Think twice the next time you want to gorge on SpaghettiOs in the privacy of your own car. Georgia resident Ashley Gabrielle Huff, 23, just got out of jail after spending over a month there because cops confused some leftover SpaghettiOs on her car spoon (we all have them) for meth.

The Gainesville Times reports that Huff was arrested on July 2 and charged with possession of methamphetamine, but she maintained the entire time that the residue on her spoon came from a snack, not drugs. She attempted to go through drug court, but was jailed on August 2 after missing a bond payment. She was finally released from jail last Thursday after a crime lab analysis determined, once and for all, that the "meth" was just some dried spaghetti sauce.

Hall County assistant public defender Chris van Rossem told the Times, "From what I understand, she was a passenger in a car and had a spoon on her, near her, and I guess the officer, for whatever reason, thought there was some residue. She's maintained all along that there's no way in hell that's any sort of drug residue or anything like that."

According to the Hall County justice system, Huff had never faced drug charges before this incident.

Walmart, a ruthless retailer known for abusing employees and pulverizing local businesses, just installed Instagram co-founder Kevin Systrom onto its board of directors. And why the hell not? Walmart is desperate for some Silicon Valley magic to rub off on its burdened brand.

According to Bloomberg, Walmart is hoping the 30-year-old photo app boss can help sex up the retailer's crude image.

Wal-Mart has been shoring up its e-commerce operations, aiming to ward off competition from Amazon.com Inc. and squeeze more growth from the Internet. It redesigned its website last month to be more compatible with tablets and mobile devices and said it was modernizing the technology used to run its search engine and recommendation tools.

"Wal-Mart is investing in e-commerce capabilities through talent, technology and fulfillment," Chairman Rob Walton said in the statement. "Kevin's passion and deep knowledge of social media align with our focus to engage customers through our digital and physical channels."

Saying a kid who made an app for filtering pictures of dogs and street art is ready to help lead the world's biggest retailer is like saying the co-founder of WhatsApp is qualified to head a multinational telecommunications giant. But when you have to spin slave labor in the age of social media, it helps to have the man who runs social networks on your side.http://valleywag.gawker.com/walmart-is-gob...

To contact the author of this post, please email kevin@valleywag.com.

Photo: Kevin Systrom, h/t Kevin Roose

It was only last year that Amanda Bynes—tossing bongs out of windows, lighting dogs on fire—was briefly one of the most unpredictable celebrities in America. But last September she entered into rehab and since then she's only been in the press on her own terms. That is, until today: TMZ is reporting that Bynes was picked up for a DUI early this morning.

Per TMZ, Bynes was stopped at 4 a.m. Monday morning in the San Fernando Valley and was booked for a DUI for driving while under the influence of pot.

Here's what we know — Bynes was driving a Mercedes in the San Fernando Valley when she stopped in the middle of an intersection on Van Nuys Blvd.

A CHP officer spotted her and determined she was under the influence. She was taken to the LAPD Van Nuys division where a drug recognition officer evaluated her and determined she was under the influence of a drug.

TMZ also says that she posted $15,000 bond.

Bynes, who was a terror on Twitter during her most reckless period, has only tweeted 10 times in 2014, the contents of which are merry and banal updates on her life. These have more or less been her only public statements this year, and each one was constructed to make Bynes' seem "normal," a word that no one would've used to describe her when she, say, showed up to court in a frazzled blonde wig.

But those tweets were exactly what they seemed like: flimsy facades designed to conceal the reality of Bynes' life. Driving while stoned is far from the worst thing in the world, but when it comes to Bynes, it could put her right back where she started, the protestations of her handlers be damned.

[image of Bynes in 2013 via Getty]

Several times a week, someone logs onto Erowid and writes about getting high. They've just eaten some weed and experienced "extreme amplified worry," for instance, or downed an insane cocktail of hallucinogens and discovered that god loves fractals. It's probably the most comprehensive database of drug experiences out there, and right now, it could use some money.

