Oh, Lindsay. Poor, sweet Lindsay. Lindsay Lohan—semi-famous young woman who is just trying to take every day as it comes—attempted to post an image on Instagram this afternoon of the words “You’re beautiful,” written in Arabic. Instead, she posted an image of the words “You’re an ass,” written in Arabic.

As we found out through Google Translate and our friend Aymann, “حمار” does not mean “beautiful,” very unfortunately for Lindsay Lohan.

Oh, Lindsay.

Instagram followers were quick to point out, or merely rudely laugh at, her unfortunate mistake:

As well as fans on Twitter:

Oh nooooo nooo Lindsay Lohan this means "you're stupid" in Arabic pic.twitter.com/sMGxbUzWqK

— Rawan (@itsRawanE) April 21, 2015

Oh, Lindsay.

To Lindsay’s defense, however, “You’re an Ass” is the very first Google Image result for “you’re beautiful Arabic.”

A mistake any celebrity could have made when quickly searching for a way to express “you’re beautiful” in Arabic for publishing on her Instagram feed.

Image via Instagram. Contact the author at kelly.conaboy@gawker.com.

The U.S. Department of Justice will investigate the death of Freddie Gray, the 25-year-old Baltimore man who died Sunday following spinal injuries he received while in police custody. Gray, who is black, was arrested last week for allegedly possessing an illegal switchblade.

DOJ spokeswoman Dena Iverson gave the following statement, via the Baltimore Sun:

“The Department of Justice has been monitoring the developments in Baltimore, MD, regarding the death of Freddie Gray,” spokeswoman Dena Iverson said in a statement. “Based on preliminary information, the Department of Justice has officially opened this matter and is gathering information to determine whether any prosecutable civil rights violation occurred.”

Gray’s family’s attorney has said that Gray’s spine was 80 percent severed following his arrest. He was given surgery for a broken vertebra on Tuesday after falling into a coma the day before. Baltimore police maintain that he was arrested “without force or incident,” and that the injuries occurred while Gray was being transported by a police van.

Six Baltimore police officers were suspended with pay after Gray’s arrest. Identified by the department today, they are Lieutenant Brian Rice, Officer Caesar Goodson, Sergeant Alicia White, Officer William Porter, Officer Garrett Miller, and Officer Edward Nero.

Maryland lawmakers urged the DOJ to investigate Gray’s death in an open letter to U.S. Attorney General Eric Holder published this morning. Signed by U.S. Senators Barbara Mikulski and Ben Cardin as well as several House representatives, it reads in part:

We are deeply troubled by recent events in the City of Baltimore. As you know, Baltimore resident Freddie Gray, 25, died Sunday April 19, one week after he was injured while in Baltimore Police custody.

Freddie Gray’s family and the residents of the City of Baltimore deserve to know what happened to him while he was in police custody. We need answers.

While we support the efforts of the ongoing review into the policies and procedures of the Baltimore Police Department by the Community Oriented Policing Services Office, we request that the Department of Justice open a federal criminal and civil rights investigation into the death of Baltimore resident Freddie Gray.

Image via AP. Contact the author at andy@gawker.com.

Deadspin Do Not Fuck With Bees | Gizmodo Now You Can Download Your Google History—Or Better Yet, Delete It | Jezebel How to Decorously Buy Your Daughter’s Way into Harvard | Lifehacker Isabel Diagnoses Your Health Symptoms, Based on Tools Used by Doctors | Kinja Popular Posts

The U.S. Marshals Service says it’s investigating a video taken this weekend in California that appears to show an agent rip a phone away from a woman who had been filming him before destroying it.

The agents were reportedly investigating alleged biker gang activity near the South Gate home where the video was recorded, when Beatriz Paez walked by. Via the LA Times:

U.S. Marshals and local law enforcement officers had blocked off a stretch of San Juan Avenue and had eight to 10 people lying on their stomachs with their hands on their heads when Paez took out her Samsung cellphone and began recording, she said.

Standing a few feet away from them and filming, she can be heard repeating something about feeling unsafe and having a “right to be here.”

South Gate police confirmed the Marshals service was involved in the incident, and a Marshals spokesperson tells the Daily Dot that the man in the video appears to be an agent and that the incident is under investigation.

Contact the author at gabrielle@gawker.com.

Nearly a week after Kim Richards, Queen Bleak of the Real Housewife kingdom, was arrested for battery and public intoxication, she sat down with Dr. Phil to apologize for her actions.

