Maryland county police have charged a local man with first-degree murder for the shooting death of a transgender woman.

Zella Ziona, 21 of Montgomery Village, was shot in the head in an alley behind a Gaithersburg Laundromat Thursday at approximately 5:50 p.m., The Guardian reports. A police statement notes that she was shot multiple times. Ziona was pronounced dead at the hospital hours later.

A witness told a D.C.-area ABC News affiliate that he saw a group of four of five teenagers surround Ziona. An argument reportedly ensued, and that’s when one of the young people reached for their gun and fired.

Authorities arrested Rico Hector Leblond, 20 of Germantown, Friday and charged him in connection with Ziona’s killing, The Advocate reports.

“[The attack] is not random,” Montgomery County police captain Paul Starks told The Guardian, suggesting that police might investigate the case as a hate crime. Maryland is one of only 16 states with hate-crime legislation that protects residents on the basis of their actual or perceived gender identity.

Zella Ziona—who The Guardian says was misgendered and misidentified in early reports—is the 22nd transgender or gender-nonconforming person reported killed in 2015, according to the National Coalition of Anti-Violence Programs. This count marks an increase over the previous year, as the NCAVP only documented 20 reported homicides of trans or gender-nonconforming people in 2014. Trans women of color—like Ziona—are disproportionately the victims of LGBTQ and HIV-affected hate violence, per the NCAVP’s 2014 report.

Photo of Rico Hector Leblond (L) via Montgomery County Department of Police, photo of Zella Ziona (R) via Facebook

A Connecticut burglar has been brought to justice thanks to a prodigal young artist.

The Stratford Police Department reached out to their local community for help in catching the perpetrator behind a series of burglaries, the New York Daily News reports. Rebecca DePietro answered their call with an extraordinarily true-to-life sketch that I could have sworn was a photograph upon first viewing.

The drawing helped law enforcement apprehend their suspect, a man who appears to have single rake tines for hands and an appetite for buhsketti sauce and/or snakes.

DePietro told NBC Connecticut that her sketch “wasn’t, like, the best picture,” but I disagree. I feel like it is good, this art. In lieu of finding anyone in the art world to confirm my gut instinct, I screamed “IS THIS GOOD” out my back window. I will update the story if and when I hear back.

Photos via the New York Daily News’ YouTube channel

The British tabloid Now asks: “The Hills stars—where are they now?” That’s right: Now has the scoop on where Kristin Cavallari—former star of The Hills—is now. Where is that?

Find out in tomorrow’s post. Or NOW if you want to click the link and ruin the surprise.

This has been 500 Days of Kristin.

[Photo via Getty]

Before you tweeted it Tuesday night, Saturday Night Live was thinking it: yeah, Senator Bernie Sanders does resemble Seinfeld and Curb Your Enthusiasm creator Larry David! So David turned up on tonight’s SNL cold open, managing the rare feat of overshadowing an Alec Baldwin cameo. We urge you all in the future to tweet how much Justin Timberlake resembles Donald Trump, or something.

To contact the author of this post, write to tim@deadspin.com (PGP key) or find him on Twitter @bubbaprog.

Just over 16 months have passed since comedian and actor Tracy Morgan was critically injured in a car crash in June 2014. Now, in his first live television appearance since the incident, the former cast member returned to Saturday Night Live to show that he’s on the mend.

“People were wondering: Can he speak? Does he have 100 percent mental capacity?” he told the audience. “But the truth is, I never did. I might actually be a few points higher now.”

Morgan joined Tina Fey, Alec Baldwin, Jane Krakowski and Jack McBrayer in a 30 Rock skit during his opening monologue, which managed to reference both Skrillex and narwhals in one go.

Image via YouTube

Here are the best of today’s deals. Get every great deal every day on Kinja Deals, follow us on Facebook and Twitter to never miss a deal, join us on Kinja Gear to read about great products, and on Kinja Co-Op to help us find the best.

Ready to step into your 4K future? Ebay has a pair of popular Samsung 4K Smart TVs for roughly $400 less than their usual going rate.

