Amanda Bynes' notorious Twitter account has been silent for months, but she appears to be back on Twitter under the guise of a "fashion designer" named Ashley Barks, a.k.a. @PersianLa27. Bynes denied having a secret account in March, after InTouch outed her as PersianLa, but "Ashley" has continued tweeting in the voice of Amanda Bynes since then.

@PersianLa27 is extremely similar to Bynes' previous Twitter persona, frequently posting Aries horoscopes and referring to people she dislikes as "ugly." Ashley has never asked Drake to murder her vagina, but she did once offer to let Rob Kardashian motorboat her if he lost weight.

She also tends to reply to tweets about Amanda in the first person, as she did in this incident where she called Wendy Williams a "tranny":

.@WendyWilliams I NEVER COMMITTED ANY CRIMES, TRANNY!

— ✡ Amanda (@PersianLa27) October 1, 2014

And although she's changed her name on Twitter from "Ashley" to "✡ Amanda," @PersianLa27 insists that "Amanda is an actress. My name is Ashley. I am a fashion designer!"

But if Ashley isn't Amanda Bynes, she's at least an obsessed impostor with an "Amanda Bynes" Google alert. And she really hates Michelle Trachtenberg for "stealing" rapper Kid Cudi from Amanda.

All of this became a lot more relevant this week, when TMZ heard from Bynes' classmates that the former actress was allegedly kicked out of the Fashion Institute of Design and Merchandising for poor attendance, cheating on a test, and paying other students to do her homework.

On the "secret" Twitter account, maybe-Amanda denies she was forced to leave school:

Bynes' friend and hairstylist told People yesterday that Bynes stopped going to class because she didn't want to leave the house after having some work done on her skin. "She had all plans to finish school, but she had a few procedures done and didn't want to be in public at FIDM," said Lindsey White. "She hated going to school."

People also interviewed classmates who said that, although Bynes did often wear sunglasses to class, she never threw the tantrum TMZ reported.

"It makes me sad that this happened because she was honestly trying," one said.

@PersianLa27 linked to the People story on Twitter.

PersianLa also may have weighed in on Bynes' recent DUI for allegedly driving under the influence of Adderall and possible "other drugs":

I don't abuse drugs. Im not crazy. I never quit school. Apparently its illegal to take scripts from your OWN doctor.

— ✡ Amanda (@PersianLa27) October 2, 2014

Bynes' verified account, @amandabynes, still exists, although she heavily sanitized it after returning to Twitter in March. She hasn't posted anything new there since May.

[h/t The Blemish, Photo: SplashNews]

Take a second, close your eyes, and picture Kate Winslet and Leonardo DiCaprio. What are they doing? Snogging? Ugh. It is so typical you to picture Kate Winslet and Leonardo DiCaprio doing something they've never done, not even once in their entire lives.

In an interview with Marie Claire UK, Kate Winslet spoke about her why her friendship with Leonardo Dicaprio works, surviving all these years. Why do you think it works? Oh my god. Do you think it works because they share a love of snogging each other? Jesus christ, what is wrong with you. From Marie Claire UK:

"I think the reason that friendship works is because there was never any romantic thing. It's so disappointing for people to hear that—

She's talking about you, specifically.

—because in the soap opera of the Kate and Leo story we fell in love at first sight and had a million snogs, but actually we never did. He always saw me as one of the boys. I've never really been a girly-girl."

See? She's never been a girly-girl, and they've never even shared one snog, let alone a million. Give me a break, man.

[image via Getty]

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Hong Kong is currently in the throes of enormous demonstrations calling for democratic reforms and the ouster of Leung Chun-ying, its chief executive. Today, his 22-year-old daughter posted a very stupid thing on Facebook.

When she received comments about a necklace she was wearing in a recent photo, Leung Chai-yan, a student at the London School of Economics, responded thusly:

"The necklace on my profile pic is not a dog collar, silly!!!" she said. "This is actually a beautiful necklace bought at Lane Crawford (yes - funded by all you HK taxpayers!! So are all my beautiful shoes and dresses and clutches!! Thank you so much!!!!)".

Then, she decided that maybe the people making fun of her weren't taxpayers at all:

Chai Yan hit out at those taunting her saying, "Actually maybe I shouldn't say 'all you'- since most of you here are probably unemployed hence all this time obsessed with bombarding me with messages". She later said, "It's ok, your mother still loves you".

Leung's Facebook made headlines earlier this year after she published a photo of her own cut wrists with the caption "Will I bleed to death?"

The protests call for greater democracy after a mandate from Bejing that candidates for Hong Kong leadership be handpicked by the Chinese government. This kind let-them-eat-cake posturing from Leung Chai-yan, then, is a very bad look for her father. Her Facebook has since been pulled down.

