- RSS Channel Showcase 4916252
- RSS Channel Showcase 3316916
- RSS Channel Showcase 5225279
- RSS Channel Showcase 1387486
Articles on this Page
- 08/10/16--11:54: _How Many Coworkers ...
- 08/10/16--12:20: _Fight Me, [FORMER G...
- 08/10/16--11:49: _Kotaku After Nine Y...
- 08/10/16--12:40: _What Should I Have ...
- 08/10/16--12:43: _Trump Spokeswoman C...
- 08/10/16--13:05: _My Five Favorite Tw...
- 08/10/16--13:20: _420.
- 08/10/16--13:20: _Welcome to Gawker's...
- 08/10/16--13:30: _Area Fly Attracted ...
- 08/10/16--13:45: _The Politics of Sit...
- 08/10/16--13:59: _"Gepetto-ing" Is Th...
- 08/10/16--06:21: _Today's Best Deals:...
- 08/10/16--15:43: _Trump Tower Climber...
- 08/10/16--15:40: _Poll: Do You Party?
- 08/10/16--18:45: _Donald Trump Appare...
- 08/11/16--04:45: _88 Days and a Wake Up
- 08/11/16--05:20: _Trump: Not Only Was...
- 08/11/16--05:40: _Donald Trump Asks I...
- 08/11/16--06:23: _College Video Doesn...
- 08/11/16--07:55: _What Happens When t...
- 08/10/16--11:54: How Many Coworkers Are You Allowed To Bone?
- The one (1) coworker that you may bone must be a consenting, legal adult.
- They should be mature enough to be trusted with details of your life that you may not want to be shared with your mutual peers—or with anyone at all!—and to behave normally and professionally at work, no matter how your bone ends.
- A coworker that you work with directly is off limits. This means that anyone that you have to talk to daily to complete the basic function of your job (or theirs).
- This coworker cannot be your underling or your manager. Choosing a coworker from a different department altogether is preferred.
- You may not speak about the boning with other coworkers. If you must, know who can be trusted. (Most people, including friends, cannot be trusted not to share very hot goss.)
- Should you begin to date the coworker seriously, it is nice to give your manager a heads-up. “But who I choose date is part of my private life!” No it’s not, not when you work with them.
- Should the one (1) coworker you boned break the rule and bone another coworker, you are not allowed to “have feelings” or “be upset” about it, because you are simply coworkers.
- Keep any ensuing drama outside of the office, or be willing to find a new job.
- 08/10/16--12:20: Fight Me, [FORMER GAWKER EDITOR]
- 08/10/16--12:40: What Should I Have For Lunch?
- 08/10/16--13:05: My Five Favorite Tweets
- 08/10/16--13:20: 420.
- 08/10/16--13:20: Welcome to Gawker's New Men's Site: The Cuck
- 08/10/16--13:30: Area Fly Attracted to Pile of Shit
- 08/10/16--13:45: The Politics of Sitting Down To Pee
- 08/10/16--13:59: "Gepetto-ing" Is The New "Benching"
- 08/10/16--06:21: Today's Best Deals: Instant Pot, 4K IPS Display, Pokémon Go Gear
- ADATA Premier 16GB SDHC Class 10 Flash Memory Card | $6 | eBay
- SanDisk Extreme PLUS 32GB microSDHC UHS-I Class U-1 Memory Card | $20 | eBay
- Samsung 32GB EVO Class 10 SDHC Card | $10 | Amazon
- CyberPower LX1500G 1500 VA 900 Watts UPS | $113 | Newegg
- Quick Charge 2.0 AUKEY Wall Charger with Micro-USB Cable | $5 | Amazon | Use Code C398PPH5
- iClever BoostCube 4.8A 24W Dual USB Travel Wall Charger with SmartID | $7 | Amazon | Use code DEALBIG1
- KMASHI MULTI-FUNCTION Waterproof Powerful LED Bike Headlight with 4800mAh Power Bank and Bluetooth Wireless Speakers | $18 | Amazon | Use code 7WFFI67M
- BeyerDynamic DT 990 Premium Headphones, 32 OHM | $149 | Buydig
- Beyerdynamic DT 880 Premium 600 OHM Headphones | $179 | eBay
- Refurb Jabra Rox Wireless Earbuds | $25 | eBay
- Filemate P2300 2.1-Channel Speaker System | $13 | Amazon
- Mpow Seashell Bluetooth 4.1 Running Sports Headphones | $15 | Amazon | Use code 3EOF6PSI
- Inateck Portable Stereo Wireless Bluetooth 4.0 Speaker with 15 Hour Playtime | $20 | Amazon | Use code M2CAQ3RC
- Polk Audio Omni SB1 3.1-Channel Wireless Sound Bar System with 8" Subwoofer | $300 | Best Buy
- Sony HT-CT380 - 2.1ch 300 Watt Bluetooth Sound Bar with Wireless Subwoofer | $190 | eBay
- Pioneer Dolby Atmos Enabled Speakers | $79 | meh
- KMASHI 18 Keys Wireless Numeric Keypad Mini Keyboard Numpad 2.4G USB Number Pad | $10 | Amazon | Use code I8F6OWN5
- Dell SE2716H 27" Curved Monitor | $200 | Staples
- Logitech MK320 Full-Size Wireless Multimedia Keyboard and Optical Mouse Combo | $20 | Staples
- Kensington LS150 Laptop Backpack | $14 | B&H
- Belkin N600 Dual-Band Wi-Fi Range Extender | $50 | Amazon
- Rosewill CHALLENGER Black Gaming ATX Mid Tower Computer Case | $25 | Newegg | After $20 rebate
- Rosewill Galaxy-01 - Black Gaming ATX Mid Tower Computer Case | $20 | Newegg | After $20 rebate
- Thermaltake TR2 Bronze 700W SLI/CrossFire Ready Continuous Power ATX12V v2.31 / EPS v2.92 80 PLUS BRONZE Power Supply | $33 | Newegg | After $20 rebate
- Rosewill ARC-750 ARC Series 750W 80 PLUS Bronze Certified Power Supply | $45 | Newegg | After $15 rebate
- Universal Cell Phone Bike Handlebar Mount | $6 | Amazon | Use Code F6QGB9OO
- Mpow Sports Armband for iPhone 6/6s | $4 | Amazon | Use code 6QYFYRLY
- Waterproof Case, 3 Pack UKCOCO Universal Dry Bag | $7 | Amazon | Use code 4DXFH65T