Erowid's founders run an annual public support drive to raise funds to run the site, which hosts upwards of 20,000 user-submitted experience journals. So far this year, they've received money from 699 contributors, and they hope to top last year's 923-donor pull by the end of the month.

People who publish on Erowid tend to write with extreme detail and candidness. Take this excerpt from the aforementioned "god loves fractals" post, published earlier this month:

As the effects of the DMT seem to subside, I elect to smoke a rather substantial portion of 5FUR144, and my friend smokes the last of his marijuana. He also takes a very small amount of 5FUR144.

At this point things get crazy.

My visuals immediately go into hyperdrive. The tracers come back 7 or 8 times stronger. The edges around my friend are warping along the edges of his face, flowing along his bone and muscle structure. The traces are constantly changing color, and consist of 3-4 layers in constant movement that look much like something from apocolypto, or Maori tattoos. His hair is warping and twisting, he looks very intense, with this sort of psychedelic warpaint superimposed over him.

Looking around the room, things seem to be resembling 'mayan' or 'incan' art. I am not a religious person. I used to be a hard-line atheist, and prior to this experience I would describe myself as agnostic - open to the idea of a higher power, but absolutely opposed to any organized religious interpretation of what that power is. I've always viewed chemicals as chemicals. Mescaline was just another drug. At this point, the imagery I'm seeing my carpet get warped into, is so strikingly similar to ancient runes and designs from that region of the world I begin to have my doubts. My friend looks like some sort of ancient warrior, and the plant behind him is warping into amazing designs, that at the time seemed to be very mathematically designed.

An ancient warrior! That is to say, Erowid's data is valuable not only for its quantity, but for being more personal and interpretive than anything you'd find from a source like NIDA or a university research paper. If you're feeling generous, pony up here.

[Image via Wikipedia]

The Bravo network has fired 16 editors on Shahs of Sunset after they sought to unionize. Which is yet another strong piece of evidence that reality TV workers really need a union.

"Raw Dog" Reese Witherspoon recently sat down with Vogue for an interview. The meal: Lunch. The look: "Crisp," in a Stella McCartney dress and Valentino sandals. The subject: Cuss words and simulated fucking.

In her upcoming film Wild, Witherspoon plays a woman named Cheryl Strayed who hikes 1,100 miles of the Pacific Crest Trail alone, in a journey from lost to found. The movie is based on the real-life Strayed's memoir, Wild: A Journey from Lost to Found, which Reese Witherspoon read on a plane and decided the only way this story could be improved were if Reese Witherspoon were somehow involved.

But Wild is more than just hundreds of hours of scenes of Reese Witherspoon, alone, hiking. For one thing, much of the footage will presumably be edited down for length and narrative clarity.

For another, there are also sex scenes, in which Reese Witherspoon (as "Cheryl") is a primary participant. And, child, Reese Witherspoon is not trying to hear that you don't want to see her have sex, and hear her blasphemes, and hear her have sex.

"I just didn't want to hear, 'Oh, we don't want to see Reese have sex. . . . Oh, can we not have any profanity?'"

Guess what: There will be profanity. Guess what: There will be sex—raw and real.

"I wanted it to be truthful, I wanted it to be raw, I wanted it to be real."

So real and raw were the ensuing scenes that it might even appear to audiences that Witherspoon is fucking in a trance. In fact, she sort of is; elsewhere in the profile, Vogue reveals that Witherspoon hired a hypnotist to soothe her nerves before filming the on screen sexual encounters.

Witherspoon found the drug scenes in Wild hard to film—on set Strayed had to show Witherspoon how to shoot heroin; "I was like 'Come on, people, haven't you guys ever done this?' " recalls the author—but even more difficult were the sex scenes, which Witherspoon so dreaded that she employed a hypnotist to help quell her nerves.