Samsung UN55JS7000 - 55-Inch 4K Ultra HD Smart LED TV ($900) | eBay

http://www.ebay.com/itm/Samsung-UN...

Samsung UN50JS7000 - 50-Inch 4K Ultra SUHD Smart LED TV ($730) | eBay

http://www.ebay.com/itm/Samsung-UN...

Bonus: If you’d rather have a computer monitor, here’s another great deal. [Refurb Samsung 28” 4K Ultra High Definition (UHD) LED-backlit Monitor, $345]

http://computers.woot.com/offers/samsung...

Logitech’s Anywhere Mouse MX will work, well, anywhere. Even on a glass table. Today only, Best Buy’s offering it for $28, which is within a few cents of the best price we’ve ever seen. [Logitech - Anywhere Mouse MX Wireless Laser Mouse, $28]

http://www.bestbuy.com/site/logitech-...

If you haven’t given universal remotes much thought in recent years, you’d be forgiven for not realizing that this is a Logitech Harmony. After all, where’s the screen?

Well, the screen is on your smartphone, and it’s far more capable than anything that could be built into a remote. The Logitech Harmony Home Control connects your phone (in addition to the included remote) to everything in your home theater, as well as smart home appliances like Philips Hue lights and the Nest thermostat. Today’s $80 deal from Best Buy is the best price we’ve ever seen. Logitech - Harmony Home Control, $80]

http://www.bestbuy.com/site/logitech-...

A handful of popular Studio Ghibli Blu-rays are down to their lowest prices ever right now.

My Neighbor Totoro (Two-Disc Blu-ray/DVD Combo) ($13) | Amazon

http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B00...

Castle in the Sky (Two-Disc Blu-ray/DVD Combo) ($13) | Amazon

http://www.amazon.com/Castle-Sky-Two...

The Secret World of Arrietty (Two-Disc Blu-ray/DVD Combo) ($13) | Amazon

http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/AS...

The Eneloop Power Pack is within a few cents of its all-time low price and will sell out quickly.

http://www.amazon.com/Panasonic-K-KJ...

You named these your favorite rechargeable batteries by a mile in a recent Kinja Co-Op, and they’re by far the best selling batteries we’ve posted.

http://co-op.kinja.com/the-best-recha...

Victorinox’s Fibrox 8” chef’s knife is one of your favorite chef’s knives period, and by far the best value in the industry. It’s also the knife I’ve used almost every day for over three years. Amazon has it for $30 right now, which is an absolute steal for the quality you’re getting. [Victorinox Fibrox 8” Chef’s Knife, $30]

http://www.amazon.com/Victorinox-Fib...

If you’re an Apple customer, there’s no such thing as owning too many Lightning cables.

Here’s a $5 one:

• Mpow Apple MFI Lightning Cable ($5) | Amazon | Use code KSIRESPR
  

http://www.amazon.com/dp/B00V312K1W

Here’s one that retracts:

• AmazonBasics Apple Certified Retractable Lightning to USB Cable ($13) | Amazon
  

http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B00...

Here are lightning cables for people without Apple devices:

• Aukey [5-Pack] Premium Micro USB Cable in Assorted Lengths (3.3ft x 3, 1 ft x 2) ($5) | Amazon | Use code 6LKG2WE5

http://www.amazon.com/Aukey-Assorted...

Unlike traditional suction cup-based mounts, this Mpow Grip won’t obscure your view of the road, and when your phone is mounted to it, it’s in fact completely invisible. A big worry about these things is that they’ll cover up a valuable vent during the hottest and coldest times of the year, but I’ve found that you can stick the mount on the very top of the vent, and the magnetic plate against the very bottom of you phone, and only block a small fraction of your airflow. [Mpow Grip Magic Air Vent Magnetic Car Mount, $5 with code VQRXXDSS]

http://www.amazon.com/dp/B00YE6D7I8/

Grab a car charger with Quick Charge capabilities to go with it. [Aukey Quick Charge 2.0 30W 2 Ports USB Car Charger, $8 with code ZXPJ655P]

http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/AS...