- GoPro HERO+ LCD HD Waterproof Action Camera | $200 | Best Buy
- Nikon D500 20.9MP Digital SLR Camera Body | $1699 | eBay
- BAXIA TECHNOLOGY Dog Harness Chest Mount for GoPro | $8 | Amazon | Use code 4NEZDCCZ
- Honeywell - 0.17 Cu. Ft. Security Safe | $30 | eBay
- Safe Inside - Portable Security Case | $20 | eBay
Oreck Commercial U2000RB-1 Commercial 8 Pound Upright Vacuum with Helping Hand Handle and EnduroLife V-Belt, 40' Power Cord | $142 | Amazon
- Albrillo Motion Sensor LED Closet Cabinet Light | $11 | Amazon
- 2-Pack of Winsome Wood S/2 Wood 30-Inch Bar Stools | $44 | Amazon
- Half Sheet Self Adhesive Shipping Labels, 200 Count | $7 | Amazon
- Gaiam Pressure Point Massager | $10 | Amazon
- Philips Sonicare Hx6315/71 for Kids Rechargeable Toothbrush with Bonus, 2 Count | $89 | Amazon
- Enegitech 6 Inch LED Recessed Lighting, 13W(100W Equivalent), 4 pack | $32 | Amazon | Use code IYU9SM4A
- 200 LED Solar String Light Outdoor Decorations, Multicolor | $12 | Amazon | Use code LEUDULP3
- Instant Pot IP-LUX60 6-in-1 Programmable Pressure Cooker, 6-Quart 1000-Watt | $70 | Amazon
- Ninja Coffee Bar Brewer with Glass Carafe | $140 | Best Buy
- PUR LED 11 Cup Pitcher | $23 | Amazon
- DASH 14-Inch Electric Nonstick Skillet | $35 | Woot
- 4-Pack X-Chef Stainless Steel Beverage Straws | $5 | Amazon | Use code ZO8REPA3
- Wuudi 304 Stainless Steel Measuring Spoons set of 8 with Egg Whisk and Measuring Ruler | $7 | Amazon | Use code EDN5E8UV
- Kitchen 4 You 4 Blade Vegetable Spiral Slicer | $9 | Amazon | Use code 8NJXYF8L
- MaxxHaul Adjustable Pick-Up Truck Rack | $73 | Amazon
- JVC CD, Bluetooth, iPod-Ready In-Dash Audio Deck | $70 | Best Buy
- Hausbell T6 Adjustable Focus LED Flashlight Torch | $6 | Amazon | Use code S438J5HL
- 50% Off T-Shirts at BustedTees with Code FCKQHNP
- Magicfly Shoes Polish Care Kit | $15 | Amazon | Use code ZLE4EGEV
- Bath Bombs Gift Set by Anjou, 6 Lush Bath Bombs Kit | $12 | Amazon | Use code T5K2NU29
- Outdoor Camping Stove / Cooking Tool Set | $18 | Amazon | Use Code CDKWO56G
- Coleman 48 Quart Chest Cooler | $20 | Sears
- Osprey Rev 18 Hydration Pack | $60 | REI
- Tailgating Coolers, Games, Drinkware, More on Sale | Home Depot
- Etekcity 400 Pounds Digital Body Fat Weight Bathroom Scale | $17 | Amazon | Use code XYC4S5IP
- Bike Lock Cable - 4 Digits Combination Cable Lock with LED Light | $13 | Amazon | Use code 7MR5CN7H
- Preorder The Iron Giant: Signature Edition | $10 | Amazon
- E.T. The Extra-Terrestrial - Anniversary Edition | $10 | Amazon
- Monty Python and the Holy Grail | $10 | Amazon
- The Bourne Legacy | $8 | Amazon
- Mad Max: Fury Road | $10 | Amazon
- Beetlejuice / Charlie and the Chocolate Factory / Tim Burton’s Corpse Bride (Triple Feature) | $10 | Amazon
- The Birds | $9 | Amazon
- The Heat | $8 | Amazon
- Sparkle / Dreamgirls | $5 | Walmart
- Rango / Yogi Bear | $5 | Walmart
- Saturday Night Fever / Grease | $5 | Walmart
- The Black Prism (Lightbringer Book 1) [Kindle] | $3 | Amazon
The Great Zoo of China Audiobook | $4 | Amazon
- FREE Faeria | Steam
- Pay What You Want for the Humble Survive This Bundle | Humble Bundle
- Mega Man Legacy Collection | $9 | Gamersgate
- Trine Enchanted Edition | $2 | Steam
- Trine 2: Complete Story | $3 | Steam
- Trine 3: The Artifacts of Power | $5 | Steam
- No Man’s Sky | $48 | eBay
- Sony DualShock 4 Wireless Controller | $45 | Newegg | Use code EMCEMFE25
- Sony Playstation 4 Console, 500GB | $280 | eBay
- Street Fighter V | $23 | Amazon
- Xbox One S Wireless Controller | $45 | Newegg | Use code EMCEMFE28
- Middle Earth: Shadow of Mordor Game of the Year | $15 | Amazon
- Tropico 5 - Penultimate Edition | $30 | Amazon
- Nyko Power Kit | $11 | Amazon
- Strider | $4 | Amazon
- Batmobile 12V Ride-On | $175 | Woot
- TEC.BEAN X902 Black Spider Mini RC Quadcopter Drone with 3D Flip | $19 | Amazon | Use code EVCSEZYI
- UDI U845 WiFi FPV UFO RC Drone with HD Camera | $66 | Amazon | Use code ZH3I3WX9
- 08/10/16--15:40: Poll: Do You Party?
- 08/10/16--18:45: Donald Trump Apparently Has No Idea How Voting Works
- 08/11/16--04:45: 88 Days and a Wake Up
- 08/11/16--05:40: Donald Trump Asks Interviewer to "Define What 'a Mistake' Means"
- 08/11/16--06:23: College Video Doesn't Even Mention Chomsky
A version of this blog has sat in my drafts folder since March. It would be nice to say that I didn’t publish it back then because we were “going through a change”—we were, we hired two new writers—and it was maybe not the time to gratuitously throw the word “bone” (the colloquial word for the sex act) around. But it’s always better to tell the truth.
I didn’t blog the blog because the only thing worse than boning too many coworkers is accidentally subtweeting (subblogging?) a peer. What if coworkers had been boning right here, in the office that we called home? (Strangers had been, after all.
There’s only one rule, by the way, and that is that the number of coworkers you are allowed to bone is one (1) per place of employment. Yes, this is a different number than the number of coworkers you would bone if the opportunity came knocking. If you change jobs and work with a new group of coworkers, your counter resets.