Later during lunch, Witherspoon comes as close to saying I am a hellcat sex demon who will steal a stranger's car on a dare as a person can come without actually saying those words in precise that order.

"Nobody knows what goes on behind closed doors, but I think there's a general sense now that I've lived a pretty"—she searches for the right word—"textured life."

In addition to the print profile, Witherspoon also appears in a video for Vogue's stiltedly-manic "73 Questions" web series, in which she performs a perfect back handspring on her children's in-ground trampoline.

When asked, in the video, what historical decade and place she would most like to inhabit, Witherspoon answers "Probably the '40s. In America."

A time of rations and blackouts.

[Image of Reese Witherspoon executing perfect back handspring via Vogue.com]

Lena Dunham says on Twitter that "Some good points were raised" and she has decided to pay the opening act performers on her book tour after all.

Omar Jose Gonzalez, the man arrested earlier this month for charging into the White House after hoping its front fence, made it farther into the building than previously reported, according to the Washington Post.

Gonzalez, who was armed with a small knife and had over 800 rounds of ammunition in his car, reportedly managed to sprint past at least one Secret Service guard posted inside the residence before passing a staircase leading to the Obama's living room. He then ran into the White House's East Room, where he was finally tackled by a counter-assault agent.

An alarm box designed to alert officers of an intruder had been disabled at the request of the White House's usher's office, according to a Secret Service official who spoke to the Post. Rep. Jason Chaffetz, (R-Utah), chairman of a House Oversight subcommittee on Homeland Security, told the Post that whistleblowers said the office had complained about the boxes malfunctioning and being "disruptive."

From the Washington Post:

The alarm boxes, which officers call "crash boxes," are key pieces of the agency's first-alert system, according to former agents and officials. If they spot an intruder, officers are trained to hit the large red button on the nearest box — sending an alert to every post on the complex about the location of an incursion, and piping sound from that location to other boxes around the property.

"If true, the fact that crash boxes were muted to avoid being 'disruptive' is not due to a lack of resources or an insufficient number of checkpoints or barriers," Chaffetz said.

The disabled alarm box was reportedly just one of several failings by the Secret Service. From the Post:

In this incident, a plainclothes surveillance team was on duty that night outside the fence, meant to spot jumpers and give early warning before they made it over. When that team didn't notice Gonzalez, there was an officer in a guard booth on the North Lawn. When that officer couldn't reach Gonzales, there was supposed to be an attack dog, a specialized SWAT team and a guard at the front door — all at the ready.

Secret Service Director Julia Pierson, who has described the security breach as "unacceptable," will testify at a House Oversight and Government Reform Committee on Tuesday.

[Image via AP]

Last month, a pair of anonymous Twitter users named @blippoblappo and @crushingbort began compiling examples of passages and transcripts that CNN anchor/author/thinkfluencer Fareed Zakaria had plagiarized over the past twenty years. Now one of Zakaria’s former venues is addressing—or at least acknowledging—the pair’s allegations.

Today Newsweek added a disclaimer to each of Zakaria’s archived columns, as well as Zakaria’s author page, which reads:

Fareed Zakaria worked for Newsweek when it was under previous ownership. Readers are advised that some of his articles have been the subject of complaints claiming that they contain material that should have been attributed to others. In addition, readers with information about articles by Mr. Zakaria that may purportedly lack proper attribution are asked to e-mail Newsweek at corrections@newsweek.com

The warning comes after months of silence at Newsweek, which had previously ignored inquiries by Poynter’s Andrew Beaujon regarding the allegations against Zakaria. The magazine’s turnabout appears to have been inspired by editor-in-chief Jim Impoco’s conversation on Twitter last Friday with @blippoblappo and former Gawker editor John Cook:

@blippoblappo @johnjcook Good question. How obligated are we to respond to an alleged sin from the past if it reaches us via social media?

— jim impoco (@jimpoco) September 27, 2014

@johnjcook OK, OK. I hear you. Will investigate. Call off the trolls. Not constructive. Realize you didn't summon them. Call?