We find deals pretty regularly on Lodge’s standard skillets, but this is one of the first we’ve seen on this deep skillet with lid, and its best price ever by far. [Lodge 5 Quart Cast Iron Covered Deep Skillet, $32]

http://www.amazon.com/Lodge-L10CF3-Q...

While you’re there, grab a pair of Lodge’s pan scrapers, also on sale today. [Lodge SCRAPERPK Durable Polycarbonate Pan Scrapers, Red and Black, 2-Pack, $2]

http://www.amazon.com/Lodge-SCRAPERP...

More Deals

Tech

• Samsung UN55JS7000 - 55-Inch 4K Ultra HD Smart LED TV ($900) | eBay
• Samsung UN50JS7000 - 50-Inch 4K Ultra SUHD Smart LED TV ($730) | eBay
• Refurb Samsung 28” 4K Ultra High Definition (UHD) LED-backlit Monitor ($345) | Woot
• Yamaha RX-A840BL 7.2-Channel Wi-Fi Network AVENTAGE Home Theater Receiver ($500) | Amazon
• Logitech - Anywhere Mouse MX Wireless Laser Mouse ($28) | Best Buy
• VIZIO - 25” 2.1-Channel Sound Stand ($150) | Best Buy
• Canon - imageCLASS LBP6230DW Wireless Black-and-White Laser Printer ($60) | Best Buy
• Logitech - Harmony Home Control ($80) | Best Buy
• TomTom - GO 50 S 5” GPS with Lifetime Map and Traffic Updates ($100) | Best Buy
• Canon PowerShot N ($105) | Woot
• Aukey Quick Charge 2.0 30W 2 Ports USB Car Charger ($8) | Amazon | Promo code ZXPJ655P

Home

• Serta Raised Air Mattress with Never Flat Pump ($105) | Amazon
• 40% Off Select Rowenta Turbo Silence Fans | Amazon
• Rubbermaid Patio Storage Bench ($76) | Amazon
• Levi’s Lowest Prices of the Season Sale | Amazon
• Perfect - Smart Drink Mixing Kit ($38) | Best Buy
• Perfect - Bake Smart Baking Kit ($38) | Best Buy
• 18/10 Flatware Sets - Your Choice - 6 Styles ($65-$95) | Woot
• Insignia - 2-Slice Toaster - Stainless-Steel ($12) | eBay

Media

• Preorder Ant-Man 2-Disc 3D BD Combo Pack ($20) | Amazon
• My Neighbor Totoro (Two-Disc Blu-ray/DVD Combo) ($13) | Amazon
• Castle in the Sky (Two-Disc Blu-ray/DVD Combo) ($13) | Amazon
• The Secret World of Arrietty (Two-Disc Blu-ray/DVD Combo) ($13) | Amazon

Commerce Content is independent of Editorial and Advertising, and if you buy something through our posts, we may get a small share of the sale. Click here to learn more. We want your feedback.Send deal submissions to Deals@Gawker and all other inquiries to Shane@Gawker

Send deal submissions to Deals@Gawker and all other inquiries to Shane@Gawker

Last time Christopher Swain swam the waters of Brooklyn’s Gowanus Canal, he didn’t contact gonorrhea. The second time’s the charm, though!

Swain, an environmental activist, spent his Sunday morning doing a breast-stroke through the famous Superfund site, which has tested positive for PCBs, cement, oil, mercury, lead, multiple volatile organic compounds, coal tar. Wearing a protective dry suit, Swain swam the entire 1.8-mile length, calling it “pretty disgusting.”

Will Swain keep swimming the Gowanus Canal until it gets cleaned up? Will he start swimming other polluted waterways? Will he finally contract gonorrhea??

Image via YouTube

It’s lonely at the top, so sayeth the therapists to the one percent.

In a piece that reads more like absurdist satire than real-life reporting, the Guardian’s Jana Kasperkevic interviewed Clay Cockrell, a former Wall Street worker who now fills the valiant role of therapist to the one percent. Cockrell says that society’s wealthy elite, who, on average make $14 million per year, says that life “has gotten worse for the wealthy,” in the wake of the Occupy Wall Street movement.

