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Author of That Horrible Snowden Article Has Even Worse CNN Interview

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Over the weekend, the Sunday Times published an article quoting British government sources claiming that China and Russia had hacked Edward Snowden’s NSA files, putting agents in danger. Where was the proof? Reporter Tom Harper appeared on CNN last night to explain: “Well, uh, I don’t know, to be honest with you.”

Harper’s co-authored Sunday bombshell, “British Spies Betrayed to Russians and Chinese,” asserted that the U.K.’s MI6 spy agency had had “to pull agents out of live operations in hostile countries” because Chinese and Russian officials had uncovered their identities using Edward Snowden’s trove of NSA documents. As one British Home Office official told Harper and his colleagues, Snowden had “blood on his hands.” Over the weekend, tons of American commentators—liberal and conservative—took the Times’ ball and ran with it, eager to seize on it as proof that Snowden was a security-destroying, spy-killing snake in the grass.

What was the British government’s evidence? That’s what Harper went on TV to explain to CNN anchor George Howell early Monday morning London time. As you can see in the clip above, it did not go well. In fact, it ended up being perhaps the clearest vindication of Snowden’s work to date:

George Howell: How do senior officials at No. 10 Downing Street know these files were breached?

Tom Harper: Well, uh, I don’t know, to be honest with you, George. All we know is that this is effectively the official position of the British government…

Howell: How do they know what was in them if they were encrypted? Has the British government also gotten into these files?

Harper: Well. Um, I mean, the files came from America and the UK. So, uh, they may already have known for sometime what Snowden took. Again, that’s not something that we’re clear on, so we don’t go into that level of detail in the story. We just publish what we believe to be the position of the British government at the moment.

Howell: Your article asserts that it is not clear if the files were hacked or if Snowden gave these files over when he was in Hong Kong and Russia. So which is it?

Harper: Well, again, sorry to just repeat myself, George, but we don’t know so we haven’t written that in the paper. Um, you know, it could be, it could be another scenario. When you’re dealing with the world of intelligence there are so many unknowns and so many possibilities, it’s difficult to state anything with certainty…

Howell: So we’re just really hearing, you know, what the British government is saying at this point. The article mentions these MI6 agents. Were they directly under threat as a result of the information leaked, or was it just a precautionary measure?

Harper: Again, I’m afraid to disappoint you, we just don’t know…

Howell: So essentially you’re reporting what the government is saying, but as far as the evidence to substantiate it, you’re not really able to comment or to explain that at this point. Right?

Harper: No… obviously when you’re dealing with intelligence, you know, it’s the toughest nut to crack. And, um, unless you actually have leaked intelligence documents, like Snowden had, it’s very difficult to say anything with certainty.

So, to summarize: We have no proof that there was any harm, except what the British government has said; there’s no way to back up what they’ve said; if you want to know what’s going on in the intelligence world, well... you’ve gotta have a leak like Snowden’s.

Reactions to Harper’s interview from journalists and activists on Twitter were swift and near-unanimous.

Of course, none of this is evidence that Snowden’s pilfered NSA data hasn’t gotten cracked by “bad” countries with bad effects. But in the absence of evidence, the willingness of otherwise intelligent people to believe he’s all saint or all sinner leads them to make increasingly stupid choices, like arguing over a Sunday Times article by a poor, simple government stenographer.


Contact the author at adam@gawker.com.
Public PGP key
PGP fingerprint: FD97 D50A DE57 3943 4534 1A49 FA8B 74B4 A7A0 07BE


Improvised Explosive Devices Are Reducing Our Freedoms

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Improvised Explosive Devices Are Reducing Our Freedoms

Improvised explosive devices, those deadly roadside bombs that became the biggest killer in Iraq after the 2003 war, have now transformed into a meme for terror everything. And terror everything, overseas and at home, is best manifested in what the military likes to call hybrid war, which also happens to be a dangerous and democracy-smothering splicing of military and civilian.

It is sheer marketing genius, because bombs do go off with some regularity, whether employed by al Qaeda and ISIS or the three C’s: criminals, cocaine dealers, and crazies. But now wherever and whomever the perpetrator, “bomb” has been rebranded as IED and turned into a supposed tool and act of terror.

And while our big wars are supposedly over in Afghanistan and Iraq, the once $10 billion a year counter-IED enterprise isn’t going away. It has in fact become the latest too big to fail industry, one intent not just on survival—relabeling everything to its benefit—but also attempting to enlist the human rights world in a civilization saving endeavor. And despite yearly decreases in the use of IEDs and overall casualties, even using the latest numbers of the IED special interests, the domestic threat is being touted as growing and demanding greater controls.

Earlier this year, Australian Brig. Gen. John Shanahan, commander of Australia’s Counter IED Task Force, presented the latest call for a Global IED Partnership to an international gathering in Geneva. IED’s have proliferated in the last decade, Shanahan said, and the extent of the domestic threats remains unclear but growing.

“There is no ‘peacetime’ in the CIED fight,” he said.

Improvised Explosive Devices Are Reducing Our Freedoms

The IED is a weapon of fear and intimidation, Shanahan and other counter-IED prophets say. Whether this intimidation is or isn’t synonymous with terror itself and thereby an unnecessary and redundant product off the fear shelf, to me it smells like psychological preparation to accept not just a massive intelligence dragnet to know everything everywhere but also government intrusion into everything from fireworks to fertilizer.

The first American casualty from a roadside improvised explosive device occurred in June 2003; the next month in an announcement of a soldier’s death, the U.S. military used the term “IED” for the first time. By the summer of 2004, insurgents began to lay “daisy chains” of roadside bombs (multiple, interconnected weapons) in more-precise attacks. Casualties exploded, killings and maimings, and the top military commander for the Middle East called for a Manhattan-like project to find the technology that would stop the killings.

The military’s counter-IED bureaucracy grew and the FBI and the rest of the law enforcement world were enlisted on the battlefield, providing forensics and ordnance disposal assistance. The technological effort grew with the enormity of everything that the two wars demanded—and the number of deaths indeed went down. Everything was thrown into the fight, but a strictly emergency military entity also evolved to take advantage of the best of what could be accomplished from the air and from within the safety of military bases. Which it also discovered wasn’t sufficient to “end” IEDs themselves, anymore than it was sufficient for terrorism.

And so as the warring persisted, this gigantic empire of “defeat the device” transformed even more centrally into a combined military-intelligence-law enforcement hunt to “attack the network.” Counter-IED everythings – armored vehicles, drones and sensors, jammers – sought to protect and then anticipate weren’t thought to be enough. Yet despite all of these efforts, by 2013 there were still 1,000 IED explosions a month in Afghanistan, as much a reality of rebranding and better record-keeping. But also the numbers that showed the inherent intelligence of this self-defining, self-perpetuating, and unassailable bureaucracy. Those doing the tracking started to identify more than 500 IED attacks occurring outside of Middle East war zones each month. The bulging databases grew, the number of worldwide IED events, they said, doubled year over year. Colombia saw the greatest number of IED events, followed by Pakistan, India, Russia and even the United States.

Improvised Explosive Devices Are Reducing Our Freedoms

The “threat continuum” by 2011 was being described as including everyone down to “the disenfranchised” and the domestic American threat gained traction as Pentagon and homeland security money became available to provide assistance to State and local police to join the crusade. Pentagon counter-IED head Lt. Gen. Michael D. Barbero made a presentation before a Washington audience calling for controls on common types of fertilizers. A federal government Joint Program Office for Countering IEDs was created to partner with the still $5 billion a year Joint Improvised Explosive Device Defeat Organization of the military, and then the Boston Marathon bombing provided the visual backdrop for action.

Improvised Explosive Devices Are Reducing Our Freedoms

One domestic U.S. initiative, little seen, has been to try to ban the use of calcium ammonium nitrate (CAN), a once common fertilizer product and a legally produced substance. The reason is because more than 80 percent of the IEDs used against coalition forces in Afghanistan were being made of calcium ammonium nitrate produced in Pakistan, so the “attack the network” strategy became how to control or regulate the use of ammonium nitrate. Some country-wide bans were put in place as was a a ban on its importation.

Go on the Internet and you can still buy CAN in small quantities, and from Chinese vendors, you can buy more. But as for U.S. sources, they are disappearing, even from just a couple of years ago. I spent about an hour looking up Calcium Ammonium Nitrate on the Internet, and then I began thinking about my own internet search and who was watching me. So that’s the IED intimidation; a threat to me and to you, pure and simple.

Gen. Barbero, in his various talks has spoken of a whole of government, whole of society approach that is needed in the United States to counter IEDs. We “can’t return to the days of ‘Hillbilly Armor,’ he included in one presentation, the exact meaning of such a government control statement unclear. With “attack the network” though and everybody tracking everything, including fertilizer, one thing is clear: The territory we call freedom is getting smaller and smaller.

