Former Oakland University student Joseph Corlett recently filed a $2.2 million lawsuit against the Michigan-based school for kicking him out after he wrote a Penthouse Forum-esque essay for an English class that centered around his strong sexual attraction to his professor.
The 57-year-old self-employed contractor asserts that the school violated his free speech rights by suspending him over "a homework assignment."
For the record, here are some choice passages from Corlett's "whimsically exaggerated" love letter to Advanced Critical Writing teacher Pamela Mitzelfeld:
Are you kidding me? I should drop right now. There is no way I'll concentrate in class especially with that sexy little mole on her upper lip beckoning with every accented word. And that smile. [...]
She walks in, and I say to myself, ‘Drop, mother (expletive), drop.' Christ, I'll never learn a thing. Tall, blond, stacked, skirt, heels, fingernails, smart, articulate, smile. I'm toast, but I stay.
Corlett also expresses mild concern that his wife Lynn Anne might read his essay, but says ultimately that he doesn't care. "I suppose my fear is a good sign that I'm writing honestly," he wrote.
Mitzelfeld wasn't the only target of Corlett's "honesty": He had previously written other essays of a sexual nature that reportedly earned him A's in class.
In one, he compared two teachers to Ginger and Mary Ann from Gilligan's Island. In another, he described a pregnant teacher as "hot, and not just from baking the bun in her oven."
Though Corlett is still upset over his suspension nearly two years later, a well-known porn company is offering him a consolation prize that may be more in his wheelhouse.
In an open letter released to porn industry news outlets, Eddie Arenas, CEO of Naughty America, offered Corlett the opportunity to have his college essays adapted into porn scripts for Naughty America to produce.
The adult entertainment studio is perhaps best known for producing a plethora of teacher- and student-themed porn films, including "My First Sex Teacher" and "Naughty Bookworms."
"This is another fine example of a true naughty American in the news, and we just want to celebrate it," said Arenas.
Corlett has yet to respond to Arenas' offer.