— jim impoco (@jimpoco) September 27, 2014

(Regarding his magazine’s previous silence, Impoco claimed to have no record of Beaujon’s inquiry.)

The remaining allegations against Zakaria are numerous: Over the past few weeks, @blippoblappo and @crushingbort have identified nearly 40 examples of Zakaria either copying or slightly changing the words of others across a broad array of outlets and media, including his show at CNN, his columns for Slate, an article for The New Republic, and several of Zakaria’s own books. And people paid to adjudicate cases of alleged plagiarism say Zakaria definitely plagiarized.

This is not the first time Zakaria has been accused of lifting others’ words. In 2012, CNN and Time briefly suspended him after he admitted to copying a long paragraph from New Yorker writer Jill Lepore. (The anchor later resigned his position on Yale University’s board of governors.) Nor is Zakaria the first journalist to be scrutinized by @blippoblappo and @crushingbort—that would be former BuzzFeed editor Benny Johnson.

Until today, however, the more recent allegations against Zakaria have been either ignored or dismissed by the outlets where his work has appeared. In a conversation with Gawker on September 18, a CNN spokesperson refused to discuss the details of the charges on the record. A few days later, Slate executive Jacob Weisberg tweeted a defense of Zakaria:

New "plagiarism" charges against @FareedZakaria are silly. CNN voice-overs that use facts from the Economist & NYTimes without footnotes.

— Jacob Weisberg (@jacobwe) September 23, 2014

@blippoblappo You take a source he CITES, then point to info that comes from that source, differently phrased. Not remotely plagiarism.

— Jacob Weisberg (@jacobwe) September 24, 2014

@blippoblappo Also, your bullying vigilantism is pure J. Edgar Hoover: If you challenge us, we'll investigate YOU. Sorry, not intimidated

— Jacob Weisberg (@jacobwe) September 24, 2014

If you’ve spotted any other examples of Zakaria’s plagiarism, hop in below or shoot us an email.

Email the author · Photo credit: Getty Images

The Supreme Court delayed the start of early voting in Ohio today in a 5-4 vote. Early voting in the Buckeye State was supposed to begin on Tuesday but was shut down by the high court's decision to postpone it, despite civil lawsuits that argued reducing voting days would make it difficult for low-income families to vote.

According to the Associated Press, the Supreme Court's ruling took away a full week of early voting in Ohio.

Via the AP:

In a brief order, the high court put the judge's ruling on hold, at least until the justices can decide whether to hear the state's appeal. As a practical matter, though, the order ends the legal wrangling over the start of early voting this year.

Voting in Ohio will now begin on October 7.

[Image via AP]

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Two lawsuits filed last month against Google claim the search giant tried to steal superior video streaming technology from VSL Communications, a company it was in talks to acquire. According to the filings, VSL discovered the scheme thanks to some Post-It notes on which phrases like "Try to destroy email" were written. We've obtained what a source claims are copies of the Post-Its.

The source for these Post-Its, who requested anonymity, also provided what they claim is a non-disclosure agreement related to the video technology allegedly signed by Megan Smith, then Google's VP of new business development. President Obama recently named Smith (pictured above) the Chief Technology Officer for the United States.

The importance of speedy and accurate data transmission for a search and video company is so vital that HBO used it as the basis for the entire first season of Silicon Valley. The technology at issue in these lawsuits was developed by VSL Communications, also known as Vedanti System Limited, which holds a patent to slice and portion video instead of compressing it. VSL claims its trade secret "reduces multi-media content and data files in a lossless format." (The season finale of Silicon Valley revolves around the theoretical limit of lossless compression.)

The patent infringement suit was filed in Delaware and the trade secret lawsuit was filed in Santa Clara Superior Court, the county where the alleged NDA was signed. Both complaints claim that VSL's proprietary information is now being used in YouTube, Google Adsense, Google Drive, Google Maps, and many other Google products. We have reached out to lawyers for the plaintiffs and defendants and will update the post if we hear back.

