Syrian President Bashar Assad sat down for an interview in Damascus on Wednesday with Democratic Congressman Dennis Kucinich and Fox News’ Greg Palkot. When asked by Kucinich whether or not he had chemical weapons, he responded “it’s not a secret anymore” and said his government will follow the agreement reached between the U.S. and Russia to turn over his chemical weapons.

He made clear that destroying the stockpiles would take some time— “maybe a year”—and that the cost would be tremendous. He also pointed out the environmental burden of destroying his stockpile.

Assad then denied that his regime was behind a sarin attack in August that killed hundreds of civilians and questioned the authenticity of the YouTube videos, insinuating that they are a “forgery.”

A transcript of the entire interview can be read here.

[videos via Fox News]

Two men riding a bicycle shot and killed Mohammad Amanullah, head of the Independent Election Commission in Kunduz, Afghanistan on Wednesday. Following the incident, Zabiullah Mujahid, the spokesman for the Taliban, sent out this tweet:

امروز ۹ بجه قبل از ظهر درمنطقهء تخارستان شهر کندز رئيس کميسيون انتخابات اين ولایت اينجينيرمحمدامان ازطرف مجاهدين به ضرب ګلوله به قتل رسيد .

— zabihullahmujahid (@zabihmujahid) September 18, 2013

The New York Times provides a translation:

“At 9 a.m. this morning, Engineer Mohammad Aman head of Kunduz Independent Election Commission was killed by our Mujahedeen in Takharistan area of Kunduz city.”

This is the first "official" instance of the Taliban using Twitter to claim responsibility for a killing and there is speculation that the group is trying to disrupt elections “more vigorously than they have in the past.”

President of Afghanistan, Hamid Karzai, condemned the killing:

“An inclusive election will be held in this country, and the enemy’s plots against that will fail, and nothing will remain to the Taliban except denigration and disgrace.”

Before the announcement was made via Twitter Wednesday morning, the @zabihmujahid account had 1400 followers. As of Wednesday evening, it now has 1535 followers, many of whom are American journalists.

[Image via AP]

Wow. House gop leadership aide just told me "Wendy Davis has more balls than Ted Cruz." #gopvsgopugliness

— Dana Bash (@DanaBashCNN) September 18, 2013

A new round of political brinkmanship, in which House Republicans are pushing to defund Obamacare via a must-pass temporary government funding bill, is seeing a bit of Republican infighting as the congressmen attempt to figure out their plan. The above comment reportedly came after Senator Ted Cruz suggested behind the scenes that he would not filibuster if the bill reached the Senate, where nothing defunding Obamacare will pass.

This has been your latest update in the never ending saga of Politicians Playing Chicken with the Country While Real People Are Unemployed and Hungry.

If you’ve ever wanted to go to McDonald’s and make one giant sandwich out of every sandwich they offer, the good news is that you can as long as you have $140.33. Nick at Dude Foods, who claims that building the McEverything has been the “number one item” on his bucket list for a few years, recently completed this horrifying feat. But why would anyone want a sandwich that combines a fucking Sausage McGriddle, a Big Mac, and a Filet-O-Fish?

If you count breakfast, there were 43 sandwiches offered by the McDonald’s in Wauwatosa, Wisconsin where Nick made the monstrosity. And in order to guarantee success, precise timing was required:

Since I wanted to include both breakfast and lunch sandwiches as part of the McEverything I showed up about 30 minutes prior to the end of breakfast service just to give the workers enough time to assemble all the breakfast sandwiches before the menu switched over to lunch. They were also able to ring everything up all on one receipt as well, so I didn’t have to place two orders which was nice.

He was able to hold the entire thing together with “lots and lots” of bamboo skewers.

But here’s the worst part of the entire thing, aside from the gluttony and waste and stuff:

Now, I know that some of you are probably reading this right now and thinking to yourself “Man, what kind of idiot spends $143 on 43 McDonald’s sandwiches?” The way I see it though is that with all the leftovers I have I’ve got all my breakfasts, lunches and dinners covered for the next week or so!

Leftovers. He’s going to eat leftover McDonald’s for an entire week.

.

