Pigs, Picnic Tables, a Barbecue Sauce Fountain: Chili's Jingle Singer Gets a...
When William B. "Willie" McCoy (aka Wolf Johnson) died last September, his sister teamed up with the geniuses at Dallas' Golden Gate Funeral Home to give him a proper send-off. Willie at one point...
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Lindsay Lohan's Parents Blame Lindsay Lohan's Parents for Lindsay Lohan Being...
Like everyone in America, Dina Lohan has a theory about why Lindsay Lohan, the human female whose transformation from adorable frecklebean to bloated shriekmonster she oversaw, is "so screwed up."...
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Brad Pitt Tweets Threat to Visit China, Rescinds Offer
Monday morning, the internet was abuzz with word that Brad Pitt, celebrity father, has joined Chinese Twitter, Sina Weibo. Even more exciting was his first message to Chinese fans: "It is the truth....
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Hillary Clinton Returns to State Department, Gets Protective Headgear from...
Employees at the State Department welcomed back Secretary of State Hillary Clinton after a month-long absence due to a string of health problems. Clinton today held the first senior staff meeting...
View ArticleInjuries Reported After PATH Station Escalator Does an Abrupt About-Face
Pandemonium temporarily reigned inside the Exchange Place PATH station in Jersey City this morning after an escalator suddenly decided to violate the first of Asimov's Three Laws or Robotics. Port...
View ArticleTwo 'Ex-Gays' Successfully Trade Homosexuality for Chicken Sandwiches at...
John and Robert of the Chick-fil-A Foundation inadvertently let their gay guard down recently, resulting in some light same-sex kissing. The bad news is that they're going to Hell. The good news is...
View ArticleMcDonald's Indulges Australia's Ignorance
What's your favorite restaurant? McDonald's, right? Not if you are from Australia. If you are from Australia, your favorite restaurant is "Macca's." According to Reuters, surveys have found that "at...
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Arizona Man Fatally Shot by Police While Threatening to Kill Himself
The Surprise (Arizona) Police Department has launched an investigation into the police-involved shooting death of a resident who threatened to commit suicide. Officers were dispatched on Saturday...
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Unemployment Stories, Vol. 21: 'The Stress and Fear Is Beyond Description'
The official U.S. unemployment rate stands at 7.8%. For those with no high school degree, it's closer to 12%; for young people age 20-24, nearly 14%. There are not enough jobs to go around. Each week,...
View ArticleDispelling Common Vagina Myths
Tampon manufacturer Kimberly-Clark has a new series of ads out in which veterans of periods (gals) explain all the wacky vagina myths they once believed. (These myths, they say, are untrue, though we...
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Today's Song: Alunageorge "Thinkin Bout You" (Frank Ocean Cover)
Another day, another reason to fall in love with the most exciting duo in R&B, the UK's Alunageorge. Today they played the BBC 1Xtra Live Lounge, where they unveiled the new track "Body Music" and...
View ArticleThis Is the World's Most Impressive 'Cigarette Acrobat' — If He Isn't Already...
According to Google Translate, this particular performance of 'cigarette acrobatics' took place during last year's "World No Tobacco Day." Good one? Anyway, it starts with a slow burn, but becomes...
View ArticleWatch Comedian Eric André Torture and Disorient Demi Lovato
X Factor judge/former Disney Channel staple/occasionally troubled young woman Demi Lovato recently appeared on Adult Swim's Eric André Show, and confusion ensued. Engulfed by machine-made fog and...
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January 19 Is America's First National 'Gun Appreciation Day'
Don't have plans next Saturday? Well now you do, because January 19 is officially the first annual "Gun Appreciation Day". Survivalists and serial killers and whoever else owns guns are encouraged to...
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Love Women Covered in Warm Poop? There's a Charity Calendar for That
If you're like me, you delayed in buying your 2013 wall calendar because you knew they'd all go on sale after January 1st. Some people might decry this as "extreme cheapness," but isn't it cheaper to...
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Trolls Launch Twitter Campaign Aimed at Getting Justin Bieber Fans to Cut...
A few months back, emissaries from infamous Internet troll nest /b/ tried to convince Justin Bieber fans that their idol had cancer and that they should cut their hair in solidarity. The operation was...
View ArticleIf Al Roker Sharts in The White House But No One Is There To See It, It Still...
White House Trivia: Al Roker once brought a dirty bomb to the White House Easter Egg Roll (in the form of poop in pants). [Dateline, via TMZ, via Al's pants]
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Today's Other Song: Teedra Moses "Be Your Girl (I Don't Know Teedra - KK...
Manchester's Krystal Klear has taken the first single from New Orleans R&B singer/songwriter Teedra Moses' mostly overlooked (but adored by those who know it) 2004 debut Complex Simplicity, and...
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Teen Finds Fried 'Brain' in Box of KFC
A British teen was enjoying a "Gladiator box meal" at his local KFC when he suddenly stumbled onto something he didn't order. "I threw it down onto my tray immediately. It looked like a brain,"...
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In Honor of Al Roker Sharting Himself, Help Us Come Up With a Comprehensive...
Al Roker sharted himself at the White House, which means it's time for us to come up with puns based on the word "shart." Please contribute your best below; to help get us started, here's a few from...
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