The alleged infringement began in 2010 when Google entered into talks to buy VSL or license its technology. After talks stalled out, VSL asked for its proprietary documents back. According to the complaint, when Google returned those documents, the package included Post-Its that allegedly reference Google's plan to use VSL's technology without getting in legal trouble.

Given Google's history of alleged infringement on patents and copyrights—often silenced with a settlement—the Post-Its are particularly intriguing.

Other high-ranking Google executives are also implicated in the alleged scheme. According to the complaint, in March, 2010, Alpesh Patel, the CEO of VSL, first met with Nikesh Arora, once the fourth-ranking executive at Google. Arora left Google this past July for a plum role at SoftBank, the Japanese telecom giant that bought Sprint last year and is currently in talks to acquire DreamWorks Animation.

The complaint claims Arora met with VSL because Google was "in desperate need" of a way to improve its video technology. In April 2010, Patel allegedly signed the NDA with Smith.

Our source said the document obtained by Valleywag was originally prepared by VSL. It includes what the source claims are copies of the alleged Post-Its as well as annotations explaining their implications. Neither the patent, nor trade secret lawsuits name the author of the Post-It notes, just referring to the author as "Google personnel," but the notes refer to conversations that extend far beyond one person.

There are also number of complicated relationships referenced in the lawsuits. For example, VSL's intellectual property rights are being enforced by Max Sound, which licensed the technology. The complaints also reference On2 Technologies, a wholly owned subsidiary of Google that develops video compression technology. On2 was acquired in February, 2010, before negotiations with VSL began. On2 is one of the defendants, along with Google and YouTube. The complaints alleges that On2 used VSL's proprietary codecs.

But however complex the corporate structure, the copies of the Post-Its we got, if authentic, support the scheme claimed in the lawsuits. There is a reference to the "recklessness std," legal standard used in determining willful infringement. The notes also point to Google sharing VSL's proprietary information with non-Google employees. The annotations fixate on Tim Terriberry, referred to as "Tim Caraberry" in the note, a computer science Ph.D who worked for Mozilla at the time, and allegedly collaborated with On2.

One Post-It uses shorthand for licensing (lic) and litigation (lit): "Design around lic/risk of lit. What if prods are money-making." Seems like Google has answer to that "what if."

Google Post-Its Notes from Patent Infringement and Trade Secret Lawsuits

NDA between Google and VSL Communications signed by Megan Smith

Here is the portion of the trade secret lawsuit that refers to the Post-Its:

Here is the section of the patent infringement lawsuit related to the Post-Its:

If you have any information related to these two lawsuits, please email nitasha@gawker.com.

[Image via Getty]

How was your weekend? We watched Transparent and let me tell you, by episode five you will not want to stop. It is a damned killer. Then we watched The Good Wife, where a seriously stressful situation resolved itself in a lovely way. Then we slept, because that is too much TV for a whole weekend, much less a single day. Wait, no, I stayed up to watch enough Revenge to make sure my #1 fella Conrad Grayson really is dead, and left it for the AM. Tonight:

At 8/7c. the CW is doing another vile iheartradio four-hour, two-night music festival hellscape thing. Are we all aware that's the rebranded Clear Channel? I feel like I keep learning this and forgetting it over and over. Basically the same thing as if Monsanto changed their name to 100% Organic Non-Evil Foodstuffs, Inc. So cynical and creepy. Anyway, also Dancing with the Stars and more blind auditions on The Voice, and the second episode of Gotham is titled "Selina Kyle," so, if you are into ragamuffins and cutpurses those are three immediate options.

At 9/8c. HBO presents Martin Scorsese's documentary with David Tedeschi, The 50 Year Argument, about the fifty-year-old New York Review of Books, regrettably described as a "love letter to intellectuals" and concerned with a publication Tom Wolfe once called "the chief theoretical organ of radical chic," but then who are you to argue with an expert in theoretical organs.