“I was angry and frightened and I was scared,” Richards says in the interview, which Page Six reports is set to air on April 28. “I knew what I had done. The whole night is my fault. None of this would have happened if I didn’t drink.”

Kim has spent this entire season of the Real Housewives of Beverly Hills refusing to acknowledge or take responsibility for her obvious relapse and the scary-awful behavior that came with it. Clearly, she’s come around to the concept of remorse, and hopefully she’ll receive some actual, non-Dr. Phil help; the question is, will that be enough to re-engage Bravo viewers, whose threshold for too-sad, too-real storylines is below sea-level?

It seems like every Real Housewives franchise casts at least one or two ladies who, over time, end up veering towards genuine states of mental distress: your Taylors, your Kellys, possibly even your Sonjas. Eventually, they all leave (although not necessarily of their own accord)—it’s likely that in the cutthroat world of reality television programming, Kim’s demons will see her off the show, just as they saw her on.

Image via Getty

Top DEA administrator Michele Leonhart announced Tuesday that she’ll be stepping down in the aftermath of revelations that her agents got down and dirty with Colombian prostitutes.

According to reports, DEA agents under her purview spent years enthusiastically partying with prostitutes at a series of hookers-and-blow parties sponsored by Colombian drug cartels.

In a recent hearing on the scandal, Leonhart claimed she was “powerless” to do anything more than suspend the offending agents. That testimony, coupled with already-antagonistic relations with the Obama administration, led to her resignation, the New York Times reports:

After the hearing, Josh Earnest, the White House press secretary, pointedly refused last week to defend Ms. Leonhart or say that the president had confidence in her. He said only that the allegations against the D.E.A. agents were “troubling” and that Mr. Obama had “high expectations” for everyone serving in his administration.

It was not the first time that Ms. Leonhart had been at odds with Mr. Obama, who nominated her in 2010 to head the D.E.A., where she had had a 30-year career. During a closed-door speech to law enforcement officials last year, she reportedly criticized the president for having said in an interview with The New Yorker that marijuana was no more dangerous than alcohol.

She’s expected to step down in mid-May.

[image via AP]

This weekend, leaked emails revealed that Ben Affleck successfully pressured the makers of PBS documentary series Finding Your Roots to suppress his family’s slave-owning past, an apparent violation of the broadcaster’s rules. Today, Affleck posted on Facebook to explain (but not apologize for) his actions, writing, “I was embarrassed.”http://gawker.com/leaked-emails-...

“I didn’t want any television show about my family to include a guy who owned slaves,” wrote Affleck on Tuesday. “The very thought left a bad taste in my mouth.”

Ultimately, Affleck expressed regret over his desire to conceal the information while defending the censorship request itself. Comparing it to an actor lobbying a director over what takes to use in a film, the Gone Girl star characterized his demand as part of “the collaborative creative process.”

“It’s important to remember that this isn’t a news program,” wrote Affleck.

The actor concluded his post by saying he was glad his story could contribute to the discussion of slavery’s terrible legacy, writing, “While I don’t like that the guy is an ancestor, I am happy that aspect of our country’s history is being talked about.”

Read Affleck’s full statement below:

After an exhaustive search of my ancestry for “Finding Your Roots,” it was discovered that one of my distant relatives was an owner of slaves.

I didn’t want any television show about my family to include a guy who owned slaves. I was embarrassed. The very thought left a bad taste in my mouth.

[Henry “Skip” Louis Gates, Jr.] decided what went into the show. I lobbied him the same way I lobby directors about what takes of mine I think they should use. This is the collaborative creative process. Skip agreed with me on the slave owner but made other choices I disagreed with. In the end, it’s his show and I knew that going in. I’m proud to be his friend and proud to have participated.

It’s important to remember that this isn’t a news program. Finding Your Roots is a show where you voluntarily provide a great deal of information about your family, making you quite vulnerable. The assumption is that they will never be dishonest but they will respect your willingness to participate and not look to include things you think would embarrass your family.

I regret my initial thoughts that the issue of slavery not be included in the story. We deserve neither credit nor blame for our ancestors and the degree of interest in this story suggests that we are, as a nation, still grappling with the terrible legacy of slavery. It is an examination well worth continuing. I am glad that my story, however indirectly, will contribute to that discussion. While I don’t like that the guy is an ancestor, I am happy that aspect of our country’s history is being talked about.

