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Subway Apologizes for Failing to 'Fully Deliver' on Footlong Promise, Vows to...
It's been a rough week for Subway. First, they were accused of shorting customers on sandwich length by cutting precious inches of their signature footlong subs. Then they went and made things worse...
View ArticlePhiladelphia Cinema: Barber Chased by Furious Naked Man After He Films Him...
When the video of a guy talking about filming a naked "gorilla" man is as entertaining as the video of the naked "gorilla" man itself, that's how you know you're in Philadelphia, city of stars, cast...
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Shirley Temple Joins Twitter, Is Immediately Asked for Her Thoughts On Honey...
Hollywood's most famous former child star Shirley Temple Black (sorry Jackie Coogan!) has been keeping a very low profile since serving as the United States Ambassador to Czechoslovakia under...
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Terrified Dolphin Trapped in Gowanus Canal
A likely terrified, apparently bleeding dolphin is stranded in the Gowanus Canal — the polluted Superfund site/former Mafia dumping ground running through central Brooklyn. Authorities and dolphin...
View ArticleKRS-One Sits on Beach In Flowing White Garment
In 1992, KRS-One famously threw P.M. Dawn off the stage at a show in New York. In 2013, here is KRS-One sitting pensively on the beach in a flowing, billowy white garment, discussing politics as the...
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The 10 Most Absurd Quotes from a Story about Rich New Yorkers Whose Homes Are...
Recently, the New York Observer uncovered a new problem plaguing rich people: their giant homes are simply too big. Lord, hear their prayer: "We have a living room and two guest bedrooms that we never...
View ArticleCaught on Camera: Airplane Passengers Remain Eerily Calm After Lightning...
A short hop from Izmir to Istanbul became an interminable nightmare for 114 passengers when one of the engines on their Turkish Airline plane suddenly caught fire after being struck by lightning....
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Now Sheriffs Will Choose What Laws to Enforce Because That's What Sheriffs...
As all schoolchildren know, the Firsteenth Amendment of the U.S. Constitution reads, "No law passed by the federal government may be enforced UNLESS it is cool with a bunch of sheriffs of rural...
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White Gun Nuts Want to Arm Black People and Ask: What Would Django Do?
Political Media, the right-wing organization behind last weekend's "Gun Appreciation Day," which ultimately resulted in several accidental shootings, has reportedly decided to branch out in an effort...
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Cory Booker Continues His Steady March Toward Canonization by Personally...
After being alerted by a reporter for WABC's Eyewitness News to the peril of a shivering pooch that had apparently been stranded outside by its owner on a bitterly cold night in Newark, Mayor Cory...
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Kanye West Knows Words and Is Tweeting Them Now, in a Random Stream
Kanye West's twitter account has just erupted like a geyser, spewing streams of single words into the atmosphere. Is he having some sort of fit? Is he making a list of all the words he knows, for...
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Man Who Purchased Assault Rifles for Fear of Weapons Ban Aims Them at...
The teenage daughter of a Minnesota man is accusing him of a pointing an AK-47 at her because she brought home a disappointing report card. Kirill Bartashevitch, 52, of St. Paul was arrested and...
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Tech Giant Taken Down by Sex Scandal 'Shakedown'
You may know Keith Rabois as one of the first employees of PayPal, a good friend of venture capitalist and tech god Peter Thiel, and a member of the "PayPal Mafia," a group of former PayPal higher-ups...
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Requiem for a Dolphin
A fish shape appeared on Paumanok on Friday morning, carried in on high tide. A dolphin: It had started from the sea and made its way into Brooklyn from without, working along the wood and concrete...
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For Their Next Trick, Democrats Will Turn Texas into a Blue State
Perhaps you've heard the Democratic Party — fresh off an electoral landslide in 2012 — has set its sights on a new goal: turning Texas into the nation's biggest swing state. Yes, gun-toting,...
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Short Stories, Maple Leaves and Other Treasures You Shamed Us with This Week
Here we find ourselves, the end of another week. If you think about it, knowing you'll never again live the week of January 20-26, 2012 can be a little melancholy. Then again, it was the coldest week...
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Anonymous Hacks Department of Justice Website, Threatens to Launch 'Multiple...
The website belonging to the United States Sentencing Commission is down this morning, following a hack by Anonymous overnight. The site, which normally bears information about sentencing guidelines...
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Milwaukee Sheriff Tells Residents Calling 911 'Is No Longer Your Best Option'
The police department in Milwaukee is a little short-staffed after a round of government layoffs. County Sheriff David Clarke Jr. has just released a radio ad in which he tells Milwaukee residents "I...
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Dear 02A3172: Letters To and From a Caged Bird
In 1999, when I was 19 years old, I was arrested and charged with first degree murder, several counts of attempted murder, attempted robbery, and several counts of criminal use of a weapon. I was...
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Scott Brown's Drunk Message to the Haters: Bqhatevwr
Now that former Massachusetts Senator Scott Brown isn't railroading negotiations on financial reform, or even in elective office at all, he's got some time on his hands. And how is Scott Brown...
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