[Image via and h/t to BoingBoing]

At 8/7c. you start to really see Halloween stuff beginning tonight, and why not, it's only 29 days until Halloween, that's practically tomorrow! Twenty-nine tomorrows, to be exact. On The Biggest Loser there's a Halloween-themed episode called "The Lottery," in which one of the contestants is chosen at random to be stoned to death, in the hopes of placating the gods of obesity.

Disney Channel has some quality Halloween programming tonight, like an episode of Dog with a Blog titled "Howloween 2: The Final Reckoning," a Jessie called "Runaway Bride of Frankenstein," and my personal favorite, Girl Meets World: "Girl Meets World: Of Terror"! Haven's fourth episode is called "Much Ado About Mara," which is almost an idea, and there's a new Grey's Anatomy because it's Thursday and Shondaland is upon us once again.

Vampire Diaries is back for a sixth season, and once again Bonnie may or may not be dead but nobody really cares that much, which is one of my favorite motifs of that show. ("Where's Bonnie? I forget, is she dead or in another dimension or just away at college or did we have breakfast with her earlier today? I don't care enough to remember which one of those is right.") That Old Show This Old House, also. How is this only the thirteenth season? Is that in dog years? (Am I actually only thirteen? How do I even have a job, I should be in school learning!)

At 9/8c. is Gracepoint on Fox, which is the last time I'm going to even mention it because as far as I'm concerned it's no coincidence that Ebola and this show arrived on American shores in the same week. Speaking of plagues, Reign starts its second season tonight with an episode about The Plague. And you know what I always say about Reign, it's great but I don't want to talk about it because frankly even thinking about Toby Regbo I feel like I should be put in jail, so just watch it and keep your mouth shut and everything will work out fine. New Project Runway, as that show dies down, and the second episode of Scandal, which so far is better than it has been in a while. Bad Judge and A to Z also premiere, but who gives a shit.

I wish the leads from A to Z would switch shows with the leads from Manhattan Love Story, because A to Z is an okay show about some extremely off-putting people, while Manhattan Love Story is about some immensely appealing people caught in a mediocre sitcom. Alas, that won't happen, but it's nice to imagine. To imagine having that kind of POWER!

At 10/9c. is the premiere of A&E's version of Cold Case, Dead Again (episode title "Behind Closed Doors," not to be confused with Jean-Claude Van Damme: Behind Closed Doors, which doesn't come out for another whole hour!) which is a thing nobody needed but hey, A&E is all about making weird-ass shows that why do they exist. It's a niche brand. Otherwise it's a new Vegas-centric Parenthood and the second episode of How to Get Away with Murder. An excellent show! I don't usually like to watch episodes of things more than once but I've watched the pilot of that one like, several times.

At 11/10c. on Adult Swim it's the newest Black Jesus, very good show, and on Reelz the hotly anticipated premiere of Jean-Claude Van Damme: Behind Closed Doors. What's better than Jean-Claude Van Damme just out and about? Just chilling or hanging around town or going to the mall with his besties? JCVD behind some closed doors, that's what. God he's fantastic. What a cool guy. Does the splits just any old place. Not gonna waffle about this Belgian, that's for sure: He's the best.

Morning Afteris a new home for television discussion online, brought to you by Gawker. What are you watching tonight? What are we missing out on? Recommendations and discussions down below.

The death knell of Rovio is ringing louder. Just a month after the CEO of the Angry Birds developer resigned amidst sagging profits, the company announced 16 percent of its staff is being flung out the door.

The Wall Street Journal reports:

The Finnish games company, which shot to fame with the online and mobile game featuring colored, flying birds, said it would cut 130 staff, or about 16% of its workforce, amid flattening revenue and difficulties finding fresh growth opportunities. The company said it had bulked up its staff in anticipation of stronger growth.

"We have been building our team on assumptions of faster growth than have materialized," the company said in a statement.

Fad games rarely turn into successful companies, as Zynga and Candy Crush maker King Digital have already learned. Rovio tried to escape its ill fate and released a few games that didn't carry the tired Angry Birds brand. But those games weren't successful enough to prop up the struggling company, and now the downward spiral into the startup sewer begins.

To contact the author of this post, please email kevin@valleywag.com.

Photo: Michael Coté

In 2009, Sarah Lacy, then a writer for TechCrunch, set the gold standard for startup hype in a write-up about Wonga, a payday loan company that just might "upend the world's financial institutions." Today, Wonga is about as hated as Wall Street and was just forced to write down £220m of debts for 330,000 customers because the loans were unethical.

Even God is mad at Wonga.