“Someone else who is also a billionaire – they don’t want anything from you! Never being able to trust your friendships with people of different means, I think that is difficult. As the gap has widened, they [the rich] have become more and more isolated.”

Another champion of the one percent, Traeger-Muney, specializes in working with inheritors and thinks that people should talk about the rich the way they talk about Jewish people and black people.

“Sometimes I am shocked by things that people say. If you substitute in the word Jewish or black, you would never say something like that. You’d never say – spoiled rotten or you would never refer to another group of people in the way that it seems perfectly normal to refer to wealth holders.”

And it’s not just minorities! People who own 40 percent of the nation’s wealth are also like gay people, too, she says.

Often, I use an analogy with my clients that coming out to people about their wealth is similar to coming out of the closet as gay. There’s a feeling of being exposed and dealing with judgment.”

Luckily, the rich don’t have to worry about problems like poverty, job instability, higher rates of pollution and health problems, and lack of access to healthy food, quality education and economic mobility, so they have a lot more time to figure out how to solve their own problems.

If you’re not in close proximity to sharp objects, you can read the entire masterpiece here.

Chris Mintz, who was wounded during the mass shooting at Umpqua Community College earlier this month, has taken to Facebook to share his eye-witness account, the Associated Press reports.

Mintz—a 30-year-old U.S. army veteran and student at the Roseburg, Ore., school who many have hailed as a “hero”—writes that Oct. 1 “started so normal.” He met up with a friend for coffee and even joked about ditching the writing class, where he would later find himself once the shooting broke out:

We were sitting in class, and there was a bunch of yelling that started in the other room, my teacher walked up to the door that connected our classroom and asked if everyone was ok, no one could tell what the yelling was. The teacher knocked on the door and there were gunshots that sounded like firecrackers going off. I sat in the front middle of the class, so we all got up and took off out of the classroom and I stopped and held the door open and waited or everyone to leave safely.

Making sure his fellow students were able to evacuate the classroom is one of many instances in Mintz’s account where he places the safety of others over his own. He also describes alerting students in the library of the shooting and telling a young woman arriving on campus that “you [can’t] be here...you need to leave.”

One of the most disturbing parts of Mintz’s testimony is when he recounts his face-to-face run-in with the shooter, a 26-year-old UCC student who Mintz says “showed no emotion” as if he “was playing a video game”:

All of a sudden, the shooter opened the classroom door beside the door to my left, he leaned half of his torso out and started shooting as I turned toward him. He had a black shirt on, a shaved head, was tan and wearing glasses, he was so nonchalant through it all, like he was playing a video game and showed no emotion. The shots knocked me to the ground and felt like a truck hit me. He shot me again while I was on the ground and hit my finger, and said “that’s what you get for calling the cops” and I laid there, in a fetal position unable to move and responded “I didn’t call the cops man, they were already on the way.” He leaned further out of the classroom and tried to shoot my phone, I yelled “its my kids birthday man” he pointed the gun right at my face and then he retreated back into the class. I’m still confused at why he didn’t shoot me again.

Mintz adds that he was shot five times: once in each leg, once in the abdomen, once in the shoulder blade, and once in a finger on his left hand. He was one of five people wounded in the incident. Nine people—eight students and one professor—were killed by the shooter, who authorities say took his own life.

Christ Mintz ends the Facebook post by thanking the police, EMTs, and hospital workers. “THEY are the real [heroes],” he says. “[T]hey saved us.”

Photo via Facebook

Last night, HBO aired the one-hour standup special Amy Schumer: Live at the Apollo. It was good, if you’re into that sort of thing (i.e. Schumer being Schumer). My favorite bit centered on cum. It started, “I’m just reminding you that we’re all disgusting. No one in here is better than anyone else. Like, you’ve all caught a hot load, you know?”