Ben Affleck

UPDATE: On Tuesday, a PBS spokesperson announced the broadcaster is conducting an internal review examining “the circumstances” surrounding Affleck’s episode Finding Your Roots:

This matter came to PBS’ attention on Friday morning, April 17th. Professor Gates and his producers immediately responded to our initial questions.

In order to gather the facts to determine whether or not all of PBS’ editorial standards were observed, on Saturday, April 18th, we began an internal review. We have been moving forward deliberately yet swiftly to conduct this review.

[Image via Getty Images//h/t Variety]

Two long-lost siblings have been reunited after 16 years apart via Tinder, after—one surmises—looking approvingly at each other’s photos and thinking, Hmm, I’d like to see where this goes.

Their flirtation never reached Maury-levels—hence the enthusiastic media blitz—but the pair were intrigued enough to both swipe right, a universal code for “this guy has less bathroom selfies than most” and “hey, she’s got all her teeth.”

They apparently grew up apart after their parents divorced; their father took his twin sons to Belgium while their mother kept her daughter with her in the Netherlands. Via Mic:

De Vries, now 24, eventually moved back to the Netherlands for school, and in March, like any other young adult, joined Tinder and started swiping.

“The first time I swiped her profile I had absolutely no idea,” de Vries told Mic. “To be honest, it hasn’t been on my mind in the past few years after Maarten, my brother, and I finished a failed search for Josephine a few years ago.”

And yet he happened to swipe right, assuming Egberts was just a nice stranger. So de Vries started talking to her like anyone else. “In our first conversation I was actually flirting with her so the conversation was very superficial,” he said.

Eventually things got weird.

“In our next conversation, I started to get some clues and figured she might actually be my sister,” Erik told Mic. “This kind of shocked me, so I decided not to contact her for a few days.”

Now they’re all cool and catching up and getting to know one another again, but they’ll probably just tell the kids they met at a friend’s birthday party.

[image via Shutterstock]

Contact the author at gabrielle@gawker.com.

According to CNN, Dr. Oz will air a special episode of his show on Thursday striking back at a public letter that has accused the shit-filled man of being full of shit, promising his audience, “We will not be silenced, we will not give in.”

“No matter our disagreements, freedom of speech is the most fundamental right we have as Americans,” said Oz in a preview of the episode released today. “And these 10 doctors are trying to silence that right.”

No one, of course, has actually threatened the First Amendment rights of the good doctor, whose program is seen by approximately 2.9 million viewers each day. Last Wednesday, however, 10 physicians signed a letter urging Columbia University to remove Oz from his position as vice chairman the school’s surgery department, citing the TV host’s blatant shill-ery and apparent contempt for the scientific method.http://gawker.com/senate-panel-r...

“Dr. Oz has repeatedly shown disdain for science and for evidence-based medicine, as well as baseless and relentless opposition to the genetic engineering of food crops,” read the letter. “Worst of all, he has manifested an egregious lack of integrity by promoting quack treatments and cures in the interest of personal financial gain.”

In December, a study published in the British Medical Journal found that Oz’s health recommendations were either not supported or actively refuted by evidence about half the time.

So far Columbia shows no signs of dropping Oz. Asked about whether his job was in trouble, a school spokesperson told The New York Times, “The university is committed to the principle of academic freedom, which means our faculty are encouraged to participate in public discussion.”

[Image via Getty Images]

The real problem with Scientology, second-most famous Scientologist John Travolta argues, is that people haven’t actively tried to educate themselves about the major issues concerning the religion.

When asked about the controversies surrounding Scientology—the religion for which he is an endorsing spokesman, the religion which has been accused of years of harassment, abuse and torture—Travolta suggested detractors just don’t understand enough about thetans and e-meters.

“You can read ‘A New Slant on Life.’ You can read ‘Dianetics,’” Travolta told ABC’s Amy Robach Monday. “I think if you really read it, you understand it. But unless you do, you’ll speculate — and I think that’s a mistake to do that.”

In other John Travolta news:http://defamer.gawker.com/scientologys-c...

[image via AP]

Tinkerbell, the purse-dwelling star of influential reality series The Simple Life, has died, The New York Daily News reports. She was 14.