The company is based in London, but the list of venture capitalists who invested $145.4 million over the years includes Silicon Valley stalwarts like Accel Partners and Greylock. Wonga's other investors are prominent in Europe. Local reports of its implosion have been relatively mild, but Wonga's misdeeds are pretty spectacular.

In May, Wonga's CEO stepped down after a scant six months on the job. In July, Andy Haste as chairman, hoping his "blue chip financial credentials" might be able to make people forget that the company sent out fake legal letters to scare borrowers who had trouble paying back their loans:

The UK's biggest payday lender has been without a permanent chief executive or chairman since its co-founder Errol Damelin quit as chairman in June last month. Damelin's departure, seven months after he stood down as chief executive, came just before the financial regulator ordered the payday lender to pay £2.6m in compensation for misleading customers by issuing letters to struggling borrowers under the name of fake legal firms.

The Financial Conduct Authority said Wonga had been guilty of "unfair and misleading debt collection practices" after it emerged the lender had made up the companies to threaten legal action against customers.

The Law Society has called for a criminal investigation but Haste said Wonga had not been contacted by police. "As of today we are not under criminal investigation and our whole focus is working with our regulator to pay compensation to customers in a timely manner."

The write-down as well as new "affordability checks" were part of a "voluntary agreement" with the UK's Financial Conduct Authority about Wonga's lending practices, reports the BBC.

The company, which has faced criticism for its high interest rates and debt collection tactics, made the changes after discussions with regulators.

Customers in arrears whose loans would not have been made under the new checks will have their debts written off.

A further 45,000 customers in arrears will not have to pay interest on loans.

The BBC said Wonga lends money to roughly a million customers a year. In July, Haste promised to enforce stricter criteria. The process sounds corrupt from start to fake letter finish. Take this example from a 20-year-old customer named Elliott Gomme who easily gamed the system to get £120 to go on vacation by claiming that he worked full-time:

"My bank couldn't give me an overdraft or anything, and so I went to [Wonga]," he says.

He received his money and went on holiday, but a few weeks later he says the firm started calling him and he says they were "constant".

"They were ringing me every day," he says. "They were telling me how much I owe and that there was added interest."

Elliot says that a few months later he was being told his debt had risen to more then £800 and it began to affect his day-to-day life.

Reporters are no better than investors at picking which startups will succeed. We've all made wrong calls. But what's so strange about TechCrunch's post from 2009 is that Wonga was already controversial, a fact Lacy noted and dismissed:

Critics have said that Wonga is usurious by charging a 1% interest fee per day. But that's a knee-jerk response. [...]

Sure, you can say Wonga is dangerous because it's giving people an easier way to live outside their means. But that's a bit like arguing giving kids condoms encourages teenage sex. You can't change human behavior, but you can help make people safer.

Now here's the downside on Wonga: It's only available in the UK . . .

Tech bloggers must be humans because you can't change their behavior either.

To contact the author of this post, please email nitasha@gawker.com.

[Image via Associated Press]

What could be more fun than a storage locker full of old armchairs? Well, nothing, of course. But you don't have one of those, do you? So here's an idea — why not watch Project Runway with us and chat about it in the comments? It's the next best thing!

Just take a seat in your own armchair, watch the show (which airs on Lifetime at 9 pm Eastern), and post comments about it below. You may also opt to partake of a beverage or substance of your choosing, spill it on your armchair, and then sell your armchair on eBay when the night is done. It's all up to you!

Tonight's open thread is a special one, because it's finally time to vote on the finalists in our "Kors-Style Zing" contest. For the benefit of anyone who wasn't here for either of the past two open threads — or for anyone who was here, but was too drunk or wasted to remember what happened — I'll explain how the contest works: In memory of the departed Michael Kors (departed from the show, I mean — he's not dead or anything), I asked people to post their best Kors-like snarky descriptions of the looks during the runway portions of the past two episodes, so we could all eventually vote on a winner — who will receive a Project Runway-themed refrigerator accessory, guaranteed to amaze and befuddle any face-painted white rappers who may wander into their kitchen.

Here are the finalists I selected:

• GoOnWithoutMe (describing this): "Like Chucky's bride went shopping at the 99 cent store."
• otterbird (on this): "Joan Collins for Garanimals."
• chattygal (on this): "Baby's first colostomy bag."
• Snacktastic (on this): "If clothes were like Pokemon, that dress would be the final form of a kindergartener's pinafore."
• Madincrafts (also on this): "A flamenco picnic table."
• Dorita (on this): "Fiddler on the Roof meets the Black Swan."

So please vote for favorite (by posting your choice in a comment) before, during or after tonight's show. Then I'll count up the votes declare a winner next Thursday.