There are some conditions to this rule. They are as follows:
Additionally, there is some Fine Print to consider. For all purposes here, the word “boning” is used to describe a sex act in the most informal and casual way. “Boning” should not be conflated with “kissing” or “canoodling,” which are different signs of affection that are almost always harmless, and stupid to invest too much thought or energy into. A bit of advice: Don’t go crazy on that front, either. You’re allowed two (2) canoodles with coworkers, depending on the length of time that you’ve worked at a company. I’d like to suggest keeping it to one (1) romantic office interaction every two to three years. You don’t want to be That Guy, after all. And you should be someone who is able to flirt with humans in the wild (i.e. outside of the office), as well.
Coworker boning is not an especially frequent occurrence, and not an uncommon one—as humans who spend their days working on things that are both true and interesting, we too understand the appeal of flirting with the sincere and charming person who works alongside you. It’s biology! Some people—like our our old pal and Culture Editor Rob Harvilla (RIP), our Editor-in-Chief Tim Marchman, and our Executive Editor John Cook—might even meet their spouses at work. (A study by the Wall Street Journal says that about 10 percent of Americans meet their spouses at work, though it used to be closer to 20 percent back in 1990.)
I’m not suggesting that you go marry the person you boned at work. I mostly want to point out that it’s nothing to be weird about—it’s 2016 and we are slaves to our jobs, and these things happen. It’s only natural. The average human spends more time with their coworkers than they do anyone else, and a handful of surveys in the past few years said that something like 54-56 percent of the American workforce have had a workplace romance of some kind.
Good, great, I wish you well.
You get the one.
This is Gawker Media’s last week as an independent media operation, and while that shouldn’t affect you much one way or the other as a reader, we’re still going to take advantage of a pretext to run some especially stupid posts
Author’s Note: This post was originally written in a state of residual intoxication on the morning of Saturday, June 13, 2015, shortly after a former Gawker editor promoted me to working nights—but failed to inform me that I had the weekend off. For this discourtesy I threatened him with bodily harm. Fortunately, a more level-headed co-worker (Brendan) talked me out of publishing the post. Unfortunately, the editor in question (along with the rest of the Gawker staff) later found and read the draft. Enjoy!
Today, for the first time in longer than I’m happy to admit, I woke up at the house of a charming young woman. I left sooner than I wished to, believing I had to work today.
I did not have to work today.
Gawker editor [REDACTED] knew this fact—presumably having made the decision himself—and out of either negligence or gross disregard did not tell me.
Now we must fight.
Contrary to popular perception, a fight between adult men is wholly unlike a schoolyard scrap. It is a struggle of life and death
Many U.S. states have laws that criminalize public combat, even if engaged in willingly. Authorities in the state of Washington, however, have defended the right of citizens to beat the fuck out of other citizens (such as [REDACTED]) if consent is provided.
I believe it is only fair that [REDACTED] meet me at a venue of his choice in the state of Washington and have his ass handed to him. It is possible—although unlikely—that my ass may be handed to me instead.
This kind of uncertainty is what makes life exciting and worth living, a thought that will surely provide [REDACTED] with some measure of solace as I’m slamming my fist into his fucking face.
The decision, however, is ultimately his. Fight me, [REDACTED]. You know it is the just and honest and frankly civilized thing to do.
Kotaku After Nine Years Of Work, Fans Release Their Own Pokémon Game
What should I have for lunch? Jordan had Chipotle
There is trail mix and cereal downstairs in the kitchen, and there is going to be pizza later. It’s pretty late in the day. I could just snack until pizza.
Outside there are many options, including Dig Inn and Sweetgreen. Maybe I would like a sandwich.
I had beef lo mein for dinner last night. I had peanut butter on toast and blueberries for breakfast.
What should I have for lunch?
Donald Trump spokeswoman and chief apologist Katrina Pierson appeared on MSNBC Wednesday to indicate that is simply ludicrous to think that Trump suggesting that “Second Amendment people” could “do something” about Hillary Clinton could be interpreted as a threat or an incitement to violence. MSNBC’s Kate Snow told Pierson she was “speechless, trying to follow your logic.”
“The campaign itself issued a statement last night talking about the political power of the NRA,” Pierson said, with the admirable serenity of someone who definitely doesn’t work for a maniac. “This is, after all, the oldest continuous operating civil rights organization. It’s been active for over 144 years. It’s one of the top three political groups in Washington D.C. With 93 million voters and people in the country who own guns legally, there has been massive, massive support for the Second Amendment, for the NRA specifically. Kate, they have produced documentaries on how powerful the NRA is in Washington—”
“I don’t think anybody denies that they have a lot of power,” Snow cut in firmly. “But that’s not what Donald Trump said yesterday.”
Pierson then argued that Trump was talking about Clinton’s ability to pick Supreme Court justices, which she would inevitably use to take guns away, and that the NRA would need to pressure Senators not to approve her SCOTUS picks. Or something. She allowed that “people may have heard” Trump’s remarks as threatening, but that definitely wasn’t on him.
What ensued next was an impressive amount of cross-talking and then some insistence by Pierson was that the liberal media was actively out to misconstrue Trump’s statements for the worst.
“If his words are misinterpreted as president, he will not get a do over as president of the United States,” Snow replied. “I think that’s what a lot of people are reacting to here. You don’t get a do over.”
Pierson pirouetted gracefully from there to argue that it didn’t much matter, since Trump’s remarks were “off the cuff” and he wouldn’t talk that way as president, when dealing with foreign leaders, say: “It will definitely be a more serious discussion.”
“So there’s a difference between speech at a political rally and speech with foreign leaders when you’re president?” Snow asked.
“Well, yeah, he wasn’t talking about policy,” Pierson insisted. “He wasn’t talking about implementation of policy. He was talking about what would happen if Hillary Clinton were elected president and he was absolutely right.”
Snow was silent for a long, long moment.
“I’m speechless because I’m trying to follow your logic here, Katrina,” she said, finally. “And I’m having a hard time.”
“I can tell,” Pierson replied, smiling.
In possibly related news, I suddenly have a terrible headache.
Here’s the full video via Raw Story:
In no particular order:
These have been my favorite tweets.
Sex, dating, clothes, relationships, politics, sex, women—men have opinions about all of these things. And yet, there’s nowhere on the internet where you can go to read them. That changes today. Welcome to The Cuck, a pop-up, bespoke men’s site, for men.
The Cuck is a site dedicated to exploring modern masculinity in all its myriad forms, and over the next few days or until it is apparent that we have not been able to attract a really loaded sponsor (P&G please call us back), you’ll hear from some of the most thoughtful men—and non-men—working in media (Gawker Media, specifically) today.