Tinkerbell’s owner, Paris Hilton, confirmed the news via social media Tuesday, writing, “After 14 amazing years together my baby Tinkerbell has passed away of old age.” From Instagram:

My heart is broken💔 I am so sad & devastated. 😖 After 14 amazing years together my baby Tinkerbell has passed away of old age. 😭 I feel like I’ve lost a member of my family. She was such a special & incredible soul. We went through so much together. I can’t believe she’s gone. I will miss her & think about her for the rest of my life. I love you Tinky, you are a Legend & will never be forgotten. 👑🐺👑 #RIPTinkerbell 🙏

In addition to her reality TV appearances, Tinkerbell is known for authoring the 2004 tell-all memoir The Tinkerbell Hilton Diaries: My Life Tailing Paris Hilton and for briefly disappearing in August of that same year. After her owner launched a poster campaign offering $5000 for the pup’s return, Tinkerbell and Hilton were reunited in less than a week.

As a tribute to the Chihuahua, Hilton has dedicated her Instagram account to Tinkerbell for the day. “She lived a long, beautiful, luxurious & exciting life,” writes Hilton.

Tinkerbell is reportedly survived by 17 brothers and sisters.

[Image via Getty Images]

A state appeals court affirmed a Virginia man’s parental rights on Tuesday, ruling that kitchen implants were not “medical technology” and thus the father of a child conceived via turkey baster is not a sperm donor, The Washington Post reports.

Since 2011, Robert Boardwine has fought for shared custody of the child, the product of an unusual, baster-based impregnation scheme suggested by a friend. From the Associated Press:

According to the court, Joyce Rosemary Bruce wanted to have a child she could raise on her own. Boardwine supplied the sperm in a plastic container. Bruce transferred it to a turkey baster, which she used to inseminate herself.

Bruce argued that Boardwine had no parental rights under the state’s assisted conception law. But the appeals court said Tuesday that the law applies only to pregnancies resulting from the use of medical technology, and the use of a common kitchen implement at home doesn’t qualify.

According to CNN, Bruce and Boardwine’s relationship deteriorated after an argument over what to name the little squirt.

[Image via Shutterstock]

Hair clippings from all over Sweden are coming together for an important cause: being woven into apparel.

Sweden’s Expressen reports (via Google Translate) that an enterprising woman named Nina Sparr “uses a somewhat unusual and remarkable materials: Real human hair. With hair from people all over Sweden manufactures Nina jewelry, paintings, various items of clothing, accessories - and panties.”

If you’re thinking, “Not panties!,” Expressen’s got news for you: “Yes, panties.”

Sparr calls her work “a bit special,” which is an understatement (trademark Swedish humility). Expressen says that the briefs consist of “thin and thick, curly and straight” hair.

Damn, you might be thinking. That sounds itchy as fuck. This time, you are right.

“The sticks of course a bit. For hair is a mess. You know, like when you cut yourself at the hairdresser and it falls down a hair in sweater and then sticks it,” says Sparr.

Sounds great. Shave off your hair and put some back on. As Cosmo says, why/why not?

[Image via Expressen]

A SkyWest flight was forced to make an emergency landing in Buffalo this morning after the cabin lost pressure, reportedly because a door opened mid-flight. At least one person lost consciousness during the flight, according to a SkyWest spokeswoman who spoke with CNN.

MORE: #SkyWest flight descended 28,000 feet in about 3 minutes: http://t.co/vDbLkgdE7x pic.twitter.com/0Rfm6b3iHy

— The Situation Room (@CNNSitRoom) April 22, 2015

NBC News reports that Flight 5622 took off from Chicago just after 10 am and landed in Buffalo just before noon.

UPDATE 2:36 pm: A door did not open mid-flight, according to SkyWest.

SkyWest Flight 5622 landed safely in Buffalo, NY after a passenger lost consciousness, no problem w door. Other 75 pax being accommodated.

— SkyWest Airlines (@SkyWestAirlines) April 22, 2015

UPDATE 3:08 pm: The plane apparently didn’t lose pressure but instead landed because of the unconscious passenger.

Just now. SkyWest tells @CBSNews the pilot thought he MIGHT have a pressurization issue after a single passenger lost consciousness.

— Charlie Kaye (@CharlieKayeCBS) April 22, 2015

Contact the author at taylor@gawker.com.

Congressional staffers yesterday enjoyed 6,000 free tacos courtesy of Taco Bell franchise owners who are lobbying Congress to “help prevent their workers from organizing a union or qualifying for employer-based healthcare.” Enjoy that horse meat, motherfuckers.