There's also Scorpion and Sleepy Hollow, which both strike rather poignant chords with those who identify with its protagonists: Self-selected/-styled awkward geniuses on the one hand, and messianic Witnesses to the Apocalypse on the other. To which do you find yourself drawn? I just say: Ichabod Crane can get it. Hottie with a Ichabody.

Did you like the Sleepy Hollow premiere? I thought it was so neat how they tricked you into thinking certain people were dead or bad guys and then they weren't dead or bad guys. Also I like it when the people on that show are such good friends. We should all be friends with each other the way the people on that show are friends. Go to Hell for you, beat up your old man-baby devil-child, sexually aggressed by a headless torso type of friends. Also, Ben Franklin was a naked hoot. Just remember that Ichabod makes three times as many faces as normal people, so you gotta keep an eye on his face and a finger on the rewind to see them all.

At 10/9c. there's the second Blacklist—which already, this season is so much fun; last week was bananas—and the season premieres of NCIS:LA and what is sure to be a very intense Castle. I think the man was supposed to marry the lady, but then he was in a car accident, but then he also vanished from that car accident. I've seen enough of that show to know that Mr. Castle is a flaky individual but it seems like it would take vanderwoodsenian effort to be missing from that many things at once. On the other hand, if you miss our wedding you better hope you get in a accident and then additionally abducted from that accident, mister. If my day can't be perfect it can at least end in some kind of uprising or hostage situation. Radical chic, indeed.

Otherwise there's the real love letter to intellectuals, Watch What Happens: Live with special guest the Countess, on Bravo at 11/10c., and the polarizing old-tymey Peaky Blinders finally comes to Netflix around midnight (first season, just to start). But if you know what's good for ya, you'll get on Amazon's Transparent train before people start telling you about it. It really is just phenomenal.

Morning After is a new home for television discussion online, brought to you by Gawker. What are you watching tonight? What are we missing out on? Recommendations and discussions down below.

Tracy Morgan sued Walmart in July after one of the company's trucks crashed into the actor's limo bus, critically injuring Morgan and killing Morgan's friend and mentor, comedian James "Jimmy Mack" McNair. Today the company responded, to paraphrase, "Dear Tracy, We don't owe you shit. Love, Wal-Mart Stores, Inc. (Save money, live better.™) P.S.: You should've been wearing a seatbelt. "

Morgan's suit alleged that Walmart negligently allowed truck driver Kevin Roper to work for more than 24 hours without sleeping, resulting in the fatal six-car pileup. In the company's response, obtained by the Hollywood Reporter, it refused to confirm or deny any of the facts of the case, citing an ongoing NTSB investigation.

It did, however, argue that Morgan and three other passengers on his bus "acted unreasonably and in disregard of plaintiffs' own best interests" by failing to buckle up, making them ineligible to recover damages.

Walmart also said it didn't have any control over how long Roper had been driving. Morgan's lawsuit claims the driver, who is now fighting charges of vehicular homicide and assault by auto, had commuted 700 miles that day before his shift even started. As part of his defense in that case, Roper denied the allegations of sleep deprivation.

Walmart's lawyers have asked Morgan and the other plaintiffs to specify exactly how much they're seeking in damages, which, Sean O'Neal at A.V. Club speculates, is the lead-up to an out-of-court settlement.

At the last report from Morgan's camp, near the end of August, his lawyer told People he's "having a tough time," getting around using a wheelchair and walker, and still undergoing at-home therapy.

Morgan also suffered traumatic brain injuries, and is due for a cognitive assessment soon.

[h/t A.V. Club, Photo: Getty Images]

Today GQ published a long profile of George Zimmerman’s family, with a focus on how they’ve dealt with the media’s intense scrutiny of their brother, who shot and killed a black teenager named Trayvon Martin in February 2012. Zimmerman’s gay brother, Robert, handled the new attention by very nearly sleeping with an unnamed “female cable-news talking head.”