[Photo via AP | Remix by Jim Cooke. All other images courtesy of author.]

You can contact me at william.arkin@gawker.com, and follow us on Twitter at @gawkerphasezero. If you are into the theater of being underground, you can anonymously deliver tips through Gawker Media SecureDrop.

Leo DiCaprio’s Model Percentage Takes Precipitous Drop During Sing-Along

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Leo DiCaprio’s Model Percentage Takes Precipitous Drop During Sing-Along

Leonardo DiCaprio, actor and founding member of the Pussy Posse, reportedly broke into song while dining recently at Harlem’s famous Rao’s restaurant. Surrounding him? Not models, if you’re wondering. Yes, you read me right I said: NOT models. (Except for one model, Kelly Rohrbach.)

Page Six reports DiCaprio and girlfriend Kelly Rohrbach (beautiful first name) were spotted dining with a bunch of dudes: former NYPD detective Bo Dietl; Richie Akiva, Leonardo DiCaprio’s best friend apparently and owner of his home-away-from-home 1Oak nightclub; Charles Payne from Fox News; and 70-year-old “millionaire space tourist” Greg Olsen. Huh.

They sang, also:

Sources said once the drinks started flowing, DiCaprio suggested a sing along, and, accompanied by a performer on the piano, diners at the restaurant all joined in.

Though it is easy to assume the song was Billy Joel’s “Piano Man,” Page Six does not, unfortunately, go into detail. This lack of information combined with Leonardo DiCaprio’s startling drop to a mere 16% model makes this surprisingly disappointing for a story about a DiCaprio-led restaurant-wide sing-along.

If you were in attendance at Rao’s during Leonardo DiCaprio’s sing-along and have any information regarding which song was sung, please contact me at kelly.conaboy@gawker.com.


Image via Getty. Contact the author at kelly.conaboy@gawker.com.

So Who Won the Game of Thrones? Your GoT Finale Questions Answered

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So Who Won the Game of Thrones? Your GoT Finale Questions Answered

What happened to Stannis? Who is next in line for the Throne? Is Daenerys going to be in trouble? All your Game of Thrones questions answered.

Every week this season, for reasons that not even I really understand, I’ve taken close looks at the background story and fan theories from HBO’s latest exploration of brooding masculinity and tits. Because these annotations are becoming increasingly useless as the show moves further and further away from the books (and because I kind of hated this season and want to stop thinking about it!), and more importantly because I don’t have the time to do an extremely close look, this week’s annotations will be a lightning round focusing on questions from readers and also from colleagues attempting to troll me.

so who technically has the true claim to the throne now? Any barratheon relatives left? What if tommen dies? — @numba_one_dunna

This is an excellent question, because it is extremely nerdy and demands an excessively pedantic answer.

Some background: As the show is fond of reminding us, the question of who technically has the true claim to the throne tends to be answered by first soldiers and only later by lawyers. When Robert and his allies in House Stark and House Arryn defeated the mad king Aerys, Robert made a claim to the Iron Throne based on his descent from King Aegon V, through his grandmother Rhaelle Targaryen. (Robert and Daenerys, on the show at least, are first cousins once removed; Aegon is Daenerys’s grandfather.) Both Daenerys and Viserys had stronger legal claims to the Iron Throne than Robert, but it is hard to make those claims without an army to back you up (hence Viserys selling Daenerys to Khal Drogo).

But if we accept that Robert has a good—if not “true”—claim to the Iron Throne, and if we include Cersei’s three children as his heirs, the line of succession from Robert goes as follows. (Note that Andal inheritance follows cognatic primogenture, allowing women to inherit titles, while Targaryen, and presumably Valyrian, inheritance patterns follow agnatic primogeniture, based on the closest male relative.)

  1. Joffrey Baratheon
  2. Tommen Baratheon
  3. Myrcella Baratheon
  4. Stannis Baratheon
  5. Shireen Baratheon
  6. Renly Baratheon

As you can see, this list of Baratheon heirs is also essentially a list of “people who are dead.” The problem is that after Renly, there is no clear path: The three Baratheon brothers have no cousins, as their father was (to the best of our knowledge) an only child. In other words, from the legal perspective of those in power in King’s Landing, Tommen is the last Targaryen.

So who would have a claim in the event of Tommen’s death? Daenerys, obviously, has the strongest claim. Tommen and Margaery could have children. Margaery herself would have a weak legal claim to the throne, but sometimes continuity (and control over huge land holdings and armies) makes the case for you. Gendry, Robert’s bastard, who was freed from Melisandre by Davos a few seasons ago, is still alive and could presumably be legitimized; Robert has several other bastards who could make decent claims. House Martell, which intermarried with the Targaryens on a few occasions, has a weak claim, as do House Arryn and House Plumm. But the real answer to “What if Tommen dies?” is: Several more years of wars of succession, and the strong possibility of the breakup of the Seven Kingdoms into independent territories.

who was the lady they hanged at the beginning? — @johnbiggs

The hanged woman was Lady Selyse, Stannis’s wife and presumed victim of suicide.

Was that a zombified Mountain? People are calling him Robert Strong, who’s that? — @jcfrancisco

There are not so many people who are that tall and strong in Westeros, so it seems fair to assume that “Robert Strong” is, yes, Gregor “the Mountain” Clegane, brought back to life by some illegal maester alchemy. Robert Strong is most likely just a fake and frankly not particularly imaginative name given to the zombie by Qyburn.

what the heck happened to arya in her last scene? — @kyleawall

Like most millennials, Arya has difficulty with impulse control and trouble suppressing her need for immediate self-gratification, and therefore makes a bad intern. In her final scene she is given a firm verbal warning by her supervisor for abandoning her assigned project and using company resources for personal ends (unlike Google, the House of Black and White does not provide “20 Percent Time”). The HR-mandated punishment is temporary blindness.

how far did that dragon take khaleesi and do the tough dudes recognize her as their old queen — @samfbiddle

Given how mountainous the terrain is, she’s likely still on the rocky border between Slaver’s Bay and the Dothraki wastes, so Drogon probably took her about 250 miles north.

It’s true that Daenerys was once a khaleesi, or queen, of a Dothraki khalasar, or tribe, when she was married to Khal Drogo. But whie the Dothraki who surround Daenerys at the end of the episode might recognize her in the sense that you might recognize Tessa Miller from Madison High, they don’t recognize her as “their old” khaleesi any more than you would recognize Tessa Miller as the Most Popular Girl You Know. For one thing, there are several khalasara and we don’t know yet if this particular one is descended from Khal Drogo’s; for another, according to Dothraki custom Daenerys’ title and powers were revoked when Drogo died. Even if this khalasar does recognize her, she has no power over them, much as Tessa Miller has no power over you.

dorne had no point. why did they do that? — @MathewKatz

the Dorne storyline is way off the rails any idea where they’re going with this? — @rpwalsh

Dorne was by far the worst-handled storyline in a season filled with badly paced subplots and oddly handled characterizations. Why bother? What did we learn from this storyline, except that whatever unit was handling these scenes had no clue how to choreograph fights, and that British and Kiwi actors can’t handle fake Spanish accents? What happened, except the death of a character we didn’t know or care about? Why not wait and do this in another season, or cut some chunks from some of the similarly boring side stories (Arya’s endless training seminar!) to give this just a little bit of depth or nuance?

Why’s Drogon so depressed? Are the Night’s Watch gonna kill all the Wildlings now? What happened to the King’s wife? — @HillaryCrosley

What happened to Natalie Dormer’s character this season, and (if she is still alive) what is going to happen to her? I didn’t watch at all. Thanks! — Anonymous via email

Do you think Loras is OK — @rilaws

Two answer Hillary’s first two questions: He’s a teenager, and probably!