What differentiates The Cuck from all those other men’s interest sites out there? We like to think it’s our emphasis on not being Bad. Unlike other men’s interest sites, The Cuck will not write about watches—unless there is a really good watch we want to write about, obviously, in which case, we’ll do a post about watches. There won’t be any gross, objectifying stories about female celebrities, either—just stories that celebrate them for saying smart things in interviews or appearing in Paul Feig movies, that also might occasionally mention how they look, in a complimentary way.
But mostly, lots and lots of personal essays, which women have really cornered the market on lately
Basically, imagine if there were a Gawker for women. Then, imagine a version of that, but for men. That’s The Cuck. Welcome. We hope you enjoy yourself, especially if you are in charge of marketing at, say, Diageo.
Follow me into the bathroom, I want to tell you a story about my life.
Now here’s the hard part: You have you wait to hear it until I’ve adequately voided my body of its waste, in whatever form it is holding at the moment. In this bathroom, my male (biologically or otherwise) friend, you and I are not standing sneaker to sneaker, shoulder to shoulder, bent elbow on arm attached to hand holding respective penis to bent elbow on arm attached to hand holding respective penis at the great line of porcelain patriarchy we call urinals. You’d be handling your own on your own while I’d be yards away, only faintly aware of the melodic tinkle dribbling from your wiggle.
For you see, I always sit down to pee. And yes, it’s political.
As a man, I go through the world feeling its weight on my shoulders. I would rather society not tell me that it expects me to be so strong and virile and active and pouring sweat and carrying around lumber all the time, but it does, and like a good man, I listen. It’s exhausting. I need all the resting time I can take, that’s exactly what I’m taking when I take my pees.
I think of my bathroom time as both my pee time (I actually love peeing) and my me time. It’s where I get to dismantle the façade that I carry around—strong, rational, my cards close to my vest, my farts sucked into my body with the strength of a Dyson. In my stall—and, yes, for the time that I’m in it, that stall is mine—I get to unleash the real me. The potent fragrance of my id never fails to impress me, once pushed out of my superego’s membrane.
I sit on the toilet and I clear my mind—and my body. While in my crouch, I never want to have the burden of thinking about what’s coming out of where (for that reason, I often put a plastic bag over my head in case my body feels like vomiting). Sitting on the toilet means whatever wants to come out can come out. Whatever will pee will pee, as the song goes. I’ll confess that I’m prone to sharting, and so peeing sitting down helps keep my underwear clean, which is good for the environment if you think of the environment as broadly as possible, which I always try to do, though sometimes I fail because, after all, I’m only a man.
It’s easier to read while sitting down, and though my urination generally lasts no more than 30 seconds, that’s a perfect amount of time to read tweets from some cool Twitter feeds like Matt McGory’s and Sam White’s. Those guys are awake to things that most other guys can’t even dream of.
Sometimes I’m frankly not in the mood to touch my penis and I like to pretend in its place is just a small hole put on my body for one reason and one reason alone: to void waste. It’s my right as a conscious man to regard my penis however I see fit, even if it means being willfully unconscious of said penis.
What penis? :)
Speaking of holes, sitting down to pee allows me to quietly bond with women, without ever burdening them with my maleness or need for validation as a result of how open-minded and cool I am about their condition and the world in general. I know their plight. I know what it’s like to be on the wrong side of toilet-seat privilege. Demanding that seats be put down and stay down isn’t just the job of gals these days, guys. Allyship means demanding fairness even when it doesn’t benefit you. (In my case, though, as a man who only sits down to pee, it does.)
Equality just does not exist until it’s felt by all. Including me. Sitting down to pee allows me to feel the burdens of not just the ladies, but several other marginalized groups, including but not limited to: people with disabilities, people whose kneecaps just got busted in by their arch nemeses, people whose Achilles tendons just got slashed by people under the stairs, people who just got their legs chainsawed off by Leatherface, people who are too depressed to get out of bed, people from 200 years ago who suffered from the vapors and couldn’t stand then and can’t stand up to pee now because they’re dead, very old people, and very young people who just got their first potty and have yet to have their existences soiled by disparity and the burden of societal expectation.
Sitting down to pee also helps keep the floor clean, which is good for janitors and the women who have been cleaning up for me all of my life and, with any luck, will continue to do so. Thank you, I’m sorry, and most of all: You’re welcome.
If you are like me, a lonely artisan in the big city who makes crude wooden toys for a living, then all the modern trappings of dating—the break-up, “ghosting,” “benching,” Tindr, etc.—just don’t seem to cut it anymore.
I was just like every other elderly toymaking professional I knew in New York. I had a full bench of friends and lovers, nothing ever too serious, and I know that I was even “riding the pine” on some of their benches. But after all the carefully placed emojis in texts, deleted numbers, and doomed-to-fail happy hour connections, I became so worn out that I withdrew completely to my small toy shop. Sound familiar?
It was in that shop while I was making toys like wooden trains and wooden dolls and maybe even a rocking horse that I thought of something that would change my life for the better—I would summon some type of demon and ask the demon to imbue one of my wooden puppets with a soul of its own so that the puppet could be an accessible and loving (platonic…or otherwise?) social companion. The puppet-become-real would, theoretically, because I was its lord and creator, be subject to my will and would immediately respect and never question my authority. In short, it would show me the type of pure love and adoration that I’d been seeking but never allowing myself to fully enjoy in the modern dating pool. I call it “Gepetto-ing” (based on my name).
Sounds like a perfect scenario, right? Not really. Trust me, there are plenty of pitfalls to Gepetto-ing, some of them are even pretty serious. But in the end, it’s probably worth it for you to use dark magic and create a thrall out of wood and string instead of interacting with real humans.
The craziest thing was how easy it was to fall into this. You would think that breathing life into an inanimate object (a puppet wearing overalls and a hat, in this case) would be extremely difficult. And it’s true, I didn’t even know where to start. I basically just got very frustrated and sad that none of my friends or lovers were perfect slaves to my iron will and I just wished REALLY hard. I’d type a random number into my phone and text a picture of the first puppet I wanted brought to life, we’ll call him Jeremy (not his real name), to that random number and include some text like “I WISH HE WAS A REAL BOY!” I did that so many times!
Most people didn’t respond. It wasn’t until the dead of night that my phone buzzed. A response! It said, “Ok.” I gave that stranger my address and about 30 minutes later the wooden puppet I carved and painted in a crude likeness of a human person was blinking, breathing (?), and talking. I had never before felt like I was more solidly on the road to a healthy, meaningful social life!