She proceeded to explain how semen levels the playing field of life. “Gandhi was cum. Oprah, cum. Oprah could have wound up all over somebody’s tits, but no, we got Oprah. Thank you, cum.” She then made a choice Lean In reference and mused on Ruth Bader Ginsberg’s and Michelle Obama’s dealings with cum.

And then a perfect segue: “I am labeled a sex comic, and I just think sex is explained incorrectly, as far as men and women’s roles go.” That encapsulates not just the preceding bit, but Schumer’s career overall.

Fatal gunfire broke out during a zombie-themed street festival in Fort Myers, Fla., Saturday night, the Associated Press reports.

One person was killed in the shooting, which occurred just before midnight. Five people were wounded, but, according to the Fort Myers-based News-Press, none of their injuries are life-threatening.

Police say the shooter remains at large.

ZombiCon organizers describe the event, now in its ninth year, as “a massive zombie-themed charity street fest.” Members of Pushing DaiZies, Inc.—the art collective behind ZombiCon—have released a statement on the shooting, via Facebook:

“The organizers of [ZombiCon], Pushing DaiZies, Inc. are deeply saddened by the news of what happened within the footprint of our event. We take the safety of our patrons very seriously and take precautions in hiring security and police officers for our annual event. Our prayers go out to the family members and individuals involved in the incident.”

I’ve reached out to the Fort Myers Police Department and ZombiCon organizer Rachel Spiller for more information, and I’ll update if and when I hear back.

Update, 3:20 p.m.: An earlier version of this story mistakenly identified, without naming, a 20-year-old student at ASA College’s Miami campus as the shooter. The student, Expavious Tyrell Tayloris of Okeechobee, was actually the person who died in the shooting. The News-Press reports that five additional people were injured by the shooter, not six, as this story previously reported.

Photo via The News-Press

Rats shall inherit New York City, if this year is anything to go by.

According to The New York Times, the city’s complaint hotline is expected to receive a record-breaking number of rat calls this year — higher than the 24,000 calls it got last year regarding rats. One woman has called to complain about a colony of 200 rats living in the Upper West Side:

“It’s like the Burning Man of rats. They’re just sitting there in a lawn chair waiting for you. I don’t know what the city can do about this rat condominium.”

The “rat crisis,” as it’s been called, is likely due to a combination of things, chiefly due to garbage left on city sidewalks after heavy snowfalls last winter. A host of plans, from food control to poisons, have been proposed, and Mayor Bill de Blasio devoted $2.9 million in rat plan money last June.

It’s worth noting, however, that plans have worked to curb the rat population in New York haven’t really worked in the past. And while rats may carry some dangerous pathogens, it’s also worth noting that you’re ten times more likely to be bit by another person in New York City than to be bit by a rat.

Can’t we all just get along?

Image via Flickr/Jean-Jacques Boujot

The official one-sheet poster for Star Wars: The Force Awakens just dropped, and it’s glorious. It’s also loaded with new details, including our first glimpse of the rumored planet-killer superweapon.

The new poster features the new characters that we know of so far: Kylo Ren, Captain Phasma, Poe Dameron, Rey, Finn, BB-8 and Maz Kanataand, as well as classic characters such as Han Solo, Princess Leia, Chewbacca, R2-D2 and C-3PO. Conspicuously missing? Luke Skywalker.

Here’s the full, high resolution poster:

The really cool reveal here is the new Superweapon, which looks similar to the original Death Star. Could this be Starkiller Base? And, if that’s the case, will the First Order’s station do as advertised and kill stars? We’ll likely get some inkling before too long.

In addition to the poster, Starwars.com confirmed that we’ll be getting a new trailer tomorrow night during Monday Night Football, and outlines some exclusives that fans will be able to pick up at a bunch of theater chains.

[StarWars.com]

Image credit: LucasFilm

Different balls have different weights, Alex Rodriguez learned on Sunday.

While doing a guest appearance on FOX NFL Sunday to promote his new role as an analyst for the rest of the baseball postseason, the New York Yankees infielder decided to prove his athleticism by throwing a football across the room. But, because it wasn’t the same shape and size as the balls he’s used to throwing, things didn’t go as planned.