Margaery—Tommen’s wife, played by Natalie Dormer—and her brother Loras were imprisoned by a group of religious fanatics, empowered by Cersei, who call themselves Sparrows. As far as we know, they are both still in jail; last we heard (from the so-called High Sparrow), both are set to stand trial.

why did Melisandre go back to the Wall? — @Young_Donald_

It’s unclear. But remember two things: One, Melisandre has at least some clairvoyant abilities and likes to pick winners (and honestly it doesn’t take supernatural powers to figure that the guy who burned his daughter to death and lost half his army is probably going to lose); two, she is a religious fanatic who believes that a messianic great hero will be resurrected to lead an army in battle against an unholy evil. So...maybe she figured there might be a great hero at Castle Black just waiting for some supernatural assistance? Or maybe she just didn’t know where else to go.

did sansa & lily allen’s brother off themselves? also what was jorah trying to do when he threw the spear last week? incite chaos? — @jordansarge

They were jumping into soft snow, I think. Jorah threw the spear last week to kill a would-be assassin sneaking up behind Daenerys.

will Grey Worm and Tyrion solve mysteries next season — @pareene

R’hllor willing.

why didn’t jon snow’s dire wolf save his life — @johnjcook

It was locked up somewhere, maybe? Maybe Alliser Thorne killed it? IDK man.

who won the game? — @AFC_Cameron

Honestly, it seems like...Roose Bolton? And maybe the High Sparrow?

as much as show has deviated from books it still hits the major plot points. do you think they’ll continue to track next season now that the show is more or less “caught up”? — @kept_simple

The party line seems to be that Martin has shared the broad strokes with the HBO showrunners, and even with deviations they’ll largely track. But this doesn’t seem to account for Martin’s clear inability to make up his mind, nor for the possibility that he’s decided to change everything—I would be very unsurprised to learn that Martin has decided to go with some weird new plot direction, not that I think I’ll ever see another one of these books actually published in my lifetime.

why did she drop that ring? — @AshleighByrne

I am reliably told that the showrunners say she’s leaving a Hansel-and-Gretel-style trail that she can be tracked from.

can the whitewalker dude raise any dead people at any time ie jon snow or the starks — @caseyjohnston

The powers of the White Walkers have not been enumerated to great specificity, but it seems as though the Night’s King (their apparent leader) can resurrect any intact human body within a certain radius, like WiFi. So, unless Jon or any of the Starks were burned, the White Walker could turn them into wights as long as he was close enough.

Why did the Dothraki ride their horses in circles around Daenerys, and was that a good or bad thing? — Lisarya

I think the answer is, “because the showrunners thought it would look cool,” which it did. From what I can tell there is no cultural significance to riding around in circles like that, and frankly it seems like a waste of energy.

what will the iron bank do now that stannis died. what do they even do to collect. did daenerys get diarrhea after she escaped — @leyawn

The Iron Bank is, unfortunately, shit out of luck. It’s unclear whether or not debt is discharged in death in Westeros or Essos, so it’s possible that whoever inherits Stannis’s land and title would also inherit his tab—but since he has no direct heirs, Dragonstone would likely revert to his “nephew,” Tommen, and the Iron Bank would simply be owed even more by the currently nonpaying Iron Throne. (Tommen or his handlers might reward a loyal supporter with the title and land, but what a poison pill if accompanied by debt!)

In an event, usually, when loaning to armies or campaigns, the Iron Bank “collects” on debtors by funding their opponents; last season, it extended a loan to Stannis as a hedge against Lannister/Iron Throne default. But now Stannis is dead, the Lannisters are attempting to renegotiate the terms of their loan, and there aren’t many good options—except maybe funding Daenerys.

they always say “winter is coming.” when does it actually come — @HamiltonNolan

It’s here! We’re in the early stages of what looks like a pretty bad winter. That’s why it’s snowing so much up north.

So did Jon Snow just not tell ANY OTHER NIGHT’S WATCHMEN but Sam about what he saw/experienced N of the W? Because everything that happened at Hardhome should only have reinforced how right he was and how important his actions were, no? — @alexmiz

LOL I guess not.

why wasn’t Stannis’ apparent death shown on-screen? — @CraigPlazure

Probably to create 12 months and thousands of bytes’ worth of intense message-board debate. But he’s probably dead. I can’t really think why they’d have him survive, at this point, or what he could even do or accomplish.

Your Most Ridiculous Car Sex Stories

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Your Most Ridiculous Car Sex Stories

Last week we asked our readers for their experiences with sex and cars. Aside from some obvious lies (nobody has room to have an orgy in a Miata!), we got some, uh, interesting stories. Be warned: dragoning is involved.


10.) Slaab On My Knaab

Reader Vin explains that road head isn’t exactly safe sex.

1999 Saab 9-3 convertible (this was literally the most dangerous thing I’ve done while driving - which includes snow-driving and trying to drive in a rainstorm with the top down).

Suggested By: Vin


9.) Buyer Beware

Had sex with this girl in her white ‘88 Honda Prelude.

Friend buys similar-looking Prelude years later.

I tell him story about back seat adventure and a particular “stain.”

He says, “wait, was her name XXX?”

I say “yeah!”

He angrily sells car the following week.

Suggested By: Mouse Gets The Cheese


8.) Not That Kind Of Bear

Quite a few years ago I went up to New Hampshire with my girl friend at the time visit her best friend. It was late fall and our plan was to spend the weekend staying at the friend’s house in the guest bedroom. The trip started off bad. I got out of work late, traffic was a mess, and we hit a bad storm and lots of fog. We get up there well after midnight only to discover that the friend’s extended family decided to come by unannounced for a visit and they had already claimed all the beds. My girlfriend and I ended up sleeping on an air mattress on the living room floor, with the girls uncle sleeping on the couch and snoring loudly.

The second night we were there, still on the air mattress, uncle still snoring loudly on the couch, when she starts getting frisky with me. I suggest this probably isn’t the best place for this, maybe we should try the car. So we sneak out quietly and hop into the back seat of my WRX and get busy. We’d been going at it maybe 10 minutes or so and suddenly she stops moving and gets real quiet... “Babe, is everything ok?”

“SHHHHHHH!!!” she hisses in my ear.

“What, what’s wrong?”

“Shut up... turn around very, very slowly...” she whispers again, her voice now trembling.

I do as she instructs and I see something in the darkness, a shape, moving around near the garbage cans next to the friends house, right by the door we just came out of. I squint my eyes to try and figure out what it is. “That’s not a person, is it?” I quietly ask, thinking one of the relatives snuck out for a smoke.

“I think it’s a bea...” she started to say when it turned to face us. Yup. It was a big ol’ black bear. We are both sitting there frozen, eyes fixed on the bear. The bear appeared to be oblivious at first, then it began to sniff, nostrils flaring, nose moving back and forth until it’s pointed in the direction of the car. He stares right at us and starts to take a step forward.

Damn! Can he smell us? Can he see us? Another step. Shit, what the hell am I supposed to do now? Fuck! What if he wants to eat us? Worse, what if he wants to join us??? Oh god no. Another step closer.

I don’t think we were there long, maybe 2 minutes at the most, but it felt like an eternity, staring this bear down in the middle of the night, from the back of a WRX, mid coitus. Suddenly, the bear turned and sauntered off into the woods. We waited for a few minutes, looking around the dark, hoping the bear didn’t double back on us before we decided to call it quits and sneak back into the house.

Suggested By: Snuze: Because The Slobalt Wasn’t Slow Enough


7.) Always Get The Insurance

This one is more than a little long, so here’s an excerpt. To set it up, let me just say that our intrepid driver was in a rental Chevy Cruze, just found a secluded spot in the farmland of rural Quebec.

[MIND BLOWING COITUS OCCURS]

I roll over on to my back, exhausted and look around, the windows are completely steamed up and I wanted some fresh air. I put some basics back on and step out into the crisp night and start to stretch. I hear my partner moan and the car shake. She’s a 5 ft 2 girl that weighs maybe 100 lbs - she can’t shake a Cruze?

Meh, making nothing of it I walk up to the front to grab a can of coke and some snacks and noticed a shadow on the hood. Well, it was not quite a shadow but a cow. Yes a FVKING COW was sitting on my hood leaned up against the tree. During coitus at some point a cow plonked itself on the hood and we didn’t notice.

Panicking my partner, scrambled to the front and tried to start the car and take off. Wonderful, she locked me out (still don’t know why I kept dating her) and fortunately for me she failed her driving test. She didn’t know how to drive so it went no where.

I convinced her to open the door and moved her to the back seat. Not knowing what to do, I tried yelling at the cow, talking to it and offering it cold hard cash. I was turned down, so I poked it for a while and then slapped it (sorry pita)from an angle. It finally moved, though clearly disgruntled.

I turned the car back on to assess the damage. The hood wasn’t coming up but everything sounded fine, the grill was crushed but lights were okay and functioning. Since it was a rental, and I had insurance I didn’t care. I grabbed a couple floor mats and used them to get out of the mud and carefully treaded back to the highway.

I drove another 700 odd miles with the car beaten to death and returned to the city with the Cruze looking like a drag car. The front was dented in and down, the suspension was definitely riding low (rubbing on bumps) and the white was primarily mud.

Upon arriving at the rental counter I had the forms already filled out for filing a claim and walked out with everyone’s jaws on the floor. The first renter of a car, puts nearly 2k Miles on it, destroys the front end with something clearly crushing it, smelling like coitus (this car was used often that weekend) and covered in mud.

Ever since that incident that branch has always been giving me full size trucks and SUVs for free...

Suggested By: Moves-Like-Senna


6.) Condoms Prevent Minivans

I had sex 2 times over the course of 5 years and the results now dictate my car decisions for the next 20 years. How fucked up is that?

This sounds familiar, Ash.

Suggested By: Ash78


5.) That’s Not What The Armrest Is For

Or is it?