The profile’s author, Amanda Robb, drops this little detail in a lengthy parenthetical toward the end, after discussing Robert’s newfound role as the family’s official spokesman:

His family-spokesman gig has been making him feel especially torn lately. On the one hand, he enjoys the attention. (At one point he tells me a long, hilarious story about a surreal night of drinking recently in New York City with a female cable-news talking head and the Navy Seal who allegedly shot Osama bin Laden. Robert says he wound up in bed with the cable-news commentator and, even though his sexuality seems to be pointed in the wrong direction, they began hooking up, until his bracelet got caught in her hair.)

Well. Perhaps you know who this cable-news commentator is? Or the Navy SEAL who claims to have personally assassinated Osama bin Laden? If so, let us know below or send us a quick email. We’ll be in touch.

Email the author · Photo credit: Associated Press

GQ's new profile on the Zimmerman family contains a number of startling revelations, but some of the strangest asides come from the family's bizarre view of itself as one big paranoid, Kardashian-esque branding opportunity.

After running up debts hiding out in hotels around the country, the family apparently attempted to monetize their infamous name with a "Z" brand of self-defense products. As explained by George's brother, Robert, who "[learned] a lot from Keeping Up With the Kardashians":

"There's the Z Bar, the Z Rock, and the Z Beam. They're all targeted to women. One is to secure sliding doors. One is to put in the front door. The light is to carry and is designed by George. It has a little alarm—you know, Help me, help me!"

The family's also become quite paranoid—according to GQ, they watched Argo for inspiration, live in a safe house, and utilize code words. They refer to their prodigious gun collection as their "babies" and created their own family color-code threat system.

Code blue: Law enforcement at the door. Code brown: Draw your weapons. Code black: Come out guns blazing.

In the meantime, to make ends meet, George is apparently reconsidering his nascent painting career. According to GQ, "George suggested Anne Frank," as his next subject "because, according to Robert, he identifies with her—but he hasn't gotten around to it yet."

[image via AP]

The Secret Service agent who eventually stopped Omar Jose Gonzalez, the man arrested earlier this month for running into the East Room of the White House with a knife, was off-duty and just happened to be leaving as Gonzalez was running through the building, the Washington Post reports.

Initial reports from the incident on Sept. 20 claimed that Secret Service was able to apprehend Gonzalez, 40, just inside the front door. On Monday, the Post reported that Gonzalez was able to evade Secret Service and make his way much farther into the building than previously stated.

Embattled Secret Service Director Julia Pierson testified before the House Oversight and Government Reform Committee today following the damning story of lax security.

Pierson testified that at least two Secret Service officers recognized Gonzalez from an earlier encounter, but neither attempted to stop him that day and apparently failed to alert superior officers of his presence. The president and his family were not on the premises at the time Gonzalez entered the building.

"I agree that mistakes were made and proper protocols were not followed," Pierson told the committee to explain Gonzalez's breach of White House grounds. "I personally have a zero tolerance level when it comes to misconduct."

When asked to explain why officers did not follow protocol and report Gonzalez, Pierson testified that she did not know why. She said an investigation has been launched into the matter. "It's obvious," Pierson said. "It is obvious that mistakes were made."

Stephen Lynch, Democratic representative from Mass., tore into Pierson, saying he didn't believe the director was taking the president's security "seriously."

"I'm sorry, I hate to be critical, but we have a lot at stake here. I gotta call it like it is. I have very low confidence in the Secret Service under your leadership," Lynch said.

Over the weekend, the Post revealed that the Secret Service failed to notice bullets fired into the White House in 2011 for four days.

[Image via AP]

One person has been taken to the hospital after reported gunshots erupted at Fern Creek High School in Louisville, Ken. Just before 2 p.m. local time, students walked out of the building single-file with their hands clasped over the heads. The elementary school next door has been placed on lockdown, WAVE reports.