[Images via Nick at Dude Foods]

David Edward Benes, 54, of Holiday, Florida was arrested Tuesday after imprisoning his 80-year-old girlfriend and attempting to perform a two-day exorcism on her. The couple had been living together for three years.

The alleged exorcism began on Monday when Benes held down his girlfriend and tried “to get the devil out of her.” He then took the batteries out of her phone to keep her from calling for help. After, he took her car keys and “dismantled” the garage to prevent it from opening. Then, somehow, the victim fell asleep.

When she woke the next morning, the alleged exorcism began again and when the authorities arrived (the woman somehow managed to call 911) , they found the bruised and scratched woman sitting outside the home crying. Benes was on the couch and “too drunk to remember what happened.” He then told the officers his girlfriend started the fight because “she is crazy.”

He was arrested on charges of battery on a person 65 years or older and false imprisonment and remains in county jail.

[Image via Tampa Bay Times]

Mexican President Enrique Peña Nieto told reporters Wednesday that at least 58 people are unaccounted for after a mudslide buried homes in a town near Acapulco. Deadly storms in Mexico, including now-Hurricane Manuel, have already killed 80 people, damaged 35,000 homes, and stranded 40,000 tourists this week.

In response to Russian President Vladimir Putin's essay in the New York Times opinion section last week, Senator John McCain has penned an op-ed of his own in Russia's Pravda. The essay lives up to its title —"Russians deserve better than Putin"— and offers a scathing view of the Russian president and his government.

First, McCain claims not just to be pro-Russian, but also “more pro-Russian than the regime that misrules you today.” He then lays into Putin and his cronies.

They don't respect your dignity or accept your authority over them. They punish dissent and imprison opponents. They rig your elections. They control your media. They harass, threaten, and banish organizations that defend your right to self-governance. To perpetuate their power they foster rampant corruption in your courts and your economy and terrorize and even assassinate journalists who try to expose their corruption.

They write laws to codify bigotry against people whose sexual orientation they condemn. They throw the members of a punk rock band in jail for the crime of being provocative and vulgar and for having the audacity to protest President Putin's rule.

McCain also slams Putin's economic policies, saying they've made Russia's economy “too risky for investment and entrepreneurism,” and writes that Russia's foreign policy has “made her a friend to tyrants and an enemy to the oppressed, and untrusted by nations that seek to build a safer, more peaceful and prosperous world.”

What was Putin's reaction? Much like President Obama's response to Putin's op-ed, the Russian president didn't seem too bothered by it, and his spokesman Dmitri S. Peskov said he wouldn't respond.

“Engaging in any debates would not make sense,” Peskov told Russian news services. “As far as the question of what Russians deserve is concerned, they are able to answer this question on their own, and they do so when elections are held. I do not think that the opinion of any person who lives overseas can play any role in swaying Russians’ preferences.”

UPDATE: It looks like McCain published his op-ed in the wrong Pravda. From CNN:

The Pravda McCain had publicly said he wanted to be published in is one of the oldest Russian newspapers, founded in 1912.

Pravda, which means “the truth” in Russian, became the biggest newspaper during the Soviet period of Russian history. It was the official mouthpiece of the Central Committee of the Russian Communist Party. The newspaper was closed down after the collapse of the Soviet Union in 1991, then reopened in 1997 as the official paper of the Russian Communist Party. The current Pravda has a considerably smaller circulation compared to its Soviet glory days.

Pravda.ru, the news outlet that actually published McCain’s piece, is an electronic news website founded in 1999. Even though the website also bears the name Pravda, it is not connected to Pravda newspaper.

Slate describes the Pravda that published McCain as a “frequently updated and highly-entertaining tabloid, publishing in both English and Russian, whose content is a kind of cross between WorldNetDaily and the National Enquirer. Typical features might include Nostradamus predictions, alien skulls found on Mars, and “thirteen terribly weird facts about women."

[Image via AP]

The arrest of an Arizona man early this month on suspicion of branding his name into the private parts of at least one former girlfriend has resulted in the same man's arrest earlier this week on bestiality charges.

Christopher Lynn Jackson of Chandler was picked up on Monday after Maricopa County Sheriff's Office detectives found multiple pornographic videos in his home featuring himself and two women performing "various sex acts" on his German Shepherd.