Jeremy and I were inseparable for the first few months. He even moved into my shop after I told him he was not allowed to leave. And look, I get that telling him not to leave is wrong. Jeremy was his own person capable of scampering up stools and clattering his wooden body across countertops in an unsettling way and making his own decisions (side note: I’m not sure his brain was actually inside his wooden skull. I didn’t put one there and I’m not sure if the demon carved out a cavity for a biological brain. My best guess is that the creature’s brain was some type of “cloud computing” thing where the brain was some other place and sort of communicated to the body of this ungodly homunculus). But let’s be honest, if any rational person saw this thing moving around on its own outside of my shop they would capture it so that they, and not me, would have a perfect friend forever. Or they might shoot it or destroy it with an axe out of raw, formless fear.
The arrangement was perfect for some time. He would help me build toys and keep the shop tidy. I taught him about soccer, which is a sport I’ve forced myself to like because I like going to bars at 9 a.m. to watch soccer matches while wearing a mysterious jersey that prompts strangers to ask me who I’m supporting. I even bought Jeremy a child’s sized jersey with my favorite player’s name on the back. After I explained to him why his everyday clothes were painted onto his body instead of taken on and off at will like mine, Jeremy dropped the bombshell I had been hoping to avoid. He opened his wooden mouth and said, “Am I a real boy?”
What could I say? How could I answer that? The truth, that he was a demon-animated homunculus made from wood and despair, would bowl him over. Jeremy was never violent but he had an unnatural strength and I was afraid he could kill me for bringing him to this world. So, I lied to Jeremy for the first time. “Yes, you’re a real boy and I love you, Jeremy.” We hugged and shared some ice cream. But as Jeremy choked up the ice cream and it spilled down his maple face because his wooden body rejected it I could tell that things were different between us. Jeremy was different.
That night Jeremy snuck out, probably by contorting his body and squeezing through a crack in a basement window. I didn’t see him for days. He’d randomly text me pictures of him smoking cigars with donkeys and drinking foamy beers at filthy piano halls. He was just trying to make me jealous. I’d text him that he had to come home. Then I’d change my tone and beg him. When that didn’t work, the insults started. I wanted a slave friend for life and what I got was a scoundrel and a liar. So I told him. And I started Gepetto-ing a new best friend.
When Jeremy finally came home almost a month later, I was with Carol and Brendan, the two newest wooden dolls I brought to life to be my prisoners and best friends. Jeremy stunk of booze and cigar and donkey and he was covered in filth. His eyes were crazy, big black pools that gave a glimpse of the dark heart beating at the center of the universe. I told Carol and Brendan to give us some privacy so they both went to the oven, where they slept on a pile of rags. I had never had a worse argument than I did that night with Jeremy. The names he called me hurt, but not as bad as the pool cue he used to crack my skull. He almost overpowered me, somehow, but I wrenched free and shoved Jeremy into the garbage disposal. Before his face disappeared in a shower of wood chips and gurgling noises, he said, “I’m a real boy.”
But the truth is, Jeremy wasn’t a real boy. It was Carol who called the police after she too escaped, having seen the horrific fight between me and Jeremy. When the police arrived they found me, a pretty busted up apartment, and wood chips sprayed all over the place. I answered their questions. They conducted an investigation. They even found Jeremy’s remains. But he wasn’t real. I couldn’t be convicted of murder because Jeremy was an unholy abomination of a best friend who loved me because he had to. Not a real boy.
Carol, always the intelligent one, stayed away. I’d text her here and there, but never got a response. Brendan, whether out of fear or admiration (didn’t matter to me), stayed with me. He even helped me build other friends.
In the end, Gepetto-ing is a bit manipulative. It’s a bit backhanded. It deals strictly in the realm of unknowable dark energies. But it’s something that has helped me build a social life I can be proud of—a life of seclusion where I can fill my need for love by squeezing it forcefully from the wooden bodies of toys who are my friends because they have no other choice.
Bookmark Kinja Deals and follow us on Twitter to never miss a deal. Commerce Content is independent of Editorial and Advertising, and if you buy something through our posts, we may get a small share of the sale. Click here
If you’re worried that you won’t get a ton of use out of this thing, note that in addition to standard pressure cooking, you can also use the Instant Pot as a slow cooker, rice cooker, steamer, and more. Plus, it carries a stellar 4.6 star review average from nearly 3,000 customers, so there’s not much risk of this thing letting you down. Just be aware that this is a Gold Box deal, meaning this price is only available today, and it could sell out early.
If you still have any TVs without a Chromecast attached, Google’s official eBay store will sell you one at a $5 discount today (also available on Chromecast Audio). Plus, Google will throw in 90 days of unlimited Google Play music, plus two months of Spotify Premium (new users only) for free.
Dell’s P15Q series 4K monitors have long been the most affordable 4K IPS displays on the market, but today the 24" version is all the way down to $367, within a few bucks of an all-time low on Amazon.
Update: Now up to $383, which is historically still a solid price, but not nearly as good as $367.
If you aren’t familiar, IPS displays boast superior color accuracy and viewing angles compared to the TN panels you’ll find in most cheap 4K monitors, and with this deal, you’re basically getting IPS for “free” compared to the going rate for similar 4K displays. I happen to own this exact model, and I absolutely love it.
TCL’s 2016 4K TVs aren’t technological marvels, but they might just represent the best value in the TV world, and two separate 55" models are on sale for all-time low prices right now.
Today on Amazon, the TCL UP130 is down to $600, and the US5800 is just $500. They’re both 55", and they both include built-in Roku software, but the UP130 though includes an enhanced remote with a microphone, 802.11ac Wi-Fi (rather than 802.11n), and improved styling. As far as picture quality goes, they should be essentially identical, so it’s up to you whether the extra accoutrements are worth $100.
If you missed out in theaters, Amazon and iTunes will rent you an HD copy of Quentin Tarantino’s The Hateful Eight for just a buck right now. As with all digital rentals, you’ll have 30 days to start watching, and then 24 (iTunes) or 48 (Amazon) hours to finish, so you don’t have to find time to watch it tonight.
A small new batch of $20 Nintendo Selects games will be released on August 26, and if you have Amazon Prime, you can get any or all of them for just $16 (discount shown at checkout).
iClever’s BoostCube travel USB charger isn’t as small as the Aukey we highlighted earlier this week
GoPro’s short-lived HERO+ LCD is no longer in active production, which is a shame, because it was a pretty great mid-level action cam. That doesn’t mean you can’t still buy them though, as Best Buy’s pushing them as part of a great bundle deal today.