“A-Rod SMASH!” he thought, as the ball soared from his fingertips in a graceful arc right into a television. “A-Rod destroyed,” he muttered happily under his breath, surveying the wreckage with delight.

Image via Vine/Antonio Sbarro Jr.

You’ll never guess who Donald Trump thinks could have prevented 9/11. Just kidding: It’s Donald Trump.

During an appearance on Fox News Sunday with Chris Wallace this morning, the Republican presidential hopeful was asked about his recent exchange with GOP rival Jeb Bush over whether or not Jeb’s brother, former Pres. George W. Bush, “kept us safe” during and after the attacks on New York’s World Trade Center.

“I’m not blaming George Bush [for 9/11],” Trump told Wallace. “But the World Trade Center came down. So, when [Jeb Bush] said, ‘We were safe’—that’s not safe. We lost 3,000 people. It was one of the greatest—probably the greatest catastrophe in this country, if you think about it.”

Would Donald Trump have been able to keep us safe if he had been commander-in-chief on Sept. 11, 2001? Donald Trump seems to think so.

“I am extremely, extremely tough on illegal immigration,” Trump told Wallace. “I am extremely tough on people coming into this country... If I were running things...I doubt that those people [responsible for the attacks on the World Trade Center] would have been in the country.”

It’s unclear why Trump chose to invoke “illegal immigration,” i.e., undocumented immigration. Zero of the 19 9/11 hijackers entered the U.S. without documentation, according to FactCheck.org.

Following the interview’s airing, Trump took to Twitter to grill Jeb on his brother’s invasion of Iraq under the false pretenses of there being “weapons of mass destruction.”

Jeb Bush—who is currently trailing the Donald in Republican presidential primary polls—has already responded to Trump’s comments, the New York Times reports.

“I don’t know why he keeps bringing this up,” the former Florida governor said on CNN’s State of the Union with Jake Tapper Sunday. “Across the spectrum of foreign policy, Mr. Trump talks about things that—as though he’s still on The Apprentice.”

So, could Donald Trump have prevented 9/11? I think the real question is who could have prevented more 9/11s: Donald Trump or Mark Wahlberg?

Photo via Fox News

Two teenagers were arrested late on Saturday for allegedly raping a 2 1/2-year-old girl in a park in New Delhi on Friday, the Associated Press reports. Police said they questioned more than 250 residents of the surrounding neighborhood.

Deputy commissioner of police Pushpendra Kumar said that after the two 17-year-old boys were interrogated they confessed to the crime.

From the AP:

The toddler was playing outside her home when she went missing during a 10-minute power outage in the neighborhood. Family members found her lying unconscious and bleeding in a park three hours later.

In a separate incident, police on Saturday arrested three men for raping a 5-year-old in an east Delhi suburb.

The rape of the two girls came a week after a 4-year-old girl was found dumped near a railway track after being raped and slashed with a blade in the capital.

India passed a number of new anti-rape laws after the brutal gang rape of a student in 2012. But last year, 36,735 rape cases were reported in India—2,096 in Delhi alone.

“I think as much as we might say that the levels of sexual assault have gone up, it may well be that it’s the reporting of these assaults that have increased, and that’s in large part because of the women’s movements in India,” the executive director of the International Civil Society Action Network, Sanam Naraghi Anderlini, told Al Jazeera.

“But we also need to recognize when these [assaults] are new forms of violence against women and, specifically, violence against girls and children.”

Image via AP. Contact the author of this post: brendan.oconnor@gawker.com.

Widely despised pill price-gouging miscreant Martin Shkreli is mad at Bernie Sanders. So mad, in fact, that he could—and ostensibly did—“punch a wall.” Martin Shkreli claims to have punched this wall so hard that not only did he fracture his wrist, but there was even “one bone sticking out.”

Why then, with all this damage, does Shkreli appear to have photoshopped his name onto an already-existing x-ray that he then tweeted out? And was it all, as he claimed the minute he got caught, actually just one, very poorly executed troll?