Turning our attention to this Thursday … here's what's in store on tonight's episode:

• The designers will have to construct their looks out of junk found in flea markets and abandoned storage lockers. So it's a trashy challenge! Heidi will be pleased.
• Amanda will become enamored of a psychedelic yedi. I mention this fact simply so I could type "enamored of a psychedelic yedi," since I suspect I am the first human ever to use that phrase, and I like making history.
• The guest judge will be Verizon pitchman Christian Siriano, who has a really fierce phone plan that might interest you. It's a hot 4G mess!

See you down in the comments. And remember: Vote early! Vote often! And don't forget to vote for yourself!

[Image via Lifetime]

A federal appeals court ruling today effectively closed thirteen abortion clinics in Texas with a ruling Thursday, leaving only five clinics to serve the state's 5 million reproductive-aged women.

A three-judge panel in the Fifth Circuit Court of Appeals voted to uphold a restrictive Texas law that would require abortion clinics to pay for millions of dollars in hospital-style upgrades to remain in operation.

According to the AP, the ruling—which took immediate effect Thursday—will have a major effect on the state.

The impact of the ruling will be most felt along the Texas-Mexico border and in the western half of the state, where access to a legal abortion is especially limited. The only abortion clinic in McAllen, which reopened after the lower court's ruling, now stands to close again. That would leave women in the area facing a 300-mile drive to the next-nearest abortion facility.

The only clinics remaining in Texas are in Houston, Austin, San Antonio and Dallas, according to the AP.

The decision, which could only be temporary, reversed a lower court judge who had ruled that the restrictions were more focused on restricting access to abortions than patient safety.

[image via AP]

An American NBC cameraman working in Liberia tested positive for Ebola today and will be flown to the United States for treatment. The rest of the NBC crew—which includes Chief Medical Editor Dr. Nancy Snyderman—are reportedly being monitored and will be kept in quarantine.

The 33-year-old cameraman, whose name is being withheld, was working as a freelancer on assignment in Monrovia, Liberia. Three other NBC News employees, including Synderman, were on location with him.

One of our team in Liberia tested positive for Ebola. He's getting good care &we are self quarantined. Appreciate all the support @nbcnews

— Dr. Nancy Snyderman (@DrNancyNBCNEWS) October 3, 2014

According to NBC, the 33-year-old cameraman became tired and achy Wednesday and discovered he was running a slight fever. On Thursday, he checked himself into a hospital and tested positive for the virus.

NBC News president Deborah Turness reportedly wrote a staff memo alerting employees that the freelancer will be flown back to the United States for treatment.

"We are also taking all possible measures to protect our employees and the general public...The rest of the crew, including Dr. Nancy, are being closely monitored and show no symptoms or warning signs. However, in an abundance of caution, we will fly them back on a private charter flight and then they will place themselves under quarantine in the United States for 21 days – which is at the most conservative end of the spectrum of medical guidance."

Yesterday, the Washington Post's health editor, Lenny Bernstein, published a story illustrating how easy it could be to get infected while covering the story in Liberia.

You don't touch anyone in Liberia. Not kids, not adults, not other Westerners, not the colleagues you arrived with. It is the rule of rules, because while everyone able is taking precautions, you just can't be sure where the invisible, lethal Ebola virus might be. Once the virus is on your fingers, it would be frighteningly easy to rub an eye and infect yourself.

...

Maintaining that constant vigilance, especially while wearing long sleeves and pouring sweat in the Liberian humidity, is mentally taxing. As is watching the virus's mounting toll day after day. It's almost impossible not to slip. Once I put my hand on a slim wood railing on the path to the entrance of Brown's treatment center. "Don't touch that," he said quickly but calmly. "Come, wash your hands." I spent a while at the chlorine keg, rubbing the liquid into my skin.

[image via AP]

A Nevada woman shot her stalker last week after she woke up to the sounds of him breaking into her house.

The unnamed woman told reporters she briefly dated 27-year-old Douglas Eugene Jackson. After they broke up, he began stalking her, sending her death threats and showing up at her house.

She obtained a restraining order and a concealed weapon permit but apparently still didn't feel safe—she told police she had been sleeping with a chair in front of her door to prevent him from entering.

She reportedly shot him as he broke into her Las Vegas home at 1 am on Sept. 26.

According to the NYDN, she later posted a photo of the front door with a caption describing the break-in to imgur, writing "I stood at the top of my stairs and fired twice. Hitting him in the chest, I hear his scream, his disbelief that I'd stood up for myself … 0 to 100 in milliseconds."

Jackson was treated for his injuries and faces home invasion and aggravated stalking charges.