In addition to a $100 discount from from $300 to $200, Best Buy will throw in an official GoPro Wi-Fi remote, an extended battery BacPac, and a $20 Shutterfly credit with your purchase today. A la carte, those extras would cost you about $150 on any given day, so if you’ve been on the fence about picking up a GoPro, this might be the time to pull the trigger.
Perry Ellis is sailing into the end of the summer by clearing out their clearance rack. Save an additional 60% on clearance items, and stock up short-sleeve button downs for those end-of-summer BBQs or a nice polo for your friends’ engagement party.
It should go without saying that this $66 hexacopter isn’t as advanced as a DJI Phantom, but it still has a pretty impressive feature set for the price.
The most interesting thing about the UDI U845 is that it can fly in headless mode, meaning you can control it relative to the position of the transmitter, rather than the direction it’s facing. You also get a pair of batteries good for 6-9 minutes each, a built-in 720p camera with live FPV streaming to your phone, and most importantly, a button to do flips.
If you want to see it in action before you buy, here’s a good YouTube review.
You don’t necessarily have to have children to appreciate Babyganics’ scent-free, hypoallergenic products, and Amazon’s taking an extra 35% off over a half a dozen products. Head over to this post
A smartphone handlebar mount can turn your bike into the ultimate Pokémon Go machine, and this one’s available for just $6 today with code F6QGB9OO. That’s the best price we’ve seen on a bike mount recently, but we wouldn’t be surprised if it sold out quickly.
Speaking of deals to make your bike smarter, this $18 gadget from KMASHI is an LED headlight, Bluetooth speaker, and USB battery pack all rolled into one. That means you can roll between Pokéstops all night long, and be able to hear when a new Pokémon comes into range.
Sony’s 300W HT-CT380 sound bar and wireless subwoofer sets up in minutes, and will give your home theater a serious audio boost. If that sounds appealing, you can grab one from BuyDig’s eBay storefront for $190 today or $70 less than Amazon.
Ninja’s new high-end coffee maker has all the bells and whistles you could want in a coffee machine, and you can pick one up for $140 today, one of the best prices we’ve ever seen.
The headlining feature here is Ninja’s Auto-iQ system, which automatically adjusts the water level based on the brew size and type you select, but you’ll also get a permanent filter, milk frother and tumbler in the box. Just note that this deal is only available today, so don’t sleep on it.
Mpow brought affordable Bluetooth headphones to the mainstream, and today, they’ll sell you a pair with active noise cancellation and IPX4 waterproofing for $15. Awesome haircut not included.
If you don’t already own a water filtration pitcher, this PUR 11-cup model is marked down to an all-time low $23 today. This particular model includes an LED indicator light to remind you to change the filter, and the filters themselves are less expensive than Brita’s.
I’ll tell you a secret: I don’t really care that much about filtration. I mostly like these because they mean I always have ice cold water ready to go at all times.
You all know the drill with these dry bags by now. They keep your phone safe from the elements whether you’re surfing in the ocean, swimming in a pool, or just lounging on the beach, and $7 for a three-pack is about as cheap as you’ll ever see them.
While supplies last, if you buy a $5 Crest sample box from Amazon, you’ll get a $5 credit to spend on your next Crest purchase from the site. Even if Crest isn’t your usual brand, those sample sizes are perfect for traveling, so you should definitely get some use out of them.
If reliability is something you crave in a pair of shoes (if it isn’t, you may need to reconsider), I bet you have Cole Haan in your closet. And if you’re looking for a new pair but don’t want to spend the normal asking price, they’re giving you an extra 40% off sale items with the code EXTRA40, for both men’s and women’s styles.
Once again, LOFT is here to make your summer wardrobe better. Get 40% off everything (including New Arrivals) when you use the code BESTFRIENDS to celebrate their Friends & Family event. It’s a LOFT summer, if I do say so myself.
In my opinion, the best time to buy winter apparel is when it isn’t winter. For one, you don’t need to scramble to find something warm, and secondly, most things are on sale. Like, Nordstrom Rack’s The North Face sale going on right now. Save up to $100 on The North Face outerwear and get ready for the months ahead.
Benefit Cosmetics is by far one of my favorite makeup brands. The products are high-quality and the packaging is one-of-a-kind. I know I’ll be stocking up during their SALE-abration, with up to 50% off some really awesome limited edition sets and free shipping with the code SHIP25. You’d better too.
Update: This seems to be sold out. Sorry!
One of the best wireless router deals we’ve ever seen is running right now at T-Mobile, of all places. $59 gets you a rebranded ASUS RT-AC68U AC1900 router (with code WIFI50), which is about $100 less than buying it from Amazon.
The T-Mobile version has some T-Mobile branding and claims to be optimized for Wi-Fi calling, but under the hood, it’s just a standard (and very popular Wi-Fi router). The deal is available to everyone, even if you aren’t a T-Mobile customer, but we don’t expect it to last long at all.
Like the original Evolution, the Evolution Cool is made of memory foam, and wraps all the way around your neck to provide support if your head nods off to the side while you’re traveling. The key difference is the integrated vent running along the middle of the pillow, which should keep your neck from getting too sweaty.
If you have any long trips on the horizon, you can save 20% on all four colors today with promo code LBYL79GJ. Cabeau’s pillows never go on sale, so if you’ve had one on your wish list, this is a great opportunity.
By now, most of you probably have a USB battery pack or two to keep your phones charged, and that’s great! But I’m willing to bet most of them won’t start your car if its battery dies.
The $59 Anker compact car jump starter has your standard pair of USB ports and a 10,000mAh built-in battery, but it also ships with a set of removable jumper cables to jolt your car’s engine to life in a pinch. Once you’re up and running, it’ll even recharge itself via an included 15V car charger, so it never even has to leave your glove box.
Hopefully you don’t need to use this often, but it’s one of those things you’ll be really glad you bought when the time comes. This particular model has been a little cheaper during a couple of Amazon Gold Boxes, but today’s price is still well below its usual $70-$80.
This 20V Worx string trimmer isn’t the most powerful model out there, but it should get the job done for most normal yards, and it critically includes two batteries (roughly 20 minutes each) and a charger for just $80.
Fitbit’s Alta is one of the first fitness trackers that actually looks nice on your wrist, owing largely to its fashionable interchangeable bands, and we’re finally starting to see some (admittedly small) deals.
Amazon’s currently offering several colors and sizes for $119, or about $11 off its MSRP. No, that’s not a huge deal, but it’s about as good as you’re likely to see these days.
Lärabars are great for starting your day or fueling up on the go, and Amazon’s taking an extra 25% off when you buy various multipacks as part of a back-to-school promotion. Just pick your favorite flavor, and you should see the extra savings at checkout.