Shkreli’s supposed anger was first incited after Bernie Sander’s campaign sent out a fundraising email referencing its recent refusal to accept money from Shkreli’s scumbag-scented coffers.

And that’s when Shkreli got mad.

Apologies—that’s when Shkreli got furious.

Don’t do it, man.

He did it.

Really, really impossibly hard, apparently.

Don’t believe him? Shkreli has the x-rays to prove it.

Or... does he? A quick reverse Google image search shows pages over an alarmingly similar x-ray originating from Medscape.com.

And according to Photoshop, the only difference in the two images is, in fact, the “Shkreli, Martin, 10/18/2015 21:32” seen on the image Shkreli tweeted out.

We asked Shkreli about his wrist over Twitter. While he claims that he’s currently “getting it braced,” when we prompted him about the similarity between the two x-rays, he stopped responding entirely.

After someone on Twitter sent Shkreli a link to the already existing image, Shkreli’s only response was “thats what the doc sent me IDK.”

Not even an hour after tweeting “wrist probably will never regain function so my MMA days are over” (which does certainly sound like a wildly unimaginative troll), Shkreli tweeted out this:

How is Martin Shkreli playing guitar with a bone sticking out of his wrist? Why are the two x-rays so incredibly, exceptionally similar? And is Martin Shkreli the greatest pharmacological monster of our time?

Hard to say. But directly after tweeting out the image of him guitar, he retweeted two other tweets from people claiming the whole display had been one big, bizarre troll.

In this case, “troll” does sound an awful lot like “backpedaling after getting caught.”But one thing we do know for sure is that, for someone with such an obscene amount of money at his disposal, maybe it’s time to pay someone else to do your tweeting for you.

Contact the author at ashley@gawker.com.

This spring, Jay Z premiered his overly-ambitious and arguably ill-advised music streaming service, Tidal. And turns out he’s got about as much faith in it as the next guy—which is to say not at all.

Jay was testifying—under oath—when he omitted Tidal from his best hits list—and who could blame him? Via Page Six:

“I make music. I’m a rapper. I’ve got a clothing line. I run a label . . . Roc Nation, with a sports agency, music publishing and management . . . restaurants and nightclubs. I think that about covers it.” When Bart reminded him, “You have a music-streaming service, don’t you?”

Jay admitted of the service, Tidal, “Yeah, yeah. Forgot about that.”

Stars—they’re just like us.

Image via Getty. Contact the author at gabrielle@gawker.com.

Deadspin NFL Network Airs Several Nude Bengals Players [NSFW] | Gizmodo Can You Solve the Creepy Crypto-Puzzle That’s Consuming the Internet? | io9 The Glorious Poster For Star Wars: The Force Awakens Has A Giant Planet Killer On It | Jezebel Chrissy Teigen Shares Pregnancy Photo, Internet Lectures Her About Her Body |

Happy election day, Canada! Congratulations on learning that today is Canadian election day, America! Here’s John Oliver explaining Canada’s three main political parties and making a last-minute plea to our friends to the north to dump “dickhead” conservative prime minister Stephen Harper.

Oliver explains how Harper is on the wrong side of every issue from immigration to marijuana to the environment, is in a terrible cover band with a French pun name and, because of Canada’s lack of term limits, has been in office for ten years.

But he can’t actually say “don’t vote Conservative,” because Canada has a law against foreigners telling Canadians how to vote. The offense is punishable by 6 months in prison and a $5,000 fine.

Good thing for Oliver, he has $5,000 Canadian to blow, and he has Mike Myers in a mountie costume driving a snowplow. Between the two of them, he can call Harper Islamophobic and tell him to fuck off.

If Harper’s party doesn’t win enough seats today, the next prime minister could be either a soul-patched, French-accented child named Justin, or awkward socialist candidate Tom Mulcair (motto: “healthcare, childcare, pharmacare ... Mulcair.”)

Can’t tell you how to vote, Canada, because I don’t have Oliver’s HBO budget, so I’ll just say “good luck with that” and “be happy they only campaigned for 78 days.”

[Last Week Tonight]