Police were alerted to shots fired on the campus around 1 p.m. local time, WLKY reports. Several students reportedly informed Louisville police that they observed a firearm in the school.

From @WHAS11: Shooting reported at Louisville high shooting: http://t.co/VSiuin9aEo pic.twitter.com/B6TBAx9iU2

— WKRN (@WKRN) September 30, 2014

NOW: Fern Creek High School students leaving school with hands behind their heads following school shooting via @WLKY pic.twitter.com/6Vm92TAOgf

— John Bell (@NewsBell) September 30, 2014

Fern Creek High students are lead out of the building after a shooting at the school. By Scott Utterback, The CJ pic.twitter.com/wfGcWFXBbc

— Pat McDonogh (@PatMcdonogh) September 30, 2014

Update, 2:28 p.m.: The student taken to the hospital, WLKY reports, has non-life-threatening injuries.

Update, 2:34 p.m.: At a press conference, Louisville police told reporters that there was one alleged shooter that fled the scene shortly after firing. Police are currently searching for the suspect.

[Image via NBC]

Just two weeks before San Francisco's 2011 mayoral election, billionaire angel investor Ron Conway pushed out a viral campaign ad for Mayor Ed Lee that featured cameos from local sports stars and Silicon Valley tech celebs. Now, 13 months before Lee's next election, Conway's techie advocacy group has released another ad including all the hallmarks from the original "2 Legit 2 Quit" video.

The new spot is designed to support Sf.citi's "One City" initiative, which aims to get startups to "adopt" San Francisco's public schools. A noble enough goal! But the video, which is supposed to mock the exhausting frenzy surrounding new tech products in San Francisco, is also filled with Ed Lee's boosters.

Both of Conway's videos feature appearances by Twitter co-founder Biz Stone, MC Hammer, the Mayor himself, and local sports stars. They were also both produced by Portal A, the longtime Republican's go-to advertising and production agency.

In the video, Lee plays the part of an out-of-the-loop sycophant desperate to be cool with all the tech kids—a role Lee also plays everyday as Mayor of San Francisco.

You can watch the ad below:

To contact the author of this post, please email kevin@valleywag.com.

Here are two stories from today's New York Times about law-enforcement priorities and matters of public outrage in New York City. The first is a front-page news story, describing the prosecution of a 22-year-man in Brooklyn who violently kicked a cat and posted a video of the kicking to Facebook:

The Federal Bureau of Investigation announced this month that it would track animal abuse as a separate crime, rather than lumping it in the "other" category.

In New York City, the Police Department took over responsibility for animal abuse complaints in January, and created an Animal Cruelty Investigation Squad. Arrests for animal abuse increased about 250 percent through September, compared with the same period last year.

And the Brooklyn district attorney, Kenneth P. Thompson, said Mr. Robinson's case, which is scheduled to go to trial on Wednesday, was "indicative of my determination to be strong on folks who think they can just abuse any type of animal."

The other is a piece on the op-ed page, written by the mother of a nine-year-old boy who was hit and killed by a taxi in a crosswalk at 97th Street and West End Avenue, as he crossed the street holding his father's hand, with the signal and the right of way:

There was videotape evidence that the man who killed Cooper did not yield. Witnesses corroborated that the driver was not paying attention.

I soon learned, however, that the Manhattan district attorney's office would most likely not charge the driver who killed my son with criminal negligence. A New York State case law precedent known as the "rule of two" stipulates that there must be two misdemeanors for a charge of criminal negligence to be brought against a driver who kills...

I pleaded with officials at the district attorney's office to use Cooper's case to challenge the rule of two in the courts, but they refused. Mr. Vance's office expects to charge the driver not with a felony or even a misdemeanor, but merely a traffic infraction. He will incur no more than a modest fine.

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