Chaka Khan appeared on last night’s episode of Late Show with David Letterman to perform a cover of the Weather Girls’s 1982 post-disco anthem “It’s Raining Men.” Trouble is, Khan apparently didn’t bother to actually learn the lyrics. Divas! What are we gonna do with ‘em? Worship them flaws and all, I suppose.

Khan fakes her way through much of the song above. Making matters more awkward is the fact that Letterman’s music Paul Shaffer, who was playing along, co-wrote the song. Ouch.

Wordless murmuring or not, though, the woman’s voice still soars.

[Via Towleroad]

A popular Australian food blogger who claimed she beat terminal cancer through healthy eating—and used that backstory to sell a popular cookbook and app—now admits “none of it’s true.” Belle Gibson, creator of The Whole Pantry, came clean this week after journalists and investigators began to unravel her story.

Gibson, 26, at first defended herself by saying that a faulty diagnosis by a German “magnetic therapist” led her to mistakenly believe she had blood, spleen, uterus and liver cancers. But she still maintained her brain cancer, the illness for which she’s best known, was real.

Even that was a hoax, she’s now confessed in an Australian Women’s Weekly interview that comes out Thursday.

In the interview, Gibson—who’s been known to advocate against conventional medicine and vaccines, and once claimed her health issues were caused by Gardasil—admits “she is passionate about avoiding gluten, dairy and coffee, but doesn’t really understand how cancer works,” Women’s Weekly said in a preview of the piece.

“Her false illness claims date back to 2009, when she claimed on an internet forum to have undergone multiple heart surgeries and to have died on the operating table,” the Guardian reports.

Her publisher, Penguin Australia, has pulled her book, which was due to be published in the U.S. and U.K. this month, saying it published her recipes “in good faith.” The Whole Pantry app, which has sold more than 300,000 copies, is no longer available on Apple’s store.

Consumer Affairs Victoria is now investigating the fake cancer survivor for failing to make a promised $227,000 donation to charity from sales of her app. Victoria Police said last week that they wouldn’t charge her with a crime.

In her interview, Gibson gave no explanation for why she perpetrated the hoax, although the Weekly reportedly speculates she suffers from Munchausen syndrome, a condition marked by faking severe illnesses for attention.

[Photo: Women’s Weekly via The Age]

Three cheers and a who’s a good boy you’re a good boy yes you are for Don, a Scottish collie who piloted a tractor down a hillock, through a split-rail fence, and across the busy commuter road below, all without even barking or getting upset even once. I hope Don’s master gives him some green beans as a treat!

Don’s big day out started at around 8:15 this morning in Abington, South Lanarkshire, after farmer Tom Hamilton hopped out from behind the wheel to wrangle an errant lamb. Don, in the passenger seat, leaned on the dashboard control panel, and off he went through the fence and onto the M74 motorway. Traffic Scotland reported and snapped the above photo:

#M74 (N) J13-RTC due to dog taking control of tractor... nope, not joking. Farmer&police at scene,vehicle in central res. #maycausetailbacks

— Traffic Scotland (@trafficscotland) April 22, 2015

#M74 (N) at J13 - Route is CLEAR from earlier incident & dog is fine. Has to be the weirdest thing we have ever reported! No delays in area

— Traffic Scotland (@trafficscotland) April 22, 2015

Another snap of Don the Sheepdog after his eventful morning on the #M74 #FeelingSheepish #BarkingMad @BBCScotlandNews pic.twitter.com/dEbHB1VjTv

— Traffic Scotland (@trafficscotland) April 22, 2015

“Don was fine and did not bark during the incident,” farmer Tom told STV News. Good boy.

[Image via Traffic Scotland]

We’re right in the middle of simultaneous Apple and Star Wars product orgies, and it’s suddenly become clear to me why Apple and Star Wars are pretty much the same brand, only in different industries.

They Were Born in the Geek Grassroots

Before the days of Star Wars mania and Apple obsessives, entrepreneurs aimed to attract armies of consumer droids. But George Lucas and Steve Jobs didn’t want a bland mass of consumers; they wanted fans. Apple’s first users came out of homebrew computer clubs, full of passionate nerds who could smack you down with a UNIX command. And Star Wars: A New Hope was one of the first movies to court attendees at Comic-Con and other fan conventions. From the beginning, Apple and Star Wars were marketed as cult brands, aimed at creating fanatics who will cut you for misunderstanding how INSANELY GREAT their toys are.