In my mid 20’s I was hooking up with a petite single mother in her early 30’s (MILF). One time we had sex in my Honda Accord. She was sitting spread at an angle on the center arm rest/storage and I was kneeling on the driver’s seat. Those who have an Accord know the arm rest on the center console slides forward and back to allow short drivers who sit with the seat forward to use the arm rest. Well we were going at it pretty good and I started sliding her back and forth using the arm rest, sex swing style.

I’d like to embellish by saying the arm rest broke and I had a funny time explaining it at the Honda dealer, but it didn’t, in fact it held up very well and proved to add to what was an equally fulfilling experience. Instead I’ll just give a shoutout to the Japanese engineers who in trying to create an ergonomic cabin inadvertently created an excellent piece of sex furniture.

Suggested By: damnthisburnershitsux


4.) A 77 Fiat X/19 And The Emergency Room

When you are young and full of yourself you will try it anywhere and anytime given the chance.

Early 90’s and I was probably 20 at the time and had been trying to get with this one girl for months and when we finally manage to hook up at a house party she wants to go for a ride in my Fiat.

So after lots of giggles on her part and me trying to be the bad ass driving the Italian sports car.

We finally decide it’s time to find a place to park and things proceed to get hot and heavy between us.

Usually this would be the time to move things to the sloped nose of the Fiat. But she is worried someone might come up so instead I get the bright idea that we can manage it in the Tiny Fiat.

I start to pop the Targa panel off for head room but decide I could just I lower the hand brake and straddle the tunnel and slide a little forward so she could then straddle me.

As I begin to do this I feel an excruciating pain in my thigh. I look down to see blood everywhere and she starts screaming!

As I had started to slide forward I had ripped the Gator off the Hand Brake Handle exposing the front edge of the stamped steel and the mounting bolt thread and yes it was sharp. I managed to slice my thigh wide open.

Blood now covering my leg and the carpet I realize I may need the emergency room! She’s still screaming and panicking I calm her down and try laughing it off as no big deal and drive her back to the Party telling her I was just going to run home and change pants.

Ended up at the emergency room. Desk Nurse: and how did this happen? Me: uhm trying to have sex in a Fiat? Her stifling a laugh has me fill out the paper work. While I was doing this she had promptly spread the news. So every orderly, Nurse or Doctor that walked by grinned or gave me a knowing look.

12 Stitches later and a ruined leather driver’s seat and carpet I never managed to hooked up with the girl again after that.

Suggested By: KPKING


3.) Make Sure The Shifter Is Screwed Down

Yep, another ER story here.

In the garage after a date night last Christmas. My mom inside watching Downtown Abbey after putting the kids down. #marriedlife

In high school there was a girl (friend of mine actually) who became known as 5-speed after she decided to “do some stuff” with the shifter in her boyfriend’s Jeep. The shift knob came off. Yes. All up in there. Ended up at the ER. In a smallish town, no WAY everyone didn’t know all about it Monday morning.

Suggested By: Chairman Kaga


2.) Dragoning Doesn’t Work That Way

You’ve made it this far in this top ten. Prepare yourself for a whole lot of WTF.

This goes back a number of years back when you still have Chevy Celebrities plying the roads, namely because this involved my ancient 88 Celebrity (sadly it wasn’t the Eurosport, as if that made a difference). I was just starting out, I needed a car and I couldn’t afford anything better than crap, so crap is what I drove. It squeaked, it rattled, and the exhaust brackets were thoroughly rotted and rusted. You might think the first two are plot points, but not. That last part about the rotted exhaust brackets is, and it’s what makes things interesting.

A few nights before there was a rash of some punk slashing tires at my apartment complex, so my poor Celebrity was up on the jackstand looking like some ugly Chihuahua struggling to take a piss with the exhaust hanging down like its pathetic pecker. Thank god it was the weekend at least, but I was pissed that I had to spend it slapping the donut on. My then-girlfriend wanted to help in her own little way, so she came over with some weed. Some of you can already guess that “girlfriend” and “weed” usually mix in crazy shit ways.

Long story short, after trying to get some very rusted-on lugnuts off we took a break sitting on the curb smoking the weed. Sitting around bored and high turned into light play, and then my girlfriend started to get a crazy idea.

I guess that broken exhaust started to look like a pecker to her too because she turned to me and said “I’m going to give your car a blow job.” That was too long ago, and I was too high to remember what my expression was, but I imagine I was both too shocked and too stoned to either ask her what the fuck was going on in her mind or take her seriously. Holy shit was she ever serious though. Yes, she seriously got behind the car and put the exhaust tip into her mouth. No stroking, no back or fourth, she just stuck a rusted metal pipe into her mouth. A pretty big metal pipe too and I don’t think she realized until she did it.

I was pretty certain that was the end of it and that she learned her lesson from sticking a pipe that’s been in close proximity to road debris and never cleaned into her mouth. But nope! At this point you’re probably already guessing where this is going to.

Yes, she pulled down her shorts, her panties, and in the most awkward display that I’ve ever seen she proceeded to try to literally fuck my car. And she succeeded, to a certain extent, in that automotive components were partially engulfed within the human female anatomy. Not deep, just enough that it happened. It wasn’t very sexy to watch at all, all mechanical (pun intended). Her face just looked like someone trying to figure out how to get this thing inside her, like someone trying to figure out how to put a square peg into a round hole, so to speak.

At a certain point I just started yelling at her because I was worried she’d knock the car off the jackstand and injure or kill herself. She decided at a certain point that it wasn’t going to go in anymore but now she was stuck in a position where it was awkward for her to crawl out, so I had to hold the exhaust while she tried to slide out. She ended up with dirt and shit everywhere because she was basically crawling underneath a car, and I dare not think what she actually did to you know what. We broke up a while later but we never really made a thing of what happened that night, except it was pretty much the last kind of sex she ever got around me.

Suggested By: MyRigIsHigherThanYours


1.) Put It In Park

And here is the most painfully embarrassing story of them all.

When I was about 20, my girlfriend at the time got access to her dad’s 1970 Bonneville convertible on an lovely summer night. So, we went to a good spot out in the country to watch the submarine races. After the events, we went to get going, and the car. would. not. start. I wasn’t a total fool about cars then, but I didn’t see any way to figure out what was wrong on the side of a secluded country road at midnight. So, we finally decide to walk to her place, about 3 miles away, in the dark. I might have been wearing flip-flops. So we wake up her dad (who was a cop, the kind of guy who left his gun on the counter as a warning to me) and he drives us back to our favorite sex location.

We get there and the first thing he does is put the Bonneville in park.

Suggested By: bourgeoismiddleman

Welcome back to Answers of the Day - our daily Jalopnik feature where we take the best ten responses from the previous day’s Question of the Day and shine it up to show off. It’s by you and for you, the Jalopnik readers. Enjoy!

Top Photo Credit: The Old And Dark Recesses Of The Internet, via Jalopnik from 2010


Contact the author at raphael@jalopnik.com.

Lawsuit: Man Loses Testicle After Drunk Boss Yanks It During Boat Ride

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Lawsuit: Man Loses Testicle After Drunk Boss Yanks It During Boat Ride

A New Jersey man is suing his former boss for allegedly yanking on one of his testicles during an off-site “team building” meeting, causing severe damage that led to three surgeries and an eventual amputation, the New York Post reports. The ball-busting boss was later fired, but the victim says coworkers made fun of him for being sans one nut.

Michael Peacock and his coworkers at data security and storage company Iron Mountain went on a bar crawl and drunken cruise back in the summer of 2012. His lawsuit alleges that their boss, Richard Langtry, started to get aggressive as their day-drinking turned to night-drinking.

Outside the bathroom, according to court papers, Langtry “grabbed [Peacock’s] left testicle, squeezed it hard and pulled it down as if to rip it from his groin.”

Rip it from his groin.

Rip it.

Rip.

At 6’8”, Peacock was the big man in his office, physically speaking. In his suit, he suggests that his much smaller boss effected the traumatic ball-snatch in an effort to “bond with Peacock while simultaneously demonstrating his authority and dominance.”

That whole “bonding” thing didn’t go so well, and neither did the surgery afterward. Peacock lost the testicle after three operations, and he now alleges that he’s suffering chronic pain and sexual issues as a result. He says that although his boss was fired, he still suffered abuse from other coworkers “hazing” him with jokes about his missing testicle.

Peacock is also suing Iron Mountain for allegedly pushing him out of his job and cutting his pay after the incident, and the three venues that provided alcohol for letting Langtry get violently drunk.

[Photo via New York Post]

You Can Thank Genetic Engineering For Your Delicious Cheese

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You Can Thank Genetic Engineering For Your Delicious Cheese

It used to be that making cheese meant killing cows. Young cows, specifically—a few days old, at most. The stomach of an unweaned calf produces enzymes that turn liquid milk into good, hard, flavorful cheeses like Parmesan and Cheddar. These enzymes, called rennet, are secreted by mucous membranes that line the calf’s fourth stomach. Harvesting rennet the old fashioned way requires slicing this stomach open, which in turn requires slicing open the baby bovine itself. This, as they say, kills the cow.