[image via KVVU-TV]

The genius of the Left Behind series is the way it combines Roland Emmerich-style disasters with its Biblical lectures. And the new movie version even stars Nicolas Cage. So it's too bad this new movie fails on the "disaster epic" front, because it's too busy torturing its incredibly clueless characters.

Spoilers ahoy...

In case you missed it somehow, the basic concept of Left Behind is that the Rapture happens, and millions of devout Christians (and all the little kids) are taken to Heaven, leaving their clothes and stuff behind. For the people stuck on Earth, this is the beginning of seven years of tribulation, leading to the end of the world.

This Left Behind reboot is clearly intended to appeal to a slightly more mainstream audience than the beloved old Kirk Cameron film. This time around, we've got a cast of real actors, including Cage, Chad Michael Murray, and Lea Thompson.

Unfortunately, if the goal is to create a mainstream film that can reach the unconverted with its message, Left Behind hasn't quite mastered that trick. There are two ways that Left Behind would be worth watching for anyone outside its core religious audience:

1) If it was a gonzo, over-the-top crazypalooza kind of thing, which is what you might have expected when they cast Nic Cage in the lead role. Sadly, the film is actually pretty restrained for the most part, and Cage keeps it together except for one bit where he says, "Am I crazy, or did the world just go insane?" Also, there's a scene where everybody on the airplane thinks the Muslim character has a weapon, and it turns out to be just an electric toothbrush — and for one beautiful moment, the Muslim dude winds up menacing Rollo from The Cape with his electric toothbrush. But other than those bits, it's mostly tragically low-key, and depressed.

2) If it was a straight-up disaster movie, along the lines of 2012, with some sermonizing sneaked in. And here's where the movie really runs into trouble. We definitely go through the motions of the typical disaster-flick — Cage is Rayford Steele, an airline pilot whose plane is over the Atlantic when the Rapture happens, and he struggles to land his plane safely with the help of ace reporter Buck Williams (Murray). Some of the stuff involving trying to save these passengers is reasonably well done, with good attention to aviation details. Meanwhile, Cage's daughter, played by Cassi Thomson (Big Love), is stuck on Earth, as everything unravels.

But here's the problem — this movie sort of wants to be an exciting disaster epic, but its heart is all in the sorrowful melodrama. Every scene in this film goes on for another 10 minutes after you think it ought to be over, and dire soap-opera muzak warbles over every single moment of anguish and confusion. As if you need a constant reminder that everybody is REALLY REALLY SAD.

Even in moments when there's plenty of material for drama — when Rayford Steele's airplane is about to collide with another airplane in mid-air, or when someone is holding Chloe at gunpoint — the movie slows wayyyyy down to make room for long speeches, and to ensure that we feel the misery and forlornness. There are tons of long, long two-shots of people looking stricken. (Plus jump scares, which pretty much never turn out to be anything. Oh look, someone was in the shower when they were Raptured, and the water's still running!)

And meanwhile, this movie lingers over the confusion of the people who were left on Earth (or on an airplane). It takes forever for anybody to start groping their way towards the truth about what's happened, and meanwhile they toy with ideas like: Maybe these people are all just hiding somewhere? Maybe it was terrorists? Or the military? The Asian alien-conspiracy nut thinks it was aliens. One crazy lady thinks it was all orchestrated by her ex-husband. Maybe all the people are still here, but they've turned invisible? Maybe they all went to the same hospital, and we can find them there?

It's like watching people walk into walls over and over, after a while.

The film's pacing is so slow, it can't just be a matter of weird editing — it feels like the movie is purposely dwelling on every bit of anguish and mystification on the part of the unbelievers, at great length. Because eventually, when they realize what's actually happened, we get to what this movie clearly thinks is the good part: the people who are "left behind" blame themselves, and they wish that they'd only listened to the religious people in their lives, when those people tried to convert them.

So Left Behind is sort of a wish-fulfillment fantasy for its core audience, in other words. Not just the notion that if the devoutest Christians vanished, the world would instantly fall apart (like, from "normal" to "Mad Max" in a few minutes.) But also the fantasy of having the non-believers in your life finally realize that you were right all along, except that now it's too damn late.

The person who carries all of this on her shoulders is Lea Thompson, who plays Irene Steele, the Christian wife of Nic Cage's character. Irene has converted to Christianity in the last year or so, but her attempts to talk about her new faith to her philandering husband Rayford have fallen on deaf ears. And meanwhile Irene's daughter Chloe calls her a "wacko," because whenever she sees an earthquake on CNN, Irene thinks it's another sign of the End Times.

