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More Buck For Your Bang: People Who Have More Sex Make The Most Money

A German study has found that people who have the most sex also make the most money, further depressing the world's low-paid plebes who don't get any.

How did people call their penises and vaginas eight centuries ago?

Cat's meat, thatched cottage, fanny, cartsue case, jam, quim-whiskers, front parlour, whopper, percy, doover, swanska, jamoke, jolly bean, donniger... these timelines tell you the nicknames of your intimate parts from 1250 to today.

What Do I Tell My Blond Son About Being Black?

“I think we should teach him to use his privilege to his advantage.”

How (And Why) To Poach Eggs: A Guide For The Haggard

Poaching eggs is a bit more complicated and delicate—these are nice ways of saying annoying—than frying them or scrambling them or hard-boiling them or throwing them at Rick Reilly, and so the question of how to poach them kinda naturally goes with the question of why to poach them. The true answer to the latter, of course, is that a person on the Internet is cajoling you to poach them. The minor accompanying reasons are that poached eggs are really fucking delicious and versatile, and therefore a cool foodstuff to know how to prepare.

"Blurred Lines" Songwriters Preemptively Sue Marvin Gaye's Family

Robin Thicke, Pharrell, and T.I. have preemptively sued the children of Marvin Gaye over a threatened lawsuit that "Blurred Lines" copies Gaye's 1977 hit "Got to Give It Up."

Artist in Queens Allegedly Forged Hundreds of Modernist Paintings

Pei-Shen Qian, a Chinese artist whose acclaim in China faded once he immigrated to New York City, is at the center of a scandal that allegedly had him fabricate hundreds of paintings by prominent modernist painters, including Jackson Pollock and Robert Motherwell.

Beezow Doo-doo Zopittybop-bop-bop Arrested Again on Drug Charges

Beezow Doo-doo Zopittybop-bop-bop has been arrested again on drug charges, only a year after his last run-in with the law.

Where to begin? This training video for cooks-in-training at Wendy's in the '80s features not only a hard-rockin' theme song, but an actual scene where a burger cook-in-training gets sucked into a television and rapped to about how to best cook a burger.

Here's a look at the full message on the Doritos bags SPD officers are handing out at Hempfest. pic.twitter.com/b0iOt1LARP
— Graham Johnson (@GrahamKIRO7) August 17, 2013

How can anti-gay bigots be so pathetic and infuriatingly dumb?

Kinja user Kseth works at the Target store in Fargo, North Dakota. A few weeks ago he witnessed an absurd event starring an anti-gay Christian customer and a fellow employee regarding Target's gay marriage cards. Pathetic. Sad. Dumb—all those adjectives apply.

TIME journalist Michael Grunwald just "can't wait" for the U.S. to kill Julian Assange through a drone strike. The Ecuadorian embassy/that entire block of British people are just necessary collateral, yo.

JPMorgan Gave the Children of Chinese Officials Sweet Jobs

JPMorgan allegedly hired the children of important Chinese officials in order to gain favor when competing for important contracts, according to a new federal investigation.

Host of $10 Million Bat Mitzvah Sentenced to Prison for Stealing Money

A body armor mogul who threw his daughter a $10 million bat mitzvah with performances from 50 Cent, Tom Petty, and Aerosmith, was sentenced to 17 years in prison for his role in swindling $200 million from his company and its investors.

The University of Maryland plans to install 200 bulletproof whiteboards in classrooms to protect professors in the event of a school shooting.

Bloomberg Would Like To Fingerprint All Public Housing Residents

Michael Bloomberg, when he's not relentlessly coddling the overclass, is obsessed with criminalizing the underclass. After appealing a federal judge's ruling on the unconstitutionality of the stop-and-frisk police tactic, Bloomberg introduced the idea of fingerprinting everyone who lives in public housing, just so they can keep track of who the criminals are.

Attention, Nation! Grizzly bears have been attacking hikers in Yellowstone, probably because they are mindless killing machines.

Chris Christie Wants Only Sick Children to Have Access to Dank Edibles

Chris Christie announced Friday that he would sign a New Jersey medical marijuana bill only if it was changed to allow only sick children to consume edible marijuana.

Another Shady Bus Company Shut Down After Dumping Passengers

Another shady bus company has been shut down by the Feds after dumping its passengers at a Virginia truck stop and leaving them there for 24 hours. Weirdly, a company with the exact same everything including owners, drivers, and buses was already shut down by the Feds last year. Weeeirrrd.

Could This 8-Year-Old Be The Key to Immortality?

Gabby Williams is eight years old, but looks like a newborn. She is one of only a handful of people across the world who age at an incredibly slow rate, and scientists are trying to figure out why. Once they do, the discovery could help fight Alzheimer's, and even give us an aging "off switch," which would give humans the chance to stay the same age... pretty much forever.

Vanderbilt Rape Case Adds Fifth Football Player Defendant

A fifth Vanderbilt football player has been indicted for allegedly advising one of his co-defendants on how to cover up raping an unconscious student.

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