"If you saw the video, you’d be pretty sick," said Sheriff Joe Arpaio. "We weren’t expecting this."

The search warrant that led police to discover the disturbing footage stemmed from allegations that Jackson had branded his initials into his then-girlfriend's "vaginal area" and declared that "her vagina was his."

The victim claims Jackson, who owns a landscaping business called Lawn Tamers, "bragged" about having branded his name into the genitals of previous girlfriends as well.

In addition to Jackson, authorities in Maricopa County also arrested 61-year-old Josephine Erikson, one of the women believed to have participated in the "dog porn."

Meanwhile, Dirk, the German Shepherd, was taken from Jackson's home by detectives, and he is currently in their care.

[mug shots via ABC15]

A new study has detected brain activity in brains that meet the definition of "brain dead." "The most famous example of the phenomena turned into a best-selling book, Proof of Heaven." Brain dead, proof of heaven... makes sense.

(NYC)

One angry family is swearing off Coca-Cola products for good after finding the words "You Retard" printed underneath the cap of VitaminWater bottle.

The words hit particularly close to home for Blake Loates because her younger sister Fiona suffers from both cerebral palsy and autism.

"The R-word is just something we don’t say in my family," the Alberta woman told Metro Canada. "My dad is quite upset and is on a rampage."

Indeed, Doug Loates, of Tacoma, Washington, shot off an blistering letter to Coca-Cola's board of directors demanding answers.

"We thought it might have been a disgruntled employee or someone in a (bottling) plant playing a joke," Blake told Huffington Post Canada.

But, as it turns out, the words were put there by VitaminWater itself — on purpose.

It seems the company's Canadian division had been holding a contest that involves printing one random word in English and one random word in French on the same bottle cap.

It just so happened that Loates found a bottle cap with the word "You" and the French word "Retard," meaning "late" or "delayed," printed in tandem.

"We did not mean to offend at all," said Coca-Cola Canada's director of brand communications Shannon Denny.

According to Denny, the odds of those two words ending up on the same cap "were slim," but the mishap was still an "oversight" on Coca-Cola's part.

"We have learned from this and it was a mistake," said Coca-Cola's VP of still beverages David Thomson.

Thomson is writing the Loates family a formal apology, and has ordered the contest canceled and all remaining bottle caps destroyed.

[photo via Blake Loates]

Margaret Mary Vojtko was a longtime adjunct professor at Duquesne University in Pittsburgh. Earlier this month, she died penniless. She may have an even greater effect in death than in life.

Yesterday, Daniel Kovalik, a union official and friend of Vojtko, wrote an op-ed in the Pittsburgh Post-Gazette relating the circumstances of the end of Vojtko's life. In short: she was afflicted with cancer, and living in poverty, in a crumbling home, in conditions so poor that a neighbor had called Adult Protective Services to help her. As a "proud professional," she didn't want help, and asked Kovalik to help get APS off her back. That same day, she fell dead of a heart attack.

A sad story. But the reason that Kovalik's tale of Vojtko's end has garnered so much attention is because it contrasts her poverty-stricken lifestyle with her quarter-century-long career as an adjunct professor at a major university:

As amazing as it sounds, Margaret Mary, a 25-year professor, was not making ends meet. Even during the best of times, when she was teaching three classes a semester and two during the summer, she was not even clearing $25,000 a year, and she received absolutely no health care benefits. Compare this with the salary of Duquesne's president, who makes more than $700,000 with full benefits.

Meanwhile, in the past year, her teaching load had been reduced by the university to one class a semester, which meant she was making well below $10,000 a year. With huge out-of-pocket bills from UPMC Mercy for her cancer treatment, Margaret Mary was left in abject penury. She could no longer keep her electricity on in her home, which became uninhabitable during the winter. She therefore took to working at an Eat'n Park at night and then trying to catch some sleep during the day at her office at Duquesne. When this was discovered by the university, the police were called in to eject her from her office. Still, despite her cancer and her poverty, she never missed a day of class.

[A Duquesne campus chaplain disputes Kovalik's account.]

Duquesne, like many other schools, fought against the efforts of its adjunct professors to unionize. Adjunct professors often find it hard to get any public sympathy for their working conditions, either; after all, they're professors, right? Everyone wants that job, right? But the case of Margaret Mary Vojtko highlights just how outrageous the salaries and economic conditions are for many of those who teach in some of our nation's most highly touted universities.

