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Soccer Referee Dies After Being Punched in Face by Teen Player
A referee punched in the face by a teen soccer player in Salt Lake City has died a week after suffering serious internal head injuries. Ricardo Portillo, 46, was refereeing a game for teenagers last...
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Afghan President Would Very Much Like Huge Payoff from CIA to Continue
Speaking for the first time in Afghanistan since it was revealed that he had been taking massive payoffs from the CIA, Afghan president Hamid Karzai reiterated his confidence that the payoffs would...
View ArticleAre all our telephone calls being secretly recorded by the government? Sure...
Are all our telephone calls being secretly recorded by the government? Sure thing, says former FBI counterterrorism agent.
View ArticleWatch Howard Kurtz Offer a Brutally Awkward Mea Culpa on His Own Show
Howard Kurtz, whose bizarre, incoherent article on Jason Collins earlier this week led to his departure from the Daily Beast, offered a long, mostly awkward apology on his own show, CNN's Reliable...
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New Jersey Mayor Wrote Hilariously Unromantic Poetry to Mistress
East Orange Mayor Robert Bowser is currently the subject of a discrimination suit that stems from a long-term extramarital affair he was having with his research assistant. But things weren't always so...
View ArticleIron Man 3 made $175.
Iron Man 3 made $175.3 million in the domestic box office this weekend, the second highest-grossing weekend of all-time. The first? Last year's The Avengers.
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Saudi Arabia to Start Letting Girls Play Sports
As part of incremental progress towards more freedom for women in the incredibly conservative kingdom of Saudi Arabia, women in private schools will now be allowed to play sports. Saudi Arabia's...
View ArticlePilot Dies When Vintage Jet Fighter Crashes At Air Show In Spain
A vintage jet fighter has crashed at an air show in Madrid, Spain, after failing to pull out of a stunt. The pilot somehow survived the initial crash, but died of severe injuries at the hospital,...
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New $43000 a Year Private School Would Like to Teach Children Humility
The parents of Avenues, the new for-profit private school that caters to the children of "hedge-fund managers and artists who refuse to live above 23rd Street," have had an exciting first year. From a...
View ArticleLauryn Hill just released her first song since 2010, which she had to record...
Lauryn Hill just released her first song since 2010, which she had to record as part of a deal to avoid prison time for tax evasion.
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Bride, Four Others Killed in Limo Fire on Way to Bachelorette Party
Late Saturday night, five women on the way to a bachelorette party died after a fire broke out in their limousine. The bride, who was just recently married, was among those killed. The driver and four...
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U.N. investigators have collected evidence that shows “strong, concrete suspicions but not yet incontrovertible proof” that Syrian rebels have used the nerve agent sarin. The investigation has not yet...
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Justin Bieber Attacked on Stage in Dubai
Noted monkey abandoner Justin Bieber was reportedly attacked Sunday night during a concert in Dubai. As first reported by The National, the government-owned newspaper of Abu Dhabi and your new...
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Hollywood Conservative Leader Turns Out to Be Holocaust Revisionist
Over the past five years, David Stein has made a name for himself as a leader for Hollywood's conservatives. As an operator for the popular website Republican Party Animals, he hosted right-wing...
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Rush Limbaugh Threatens to Leave Network Over Blame for Poor Ad Sales
Penis scientist Rush Limbaugh is reportedly upset with executives at his flagship station WABC and its parent company, Cumulus. He's so mad, in fact, that's he's reportedly threatening to leave the...
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The Onion Was Hacked Or Maybe It's a Crazy Joke
A few minutes ago, The Onion's official Twitter account let loose a series of tweets that suggested it had been hacked by the Syrian Electronic Army, the same outfit responsible for taking down the...
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Floyd Mayweather Is Unbeatable. Goddammit.
Well. It turns out Floyd Mayweather has not lost a step after all. I was under the mistaken impression that Floyd Mayweather had lost a step—a tiny step, at least. After extensive review, however, we...
View ArticleChild Abuse Billboard Contains 'Secret Message' Not Visible to Adults
To try and do more than simply raise awareness of child abuse, the international nonprofit Aid to Children and Adolescents at Risk (ANAR) recently joined forces with the ad agency Grey Group Spain to...
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Honey Boo Boo's Parents Wore Matching Camo to Their Wedding Service
June "Mama" Shannon and Mike "Sugar Bear" Thompson, the parental units on Here Comes Honey Boo Boo, were maybe married this weekend in their hometown of McIntyre, Georgia. "Mama June isn't saying...
View ArticleTEDx is coming to Williamsburg's Wythe Hotel this week—by invitation only,...
TEDx is coming to Williamsburg's Wythe Hotel this week—by invitation only, naturally—because of course it is. Expect simultaneously mocking and adulatory coverage from the New York Times.
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