We’ve shared lots of deals on 32 and 64GB flash drives that include microUSB plugs for your Android devices before, but here’s one on a massive 128GB model. In case you haven’t seen these yet, they’re perfect for storing videos to watch on your tablet during a long flight, or sharing large amounts of vacation photos from your phone without using a computer.
In case you weren’t aware, this 20% video game discount is available for Prime members on all preorder and new release games
Only luddites use tape measures anymore. This laser distance measurer takes instant distance readings that are accurate to within 1/16 of an inch, and includes several built-in area calculation functions, in case you’re a little rusty on your middle school math.
You spend 1/3 of your life in contact with a pillow, so it had better be a good one. This Langria bed pillow is stuffed with chunks of shredded memory foam, and it can be yours for only $24 today with code BACKTOSS. Don’t sleep on this deal.
You never want to be in a situation where you need a solar and hand crank-powered weather radio with a flashlight and USB port for charging your phone, but when you can get one for $18, you probably should buy it just in case.
The thing that’s really frustrating me about No Man’s Sky is that I bought an Xbox One, so I can’t play it. If you’re in the same boat, this $280 console deal is about as cheap as PS4s ever get. Just note that you won’t get any bundled games.
Amazon bills this buy two and save $5 promotion as a back to school special, but I’m not going back to school anytime soon, and I would still love to buy some of these snacks. Eligible products include everything from Lays chips to Starbucks Refreshers to oatmeal, so head over to Amazon and pick out your two favorites.
The Halo 5: Guardians Limited Edition must have been a real flop, because it’s selling for just $27 on Amazon today, an all-time low by $10, and miles and miles from its original $100.
That gets you the game, limited edition packaging, dossiers, the Halo: The Fall of Reach animated series, requisition packs, a Metal Earth Guardian model, and more. This was certainly not the best Halo game, but it’s still worth playing
You know the little charging brick that came with your phone? Throw it out, and spend $7 on this replacement from Aukey (with code AUKEY12W). It’s basically the same size as Apple’s standard iPhone charger, but it includes two ports, folding prongs, and 2.4A of current (instead of 1A) to charge your devices faster.
Strip lights can add dramatic accents to your home, or just light up the area under your kitchen cabinets, and this 16' TaoTronics set is a great deal for $24.
The strip packs in 1.5 LEDs per inch, which far exceeds most competing models, and you can use the included remote to dim them or choose from over 4,000 different colors. They’re certainly not the cheapest strip lights we’ve seen, but outside of expensive Philips Hue strips, they might be the most versatile.
Computers & Accessories
Tools & Auto
Beauty & Grooming
Camping & Outdoors
Movies & TV
Commerce Content is independent of Editorial and Advertising, and if you buy something through our posts, we may get a small share of the sale. Click here
The video, titled “Message to Mr. Trump (why I climbed your tower)” and uploaded on Tuesday, shows a man who bears a striking resemblance to the climber looking off-camera as he explains his actions.
“I’m an independent researcher seeking a private audience with you to discuss an important manner,” says the man in the video. “The reason I climbed your tower was to get your attention. If I sought this via conventional means, I would be much less likely to have success, because you are a busy man with many responsibilities.”
“As for anyone else who’s watching,” the man continues, “please help this video go viral so that it gets to Mr. Trump and be sure to get out and vote for Mr. Trump in the 2016 election.”
According to CNN’s Shimon Prokupecz, the man climbing Trump Tower told police that his name is “Steve” and that he’s from Virginia.
What does it mean when someone asks, “Do you party?”
You immediately know, right? You probably also picture the sort of person who would ask you. So: What does that person mean?
I contend that the unsolicited question “do you party?” is more ambiguous—liable to mean wildly different things according to the context in which it was asked—than you may have assumed.
Most of my peers, here in the “the media biz” in “the big city,” would probably take it to mean, “do you do cocaine?” Maybe for some people—squarer people or, like, baby boomers?—it means “marijuana.”
Ok, now, let’s think about one specific situation. Maybe this situation happened, recently, to someone you know, or maybe it didn’t, that doesn’t matter.
Let’s say you are part of an American heterosexual romantic couple, and you are both between, say, 26-36-years-old, and you are traveling together in a foreign city. Let’s say you’re the male member of the couple. And you are at a bar or a nightclub—a pretty lively spot—on a Thursday or Friday night, and, by happenstance, you meet another American heterosexual romantic couple, both perhaps just a bit older than you, but not by much. And you four are basically the only Americans in the bar or nightclub, and you strike up a conversation, and you begin drinking together, and getting to know one another.
And then at one point, your female partner leaves, to go to the bathroom or have a smoke or buy another round, and you (the male member of the couple) find yourself talking to the male member of the other couple, one-on-one. And he is a bit older than you, as I said, probably on the other side of 40. And he asks you some perfectly normal questions, about how long you and your partner have known each other, and how you met, and so on, and he talks a little about when he met his wife (they’re married), and then he says, seemingly apropos of nothing: “Do you party?”
Reader, what does he mean?
Alex Pareene is the Editor-in-Chief of Gawker.
This is Gawker Media’s last week as an independent media operation, and while that shouldn’t affect you much one way or the other as a reader, we’re still going to take advantage of a pretext to run some especially stupid posts
Over the past week, Donald Trump has increasingly suggested that this year’s election will be “rigged,”
Appearing on Fox News Wednesday night, the Republican nominee demonstrated this apparent ignorance while bemoaning the reversal of North Carolina’s racially discriminatory voter ID law
“Voter ID seems to be eliminated in North Carolina,” said Trump, according to CBS News’ Sopan Deb. “I think that’s, you know, very unfortunate. Voter ID—does that mean that anybody can just go and walk in and vote? That’s very unfair, that’s very unfair.”
In the real world, of course, polling stations don’t take anonymous drop-ins, requiring citizens to either register beforehand or present valid identification before voting. In Donald Trump’s home state of New York (which has no voter ID law), for instance, the deadline for registration is weeks before the general election.
Donald, however, isn’t the only Trump with a shaky understanding of the rules: According to Trump, two of his children failed to register as Republicans in time to vote for their dad in the primaries.
In an appearance on CNBC, Donald Trump reiterated his claim at a campaign rally in Florida on Wednesday that Barack Obama is the “founder of ISIS
“In sports they have awards—he gets the Most Valuable Player award,” Trump said. “Him and Hillary. She gets it too.”
The Republican nominee also went on a brief tangent complaining about how Obama refers to ISIS as “ISIL.” “He calls it ‘ISIL’ even though nobody else does,” Trump grumbled. “Probably he wants to bother people by using a different term.”