Her case has already spawned a Twitter hashtag. Perhaps it can also shame some schools into treating adjunct professors like the professionals they are.

Everyone has a friend—a terrifying, beautiful friend—who wields humor the way ranchers wield cattle prods; who jokes, and teases, and Just kidding!s her underlings ("BFFs!") toward the cliff-edge of nervous breakdown; whose sadism is impossible to fight against because it's just a joke, why can't you take a joke? Sometimes, that friend gets married.

The following emails were forwarded to us by a bridesmaid still dazed from her six-month tour in the war zone of her gal pal's elegant destination wedding. They are a master class in the joking-but-not-joking-seriously-DON'T-cut-your-hair-without-my-permission style of friend management, where every "jest" (no bridesmaids were actually force-fed protein shakes to gain weight) is counteracted by a very real "offense" (one bridesmaid was asked to take diet pills).

All identifying information has been changed; emphasized words and phrases appear as they did in the correspondence (though we have swapped the fluorescent pink of the original text for a more subdued black). So sit back, pop a diet pill because you're fat, and then pop a chill pill because can't you take a joke, fattie? Jeez.

Welcome to my bridal party. I thought today would be a great day to start this chain, as it is officially six months until my wedding day.

I just wanted to go over some ground rules.

1. Weigh-ins will begin in 3 weeks. I for one would really like some time after Thanksgiving to make my body forget about what it consumed, so I thought I would give you guys some cushion room

2. No-one can be skinner than the bride. That means Kelly and Lizzie will be on a protein weight gainer diet exclusively until May. I will have the nutritionist call you to discuss diet plans.

3. Bed times leading up to the wedding will be strictly enforced. I absolutely cannot have you all have saggy, baggy eyes. I am sure you all understand.

4. Swimwear attire: I would like everyone to wear matching bikinis that have rhinestones on the tushie spelling out "maids," which brings me to my next point.

5. All bikinis leading up to the wedding must be strapless bandeaus. I cannot have terrible tan lines in strapless dresses.

6. Sunscreen: We need to make sure you ladies look lovely and radiant and not red and reptile like. Pack accordingly.

7. Speeches: We all know what happened at Taylor's wedding. So if you plan to make a toast, please submit it for approval and revision, no later than 4 weeks prior to the wedding.

8. Hair cuts: If you plan on chopping off your locks, please submit your proposed new look prior to any actions (this applies to coloring as well).

9. Attendance: is strongly requested at all events but I will make some exceptions on a case by case basis.

10. Ink: Consider this a moratorium on future tattoos until June 5th. Those of you with visible artwork will be privately contacted with (temporary) removal instructions.

Thank you for your time and consideration. Should everyone abide by these minor requests, I am sure we will all have a memorable weekend.

Just kidding bitches, well, sorta. love you all,

[The Bride]

Girls,

It has been brought to my attention (picture proof) that one of my Maids is in violation of Rule 8 of the Bridal Party Contract. Rule 8 clearly stipulates that "If you plan on chopping off your locks, please submit your proposed new look prior to any actions (this applies to coloring as well)."

While I am sure this was a minor oversight by my bad little bee, I would like to remind everyone of the ramifications of violating any of the aforementioned rules. Failure to adhere to my commandments, can result in Bridalparty banishment!

I would appreciate a call from the hair-color-changing culprit immediately, with a proposed remedy by the end of the day.

Respectfully yours.

The Queen Bee

Hello my faithful bees,

Chloe has colored her hair. She has repented her sins to the QB and she has been forgiven for her minor lapse in forgetting the protocol.

Kudos to Chelsea for asking permission to cut her hair, unfortunately, her request is DENIED.

Onto to my next point. We will begin weekly weigh-ins on January 17th. I will be sending over the form for everyone to fill out and submit with a picture of the scale shortly.

Lastly, I am looking into bridesmaid rhinestone bikinis and I am open to color suggestions from everyone but Miss Holly because I have already chosen a customizable bikini for her, see below. If anyone could help me find bandeau rhinestone bikinis, I would greatly appreciate it. I would like it so say MAIDS in sparkle, rhinestones, or pearls. Not too much to ask, I know.