Irene Steele has a quiet dignity, smiling as her family members accuse her of being brainwashed, and we spend a fair bit of time with her before she gets taken in the Rapture. And the film's whole arc is Rayford and Chloe (and their friend Buck) going from mocking Irene to realizing she was right all along, and they're trapped in Hell on Earth entirely due to their own ignorance. This is the film's pay-off, for all the people in the audience who identify with Irene (which I'm guessing is going to be the vast majority of audience members.)

Even with Nic Cage dialed back massively to within a normal human range of expression, you can imagine how hard Cage can sell his feelings of remorse and self-recrimination while he's also in the middle of crashing an airplane.

There are a few effective scenes in the film, for sure — Chloe's disappointment with her dad's womanizing and mistreatment of Irene is understated, and somewhat poignant. Also, the one scene where Chloe meets her mom's pastor, who didn't get Raptured because he didn't really believe his own sermons, is legit great: He tells her that she needs to listen to him, and she responds, "Why? You didn't even listen to you."

Left Behind 2014 has all the makings of an entertaining survival movie. There's absolutely nothing wrong with Nic Cage trying to land a plane in the midst of the Great Tribulation. And this film could have done a lot with the post-Rapture chaos in the city, even on a shoestring budget. Nor is there anything wrong with people realizing that they need to repent and embrace Jesus, since that's the whole point here. You sort of expect a post-Rapture movie to include lots of scenes where people are told that it's not too late to turn to God, and that He still loves them, etc. — it's part and parcel of the genre, and those sorts of scenes can be very effective and moving.

But this film just takes way too much pleasure in watching its characters stumble around in near-endless torment and disorientation, and it gets bogged down in the voyeuristic misery. In the end, this movie's payoff isn't that these people can still be saved if they open their hearts — it's that they realize that Marty McFly's mom was right and they were wrong, and they really shouldn't have been so mean to her.

The Handie, a made-in-USA, food-grade silicone handjob robot, is seeking funding on Indiegogo. The "all-in one finishing tool for men" does everything: vibrates, simulates penetration, self-lubricates, looks like Thing from the Addams Family with tumors. Everything!

Like other male sex toys on the market, the Handie includes the important feature of being a penis receptacle, but in a shape that discards even the Fleshlight's shallow illusion that you're having penetrative sex. No thanks, just a bionic handjob for me.

If enough handjob aficionados donate, the company hopes to release a Left Handie, plus a "signature series" based on pornstars' actual hands.

Four days into the campaign, 21 people have indicated through their donations that the Handie's "Catcher Unit" is an object into which they'd like to place a dick. Is this something you would do, or what?

[h/t Metro]

As you can see above, Illinois Congressman Aaron Schock recently played commando with a few strapping West Point cadets. “Challenged by cadets at West Point to complete the Combat Water Survival Lab which is their toughest requirement for graduation,” Schock wrote on Instagram today, before quoting the Associated Press’ description of the lab’s “deafening noise” and “simulated battlefield chaos.” Sounds exciting!

The Congressman also added two hashtags—#almostdrowned and #goarmy—without specifying what, exactly, he almost drowned in. Men?

Happy Friday.

(Via Instagram)

Earlier this week, we told you about an Uber launch party where the company showed off its ability to stalk customers as entertainment, according to Julia Allison. Forbes has more details, including the allegation that the real-time location of 30 "notable" users was exposed using Uber's "God View" screen.

According to Forbes, which has a screenshot of the tool, "God View" is an administrative option "which lets them see all of the Ubers in a city and the silhouettes of waiting Uber users who have flagged cars."

The party in question (photographed above) occurred in Chicago back in 2011 and all the details come from Allison, who told Forbes her memory was "not photographic." Harper Reed, ex-CTO for Obama for America, was sitting next to Allison and didn't witness the trick, just "usage visualizations," but he left early.

@markbao I do not doubt that it happened in some regard. I don't remember a granular display. But there was usage visualizations

— harper (@harper) September 29, 2014

One of the users whose exact location was displayed was venture capitalist Peter Sims, who wrote about it on Medium. He was not amused. Forbes says "God View" is still part of Uber's launch party routine:

The GPS party trick would be an illegal sharing of location information, with Uber breaching its contract with users like Sims. Uber still regularly trots out "God View" at launch parties, but a source familiar with the matter said 'Creepy Stalker View' is not a regular offering. Uber's press team did not respond to a request for comment.

Sims post on Medium, which kicked off this revelation, was about whether users can trust Uber. The sole witness says yes:

"Some people get so bent out of shape over nothing. I see the potential for misuse but it's not like they were going to release the information," Allison says.

Yeah, Sims should be thankful the only fallout for using a ride-sharing app was a random creepy text from Julia Allison and not a press release about his location.