Photo Credit: Anne Swoboda CC BY-NC-ND 2.0

For thousands of years, this was how we made cheese. Eventually, calf stomachs became a byproduct of the veal industry. But in the 1970s, America’s growing appetite for cheese collided with its mounting aversion to killing newborn cows. Anticipating a crisis of supply and demand, researchers turned to a then-unprecedented technology in food science: genetically modified organisms. The result was a genetically altered bacterium that produced cheesemaking enzymes in a beaker, instead of an animal’s stomach. This revolutionized the cheese industry. Today, the vast majority of cheese is made with enzymes produced not by baby animals, but genetically modified microbes.

By any measure, the use of GMOs in the production of cheese is among the greatest feats of modern food science. But today, that achievement is often ignored, disowned, and overlooked. At a time when “GMO” is, to many people, a four-letter word, companies like Chipotle are endeavoring to distance themselves from the technology, which they paradoxically depend on.

This is the story of how genetic engineering saved the cheese industry, and how it continues to satisfy one of our biggest culinary cravings in spite of society’s shaky relationship with GMOs.

How The Cheese Got Made

No one knows exactly when or where humans first discovered how to make cheese. Popular legend has it that an Arabian merchant first produced it accidentally, when he found tasty morsels floating in some milk he’d stored in an animal’s stomach. We know that humans living in what is now Poland likely strained their cheese using specialized pottery more than 7,000 years ago. The oldest preserved cheese, which dates to around 1500 BCE, was recently found alongside mummies in an ancient Chinese burial ground. Suffice to say, cheese has been a part of humans’ diets for thousands of years. It transports well, it’s nutritionally dense, and it is, of course, damn delicious.

Some cheeses, like paneer, can be made by heating milk in the presence of an acid like vinegar or lemon juice; but the production of firmer, longer-lasting cheeses requires enzymes that can break down and coagulate milk proteins. Early cheesemakers discovered these enzymes, called rennet, in the fourth stomachs of calves, kids, and lambs. Shortly after they’re born, these ruminants use their rennet to digest their mothers’ milk.

You Can Thank Genetic Engineering For Your Delicious Cheese

Normally, the fourth stomach stops producing this enzymatic cocktail when the animal graduates to a plant-based diet, so rennet has to be harvested from the organ’s mucosal lining before the animal is weaned. [Photo Credit: Roystan | CC BY-NC-SA 2.0]

Isolating it is fairly straightforward. Soon after a young calf is slaughtered, its fourth stomach is washed and salted. Some cheese makers cut the salted stomach into small parts, and use them to directly coagulate milk into cheese. Other cheesemakers use salt and vinegar to pull the rennet enzymes out of the stomach into a crude liquid extract (shown in video below), which can also be used to coagulate milk.

Excerpt from BBC’s 2009 Documentary, Victorian Farm, showing how animal rennet is traditionally made.

Isolated rennet helps turn milk into hard cheeses, which, unlike milk, can be carried over vast distances, unchilled, without spoiling. For thousands of years, the ability to store and transport cheese without a refrigerator made it an ideal food for merchants and travelers around the world.

In the 19th century, a growing demand for cheese, combined with the industrialization of agriculture, spurred cheese makers to move from farms to factories. Industrial output escalated. By the turn of the century, factory cheese production had rendered farm-produced cheese insignificant. By 1920, American factories were producing 418-million pounds of cheese annually; by 1970, the rate had risen to 2.2-billion pounds per year.

The cheese business was booming. But if it was going to continue growing, cheesemakers were going to need a lot more baby cows.

A Recipe For Disaster: Cheese Boom And Veal Bust

A lot of dairy goes into cheese production—about ten ounces of milk for every ounce of cheese. But a single, mature dairy cow can produce up to 20,000 pounds of milk annually. A typical cow is a member of its dairy herd for five years, though many remain productive for more than a decade. One cow, in other words, can generate enough milk to net you five tons of cheese over the course of its lifetime.

Rennet, by comparison, can only be obtained once from a single, young animal. This makes it a costly necessity during cheese production. To make billions of pounds of cheese, industrial chemistry is needed to produce large quantities of rennet. Recently harvested calf stomachs are chopped up en masse, and then chemically refined to produce rennet consisting of precise ratios of various enzymes, such as chymosin and pepsin, which are needed for consistent cheese production.

If a calf is already destined to become veal, one could argue that collecting its rennet isn’t a waste. By the 1970s, however, the demand for meat in general had also risen, making adult cattle a better investment than calves. Moreover, the concept of animal rights was gaining traction. The veal industry, in particular, served as a lightning rod for criticism, even from people outside of growing vegetarian circles. As demand for veal plummeted, more and more meat suppliers opted to let their cows grow up before being slaughtered.

You Can Thank Genetic Engineering For Your Delicious Cheese

Above: The Tillamook cheese factory in Tillamook, Oregon. Photo Credit: James Yu | CC BY-NC-SA 2.0

The supply of rennet dropped, leaving cheesemakers in a bind. They could pay top dollar for what rennet was still being produced, but this option had little long-term viability in a market hungry for billions of pounds of cheese. They could resort to alternative cheesemaking enzymes (various fungi and plants also produce enzymes that can make cheese from milk), but the resulting cheeses weren’t adequately tasty.

Or perhaps, with some luck, cheese makers could diverge from thousands of years of tradition, and come up with a better source of high-quality, milk-coagulating enzyme than calf stomachs.

Genetic Engineering To The Rescue

While the cheese industry scrambled for a new source of rennet-like enzymes, biology, medicine, and even agriculture were being transformed by the advent of genetic engineering. In 1982, Genentech earned approval from the U.S. Food and Drug Administration for the medical use of insulin produced by genetically modified microbes. It was more than a boon for medicine—it also showed that GMOs were a viable substitute for animals in the production of pure proteins. (Injectible insulin originally came from refined animal pancreases.) It stood to reason a similar technique could be used to produce the key enzyme in rennet.

Previous studies had shown that an enzyme called chymosin was responsible for most of rennet’s milk-coagulating properties. It would be easier, and more cost-effective, to produce mass quantities of chymosin in a laboratory than to harvest it from the stomachs of young calves—especially in light of the veal shortage. So companies began experimenting with inserting the chymosin gene into microbes.

You Can Thank Genetic Engineering For Your Delicious Cheese

In the late ‘80s, scientists at Pfizer successfully inserted the calf chymosin gene into Escherichia coli. This transformed the bacteria into chymosin-synthesizing powerhouses; the genetically modified E. coli strain could generate large quantities of the mammalian enzyme in the absence of the animals themselves. In 1990, the FDA approved Pfizer’s GMO-derived chymosin for human consumption, on the basis that it was identical to the chymosin found in animal rennet. It was the first artificially produced enzyme to be registered and allowed by the FDA. Moreover, virtually none of the genetically-modified bacteria used to produce the chymosin remained in Pfizer’s purified product. [At left: Transgenic E. coli ferments in a culture flask. The flask on the left had growth, while the other had little. Photo Credit: James Yu via flickr | CC BY 2.0]

In fact, the chymosin derived from GMOs was more pure than animal rennet. Called Fermentation-Produced Chymosin (FPC), it produced a more consistent cheese with less waste than an equivalent amount of crude calf stomach extract. FDA approval of Pfizer’s FPC meant the cheese industry no longer had to depend on the veal industry. It marked the beginning of a new era of cheese manufacturing.

Our Complicated Relationship With “GMO” Cheese

Today, it is estimated that 80—90% of cheese in the US and UK is made using FPC. The GMO-derived enzyme has been a boon for cheese manufacturing and cheese sales. The US produced about 11-billion pounds of cheese in 2013 alone, thanks in large part to the cost-effectiveness of FPC. The technology has transformed the industry, making it more efficient, more environmentally friendly, and less dependent on animals. It has also fanned the flames of our addiction; today, the average American eats thirty-three pounds of cheese per year, nearly three times the 1970s rate.

But FPC is especially interesting for the divisive role it plays in contemporary debates over the safety of genetic engineering, and the labeling of GMO foods. Most cheese is produced with FPC synthesized by genetically modified microbes. Should consumers be made aware of this? If so, how should they be made aware? It’s not as though the cheese itself is genetically modified. Neither is the chymosin that produces the cheese. Chymosin is a protein and therefore contains no genetic material. Any genes found in purified FPC would be present only in trace amounts, vestiges of whatever genetically modified microbe produced the chymosin.