Holly’s rhinestone bikini:

http://www.advantagebridal.com/silver-lame-bi...

xoxo,

The Queen Bee

[Follow-up]

I am preferential to blonde hair (with the exception of Lizzie & Holly who I think are better with darker locks) and seeing as I liked her better as a blonde goddess, it was approved. Had she asked for bangs as well, she would have been denied. Holly, please feel free to come down to Miami and we can go see O.

Also, Chloe, please review the conversation where I approved your highlights and slight trim. NOT HACKING OFF YOUR BANGS.

Good afternoon all of my faithful bees. It brings me great sadness to write this e-mail but it was brought to my attention that one of my chosen-bees has defected. She is in violation of Rule 8, despite asking permission and having her request denied! The punishment is obviously bridal party banishment. However, after careful consideration, I have decided to re-instate her status on a provision basis. As long as her bangs grow out by [date two weeks before the wedding], she will be allowed to participate in our festivities. She has reassured me that she will be using horse shampoo for rapid hair growth until that point.

Miss Chelsea from this point on is on bridal party probation. I hope that everyone understands the severity of breaking any of the aforementioned rules and that defectors will not be treated lightly. Additionally, if anyone does decide to break any future rules, please do not try to justify your behavior by telling me what other maids are doing in other weddings. I do not care and I am the QB. Also, I have posted an image to this e-mail, which will serve as my official logo. Lastly, I will be leaving to Puerto Rico tomorrow morning with Eric and our new wedding planner. I will be sure to keep you all posted as we will be very bzzzzzzzzie. xoxo

Hello My Beautiful Bees,

All of you should be receiving your dresses in the mail shortly, I know some of you already have. If you could please send me a picture of yourself in the dress, I would greatly appreciate it. I am assuming the dress is going to mandate spanx b/c the material is unforgiving, so I am curious to see how it will look.

I hope everyone is on a water and rice cake diet from this point forward. I would also appreciate it if everyone incorporated arm workouts into their daily routine... Remember no pashminas, just long and slender arms!!! xoxox

Our tipster confirms it was a beautiful wedding. And that one bridesmaid was later asked to "wear a pashmina to cover her 'fat arms.'"

[Image by Jim Cooke]

The playboys at Google claim they have "no relationship" with the NASA folks who let them use federal facilities—but why then are NASA functionaries trying to score free plane rides—for Tom Brokaw, natch—from Google?

If you're unlucky enough to be in Times Square, you'll surely leap at the chance to publicly register your displeasure with capitalism.

so... apparently Keiran/Kieran is gaelic for 'black?' http://t.co/0XFcHibSsc (via @justinroby)

— Brokey McPoverty (@brokeymcpoverty) September 20, 2013

This is awkward.

A police department in Ohio is examining the circumstances that led one of their officers to handcuff three family members including a 14-year-old boy and hold them on the ground at stun-gunpoint during a routine traffic stop.

According to Washington Township Officer Eric Hart's report, he initially pulled over Cassandra Meyers, 21, after noticing her "altered" license registration sticker.

At some point during the stop, Meyers' father-in-law Aaron Tatkowski arrived on the scene in his truck along with his girlfriend and Meyers' three children.

Per Hart's report, Tatkowski exited his vehicle and confronted the officer, allegedly yelling "I'm fucking sick of you cops. I'm fucking sick of you harassing people for no reason."

Tatkowski told Channel 11 News he got back in the truck as Officer Hart ordered, but for some unknown reason was "yanked out of the truck" by Hart moments later.

"It made my girlfriend say a few things," Tatkowski said. "He yanked her out of the truck."

Officer Hart asserts that Tatowski refused to get back in his truck, forcing him to pull out his stun gun and order him to lie on the ground.

This allegedly resulted in Meyers leaving her vehicle to object to Hart's behavior.

The report states that Meyers was then also ordered to the ground and a struggle between her and Hart reportedly ensued.

It is possible that at this point Tatowski's 14-year-old jumped out of the car to assist his family members, but the exact circumstances that led him to be ordered to the ground alongside Tatkowski and Meyers remain unclear.

It's at this point that a video of the incident filmed by an eyewitness kicks in, and it continues until Hart orders onlookers to disperse.