Ever aggrieved, the New York City real estate developer claimed not to care whether his comments alienate voters in swing states. (Or, presumably, anywhere.) “All I do is tell the truth,” he said. “I’m a truth teller.”
Carl Icahn, a billionaire who supports Donald Trump (and recently declined a position on his economic policy team), said this week that it was “mistake” to antagonize the Khan family. Asked on Thursday whether he agreed that he had made a mistake, Trump said, “You’ll have to define what ‘a mistake’ means.”
Trump requested the clarification—which was ultimately not forthcoming—in an interview on CNBC, during which he later said
The Republican nominee was also asked to elaborate on his barely-veiled references this week to Hillary Clinton’s possible assassination. “On the Second Amendment, everybody came to my defense because there was nothing said wrong,” Trump said. “Only the haters tried to grab onto that one. And it was very unsuccessful.”
Trump has admitted to at least two mistakes in the course of this campaign: Most recently, he conceded
What’s in the news this morning.... ehhh... look at this fuckin Arizona State sorority recruitment video.
As a general rule, very attractive people are Bad.
Thank you for reading Gawker.com. We’re all in this together.
This year’s Democratic Party Platform has been described as one the most progressive ever produced, particularly on the issue of sexual assault. “Democrats,” the platform states, “are committed to ending the scourge of violence against women wherever it occurs —whether in our homes, streets, schools, military, or elsewhere.” The platform’s commitment to victim’s services as well as expanding education was hailed by multiple women’s groups, including the National Organization for Women.
That progressive commitment was reiterated on the stage of the Democratic National Convention, where Joe Biden highlighted the recent Stanford rape case and his work to end sexual violence on college campuses. Lena Dunham also praised nominee Hillary Clinton for advocating for protections for sexual assault victims. But at the convention itself, there was a gap between policy and practice.
On July 27, the third day of the DNC, Pennsylvania Bernie Sanders delegate Gwen Snyder says that she was sexually assaulted by a fellow delegate. Snyder, a progressive organizer from Philadelphia, told Jezebel she went to the bar at the Hilton DoubleTree, where Snyder and the entire Pennsylvania delegation was staying, to get a fork. While waiting, Snyder saw two fellow delegates and struck up a conversation about “shared frustrations.” She was familiar with both delegates as a whip for the Sanders campaign.
She noted that both delegates had been drinking quite a bit and one of the men, in particular, had “been kind of tactile.” When she went to leave the Hilton’s bar, one of the men asked for a hug. Snyder said that for a variety of reasons, she felt pressured to consent to the hug. During the hug, Snyder says that the delegate sexually assaulted her, locking her in his arms, pushing his head into her chest and “aggressively licking” her breasts.
In response, Snyder says she “pushed him off, cursed him out, and ‘got out of Dodge.’” She returned to her hotel room and, still angry and upset from the events, returned downstairs to find the Chuck Pascal, the head of Pennsylvania’s Bernie Sanders delegation, to lodge a complaint. Snyder emphasizes that Pascal was empathetic and helpful, but he “didn’t know what the procedure was,” in large part because the DNC has no official procedure.
“I was very insistent, I wanted [my assaulter’s] credentials pulled,” Snyder says, referring to the credentials that the DNC gives to every state delegate and which granted access to the floor of the Wells Fargo Arena. Unsatisfied with that answer, Snyder also met Cliff Levine, the head of the Pennsylvania’s Clinton delegation, and a co-chair of the DNC’s Host Committee, but again was met with the same response: concern and empathy but with no official procedure in place, state delegation leaders could do little to help.
So Snyder filed a police report. She says that even though she was reluctant to file a police report, she did so because she felt like there were no other options available to her. “I found a female cop,” Snyder says, “there were a million cops on the street so it was like a ten-foot walk, I reported it, got the report number.” She was told by the Philadelphia police that she would have to meet with their Special Victims Unit, which she did after the convention, during the first week of August.
After filing the report, Snyder met again with delegation leaders who reiterated that, to their knowledge, there were no official policies to address sexual assault between delegates. “Everyone [with whom]... I discussed my experience—both men and women—were almost universally supportive and empathetic,” Snyder says. “They wanted to do something; there just wasn’t a protocol or process in place to follow.”
With no real recourse to have her attacker removed from the convention floor, Snyder had little choice other than to endure his presence. Snyder says that he was instructed to stay away from her which, she says, he did not do. He remained at the convention for the rest of the week. Video he appeared in even went semi-viral the following week. “It’s so disempowering,” Snyder says.
In an email to Jezebel, April Mellody, Deputy CEO for Communications for the Democratic National Convention Committee (DNCC), said:
As I said, no one on the DNCC staff was aware or has received any reports about this alleged incident. The safety and security of our delegates is our top priority and the Democratic Convention has no tolerance for harassment or sexual assault as underscored in our Party Platform. However, without additional information, it is impossible to comment.
But it’s unclear what “no tolerance” exactly means. Neither the DNC nor the DNCC has a written policy on how to handle sexual assault complaints between delegates. In addition, there are no clear guidelines provided by the DNC or DNCC to state delegation leaders advising them on either when or how to remove credentials from a delegate accused of sexual assault.
Instead, a series of complicated decisions are left to a variety of people, including state party leaders, who appear to be unaware of that responsibility. According to the Pennsylvania Democrats’ Delegate Selection Plan, a pledged delegate may only be replaced “when a delegate resigns or dies.” It does not specially address removal or resignation for conduct, be it sexual harassment or assault.
It’s a striking omission from the DNC and DNCC, particularly for an environment that publicly committed itself to inclusiveness and giving voice to sexual assault survivors. Ultimately, it’s that very oversight that led Snyder to come to Jezebel. “I’m an organizer,” Snyder says. “Action is how I process trauma and anger.” Snyder would like to see the national organization establish guidelines to handle sexual assault complaints as well as a hotline so that she could “have contacted someone trained to deal with the situation instead of grasping at the people I thought might have been able to offer guidance.” She added that the DNC and DNCC should have a “delineated procedure that empowers the survivor.”
Snyder also emphasized that the lack of clarity and guidelines surrounding sexual assault was particularly disappointing given of the historic nature of Clinton’s nomination.
“This convention was a very meaningful experience for me, as a woman and as a feminist,” Snyder says. She notes that friends and colleagues helped her find her mother who was also on the convention floor so that they could watch Clinton’s nomination together. “Sitting together as mother and daughter, watching as a woman accepted the presidential nomination for the first time ever felt deeply historic and moving,” she added.
Snyder says she hopes that the DNC will put guidelines in place that will consider the particular safety needs of their woman delegates.