Cheesemakers know this line of reasoning well. Chr. Hansen, a Danish company, manufactures of some of the most popular brands of FPC in the world. The company describes its FPC as “GMO-free,” because purified FPC contains little to no trace of the genetically modified fungus, Aspergillus niger, that produces it. (But because organic food cannot even be a byproduct of GMOs, Chr. Hansen states that its GMO-free FPC is not acceptable for organic cheese production.) Similarly, Tillamook, an Oregon-based dairy company, uses FPC for all but five of its dozens of cheese varieties. Tillamook representatives recently stated on the company’s blog that “after purification, the end [FPC] rennet product does not contain any genetically modified material, since it no longer contains DNA from the cow gene. It is considered non-GMO by U.S. food industry standards.”

Cheese, in other words, may be an unambiguous product of genetic engineering, but it is two steps removed from the genetically modified organism responsible for its existence. This raises difficult questions for consumers and companies with a taste for cheese and a distaste for GMOs. Is it right to love the sinner, but hate the sin?

Consider Chipotle. Last year, Kevin Folta, chair of the Horticultural Sciences Department at the University of Florida, publicly inquired whether Chipotle uses cheese made with animal rennet or GMO-derived FPC. Chipotle responded that its cheese is produced using “an FPC rennet that is not GMO.” If you’re familiar with the cheese industry’s reliance on GMOs, Chipotle’s answer comes across as pretty mealy-mouthed.

Folta told me that Chipotle never clarified its opaque response to his question. Folta questioned why soybean oil, made from GMO soy plants, was publicly eliminated by Chipotle on the basis of its GMO origins, while cheese made using GMO-derived FPC got a free pass. One might argue that cheese made using FPC is one step further removed from its GMO microbe than soybean oil is from GMO soy plants. Nevertheless, a GMO byproduct, and not the GMO itself, remains in both final products.

You Can Thank Genetic Engineering For Your Delicious Cheese
Rebecca Siegel CC BY 2.0

It’s useful to have debates about the role of technology in our food supply, but GMO FPC has clearly changed the cheese industry for the better. Culturing microbes in a lab to make FPC is better for the environment than raising animals to make rennet, and chymosin is easier to purify from microbes than from animal organs. It’s safe to assume that even though Chipotle claims to have gone GMO-free, the FPC used to make its cheese is still sourced from GMOs, just like the sugar in its sodas, and the feed used to raise its meat.

What Cheese Do You Eat?

If you’re a vegetarian, your best bet is to eat cheeses made with FPC. If you’re anti-GMO, you’re better off eating cheese labeled “organic,” as these cheeses are made with either calf rennet, or lesser-quality plant or microbial enzymes. If you’re vegetarian and anti-GMO, your options are pretty limited.

I spoke via email with Michael Jensen, the Global Marketing Manager of Chr. Hansen, and he stated that good cheese is generally made with either FPC or calf rennet. Alternatives to either form of chymosin may satisfy a moral hunger, but not a foodie’s tastebuds: “The main challenges with non-chymosin products are, among others, bitterness, faster texture degradation and lower cheese output,” he says.

For good organic cheese, and many of the highly-regulated, famous cheeses of France and Italy, animal rennet is the go-to enzyme, though “FPC-based cheeses do compete very well,” according to Jensen. Others have also noted that Chr. Hansen cannot sell FPC to cheese makers in its home country of Denmark, due to local GMO regulations.

However, animal rennet must come from unweaned calves. If you are vegetarian, FPC-based cheeses are probably the way to go. FPC is often labeled as “vegetarian rennet,” though some vegetarians may take issue with the origin of FPC microbe strains, which involved the one-time insertion of animal DNA into those microbes. Further confusing the issue, FPC can also be labeled as “vegetable rennet” (the microbes that produce FPC thrive on vegetable-based nutrients), or “microbial rennet” (which could either refer to FPC, or to the lesser enzymes that are naturally found in other microbes).

There’s no way around it: if you want to know exactly how your cheese was made, you may need to do more than a little digging - and you might run into the same ambiguities that Folta encountered with Chipotle. FPC may not contain any GMOs, but GMOs are the key to producing FPC.

You Can Thank Genetic Engineering For Your Delicious Cheese

Tim Lucas CC BY 2.0

Lastly, if you find the milk that goes into cheese is itself bothersome from an animal rights standpoint, rest assured that scientists are currently attempting to recreate the biosynthesis of cow’s milk in GM microbes. Real Vegan Cheese is a startup that aims to produce cheese exclusively with GMOs. Some vegan groups have pushed back against the vegan movement’s broad opposition to GMOs, in recognition that GMOs could make food production less dependent on animal lives. Regardless, it’ll be some time before we successfully source cow’s milk from the lab.

It’s up to you whether you consider FPC to be a GM food, vegetarian, or just a modern solution to an old problem, but it is undeniable that using genetically engineered microbes to make FPC has saved countless animal lives while keeping the cheese industry afloat. For that, we should be grateful.

Rachel Dolezal Sued Howard University for Racial Discrimination in 2002

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Rachel Dolezal Sued Howard University for Racial Discrimination in 2002

Former Spokane NAACP president Rachel Dolezal sued Howard University in 2002 for allegedly discriminating against her because she’s white, according to court documents obtained by the Smoking Gun. Dolezal, who has claimed to be black for several years, said the school refused to hire her for teaching posts and denied her scholarships because of her race.

Dolezal, who went by Rachel Moore then, reportedly filed the suit against Howard and Professor Alfred Smith, the chairman of the university’s art department, in Washington DC’s Superior Court. From the Smoking Gun:

According to a Court of Appeals opinion, Dolezal’s lawsuit “claimed discrimination based on race, pregnancy, family responsibilities and gender.” She alleged that Smith and other school officials improperly blocked her appointment to a teaching assistant post, rejected her application for a post-graduate instructorship, and denied her scholarship aid while she was a student.

The court opinion also noted that Dolezal claimed that the university’s decision to remove some of her artworks from a February 2001 student exhibition was “motivated by a discriminatory purpose to favor African-American students over” her.

As detailed in the court opinion, Dolezal’s lawsuit contended that Howard was “permeated with discriminatory intimidation, ridicule, and insult.”

The lawsuit was dismissed in February 2004, after Judge Zoe Bush found no evidence that Dolezal was discriminated against. Dolezal was ordered to reimburse the school for $2758.50 for a “Bill of Costs” and another $1000 for an “obstructive and vexatious” court filing.

Dolezal resigned her post as president of Spokane’s NAACP chapter earlier today, just four days after her parents told several publications that their daughter was white.


Contact the author at taylor@gawker.com.


Here's What You Need to Know About the Tropical System Aiming for Texas

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Here's What You Need to Know About the Tropical System Aiming for Texas

A major flash flood event could unfold over the next couple of days as what is likely to become Tropical Storm Bill limps its way towards Texas. What the storm lacks in vivacity it will more than make up for in intense rainfall. The storm will produce flooding rains from Houston to New York City, causing major flash flooding in areas that already have more water than they can handle.

Here's What You Need to Know About the Tropical System Aiming for Texas

The system—which is officially called “Invest 91L” right now—is attempting to develop in the favorable atmosphere over the Gulf of Mexico at this hour, but a Hurricane Hunter aircraft that flew into the storm this morning did not find a closed area of low pressure at the surface. The storm is producing 45 MPH winds, however, so it is the strength of a tropical storm without actually being one. The effects are still the same whether or not it becomes Tropical Storm Bill.

There’s No Such Thing as “Just” a Tropical Storm

Texas is the one part of the country that doesn’t need to be told that even something that’s “just” a tropical storm is dangerous. We recently passed the 14th anniversary of Tropical Storm Allison, a system that made landfall in Texas and stalled over the state for a week, dropping more than three feet of rain in the region, causing catastrophic flooding that killed dozens of people and produced billions of dollars in damage.

That being said, the two storms are nothing alike. PossiBill won’t stall out, but rather it’s forecast to loop around the big ridge of high pressure that’s currently baking the southeastern United States in a record-breaking heat wave. This morning’s run of the models pretty much agree on the general track that the system will take (whether or not it fully develops), and it’s not looking too good for areas already inundated by rainfall over the past couple of months.

Track Is Everything

Here's What You Need to Know About the Tropical System Aiming for Texas

Above is a spaghetti model plot showing the potential track of the center of the storm according to various runs of the major weather models this afternoon. It’s clear that the system will make landfall somewhere between Corpus Christi and Galveston, moving through Texas before hooking northeast and eventually east around the dome of heat in the southeast. The ultimate track of the storm is key in who sees how much rain—the majority of the precipitation will likely be along and to the east of the storm’s track, so just about any of these potential tracks puts Houston in a bad spot for flooding.

Flooding

Here's What You Need to Know About the Tropical System Aiming for Texas

While any gusty winds are dangerous when the soil is this saturated (it won’t take much to down trees and power lines), the greatest threat with possiBill will be flash flooding. The big weather story over much of the past couple of months has been the incredible amount of rain that’s fallen over Texas and Oklahoma, with flash flooding in just about every major city from San Antonio to Oklahoma City.