They Grew Up in the Countercultural 1970s

Apple is the quintessential child of the 70s, full of high-tech hope and imbued with groovy design sensibilities. Like Apple, Star Wars grew up in an era when people were excited about the future, and believed that scrappy rebels could save the world. Both brands were, in fact, the brain children of hippie upstarts who came out of left field to start revolutions in their industries. They embody the dreams of their childhood era.

They Blur the Line Between Tech and Entertainment

Lucas pioneered the idea that a filmmaker could become a special effects tech wizard in his spare time. He founded special effects studio Industrial Light and Magic, and now this idea has become the norm, with Peter Jackson founding Weta Digital and James Cameron innovating motion capture and 3D film tech. Apple went the other direction, with Jobs turning his tech company into a shiny but slightly evil entertainment empire with the introduction of the iPod and iTunes. Star Wars and Apple were the first successful tech/entertainment mashup brands.

Nobody Is Sure If They’re Science Fiction or Fantasy

If you are a nerd, as I am, you have been exposed at least once to somebody who darkly intoned that Star Wars is not science fiction, it’s fantasy, because of stuff like the Force and psychic powers and the overall fairy tale feeling of the series. Similar arguments break out among Apple fans. Is the new MacBook based on solid science or just fantasy? Same goes for the Apple Watch, which is currently the midichlorian of the Apple product line.

They Now Have Awkward Relationships with Disney

After being the kickass fairy tale that wasn’t a Disney thing for three decades, Star Wars is now owned by Disney. Well, Lucasfilm is owned by Disney, which means basically all Star Wars things are Disney things (though really, it’s not like Disney could mess Star Wars up any more than George Lucas already did). The upstart, countercultural Star Wars is now a fully corporate product.

Apple’s relationship with Disney is a little more indirect. Apple shared a progenitor, Steve Jobs, with Pixar. Pixar was the cool animation studio that wasn’t Disney, until Disney bought it from Jobs and made all the animators cry by forcing them to do Cars 12: Racing the Alberta Tar Sands. Basically, Apple is like the kid who didn’t get sold by his dad to some creepy, princess-obsessed dude down in LA. So that’s awkward.

But even though Apple has never been bought out by an ultra-mainstream conglomerate like Disney, it has still gone corporate in ways that none of those homebrew club nerds could have imagined back in 1975. One of the wealthiest companies in the world, Apple pimps luxury items enrobed in gold and machines you can’t tinker with (unless you’re an authorized “genius”) — plus, the company jealously guards its treasure trove of IP in the iTunes store. Apple has also created a giant wall around its app store, blocking products from the very kinds of garage tinkerers who were the company’s original fans.

Star Wars and Apple grew up and went corporate, and yet somehow their fan cults have remained loyal. Which is why ...

Everybody Blames Them for Destroying Their Childhoods

What is this new gold MacBook? Blasphemy! When I was a kid, we had an Apple II and if we wanted to do something with it we just cracked open the damn case and jammed it full of peripheral cards and we were happy! And these incremental updates on beautiful devices like the iPod that once enchanted my teenage self? Now they’re just shiny nuggets of soon-to-be-ewaste. And don’t even get me started on how George Lucas destroyed those wonderful early Star Wars movies with his horrible CGI-ified editions (Han shot first!) — and then wrecked things even further with crap like Jar Jar and awkward bullshit scenes between Anakin and Padme. ONCE I WAS AN INNOCENT CHILD WITH MY HACKED APPLE II AND MY EMPIRE STRIKES BACK TOYS AND NOW YOU’VE DESTROYED ALL THAT FUCK YOU APPLE AND STAR WARS.

A Special Note About Doctor Who and Star Trek

So if Apple is Star Wars, does that mean Microsoft is Star Trek and Google is Doctor Who? That’s a really good question, and worth pondering.

For years, nerd news site Slashdot used an image of Borg Gates for its Microsoft-related stories. Which suggests that the Star Trek/Microsoft connection has merit.

And Google is exactly the sort of company that would try to invent a sonic screwdriver, most likely powered by the wisdom of crowds. So there’s that too.

But then again, we need to consider Facebook. Where do they fit in? Plus, what company is the Babylon 5 of Silicon Valley? Is Skype the Battlestar Galactica of tech, starting out great, getting bad, and then going full-on inexplicable? There are so many questions, young Padawan. I leave it to you to resolve them.

Don’t forget: You can email us tips at tips@gawker.com, call them in at 646-470-4295, send them directly to any of our writers, or use our anonymous SecureDrop system. And like us on Facebook here!