Over the course of the nearly five minutes of footage, Meyers and Tatowski can be heard exchanging words with Hart, and Hart can be seen pointing his stun gun at the family — a fact he left off the official report.

After the video went viral earlier this week, Hart was placed on paid administrative leave pending the results of an internal investigation.

He was also put on paid leave by the Toledo Public Schools, where he was employed as a school resource officer.

"He’s not in trouble, but to keep things aboveboard, we put him on administrative leave until an internal investigation is fully complete," Washington Township police Chief Christopher Kaiser said in a statement. "I’m not saying he did anything wrong, but we’re trying to show we’re not trying to sweep this under the rug or cover it up."

Meanwhile, Tatowski was released on his own recognizance after pleading not guilty to charges of misconduct at an emergency, obstructing official business, and resisting arrest.

Meyers was booked into the same county jail on charges of obstructing official business, tampering with evidence, and fictitious plates.

She was also found to have an outstanding tax payment warrant.

[H/T: HyperVocal, Opposing Views, The Daily Dot]

Even if you were unwilling to battle it out in line or pay a homeless person to stand in line for you, you can still have an iPhone 5s right now if you're ready to pay through the nose: New iPhones are currently on Cragislist for $2,000.

General David Petraeus' rocky first days as a lecturer at the City University of New York only got rockier this week. Six CUNY student were arrested on Tuesday while protesting outside Macaulay Honors College, where Petraeus holds his classes. Now their supporters are saying that police unnecessarily roughed the students up during their arrest, and video footage seems to support that claim.

The video above shows one of the arrested demonstrators being immobilized by NYPD officers after a clash between the protesters and police had already begun. At about 30 seconds into the video, you can clearly see a police officer kneel down and punch the demonstrator's exposed kidney area. Ultimately six students, ranging in age from 18 to 25, were taken into custody and charged with mutliple crimes, "including disorderly conduct, riot, resisting arrest and obstruction of governmental administration," according to the Guardian.

In response to the video, and to support the ongoing campaign against Petraeus, a group of graduate students and professors gathered together yesterday to pen an open letter that voices their displeasure with Tuesday's arrests and Petraeus' hiring:

As graduate students and educators of CUNY, we express our outrage at the violent and unprovoked actions by the NYPD against CUNY students peacefully protesting the appointment of war criminal David Petraeus as a lecturer at the Macaulay Honors College. We deplore the use of violence and brutal tactics against CUNY students and faculty who were protesting outside the college. It is unacceptable for the university to allow the police to violently arrest students.

Originally a CUNY project, the letter, which asks for the charges against the students to be dropped and for Petraeus to be fired, has now been signed by hundreds of academics from around the country.

After being arraigned on Wednesday, the six students who were arrested are due back in court on October 17.

Sir Stuffington is a cat pirate. As legend has it, he sailed the high seas in search of buried catnip treasure, conquered doggy islands, and raided mouse villages. He lost his right eye in a swordfight with a flock of mutated seagulls and broke his jaw in battle with a sea monster. In fact, he was one of the most feared feline plunderers in kitty-pirate history—until one fateful night, when his lady love's captors spayed and neutered her, and the distraught Sir Stuffington got so drunk he crashed his ship.

On September 13, Oregon's Multnomah County Animal Services found Sir Stuffington, homeless and living on the Portland streets. He was with two others; they'd all evidently endured rough episodes, but Sir Stuffington carried his damage the worst. Mangy, filthy, and flea-infested, he was suffering from an upper respiratory infection (too much stolen tobacco) and had a heart murmur. Plus, there was that permanently curled upper lip.

But then a nice Portland-area foster woman named Blazer Schaffer took in the three kittens and created a Facebook fan page for Sir Stuffington. Why him? Because he's a legendary cat pirate! Now he is quickly becoming the most famous one-eyed cat in today's Facebook-share history. You can see why here: These photos are ridiculous.

This will not be the last you hear about Sir Stuffington. Just you wait.

You can order Sir Stuffington prints here. Proceeds go to Multnomah County Animal Services.

[h/t Death and Taxes // Bottom three images by AmyWho Photography]

To contact the author of this post, email camille@gawker.com.