The Weather Prediction Center expects that this system will add to those totals in earnest, with many areas (especially in eastern Texas) exceeding seven inches of rain under the heaviest showers and thunderstorms that spiral through the area. While the focus is on Texas due to the recent flooding, heavy rain is expected all along the path of possiBill’s remnants—a swath of five or more inches of rain is possible from Houston through cities like Joplin, St. Louis, Indianapolis, Columbus, and Pittsburgh. Again, exact totals will differ based on location and the ultimate track of the storm, but it’s a good idea of what to expect if you live in any of the areas affected by this system.

Here's What You Need to Know About the Tropical System Aiming for Texas

Flash flood watches are already in effect for much of Texas and parts of the Midwest and Great Lakes region, and these watches will likely fill in across possiBill’s predicted track as confidence increases in the likelihood of a high-impact, high-water event. The watches up near the Great Lakes are also in place for the daily regime of pop-up thunderstorms that’s plaguing the region thanks to the heat wave down south; the latest flash flood guidance shows that it’ll only take about one inch of rain falling in a three-hour window to trigger flash flooding across much of Ohio and western Pennsylvania.

How to Prepare Ahead of Time

Here's What You Need to Know About the Tropical System Aiming for Texas

If you live in a flood zone, you likely already know the drill. Make sure you have a plan in place in case you need to quickly head to higher ground, keeping in mind that one or more of your escape routes could be inaccessible. If you don’t live in a flood zone (or don’t know), don’t assume you’re completely safe from rising waters. Keep an eye on flash flood warnings issued by your local National Weather Service office and keep checking outside to make sure you’re not suddenly an island in the middle of a rising ocean.

Keep your cell phone charged, your gas tank at least half full, and make sure you can quickly access cash, important documents, and enough prescription medication to last you a couple of days if you need to evacuate in a hurry or if the power goes out. Cash is especially important in the latter instance—your cards are worthless pieces of plastic if the power goes out or the telephones go down.

Not many people can afford to put their lives on hold for some heavy rain, so just about everyone affected by the storm over the next couple of days will go about their day to the best of their ability. Be proactive about your own safety. If you know that one of the roads on your route to work or school or home has a tendency to flood, find alternate routes now so you don’t get stuck or, worse, trapped in floodwaters.

Last, but not least, do not drive through a flooded roadway. Assume you won’t make it. Even if you theoretically could make it, assume you won’t. It’s not worth the risk. It only takes a couple of inches of swiftly-moving water to sweep you off of your feet, and it doesn’t take much more to strand a vehicle or sweep it away. Even the largest, most testosterone-dripping pickup trucks can easily get caught in high water and put passengers in the same scenario as someone driving a Smart Car.

The majority of flood deaths in the United States occur when people drive into high water and drown before help can arrive. Not only do people risk their own lives by driving through a flooded roadway, but they risk the lives of the men and women who have to go into the flood to rescue them or recover their dead bodies.

Keep an eye on the National Hurricane Center (hurricanes.gov) and the National Weather Service (weather.gov) over the next couple of days to keep up with the latest forecasts and warnings associated with this system, whether or not it becomes a tropical storm. And, as always, keep checking with The Vane for more detailed weather analysis and information on this and any other disasters looming on the horizon.

[Maps: author | Satellite: NASA | Image of flooding on I-45 in Houston on May 26, 2015: AP]


You can follow the author on Twitter or send him an email.

500 Days of Kristin, Day 141: Kristin's App (Updates)

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500 Days of Kristin, Day 141: Kristin's App (Updates)

Important message from Kristin Cavallari via the Official Kristin Cavallari App for iPhone and Android: there is an “exciting update” coming to the app. What could it be?

This isn’t the first time Kristin’s app has gotten a delicate, barely-detectable “enhancement.” In 2014, the app was launched (update #1). Now Kristin says that even bigger things are coming. “Can’t wait for you guys to see the exciting update coming to the app!” she wrote on her app. “In the meantime, check out some behind-the-scenes photos from a shoot I did with Jay and the kids for my book Balancing in Heels!”

If you would like to view those photos, you can simply open your phone and then walk it straight over to a medical professional, who should keep it from you until you are well.

Until then, here are some screenshots of Kristin’s app in its current state, for reference:

500 Days of Kristin, Day 141: Kristin's App (Updates)

500 Days of Kristin, Day 141: Kristin's App (Updates)

How could one improve this app?

Maybe she’s going to delete it.


This has been 500 Days of Kristin.

[Photo via Getty]

#BREAKING Jeb Bush says, 'I am a candidate for president'June 15, 2015

24-Year-Old Has Spent a Quarter of His Life Inside Rikers Without Trial

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24-Year-Old Has Spent a Quarter of His Life Inside Rikers Without Trial

The horrors of life inside Rikers Island are well-documented—and many of the people who are subjected to them have never been convicted of a crime. A week after the suicide of Kalief Browder, the New York Post reports on a man who has spent the last six years and eight months at Rikers awaiting trial.

Carlos Montero, 24, was arrested as a teenager in October 2008. Prosecutors allege that he was present at the scene of a Washington Heights robbery in which one of his friends fatally stabbed a man while robbing him of his jacket and another friend slashed a man who was attempting to flee. Montero maintains his innocence, and told the Post that he wasn’t even present that night.

The baffling pretrial delay apparently stems from the fact that Montero’s case is being heard together with the other men—one of whom is engaged in a lengthy battle with prosecutors over the veracity of DNA evidence. Montero’s attorney attempted to have his client’s case heard separately, the Post reports, but a judge denied the request. Civil rights lawyer Ron Kuby told the Post that Montero’s was the longest pretrial detention he’d ever heard of in New York.

Kalief Browder, who died by suicide this month after becoming a kind of public face for long pretrial detentions at Rikers, was arrested for allegedly stealing a backpack as a 16-year-old in 2010 and released after charges against him were dropped in 2013.

Montero told the Post that he is “depressed” in Rikers, and that he wants to go home. When asked about Browder, he said “I don’t think about killing myself because I love myself. I still think I can get justice.”


Image via AP. Contact the author at andy@gawker.com.

Reports: Prison Worker Wanted Escapees To Murder Her Husband

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Reports: Prison Worker Wanted Escapees To Murder Her Husband

Joyce “Tillie” Mitchell, the prison employee who stands accused of facilitating the jailbreak of convicted murderers Richard Matt and David Sweat, is already in big trouble, but if new reports are correct, things may get way worse. According to several sources, Mitchell told police that Matt and Sweat planned to murder her husband immediately after their escape.

That bit of information was relayed from police sources to the New York Post, Albany Times-Union and New York Daily News. According to all reports, Mitchell confessed to police during interrogations that the original plan called for her to pick up Matt and Sweat after they emerged from a sewer and then drive to her house, where the convicts would kill her husband Lyle before all three absconded to a cabin in Vermont.

The Daily News’ source added that Mitchell “didn’t say that she was going to help” Matt and Sweat kill Lyle, but driving two convicted felons to your house with the understanding that they were going to murder your husband probably counts as “help.”

The things we do for love (of a huge cock).


Contact the author at jordan@gawker.com.

Germany Probably Still Full of Nazis: Study

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Germany Probably Still Full of Nazis: Study

Nazism worked—really, really well, according to a new study.

Besides pulling off one of the largest systematic genocides in human history, the Third Reich also had a lifetime impact on Germany’s non-Jewish children by schooling them from an early age with anti-Semitic propaganda. Those children are now old people, who likely passed on their beliefs to younger generations, and so on and so forth.

The Associated Press reports on the study:

Researchers from the United States and Switzerland examined surveys conducted in 1996 and 2006 that asked respondents about a range of issues, including their opinions of Jews. The polls, known as the German General Social Survey, reflected the views of 5,300 people from 264 towns and cities across Germany, allowing the researchers to examine differences according to age, gender and location.

By focusing on those respondents who expressed consistently negative views of Jews in a number of questions, the researchers found that those born in the 1930s held the most extreme anti-Semitic opinions - even fifty years after the end of Nazi rule.

“It’s not just that Nazi schooling worked, that if you subject people to a totalitarian regime during their formative years it will influence the way their mind works,” said Hans-Joachim Voth of the University of Zurich, one of the study’s authors. “The striking thing is that it doesn’t go away afterward.”

Germany has done an admirable job of reconciling its murderous past with its more peaceful present, at least more so than other countries that have a history of genocide. But this latest revelation confirms what many have long suspected of the country, and of Europe at large: that it still harbors swells of anti-Semitism, due to events that began some 80 years ago. The aftershocks are still being felt.

Benjamin Ortmeyer, who heads a research center on Nazi education at Frankfurt’s Goethe University, said the study’s conclusions were “absolutely plausible.”

