess—she is having to be the "dean" of Teen Vogue's "Fashion University" and the duties are really getting to her. Kristin Cavallari and Lauren Conrad might be trying to get the same spot on Fashion Police: maybe they should just host it together and fight. Selena Gomez wants butt implants! "Is it possible to resemble a walking bottle of Pepto Bismol and still look absolutely gorgeous? If you're Rihanna, the answer is yes!" yells a caption. The assumption that everyone should look as boring as possible all the time is so incredibly boring too! IMPORTANT SHARK TANK NEWS: Robert Herjavec is ROMANCING his DANCING WITH THE STARS PARTNER, and his EX-WIFE IS NOT PLEASED OMG. Christina Aguilera flirted with Nick Jonas on the Voice and HER HUSBAND IS NOT PLEASED OMG.

I am really going to do poor coverage of this diet spectacular: I just ate four huge meatballs and a bunch of rigatoni at Gawker catered lunch and I'm still hungry. How about this: work out every day and eat protein and vegetables, that's literally how they all do it. OR, they take a fuck ton of Vyvanse, which is a great diet because that shit is insane and Britney Spears apparently went to rehab between Thanksgiving and Christmas because she was addicted to it. Apparently her dad controls her "styling, spending and diet," which sounds awful. More Scott Disick: he's gonna get $8 million from E! if he keeps going with the show, so he's superrrrr committed to getting better so he can do whatever he does on this show I've never seen. Taylor Swift is banging Calvin Harris now, related to the fact that Calvin just broke up with his girlfriend; they flirted at the Brits, he flew her out for a Vegas gig. Robin Wright injects exactly ONE unit of Botox into her face, twice a year. Also, this says WHOOPI GOLDBERG was vying for the role of Buttercup against Robin Wright? Why would she not get cast???????????

Grade: F (having "celebrity diets" be a phrase you've ever typed or said out loud, RIP me)


This Week in Tabloids: Tom Cruise Hasn't Seen Suri in 540 Days

Star

$120 Million Divorce!

Four out of four with the witch ads. " Mary's long-lost son. Is he human.... or a demon in disguise?" Well, now we know the answer, don't we. More about how Rob Kardashian called Kim the "bitch from Gone Girl" on his Facebook. She's a blonde now, I know! Kylie Kardashian might be trying to get FAT so that she can get her fat transferred to her butt. That is amazing—if it was painless and totally safe and free, I'd definitely get fat so I could do that too. Matthew Perry lost $20k at 6 a.m. at a casino in Los Angeles recently—where's the assistant to give you the Xanax and put you to bed, bro? Rumer Willis is caught in a love triangle with your mom, just kidding HER MOM, and also her Dancing With the Stars partner. Aww, teeny baby Ariana Grande is setting up a thing with an animal rescue group at her Madison Square Garden shows, and she's paying everyone's adoption fees that adopts at the show—what a good, nice baby, it's so cute when they're not afraid of dogs!!! Demi Lovato celebrated three years of sobriety by going to Disneyland, a place guaranteed to make you want a drink. Taylor Schilling from OITNB is dating Carrie Brownstein?? MAYBEEEE?

Okay, here's the cover story: Faith Hill has kicked Tim McGraw out of the house. He is living at the "estate" near their "mansion," which sounds just awful. They had a fight after the Oscars, it's because Tim was maybe cheating, maybe most recently with a "gorgeous young masseuse who traveled with him on tour," which, hahaha. Faith has had control of their assets since Tim got in a car crash with Kenny Chesney in 2008 (this is sounding like an episode of Nashville, and I like it) and now she's been emasculating him to the point of infidelity and they're both just GETTING TOO THIN. More Britney: her dad is so controlling with the money, supposedly, that she couldn't buy her son an iPad………….. OKAY GUYS someone needs to get this woman to the moon, or to a log cabin somewhere so she can just get some sleep and not be performing in Vegas.

Taraji P. Henson's college boyfriend was stabbed in a fight that he initiated in another couple's apartment, and the woman knifed him to death. THAT'S CRAZY, she's in prison now. Kris Jenner went to Cancun with Melanie Griffith and Dakota Johnson, who she's trying to sign under management. Probably not I bet.

Grade: D- (talking to Kris Jenner when you really need to take a shit)


Addendum:

This Week in Tabloids: Tom Cruise Hasn't Seen Suri in 540 Days

Fig. 1, Life & Style

This Week in Tabloids: Tom Cruise Hasn't Seen Suri in 540 Days

This Week in Tabloids: Tom Cruise Hasn't Seen Suri in 540 Days

Fig. 2 & 3, inTouch

This Week in Tabloids: Tom Cruise Hasn't Seen Suri in 540 Days

Fig. 4, Life & Style

Psychos Behead Goat in Gruesome Backyard Video

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A tipster forwarded us this video, purportedly of a group of Tulane University students beheading a goat.

The clip, first obtained by the Louisiana SPCA, depicts a man decapitating the goat, which is suspended in the air by its head over a plastic kiddie pool. The man slices the goat's head off with a machete while others cheer on. For a few moments after losing its head, you can see the goat's legs continuing to kick and its tail continuing to wag. Poor goat.

This is apparently the second goat-beheading in the New Orleans area in the past few months: The Advocate reports that the headless body of a three-month-old pygmy goat named Calvin was found in a park in January.

Update, 6:35 p.m.: A rep for Tulane sent along the following statement: "Tulane University has fully investigated this matter and we have no evidence to suggest that this video involves or is related to any member of the Tulane community."

And Alicia Haefele, an SPCA spokesperson corroborates, writing, "At this time, we can say that there is currently no evidence pointing to Tulane students being involved."

Contact the author at aleksander@gawker.com .

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