[Image via Gettty]

Leonardo DiCaprio has reportedly bowed out of the role of Steve Jobs in Danny Boyle's upcoming Steve Jobs biopic. It is truly a sad day for anyone who likes to see Leonardo DiCaprio in movies, regardless of whether or not he is right for the part. Who will take his place?

According to the Hollywood Reporter, Sony already has a number of actors in mind for the Aaron Sorkin-penned biopic:

Christian Bale, whom Fincher wanted for the title role, is on Sony's wish list, as is Matt Damon, Ben Affleck and Bradley Cooper (though Affleck seems unlikely given that he just signed on for the thriller The Accountant).

So, just, like, all the main white guys. But who else? Should we not Think Different about this casting decision? That's what Steve Jobs was all about! I've come up with a number of interesting choices, but please feel free to add your own in the comments.

A Cute Puppy, and Then Another Cute Puppy in a Mug?

There's no question that audiences will not be expecting a cute puppy and another cute puppy in a mug to take the coveted role of Steve Jobs in the upcoming Steve Jobs biopic. Do they even speak? Hah. Well, you'll have to buy a ticket and find out, won't you.

A Sassy Mannequin With Its Eyes Covered?

Audiences will get why the mannequin is sassy right away, but why is half of its head covered with a thing? As Sorkin pieces together the story—based on Walter Isaacson's book—it will become clear, I assure you. How could we ever have been so naive?

Elizabeth Olsen?

She's got a good face and I like her.

Michael B. Jordan?

To be honest, I was actually looking for a picture of Michael Jordan, but, you know what? Michael B. Jordan would be great, too. I like him.

Michael Jordan?

Ah, there we go. Who better to play a legend than a legend? If Michael Jordan were to take the role of Steve Jobs in the upcoming Steve Jobs biopic, you can bet there will be butts in seats. Slam dunk.

Dawson Playing Poker?

Dawson, sure. But Dawson playing poker? Now that I didn't expect!

What do you think re: who should play Steve Jobs in the upcoming Steve Jobs biopic? Please let me know in the comments. Hollywood needs our help!

[images via Getty]

Bethenny Frankel, a former Real Housewife of New York, is an adult human being, but would appear to weigh as much as a child human being. So as a joke, Frankel posed for a photo (that she later uploaded to her Instagram account) wearing her four-your-old daughter Bryn's Hello Kitty pajamas. The judge in her divorce proceedings from her husband doesn't like the joke, though: She told her to only wear clothes made for adults.

"It's not a joke. Her child is not a joke," Manhattan Supreme Court Justice Ellen Gesmer scolded Frankel's lawyer Thursday in court. The judge demanded, "No more pajamas!"

Frankel uploaded the photo to her Instagram this past July with the caption, "This is my daughter's nightgown and PJ shorts. Think we're ready to start sharing clothes yet?" But apparently, Frankel wasn't even in the courtroom when the judge delivered her sick burn. From People:

Frankel was not in the courtroom at the time. She was waiting in a hallway as her and ex Jason Hoppy's lawyers were talking to the judge about placing a value on their assets. She declined to comment later as reporters asked about the judge's opinion.

Never one to turn down the opportunity to evaluate a joke made on social media, I give Frankel's a D+, primarily because it's unseemly and projects body dysmorphia louder than an ambulance stuck in rush hour traffic. But also because it's unoriginal and lazy: This is the the woman whose claim to riches story is the sale of her low-calorie libations line, Skinnygirl.

[H/T Uproxx // Image via Instagram]

A person who recently traveled to Nigeria has been placed in isolation at a Washington D.C. hospital with Ebola-like symptoms, NBC Washington reports.

"In an abundance of caution, we have activated the appropriate infection control protocols, including isolating the patient," Howard University hospital spokesperson Kerry-Ann Hamilton in a statement. "Our medical team continues to evaluate and monitor progress in close collaboration with the CDC and the Department of Health."

From NBC Washington:

That person has been admitted to the hospital in stable condition, and is being isolated. The medical team is working with the CDC and other authorities to monitor the patient's condition.

The news comes one day after an American cameraman working for NBC was diagnosed with the disease and three days after a man tested positive for Ebola at a Dallas hospital

[Image via]

A Texas judge has issued a final ruling against Microsoft, ordering the once-dominant software company to pay a leading former salesman $2 million in damages in a defamation, sexual harassment, and racial discrimination lawsuit.

The lawsuit accused Microsoft of "ostracizing," sexually harassing, and demoting former Japanese-American employee Michael Mercieca, despite his continually improving job performance. The suit claimed that managers began sabotaging his accounts and trumped up sexual harassment complaints against the salesman. The harassment began after Mercieca's former girlfriend Lori Aulds was promoted to be his boss. Aulds allegedly instigated the incidents. A unanimous jury sided against Microsoft in the case.