“The significance of this kind of propaganda hasn’t really been exposed,” said Ortmeyer, who wasn’t involved in the study. “Compared to the brutal deeds of the Nazi mass murderers this area of crimes, the brainwashing, was largely ignored.”

One reason, he said, is the difficulty of getting older Germans to talk about their experiences of the Nazi period. While Jews who survived the Holocaust vividly recount the abuse they suffered in school and at the hands of fellow pupils, non-Jewish Germans mostly describe their school years as peaceful and fun.

[Pic via AP]


Contact the author at leah@gawker.com.

The Dish Drafts: Unpublished Missives From the Andrew Sullivan Hack

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The Dish Drafts: Unpublished Missives From the Andrew Sullivan Hack

Ever since ur-blogger Andrew Sullivan retired from blogging in February, his fans and admirers (“SullyHeads,” as they’re not known) have wondered, “what’s Andrew Sullivan up to, right now?” and “what does Andrew Sullivan think about what is happening in the news lately?” Proving his doubters wrong, Sullivan has remained quiet since his last post in February. But earlier today there was a sign of life at his longtime blog, The Dish: A single post — a gif of a tumbleweed rolling along a dirt path — went live.

Has Sully returned? Alas, no. As Talking Points Memo reported, The Dish had been “hacked,” most likely by some sort of brilliant technical genius hacker who definitely knows how to code. That hacker’s ability to publish posts to the front page of The Dish has now been restricted. But while he was in the servers, hacking, the hacker found a series of mysterious unpublished posts.

Gawker has gained exclusive access to these Dish drafts, and we are publishing these screenshots because we strongly believe they are in the public interest. The identity of the author (or authors) of these posts is unknown, but the careful reader will spot certain clues.

The Dish Drafts: Unpublished Missives From the Andrew Sullivan Hack

The Dish Drafts: Unpublished Missives From the Andrew Sullivan Hack

The Dish Drafts: Unpublished Missives From the Andrew Sullivan Hack

The Dish Drafts: Unpublished Missives From the Andrew Sullivan Hack

The Dish Drafts: Unpublished Missives From the Andrew Sullivan Hack

The Dish Drafts: Unpublished Missives From the Andrew Sullivan Hack

The Dish Drafts: Unpublished Missives From the Andrew Sullivan Hack

The Dish Drafts: Unpublished Missives From the Andrew Sullivan Hack

The Dish Drafts: Unpublished Missives From the Andrew Sullivan Hack


Uber Cracks Down on Chinese Drivers' Right to Protest

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Uber Cracks Down on Chinese Drivers' Right to Protest

Uber warned its drivers in China last Friday to stay away from mass protests against the ride-sharing service in the interest of “social order,” and threatened to fire any driver caught lingering near a protest scene, the Wall Street Journal reports. The company said it intended to enforce the order by tracking drivers’ GPS records to catch anyone who might disobey.

As “ride-sharing” services start to catch on in China, drivers for Uber and its larger competitor, Didi Kuaidi, are finding themselves in conflict with traditional taxi who aren’t happy about the competition. In Hangzhou last week, Uber drivers confronted taxi drivers protesting in the streets against the onslaught of the app economy, the Journal reported.

A Bloomberg report describes cab drivers in six Chinese cities striking in protest of private ride-sharing services back in January, even blocking traffic and surrounding drivers for the app-based services.

According to Uber, one driver who was part of “an incident” at Friday’s protest is cooperating with authorities. The company says it’s telling others to stay away in order to “maintain social order.” But China’s ride-sharing drivers are restless after an official conducted a “sting” against Didi Kuaidi last week, hailing a driver and then impounding his car. Other Didi drivers surrounded the car, with the official still inside, and demanded their colleague be released.

This is exactly the sort of freedom of assembly that Uber is coming out against, likely because political pressure from taxi companies already threatens the company’s presence in China. Any disruption would be an excuse to shut Uber out, squandering a billion-dollar investment. Authorities visited Uber offices in two cities just last month, the Journal noted.

“We firmly oppose any form of gathering or protest, and we encourage a more rational form of communication for solving problems,” a spokesperson for Uber China told Quartz.

That’s not exactly a pro-labor, pro-human-rights position to take, nor is it in line with what Uber has done in the U.S., where it’s happy to have supporters campaign to bring its services to new cities. (Quartz cites a current effort in the Hamptons by way of example.)

But don’t accuse Uber of being inconsistent: forcing its drivers to “maintain social order” and keep silent about their grievances is absolutely in step with the company’s founding philosophy of putting profits and “disruption” over people.

[h/t SFist, Photo: AP Images]

Deadspin Game Of Thrones Needs To Put Us Out Of Its Misery | Gizmodo Meet the People Who Are Wasting

Top Al Qaeda Leader in Yemen Reportedly Killed by Drone Strike

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Top Al Qaeda Leader in Yemen Reportedly Killed by Drone Strike

Citing Yemeni national security officials, CNN reports that Al Qaeda’s second-in-command, Nasir al-Wuhayshi, was killed in southern Yemen on Friday by a suspected U.S. drone strike.

According to former CIA analyst Bruce Riedel, al-Wuhayshi was “the designated successor” of Al Qaeda head Ayman al-Zawahiri and ran “the most effective part of al-Qaeda,” Al Qaeda in the Arabian Peninsula or AQAP.

Earlier this year, AQAP claimed responsibility for January’s deadly Charlie Hebdo attack in Paris.

U.S. officials confirmed on Monday that a drone strike had targeted al-Wuhayshi and other AQAP operatives, but told The Washington Post it was too soon to verify the terrorist leader’s death. From The New York Times:

It was the second time in as many days that the fate of a militant leader targeted in an American strike was uncertain. Early Sunday, American F-15s struck a suspected gathering of jihadists in Libya, and more than 24 hours later the fate of Mokhtar Belmokhtar, a leading Algerian terrorist whose death in the strike had beenreported by Libyan officials, remained in doubt.

The uncertainty about whether Mr. Wuhayshi and Mr. Belmokhtar were dead or alive underscored a recurring lesson from the Obama administration’s campaign of targeted killings of suspected terrorists: Even with multiple sources of intelligence, it is hard to be certain whom the missiles have hit in remote areas thousands of miles from the United States.

[Image via CNN]

Rachel Dolezal to Appear on Today Show Tuesday for In-Studio Interview

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Rachel Dolezal to Appear on Today Show Tuesday for In-Studio Interview

Tonight, NBC announced that former Spokane NAACP President Rachel Dolezal would appear on the network Tuesday for a live interview with Today Show host Matt Lauer.

The interview is expected to include Dolezal’s first major comments regarding accusations that she lied about her race. Dolezal had originally planned to release a public statement at an NAACP chapter meeting on Monday before attempting to cancel the meeting on Sunday and resigning from her position earlier today.

After her resignation, Dolezal’s parents released their own statement accusing their daughter of dishonesty and unethical behavior:

Our daughter Rachel’s letter of resignation from the NAACP today, states her ongoing commitment to the causes of racial and social justice, however, she neglects to face the deceptions that she documented about her ethnicity, or to offer an apology for her dishonest representation of her heritage.

It is our hope and prayer that Rachel will take the steps necessary to acknowledge her dishonesty and to offer an apology to the NAACP and other organizations with which she held positions of prominence. By taking that initial step of facing the ethics issues involved in her false representations, we trust that Rachel will begin to move toward a healthy ability to embrace and celebrate her true personal identity and therefore no longer feel compelled to be false or hostile toward her biological family.

According to NBC, Dolezal’s Today Show appearance will be followed by interviews with Savannah Guthrie of NBC Nightly News and MSNBC’s Melissa Harris-Perry.

[Image via AP Images]

Naturalist: "Body Parts" Found on Beach are Just Gnarly-Ass Slugs

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Naturalist: "Body Parts" Found on Beach are Just Gnarly-Ass Slugs

Good news, potential Law & Order cold open extras: Those “human organs” washing up around the San Francisco Bay aren’t the result of a series of grisly murders but a different super gross thing entirely.

According to KPIX-TV, visitors to East Bay beaches have been calling 911 to report found body parts after discovering the huge lumpy corpses of California sea slugs, which recently experienced a mass die-off.

“They’re about the size of a human organ, and that’s almost what they look like,” naturalist Morgan Dill told the station. “There was a population boom about a year ago and what we’re seeing is, after a year, they lay their eggs and they die and we’re seeing them wash up on shore.”

But while beachgoers may be disturbed by the slugs’ weirdly massive, purple ink-filled bodies, Dill assured reporters that the creatures are harmless.

“They’re usually pretty grossed out because they are kind of disgusting looking at first,” said Dill, implying that, at some point, you learn to appreciate the beauty of gnarly-ass slug corpses.

[Image via KPIX-TV]

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