According to Mercieca's attorney's complaint:

On or about April 19, 2010, Plaintiff filed a complaint against Lori Aulds and other managers with Microsoft's Human Resources department, complaining of harassment, hostile work environment, and discrimination based on sex, age and national origin. From that point on, Microsoft's mistreatment and discriminatory treatment of Plaintiff intensified to include but not be limited to, a bad faith investigation by was performed on Plaintiff's formal complaint.

It wasn't just a "bad faith investigation" that impacted Mercieca. Aulds and other managers became blatantly racist to the salesman following the human resources complaint. Emphasis added:

[Aulds] made disparaging comments about Plaintiff's nation of origin and questioned his green card status and right to work for Microsoft; [...]

Disparaging comments were made about Plaintiff's nation of origin. One of the managers, Eddie O'Brien, is known throughout the company, for his disparaging comments about different nationalities, including one time when shortly after the recent tsunami in Japan, he said that "I would have zero pity for Japan. I would push them right under the bus and create another tsunami;"

Internal Microsoft human resource investigators were also accused of incompetence, allowing managers to make misleading statements without consequence, all while demoting the victim in the process:

Ms. Aulds lied to the investigator, Dan Shea, and said that she had not had a prior sexual relationship with Plaintiff in order to show Plaintiff as a liar. The lies Ms. Aulds told were key to the investigation. Even though Microsoft subsequently became aware of Ms. Aulds lies during an official investigation, Microsoft subsequently promoted Ms. Aulds and demoted Mr. Mercieca.

Microsoft's investigation into the sexual harassment complaint against Mercieca, which included alleged incidents that took place a year prior to Mercieca meeting the accuser, ultimately found the claims to be false. However, retaliation continued until Mercieca was ultimately fired.

As a result of the false allegations, Plaintiff has been subjected to undue strict scrutiny of his job performance, hostile work environment, continued harassment by Microsoft, retaliation, demotion and constructive discharge.

In a press release, Mercieca's attorney Paul T. Morin praised the ruling:

Rather than do the right thing, the management team went after Michael by getting a female employee to file a sexual harassment complaint and a complaint of retaliation against him. What could possibly be more cynical than to go after an employee trying to rid the workplace of discrimination by falsely making a claim of sexual harassment. Microsoft could have taken Mercieca's charges seriously and disciplined the senior manager, but instead chose to engage in the worst kind of corporate bullying.

To contact the author of this post, please email kevin@valleywag.com.

Photo: Getty

As I write this, there doesn't appear to be anyone inside storage unit #4 at 1397 Myrtle Avenue in Bushwick, Brooklyn, but it's possible that someone could burst in at any moment.

The small space, currently home to a sagging clothesline, some eerie graffiti, and a half-deflated helium balloon, is open for anyone who'd like to enter. Well, technically, it's locked, but the key is in a lockbox outside. The combination for the box is 0824.

Lucy Hunter and Raphael Lyon, an artist and an art history PhD student, respectively, are renting the space for $833 per month and leaving it publicly accessible as part of a project they're calling Where. Everything that happens inside is streamed online via a webcam. (In my experience the feed lags quite a bit.)

Betsy Morais of The New Yorker has dropped by a few times:

A young man named Kalan Sherrard, who has spent, by his estimation, fifteen hours in the room, appeared one day wearing nothing but tighty-whities. "He's painting watercolors on himself, and playing a bicycle with a violin bow," Hunter recalled. A police officer strolled by and was disturbed by the spectacle. "You can't be dressed like this!" the officer called over to Sherrard, who replied, "This is New York City. You can dress this way. I'm not exposing myself. I'm wearing underwear." Later, he mimicked the cop: "We are authoritative. We can tell you whatever we want." He sighed. But the spat ended calmly.

Hunter hasn't gone into the room much. She once had to remove something stuck to the light that looked like it might catch fire, but she doesn't see the harm in letting people in. "I'm sure it's against some rules in some ways," she said. "Still, you're allowed to give your friends keys to open your apartment. No money is being traded. It's hard to pinpoint what is illegal." She went on, "Even if someone wanted to burn it down, it's not going to spread anywhere, because it's only a metal box. It's no more dangerous than Airbnb."

To encourage visitors, Lyon and Hunter told The New Yorker, they posted bulletins on places like Craigslist and Reddit, as well as IRL, in pizza parlors, ATM booths, and handed out to random strangers. The results, judging by some screenshots posted to Where's Facebook page, are just as zany-Bushwick-art-scene as you'd expect.

I just checked the feed again. Now these two creeps are inside.

Where will be open to the public until October 12, assuming the landlord doesn't catch wind and crack down first.